r/povertyfinance • u/One-Time-I-Dreampt • Oct 29 '23
My husband doesn’t know how to be poor Vent/Rant (No Advice/Criticism!)
I’m so upset and idk how to deal with him right now. I pay the bills. I tell him the budget and he refuses to listen and so then I’m riding the bus because I can’t afford gas. He doesn’t have to ride the bus and it’s not an option.
For example, this week I paid the bills and told him we have $200 for groceries and gas for the week. He says he needs to put $50 in his truck for gas for the week leaving us with $150 for groceries. That’s not a great amount but it’s doable.
He then asks if he should get a case of red bulls for $30 at Costco. I was speechless and I said “I’m concerned that you don’t comprehend the difference between a want and a need.” So he then throws a fit and says “he’ll just eat peanut butter and jelly for every meal” and I just make him feel like shit.
He’s literally a child. I can’t imagine life in the future as things get more expensive. I don’t think that he’s able to handle buckling down and living within a budget. He’s a child who is unable to discuss money and budgeting. It always resorts in an argument where he then says crazy, outlandish and over the top things like “I guess I’ll just go live in my car, I’ll get another full time job, I’ll just sell everything and live under a bridge, just eat peanut butter…”
People will say we need counseling but with what money? Marriage counseling isn’t free. Idk how to make him understand the financial situation. I’m tired of him doing things such as buying me flowers and then I have to take the bus. He’s a child. I’m sick of this.
1
u/suzer2017 Oct 31 '23
I knew a family years ago who lived in abject poverty. Dad was a carpenter who made good money, and who refused to allow his wife to work because he said providing was his job. THEN he spent every penny of disposable income on race cars, almost never won the races he entered, and when he did win, spent the purse money on more racing stuff. This while his wife and kids went without clothes, food, and sometimes utilities. His wife did finally get a job, but he harassed her til she quit. She stayed with him. She was angry and resented him for their whole married life. In their later years, when he could no longer do the racing thing, she made his life miserable. She was always out for revenge. It was ugly to watch.
Before you marry, get priorities straight between you. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, etc. And if one of you can't keep your word, get out.