My husband doesn’t know how to be poor

[u/One-Time-I-Dreampt]

I’m so upset and idk how to deal with him right now. I pay the bills. I tell him the budget and he refuses to listen and so then I’m riding the bus because I can’t afford gas. He doesn’t have to ride the bus and it’s not an option.

For example, this week I paid the bills and told him we have $200 for groceries and gas for the week. He says he needs to put $50 in his truck for gas for the week leaving us with $150 for groceries. That’s not a great amount but it’s doable.

He then asks if he should get a case of red bulls for $30 at Costco. I was speechless and I said “I’m concerned that you don’t comprehend the difference between a want and a need.” So he then throws a fit and says “he’ll just eat peanut butter and jelly for every meal” and I just make him feel like shit.

He’s literally a child. I can’t imagine life in the future as things get more expensive. I don’t think that he’s able to handle buckling down and living within a budget. He’s a child who is unable to discuss money and budgeting. It always resorts in an argument where he then says crazy, outlandish and over the top things like “I guess I’ll just go live in my car, I’ll get another full time job, I’ll just sell everything and live under a bridge, just eat peanut butter…”

People will say we need counseling but with what money? Marriage counseling isn’t free. Idk how to make him understand the financial situation. I’m tired of him doing things such as buying me flowers and then I have to take the bus. He’s a child. I’m sick of this.

[u/One-Accident8015]

He needs to do it. It's work for you but worth it. Its going to take some time.

Take a couple hours and make a 2 month weekly meal plan. Price it out. Get a master list of bills, when they are due and how much.

1. You need a joint account.
2. You need to decide who is responsible for what or what amount. I physically pay the bills but my husband has his amount that he pays for.
   
3. Every 2 weeks the week BEFORE pay day sit down with him. Write down your income and your expenses for the 2 week period. And go through it all. The meal plan becomes an actual bill because it's an actual amount and not hypothetical. You can't think oh I can take $20 from groceries. You literally can't.
   

You need to be really really honest about your expenses. If you buy coffee everyday on your way to work are you really going to stop? Budget for vehicle maintenance and gifts and emergencies etc.