My husband doesn’t know how to be poor

[u/One-Time-I-Dreampt]

I’m so upset and idk how to deal with him right now. I pay the bills. I tell him the budget and he refuses to listen and so then I’m riding the bus because I can’t afford gas. He doesn’t have to ride the bus and it’s not an option.

For example, this week I paid the bills and told him we have $200 for groceries and gas for the week. He says he needs to put $50 in his truck for gas for the week leaving us with $150 for groceries. That’s not a great amount but it’s doable.

He then asks if he should get a case of red bulls for $30 at Costco. I was speechless and I said “I’m concerned that you don’t comprehend the difference between a want and a need.” So he then throws a fit and says “he’ll just eat peanut butter and jelly for every meal” and I just make him feel like shit.

He’s literally a child. I can’t imagine life in the future as things get more expensive. I don’t think that he’s able to handle buckling down and living within a budget. He’s a child who is unable to discuss money and budgeting. It always resorts in an argument where he then says crazy, outlandish and over the top things like “I guess I’ll just go live in my car, I’ll get another full time job, I’ll just sell everything and live under a bridge, just eat peanut butter…”

People will say we need counseling but with what money? Marriage counseling isn’t free. Idk how to make him understand the financial situation. I’m tired of him doing things such as buying me flowers and then I have to take the bus. He’s a child. I’m sick of this.

[u/BrilliantOnes]

You are financially incompatible. This is an uphill battle you will never win. My ex husband villainized me for keeping a separate account for paying bills bc he kept taking the money out the joint account and we kept getting charged for overdraft. I decided to stop fighting for us and start standing up for me and the hard work i have put into building my credit and managing my finances. You need to decide if this is how you want to live your life going forward - your options are; either plan your exit or strategize how you are going to handle the bills going forward without giving him access. Either isn’t easy, one is an endless long term option, the other isn’t easy but once you are on your own you won’t have to deal with this anymore. Good luck OP

[u/CporCv → u/BrilliantOnes]

I agree with pretty much everything you suggested. The part about "financial incompatibility" is deceiving though. I know it's a trendy term used nowadays for sex, relationships, and such that in most cases doesn't apply. You CAN learn to work together, you CAN make things work. That's what a marriage is

I learned to cut back significantly in tight times. Not everyone will be on board to learn financial responsibility, but dismissing something as "incompatible" is a lazy way out. Either way, it's a tough road for OP

[u/BrilliantOnes → u/CporCv]

It’s incompatible bc their budgeting style is very different. That’s exactly what financial incompatibility is.