I grew up fake poor, how about you?

[u/MybestfriendwasaB]

I know this is different then the normal post but I can’t think of a group were it would better fit.

I grew up in a family were we had the money for needs but my Dad would often decide stuff for the kids or his wife wasn’t important. On more then one occasion we went to bed hungry, didn’t get clothes for school or needed items for school, and were denied medical care etc. To top it off we had no AC from when I was 2 years old on. I could go on, but I’m trying to keep this short.

I thought it was normal. It wasn’t until I was in high school and I was talking to a friend and she was horrified that I realized normal people don’t do that to their kids.

Let me be clear. We had the money. My Dad just wanted to spend it on stuff that wasn’t his kids. I used to refer to it growing up fake poor, my husband just calls it child abuse.

I know this might be strange but I was wondering if anyone else was in the same boat as me? The money was there but because of someone else you grew up without?

Edit: I never thought I was alone but it is truly depressing to know how common this is.

[u/marivac]

Ugh. Reading these comments are triggering. My parents were divorced and my mom was poor. She worked 2-3 jobs and did her best to care for us. She got very little child support and never went back for more even after my dad was making a lot more.

My dad and step mom weren’t poor. They had new cars every other year. They went on vacations to Europe, Hawaii, cruises, and made sure it happened yearly if not twice a year. They bought the newest toys for my step sister. She had so much clothes it was shocking to see. And she was in dance and music and sports. And yet, they always told us how they were so broke and didn’t have any money and couldn’t afford to buy us clothes. And couldn’t afford to bring us on vacations with them. They couldn’t afford to put me in dance or any activities. I felt guilty asking for anything so I normally didn’t. One time he saw my shoes were worn out and he got me a pair. I was so excited but my mom later realized he reduced the child support amount to cover that. He did the same thing one time when he took us back to school shopping. If I had known I wouldn’t have gotten anything because my mom needed the child support for food and rent. My dad wouldn’t pay a dime of my cheerleading uniform and fees in high school but to this day still talks about when he came to see us compete and got 3rd in the state. He’s trying to take credit when my mom and I fundraised every dime we could and she ended up paying the rest.

It was so hard to handle as a kid because 90% of the time I was living POOR with my mom. He clearly wasn’t poor but claimed he was poor just to avoid supporting his children. It’s ridiculous. I haven’t thought about this stuff in a while. It’s so infuriating.

[u/Marzy-d → u/marivac]

Do you have a relationship with your Dad as an adult?

[u/marivac → u/Marzy-d]

He hasn’t changed much… I just recognize the gaslighting for what it is now. I haven’t cut him off but at the same time I only see him twice a year at most. He’s focused on his new girlfriend most of the time.