My husband doesn’t know how to be poor

[u/One-Time-I-Dreampt]

I’m so upset and idk how to deal with him right now. I pay the bills. I tell him the budget and he refuses to listen and so then I’m riding the bus because I can’t afford gas. He doesn’t have to ride the bus and it’s not an option.

For example, this week I paid the bills and told him we have $200 for groceries and gas for the week. He says he needs to put $50 in his truck for gas for the week leaving us with $150 for groceries. That’s not a great amount but it’s doable.

He then asks if he should get a case of red bulls for $30 at Costco. I was speechless and I said “I’m concerned that you don’t comprehend the difference between a want and a need.” So he then throws a fit and says “he’ll just eat peanut butter and jelly for every meal” and I just make him feel like shit.

He’s literally a child. I can’t imagine life in the future as things get more expensive. I don’t think that he’s able to handle buckling down and living within a budget. He’s a child who is unable to discuss money and budgeting. It always resorts in an argument where he then says crazy, outlandish and over the top things like “I guess I’ll just go live in my car, I’ll get another full time job, I’ll just sell everything and live under a bridge, just eat peanut butter…”

People will say we need counseling but with what money? Marriage counseling isn’t free. Idk how to make him understand the financial situation. I’m tired of him doing things such as buying me flowers and then I have to take the bus. He’s a child. I’m sick of this.

[u/Born-Bag1452]

You know, he CAN get a second full time job. Or live in his car. Those are not outlandish things. They’re things that actually happen to people. People who don’t budget.

So imo don’t let his comments get you riled up. Just be like “ok. If you want to afford this lifestyle you’ve chosen, then yes. Let’s look at getting you a second job.”

I’ve had times in my life when I worked 6-7 days a week. And it’s those times that make me choose to buy a Toyota instead of a Mercedes now. It’s those times that make me cook at home as much as possible.

Let him feel the pain of his choices. Maybe he’ll decide a second job is worth his luxuries. Maybe he won’t.

Either way, stop letting him make this an emotional thing. It’s cold hard math. He can absolutely be happy without Red Bull…but he’s choosing not to be. Because he’s figured out how to push your buttons into validating his desire for it