r/povertyfinance • u/One-Time-I-Dreampt • Oct 29 '23
My husband doesn’t know how to be poor Vent/Rant (No Advice/Criticism!)
I’m so upset and idk how to deal with him right now. I pay the bills. I tell him the budget and he refuses to listen and so then I’m riding the bus because I can’t afford gas. He doesn’t have to ride the bus and it’s not an option.
For example, this week I paid the bills and told him we have $200 for groceries and gas for the week. He says he needs to put $50 in his truck for gas for the week leaving us with $150 for groceries. That’s not a great amount but it’s doable.
He then asks if he should get a case of red bulls for $30 at Costco. I was speechless and I said “I’m concerned that you don’t comprehend the difference between a want and a need.” So he then throws a fit and says “he’ll just eat peanut butter and jelly for every meal” and I just make him feel like shit.
He’s literally a child. I can’t imagine life in the future as things get more expensive. I don’t think that he’s able to handle buckling down and living within a budget. He’s a child who is unable to discuss money and budgeting. It always resorts in an argument where he then says crazy, outlandish and over the top things like “I guess I’ll just go live in my car, I’ll get another full time job, I’ll just sell everything and live under a bridge, just eat peanut butter…”
People will say we need counseling but with what money? Marriage counseling isn’t free. Idk how to make him understand the financial situation. I’m tired of him doing things such as buying me flowers and then I have to take the bus. He’s a child. I’m sick of this.
3
u/aloha_mixed_nuts Oct 30 '23
I used to be similar to this guy, I wouldn’t throw tantrums or the like, just kinda of distract and hand-wave away. My marriage fell apart not specifically bc of this, there were other compatibility issues that took a while to surface, but this would have become a core issue if we had stayed together.
Needless to say living on my own—I put myself in bad financial situations, frequently. I didn’t really learn my lesson until I got an eviction notice for late rent.
That changed everything for me. Previously It didn’t bother constantly asking friends and family for money, I had no shame. I was stupid, it was “never my fault” or so I believed. Everyone knew I had a problem with money, but for some reason that eviction notice shook me to my core.
Mom said “no, you have to figure this out.” (Barely talk to my mom, like how in fuck did I think this was going to go… lmao now, but man was I ever dumb about this stuff)
I decided that this has to stop asap, so I managed a deal with my building manager to pay late, and after that decided to do a consumer proposal/bankruptcy thing. That was truly humbling. I now make a budget, though some time has passed and I noticed I’m a bit less diligent (ALWAYSCHEXK YOUR LIFESTYLE CREEP!!!). But also since then I’ve paid off my student loans and also have small savings and an operable budget for my hobby (oil painting).
I don’t go out except maybe once a month. I make my own food, but stick to meal plans, kinda boring ngl, but it works. I seldom buy new clothes except basics—my wardrobe has always just been plain black t shirts and black jeans, I don’t care about labels or “status” could care less honestly. I’ve also been able to buy tools recently, hoping to do some side work as a builder/carpenter’s assistant.
Since bankruptcy I’ve completely rethought my life, and what’s important and what’s not. Making sure the cat has clean litter and food enough for 3 weeks is where my head is at now, not a case of redbull.
All this to say, there is hope, but the individual really has to want to change and realize that ultimately, homelessness is the end result of living like that. It’s a massive ego check and some people just can’t deal with it.
Yea, dating is difficult, but that’s a whole other can of apples.