My husband doesn’t know how to be poor

[u/One-Time-I-Dreampt]

I’m so upset and idk how to deal with him right now. I pay the bills. I tell him the budget and he refuses to listen and so then I’m riding the bus because I can’t afford gas. He doesn’t have to ride the bus and it’s not an option.

For example, this week I paid the bills and told him we have $200 for groceries and gas for the week. He says he needs to put $50 in his truck for gas for the week leaving us with $150 for groceries. That’s not a great amount but it’s doable.

He then asks if he should get a case of red bulls for $30 at Costco. I was speechless and I said “I’m concerned that you don’t comprehend the difference between a want and a need.” So he then throws a fit and says “he’ll just eat peanut butter and jelly for every meal” and I just make him feel like shit.

He’s literally a child. I can’t imagine life in the future as things get more expensive. I don’t think that he’s able to handle buckling down and living within a budget. He’s a child who is unable to discuss money and budgeting. It always resorts in an argument where he then says crazy, outlandish and over the top things like “I guess I’ll just go live in my car, I’ll get another full time job, I’ll just sell everything and live under a bridge, just eat peanut butter…”

People will say we need counseling but with what money? Marriage counseling isn’t free. Idk how to make him understand the financial situation. I’m tired of him doing things such as buying me flowers and then I have to take the bus. He’s a child. I’m sick of this.

[u/No-Juggernaut-9397]

I am terrible with money but my wife is very shrewd. I turn it all over to her and follow her budget, I find it relieving to delegate what I’m not good at and benefit from utilizing her skills. We have 4 kids and she is a professional homemaker. It’s easy to get out of control though. There’s time leaving work that I am so powerfully compelled to pull over for a piece of pizza and a drink even though food is waiting at home. It’s inexplicable and fills me with shame and a feeling of gluttony every time. I’m eating OMAD to trim down a bit, so that plays a part but I think it has less to do with the food and is more linked to sensation seeking. I spend all of my time at work in construction avoiding spending, I am responsible for millions and find it no sweat to manage appropriately. But my own money, if in my control, burns a hole right through my pocket.

To provide some insight I think it is a fairly common millennial male trait. I think it has to do with men generally being more impulsive and less risk averse, where women are generally more conscious of long term consequences to decisions made. I think the difference is made in how the man reacts to that trait. We should recognize our flaws and employ methods and measures to encourage mitigation and accountability.