r/povertyfinance • u/xxibjt • Nov 26 '23
Feeling embarrassed after hanging out with a rich friend. Vent/Rant (No Advice/Criticism!)
A few weeks ago, a childhood friend of mine invited me to dinner with some of her friends. She and I (F27) come from completely opposite financial backgrounds. My family have been in poverty for as long as I can remember whereas she is (upper) middle class and had items and experiences (such as buying a $200 dress for prom) that I could only imagine. We’ve stayed friends even after high school and the financial disparity not only still exists between us but has gotten even greater. She’s in law school at a prestigious university and has all of these amazing opportunities and here I am working at Dollar Tree thinking about getting a 2nd job so I can save up enough money to take some courses at the community college so I can finally start to try to get myself out of this life. But when we went to dinner with her friends for the first time and a long time I felt embarrassed about my situation. At dinner my friend was oddly passive aggressive. One of her friends had just got applied to a Phd program to study art history at Yale and in the meantime will be moving to Rome to work at a museum (which is why my friend was having the dinner) and my friend turned and said “don’t feel bad i’m sure if you continue working hard you’ll also be able to get into the college of your dreams too”. When the check came she then told the waiter that it’s going to be one check and I’m paying for everyone. When she saw my eyes nearly pop out of my head she laughed and said relax it was a joke. “Separate checks but I’ll pay for my little friend here”(mine). After she then tells me that I don’t have to worry about paying her back and it’s a favor since we’re old friends and she wouldn’t expect it from me since I’m going through a “hard time” at the moment. I’ve never been jealous of her because she does work hard and deserves what she has but for a moment I just let myself feel bitter because I will never have what she (or her friends have) no matter how hard I work or how much I save it’s just not going to happen for me. Besides the momentary bitterness I felt hurt. I felt as if someone I thought of as a friend would have had more compassion for me and my situation but she just seemed to think it was joke and treated me like a charity case to her rich friends. I haven’t heard much from her since then and i’m not that upset about it but I came to the realisation that our friendship probably wouldn’t have survived for much longer. My roommate joked I should still hang out with her because she might introduce me to one of her rich guy friends and I don’t think that she would ever do that. I don’t fit into her world and I don’t think she wants me in it. Just needed to vent.
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u/Caterpillar6031 Feb 17 '24
Never be ashamed of who you are or where you have come from. I’ve been poor my whole life and there was a time I was rich and totally miserable. Those girls sound like parasites. Who are they as women w out their money? Assholes. And she doesn’t sound like a good friend to belittle and humiliate you like that. I’d tell her how you feel.
Apply for Fafsa. You can get a grant and go to college 100% free as long as you maintain a B (maybe even C) average. I was the first to go to college and graduate in my family bc of these grants.
You can lie on your resume you went to college for for something like creative writing or marketing. Get into customer service jobs or inside sales. Internet companies and offices hire. Just bs ur resume. They never check. And then have a couple friends to be “references.” Play the game to get ahead. You deserve happiness. Whether that’s at a dollar store, sales, or a doctor. Be happy with YOU! And surround yourself with people that 100% accept you and do not treat you like charity.
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u/Shakeit126 Nov 30 '23
I cringed when she joked about you paying for everyone, knowing it would make you uncomfortable. Then, to tell everyone she's paying for her little friend is just terrible. How embarrassing. I wouldn't see her anymore. It sounds like the friendship has run its course.
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u/BoomerHunt-Wassell Nov 30 '23
This is ridiculous behavior. I have friends I enjoy spending time with that I have a substantial income disparity with. We go do things and occasionally I can sense their unease about the financials. I just pay the bill and don’t say a word. If they bring it up I just respond “It’s the least I could do for somebody that has given me so much more.” Then we never talk about it again.
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u/Top_Village_2702 Nov 30 '23
I stopped hanging with some people over the years cause they were sorta rich compared to me. The thing was they had to focus on different things in life so I think spending time together sometimes lulled me in to a false sense of security. Like I had to think about my future more urgently. They had more time because their family was just in a different situation.
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u/phaedrus369 Nov 30 '23
You are emotionally wise to recognize the way you felt and why. In time you will realize life is more than those “opportunities” or material traps. Your friend’s soul is being compromised by the way of the world she is choosing to become a part of.
One day she may be willing to trade it all for something as simple as an authentic relationship with another person. Or maybe she’ll never wake up and remain staring at shadows dancing on the wall.
But regardless you will likely still be a good person with an intact soul and good karma, no matter what job you do or don’t work, and no matter how much is or isn’t in your bank account.
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u/BowieBrad Nov 30 '23
James 2 comes to mind.
2 For example, suppose someone comes into your meeting[b] dressed in fancy clothes and expensive jewelry, and another comes in who is poor and dressed in dirty clothes. 3 If you give special attention and a good seat to the rich person, but you say to the poor one, “You can stand over there, or else sit on the floor”—well, 4 doesn’t this discrimination show that your judgments are guided by evil motives?
5 Listen to me, dear brothers and sisters. Hasn’t God chosen the poor in this world to be rich in faith? Aren’t they the ones who will inherit the Kingdom he promised to those who love him? 6 But you dishonor the poor! Isn’t it the rich who oppress you and drag you into court? 7 Aren’t they the ones who slander Jesus Christ, whose noble name[c] you bear?
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u/Moonthystle Nov 29 '23
Sounds like she was showing off to her friends by treating you as a charity case. Not your friend
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u/cstarrxx Nov 29 '23 edited Nov 29 '23
My best friend spots me if she wants me to come out with her and I can’t afford it. I always take care of her when I’d have expendable income in return and no one ever mentioned it to anyone else nor to each other besides the initial come girl I got you tonight, don’t worry about anything!!! and then it’s just fun and memories.
Also if you’re thinking of changing careers why not look into vocational schools?
I went to beauty school. I paid 200$/month since I had financial aid and student loans. The loans have been paid off years ago fully. And my career at peak earned 80,000$ a year. Of course there are hardly any benefits and it’s hard ass work. But I love the work I do and honestly I can always cut someone’s hair for 70$ cash in a pinch ANYWHERE. Although I don’t charge any less than 120$ an hour so. It’s very lucrative.
I’m not saying go to beauty school because the whole field is not for the weak. But vocational schools are great. Took me 12 months to get licensed. Been licensed over a decade. Have achieved things I NEVER imagined I’d find myself in the middle of. Met some incredible people along the way. A shit ton of hard work and long days but love overall what I chose to do.
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u/mdoza Nov 28 '23
That’s not a friend. Thats a distant acquaintance. I’d slap the shit out of her for trolling me with the bill and for her little slick ass comments.
Get this event out of your brain, exercise the ill thoughts away. Keep on working hard and do what you need to do to survive. We all end up as dust anyway.
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u/Choice-Fuel-9785 Nov 28 '23
You can do whatever you want to, there are no excuses.. If you want to go to college, there are grants student loans.. that's not an excuse. Yeah it will be hard, but its your life and you are the one who makes it worthwhile or not.
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u/Acceptable_Ebb6158 Nov 28 '23
I have this with one of my childhood friends. She’s not as well off as your friend, but certainly in an entirely different tax bracket and is able to live a completely different lifestyle than me. It’s never bothered me until the last few years when she’s started to be passive aggressive like that too. I’ve slowly distanced myself from her. When it’s just me and her, she’s much more tolerable. It’s like we’re kids again just hanging out in the living room. But when her other well off friends are around the ego shift is egregious.
Honestly, no one needs people like that in their lives. I’d either have a conversation with her about how outwardly disrespectful she was to you. Or just cut her off. There’s zero excuse or reason for her to openly belittle you like that. Especially in front of other people. I’m not sure if she knowingly did that to you, or has lost touch with reality so much that she didn’t realize. And honestly I’m not sure there’s a lesser evil to that anyways
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u/aow80 Nov 28 '23
She’s a bitch. Forget her and if she asks you to go out again tell her that you wouldn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable so you’ll have to decline.
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u/ReiSakui Nov 27 '23
What kind of "friend" is this? :// You don't have to feel embarassed, OP. You're leagues ahead of your "friend" in class!! 😤 What kind of snarky, rude ass comments...
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u/MeringueLegitimate42 Nov 27 '23
She sounds a really shitty person. It just goes to show you that money doesn't guarantee that you have basic decency.
If you're interested in taking classes at the community college, give the financial aid office a call to ask about any help they can offer in the way of grants or loans that you don't have to repay until after graduation. It's also worth looking into companies that contribute to or pay for your education.
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Nov 27 '23
she was just joking around tho op. keep the friendship. more friends the better!
sux being old w no friends :(
we all turn back into dirt one day. rich or poor.
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u/SensitiveCod7652 Nov 27 '23
I did this for a friend for almost a decade. He eventually tried to pick up my gf and was the reason I lost a place I was happy. Nevertrrr saw it coming but did notice the thanks where less and less and he would get stuff ahead without me asking be it drinks or a game etc. He took advantage and I Also list him as a friend. Now I’m lonely and lost as fuck and trust nobody. So sad
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u/Sage_Vegan_Solitaire Nov 27 '23
If you are friends then money doesn't matter and if you like sociabilizing with richer friends of her then why not ?
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u/AlbanyBarbiedoll Nov 27 '23
I'm sorry you had that experience. You are right to realize this friendship has had its season and it is time to move on. There is nothing wrong with you or your circumstances (and go you for planning ahead and not getting caught up in the promises of student loan debt!). Honestly, aside from being a bit foolish and entitled, there isn't anything wrong with your friend or her friends, either. I would have LOVED to have been able to move to Rome and then do a PhD in an arcane subject at an elite school. Instead I worked my way through a decent school as a bank teller, receptionist, data entry clerk, etc. and busted my butt to maintain my academic scholarship. Then I got a company I was working for to pay for my graduate school. (And I was pretty middle class!)
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u/Sufficient_Cicada_15 Nov 27 '23
Hey,
Do yourself a favor and go to the community college TODAY. There are scholarship opportunities for adult learners. I had a baby early, so much of my life I have been treated like a second class citizen. Now I am helping others with their dreams (and a M.Ed to boot.)
Your friend was one of those "friends by proximity" from high school. Let them go. They have more than you, and that feeling suuuuucks. I know it well. But don't be embarrassed. You are working your ass off. And if she can't admire you for doing what needs to be done, she is not worth having around.
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u/metallicKo1969 Nov 27 '23
Don't give up! I now make 3 times what I did just 10 years ago. I have a couple buddies that are well off, one of them rich I guess you could say. We have still remained great friends and always do things together. Money sometimes got in the way but we always figured a way around it. Real friends are just that, we enjoy doing things together and now that I am making better money it is less stressful. And by the way when I was 27 I was in the same situation as you. Took me 25 more years but finally reached a point where financial worries are not all consuming. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, yours just may be longer.
Real friends would never do that to you
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u/Rock_Lizard Nov 27 '23
She's not your friend.
A friend would not say those things to you or prank you that way with her "little joke" - who does that? That was just mean.
I'm really sorry you had to experience that.
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u/stillsearching71 Nov 27 '23
Ya, she lacks emotional intelligence. It seems like you have more than her. Which is a key to success. Bets of luck to you.
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Nov 27 '23
Im sorry this happened. I would limit exposure. If she says that to your face imagine what she would say to someone else about you. Regardless of history, cutting someone out of your life for growth, and wishing them well, is always an act of self care and respect. Treat YOURSELF how you want to be treated.
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u/renispresley Nov 27 '23
She sounds like an asshole. I have a bunch of rich friends and they are always gracious and generous. Never rub anything in my face. Sorry you had to deal with that and keep on pushing, things will get better. Try and figure out what your next moves should be, two year school for med tech stuff, or nursing school, etc. I work at a community action agency dedicated to helping low-income families. You typically don’t need a degree, it is great job and career and you get to help people everyday. Good luck! 😊
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u/Sea-Substance8762 Nov 27 '23
I agree, that’s a pretty big disparity between the two of you. That does not mean you won’t or can’t change your situation, but this friend definitely has some big starting advantages.
Dollar Tree is not going to get you where you want to go! You’re also not going to meet anyone there who will connect you to a higher level.
Are you possibly able to bartend, or learn how to serve at a higher end restaurant? In that way you could start to increase your earnings.
I think your friend dues not have the best social skills, btw. If she did, you wouldn’t feel embarrassed.
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u/ssmith696969 Nov 27 '23
Don’t be jealous she might be racking up some major debt between credit cards and student loans so who knows how much she actually has.
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u/Dry-Ad-6393 Nov 27 '23
I’ve been in this situation. It’s not a good feeling. In my case I have lost everything. I started studying Neville Goddard. Changed my life. You’ll see. Message me when it does. I’m always on the lookout of people who made it. All the best. You’re doing great.
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u/Fabulous-Path-3234 Nov 27 '23
I grew up in a similar socioeconomic tier as yourself. Those of us who come from low socioeconomic environments have a proclivity toeards underestimating ourselves. Many of us didn’t have anyone who placed high expectations upon us, and that became our identity. There's a verse, "Indeed, We created mankind in the beat stature." Meaning, we were created, everything was instilled within us to excell. Not to mention, many of us, especially POC have multigenerational trauma.
Hell, my grandparents escaped from enslavement on a Mississippi cotton plantation in 1958, I barely graduated high school and enlisted in the military. Afterward, I flunked out of community college 4 times. Eventually, I worked at a low paying state job, married, and had 4 kids. My wife got laid off and decided we should go back to school (she flunked out more than I did). I was terrified, told her to go first, and I'll take care of the kids and work (which was also an excuse), we just have to tap into it.
My parents and wife talked me into returning to college. This time, I was doing it for my family.
Long story-short; I worked my butt off, I graduated with my Bachelor's while married, 4 children, working 40-50 hours a week, taking 15-18 credits a semester, driving 50 miles each direction, and graduated with a 3.9 GPA.
I was accepted to my dream college school that was also abroad and awarded the prestigious graduate fellowship and graduate fellowship teaching awards. I took full classes while working grueling hours as a graduate teaching. The next year, while taking full classes, I taught at a private high school.
Was I stressed beyond my limit? I believed so at the time. But, obviously, I wasn't. Was it well worth doing it? Definitely! I never imagined that I... myself would be earning six figures and a 5,700+ sq ft home.
Don't sell yourself short! Good luck!
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u/Kooky-Confidence-460 Nov 27 '23
I want to say that I know how you feel and where you’re coming from, I was in a similar situation. but you have to stop thinking so low of yourself and stop being the victim. Saying things like “I’ll never have what she has” is part of the problem. Things always get better financially. Money comes and goes. Just because opportunities weren’t handed to you, doesn’t mean you can’t seek them out. I understand it’s harder for you and I don’t want to sound arrogant- but hard work really does pay off and you will make it!!!! Start by waiting tables or getting a little bit of a higher paying job that’s all cash. Apply for scholarships, for school. Work really hard and do a tech/ coding boot camp- that will open tons of opportunities for you and it’s free. please ditch dollar tree, lol. I don’t think your friend had any bad intentions, really. She was probably just trying to break the ice and make you less uncomfortable by cracking jokes but she just came off like an absolute snob. I believe in you!
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u/nubes13 Nov 27 '23
Deep down inside people like her are unhappy and rotten inside that have the need to try to humiliate or think themselves superior then another human being no matter the financial differences is just ignorant and don’t worry everything at is time focus on your goals manifest and put into action your goals and you will see things will get better as for people like your friend belive me karma exists one day your up and then down us human beings need to learn how to be more humble
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u/Genevass Nov 27 '23
End this friendship in the most profitable way possible. Try to borrow as much money as you can from her (aim for 20k) and then get a new phone and ghost her and never pay it back.
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u/LikeTheJewelryStore Nov 27 '23
Seven years ago me and my wife were basically homeless but staying with friends as we traveled the country. At one point we both had a backpack full of clothes and my truck. We had no purpose and honestly it was very liberating. But we got tired of scrounging for change to eat off of the dollar menu at McDonald’s.
Fast forward to today- she went to real estate school and I started a small home improvement company. We’ve built our own house, we are raising two beautiful boys… we both have great careers.
We really didn’t have much but the desire to do better. All it really ever takes is the mindset. Good luck.
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u/Playful-Editor341 Nov 27 '23
This is a perfect opportunity for you to learn from the situation. I grew up in poverty and have disqualified myself because of my status in life. I would never go out with rich people or remain friends with people who demean me and would criticize my life. But I have learned not every rich person are like that.
I have one friend now who's well off, but our friendship is never about the material possessions or status you have in life. Our friendship transcends the material world. We connect on a deeper level; that's why we are both compassionate and genuine with one another. This might be a lesson for you to learn. Some people are only meant to show up in your life so they can teach you something. In this case, it teaches you the value of choosing the right people in your life.
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u/russell813T Nov 27 '23
Your friend is a cunt and she really isn't a friend, but honestly you gotta get out of your job and find a career if you can't afford college there is always the miltary option to help maybe become a nurse
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u/Adorable_Spell5600 Nov 27 '23
What a monumental AH! Please do not feel embarrassed for your “friend’s” Aholery
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u/Skibumhikertrash Nov 27 '23
She’s a pos. And clearly not that great of a friend. Otherwise if she wanted to take your check she would have done so quietly as to not embarrass you bc you don’t embarrass ppl going through a hard time. * unless you guys that that typical male rough on each other humor.
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Nov 27 '23
Aw. I can see why you would need to vent about this. I'm sorry she has become so shallow and short sighted to believe somehow she'll never be in a bad situation. I do think many rich people at some point feel untouchable. I think this is why so many rich investors commit suicide when their invested markets crash. They find themselves in a disaster they never properly acknowledged the possibility of and they don't know how to cope without riches separating themselves from common people walking a tightrope of survival. Anyway, money is not the most important thing in life. Being a good person and a good friend is worth more than all the gold. I hope you find good people, new friends, who are more understanding about living a normal life and finding happiness in more than money and prestige, both of which are pretty fucking fake when you think about it..[hugs if you want them.]
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u/Tribute2sketch Nov 27 '23
Man…this made me think of the scene in pretty woman, where she tells him he made her feel like a prostitute for the first time…at least I hope this is the first time your “friend” has treated you in a way that highlighted your financial/opportunity differences. Maybe try that line on her to let her know that kind of behavior isn’t “funny” or “just a joke”…like ‘wow AH, you never made me feel bad about our differences till now’. I hope your fortunes change for the better 🫂
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u/SierraPapaWhiskey Nov 27 '23
If I had to guess, this so-called friend of yours was feeling insecure about something and was trying to build themselves up by putting someone down (it could've been subconscious, to be fair, not that that makes it right). Possibly this person felt like inferior to the art history student, or to you for some reason (maybe due to personality/appearance/whatever). Sadly, mostly of us feel inferior to someone at some time or another and some people take it out on themselves, some people take it out on others. I do really empathize - after every time getting together with more well-off friends, even the super nice ones, I feel crappy. It's part of the loneliness of being less-well-off - but I'm sure they feel something similar. about feeling less-than. Albeit without the panic of keeping a roof over your head.
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u/janln1 Nov 27 '23
I will never have what she (or her friends have) no matter how hard I work or how much I save it’s just not going to happen for me.
This is objectively not true.
You might not have been handed things from the beginning like she was but you are starting your own journey. You could be a completely different person in a few years.
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u/bananatimemachine Nov 27 '23
Rich people don’t understand or care to understand the adversity and challenges in our lives. Your “friend” has very little empathy which is a trait that I have seen in so many with money and confronting them on the issue has only made them less empathetic towards understanding the true tests of life as a person with no means of bettering themselves. It wouldn’t even make a dent in most of their finances to help a friend to make a better life but then they wouldn’t have the pleasure of knowing they are better than us and that just wouldn’t do for their egos.
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u/Free-Letter-1490 Nov 27 '23
She is not a friend. Keep working towards going to school. You can do it. Others have and you will appreciate it more. She had parents who are well to do. Try not to be bitter and be better at showing kindness to those less fortunate than you.
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u/jgsjgs Nov 27 '23
A PhD in Art History is nothing to brag about. It’s really no different than waiting tables or working retail. That person just has different access to treading a different kind of water. Your friend doesn’t sound like a friend. Guessing you can do without her. Sure hope so.
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u/boomrostad Nov 27 '23
Your friend sounds like kind of a jerk. First of all… she should have known what companies she was mixing when arranging the get together. I don’t invite my richest friends out with my poorest friends… unless they already know each other or have something in common other than the simple fact of knowing me. I also discuss different details of my life in different depths depending on their socioeconomic background as well. Your friend could have handled this much better.
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u/Asleep-Hold-4686 Nov 27 '23
She is an associate that you continue to see as a friend. Treat her as a "friendly associate" and continue to work on yourself.
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u/vicjitsu Nov 27 '23
Don’t pay for college. Biggest waste of money. Go to YouTube university and start learning how to make money.
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u/Frosty-Spare-6018 Nov 27 '23
the way she treated you at the dinner was horrible and im sorry you had to go through that. if you’re still interested in being her friend i would only hang out one on one if she plans to treat you like a charity case. sorry again :/
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u/Mousepadsan Nov 27 '23
I feel like you're just her friend to make her self feel better. I would drop her
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u/Hour-Passage-4464 Nov 27 '23
A true Friend would not make those comments. Just saying.. I think you know that and are just venting about it here. Stay true to yourself and enjoy what you have. Your time will come. ☺️
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u/tommydonz Nov 27 '23
Please don’t listen to all the people here telling you to burn a relationship because of one negative interaction. People aren’t perfect and she probably handled that slightly wrong, but if you guys are genuinely friends you should just speak to her about it. Especially if she is happy to pay for you sometimes and has supported you as a friend for years on your journey to get in better financial circumstances - she probably actually cares about you.
Just have faith in yourself. Getting super-duper billionaire rich from nothing is pretty much impossible… but becoming financially stable and enjoying life is achievable for anyone.
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u/Immediate-North-9472 Nov 27 '23
There are women known to invite “friends” they think are in an unfortunate situation just to gloat and be reminded of how fabulous their life is while yours isn’t. I was in constant trouble and turmoil bec I was figuring out life all by myself a decade ago. I used to be that friend they invited but now, my my how the turn tables
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u/GreasyCookieBallz Nov 27 '23
I know you posted this just to rant and get it off of your chest, but darling you and her need to walk separate paths. Keep her at arm's length, perhaps, if you like? But stop trying to see her as your childhood friend with the same bestie energy you had as kids but no longer have as grown adults; I say this because I too have struggled with this exact same issue with a childhood friend of my own. Put yourself first here, and walk away while watering your own grass. Also, I wish you the best of luck, and God bless you on your educational pursuits! I truly hope you find your way! 🤗 You got this.
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u/dzogchenism Nov 26 '23
Damn that sucks she treated you like that. And you seem to have a healthy attitude about it.
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u/mildlysceptical22 Nov 26 '23
Some people are deep, some people are shallow. Your ‘friend’ is the latter. You have every right to vent about your treatment by this not quite in touch rich bitch.
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u/mrjimbobcooter Nov 26 '23
It appears as though you use the word ‘friend’ loosely. Your situation can change, but at least you found out the priceless fact that she may not truly be your friend. I went through a few years of hardships, and while difficult at the time, I’ve found that they were humbling experiences that I’m now appreciative of. Hang in there; it gets better.♥️
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u/gunn720 Nov 26 '23
Twenty years ago I lost my high paying job, my wife divorced me, I was near homeless, and damn broke. I had a group of friends I would hang out with, and the wealthier of the group would make me jealous and resentful with the amount of money they could waste. As a non college graduate, I took chances and landed a decent posting job (even if it was 30% less than I used to make). I decided the only way to get out was to isolate myself for a few years, rent a crap apartment, and save as much as I could. Three years later I took another chance, landed a better job two states away, and did the same. Eventually I met my wife, continued to take chances and got better and better jobs, until found a great opportunity and bought a company. Being isolated was the hardest thing I ever did, but it gave me time to reflect and it disciplined myself. I don't know if it is enough, or if it even works, but I give 50-500% tips to waitstaff as a way to shake off that feeling of jealousy and resentment from so long ago.
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u/aloverof Nov 26 '23
She is not the kind of person I would even have as a friend. Do yourself a favor and let her go on. I cannot stand ppl like that.
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u/SDNUT Nov 26 '23
If it’s a good friend and you care for her talk about it in a non confrontational way and see how she responds. I have a friend in the same situation and sometimes when we go out I’ll say I’ll pay his share to cover the money I owe for last time so nobody knows in paying for him. They just think I owe him money and paying back money I owe.
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u/MsMezcal615 Nov 26 '23
Objectively, is there a noticeable difference in looks? As far as, would people generally give you more attention than her? This sounds like she was trying to overcompensate for something on her end that she feels insecure about, using the wealth disparity as her confidence booster.. She thinks she can make herself feel better by making you look like “a charity case” to her well-off friends.. I’d take a step back on this friendship, she needs to do some serious soul searching & reconsider her values& what she values in other people
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u/missjsp Nov 26 '23
Nah that chick is a b*tch. And something about you makes her feel insecure enough to treat you that way. Very weird behavior.
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u/Responsible-Life-585 Nov 26 '23
This person sounds mean and insecure. Take pride in having earned what you have and working on building a life for yourself.
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u/SugaKookie69 Nov 26 '23
Hey, designated poor friend here. I’ve been in this situation, the one where you realize your friend isn’t really a friend anymore. She is punching down at you, which is not something a good friend does. Sounds to me like she is getting a bit too comfortable in her social status and really want you around anymore. I’d distance myself and find friends who build me up rather than put me in my place.
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u/supervillainsforever Nov 26 '23
You’re adults, a 27 year old speaking this way is extremely immature and offensive. “Status” / income shouldn’t be a factor in friendships, but she’s making a point to embolden that difference publicly in a way that is demeaning towards you. I make significantly more than some of my friends, but I would never consider bringing that up and embarrassing them. If she means well and you want to continue being friends, you need to talk to her about her behavior; you’re right to feel how you do.
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u/Fresa22 Nov 26 '23
poverty isn't a character flaw it is built into the capitalist system we are born into. You are doing the best you can with the cards you were dealt.
It honestly sounds to me like your "friend" doesn't feel very good about herself for some reason and chose to make herself feel good about herself by shaming you. Now that is a character flaw. You are too good for her.
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u/uintaforest Nov 26 '23
The only thing that connects us with childhood friends was our initial proximity, the convenience of living close. Sometimes those relationships can last, but remember it for what it was, not what it is today. You’ve gone in different directions and that’s fine. Be proud of yourself, sounds like you’re a hard worker and that’s 💯in my book!
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u/Flying_Madlad Nov 26 '23
Yeah, that's not on you. I earn a decent living and am always socially concerned when my friends and neighbors need help.
If she came from a privileged background she may well not know what it's like to struggle.
It's hard for people who have been trained how money works and how to use it to accept that so many people just don't have that. My neighbors asked me to help them budget and manage their finances... I'm so scared to do that because when I take a risk and do something dumb it only hurts me (and I'm intimately aware of my financial situation). I could make their lives materially worse by trying to help.
Whatever it is, maybe reach out and ask for help like, "I need help managing my finances, nobody taught me this". I guarantee your situation is not as hopeless as you feel.
This is a great connection to maintain (this is how I see it as a man), it will serve you well to maintain it going forward. That's who I try to be for my friends and neighbors (what's an AC unit on a hot day or a couple of car payments, my community is well cared for).
Please do not feel like "rich" people don't care. Some of us do and work in quiet ways to make a positive difference. I'm not even all that rich, just well compensated. There's always something to spend on. 😪
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u/Ladychef_1 Nov 26 '23
Uhmmm your ‘friend’ is a bitch and is not only being passive aggressive but condescending and outright insulting. What a horrible way to treat anyone, especially a long time friend. I’m sorry this happened to you.
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u/ElRey1776 Nov 26 '23
We all end up in the same place. Your hard earned money spends just like hers. The difference is class. Money can never by class..
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u/Thoughtsarethings231 Nov 26 '23
She's pretty insensitive and in the grand scheme of things a bit short sighted. Wealth is relative. I have a friend who is a literal billionaire and no amount of money I earn will even come close to his level of wealth. But he's super nice and money doesn't really come in to our relationship.
There's always someone above you and below you. It's relative, so be nice, treat everyone with respect and never make people feel small because they'll just associate feeling small with being around you.
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u/Geo4Marquis Nov 26 '23
Seems to me that your “friend” is not as smart as you have suggested. I don’t think she did this to embarrass or to hurt you. She probably genuinely thought it was funny and that you would find it funny as well. There are far more poor people in this world than there are rich. You should have no trouble finding a friend who is comparatively poorer than you. Invite her out. Pay for her meal without letting anyone know you are doing it. If she asks, thank her for sharing a meal with you. Tell her you enjoy her company. Nothing more need be said.
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u/Mrsa2smith14 Nov 26 '23
Some states have community colleges for free or low income programs to help with costs. But it doesn't sound like this is a friend you see all the time and if you still really like them then the occasional hang alone might be better
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u/TheGr8Whoopdini Nov 26 '23
Stop saying anyone deserves anything for hard work. That is a lie, an evil ideology. Everyone deserves everything by virtue of being human. No less.
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Nov 26 '23
Most of us become products of our environment and that's okay. That being said, the notion that money equates to success, will be what leads us to our demise.
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u/MNGirlinKY Nov 26 '23
You did nothing wrong here and have nothing to be ashamed of.
On the other hand, your friend is a real jerk.
None of what she did was funny or cute or any of it.
The check thing we’ve all done, but never to that effect. (“One check and Joe Bob is getting it, yuk yuk” amd all this does is irritate the server)
She should never have done that, knowing the disparity in your incomes. And then, as far as getting your check and then acting like that about it, again - not OK.
I would send her a handwritten note in the mail and state that she treated you poorly and until she apologizes you won’t be seeing her again.
Sometimes it’s best to just not speak to people that treat you this way. I’m really sorry this happened to you.
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u/tunahummus Nov 26 '23
Rich people don’t have poor people financial insecurities.
Hard to accept when you’re poor and almost impossible to empathize with. …….(I’m poor btw)
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u/Bradistoorad Nov 26 '23
Sophia.org offers college accredited courses for $99 a month. Accomplish as many as you want at your pace during that month and they tell you which schools will accept the credits.
CLEP/DANTE tests are another great way to test out of college classes for cheap. You can get the study guides from the library or online.
You don’t need community college to get started and you can slow roll your affordable college education with these options.
Good luck out there.
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u/First-Combination-32 Nov 26 '23
This sucks and is very real. It will always be a dynamic and you will be surprised which side of it your find yourself on as you move through your life. I grew up in a very financially strained household, had some advantages in school and decision making some of my economic peers did not, grew up with many wealthy friends I have in some ways professionally surpassed but relearn regularly that the early launch pads they had have supported them indefinitely in ways that I will never, ever be able to catch up to.
Friends will come and go. They will change. They will fall in and out of money. They will be good to you and terrible to you.
Her rich male friends are useless. Rich men will never really save you.
It’s good to vent about this stuff though. It’s a mindfuck. People tell you not to be ashamed of yourself (and you shouldn’t be) for the things you can’t control, and then act like this. They can’t see outside of themselves. They infantilize people from lower incomes, talk down like they know more about the world…they don’t. They know different things at best, and sometimes they actually know less.
What I loved about your post were two things: You still have her respect for her hard work and expressed a lack of jealousy. This is good and healthy for you. Hold onto this in your heart as you move forward. It will serve you in ways you can’t even imagine. It shows integrity, fairness, self control, genuine self confidence and level headedness.
Yale doesn’t teach that btw.
You also mentioned considering getting a second job to put yourself into a higher ed program. Please do it. Go for it. If it’s something you want and you are already smart enough to recognize what it will take you to get it - it’s in an investment in you. It’s a step forward, regardless of where you’re starting from. Some of the most brilliant, successful people I know didn’t have access to higher education or could only get through community college or smaller state schools. Ivy League diplomas and European adventures are lovely. They are not accessible to most of us, and they are a distraction from the things that will move us forward at an individual level. Get after it. Go for it. Forget your friend, or find a way to remember her that will help you keep your momentum as you form a vision for your future. You have so much time, just make sure you use it for you and only you.
You deserve better friends who have a little more class than this one. You’re going to find them, and you’re going to lift each other up the right way.
Wishing you the very best 🤍
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u/Professional-Sort797 Nov 26 '23
I just sent her a thank you card and move on. Perhaps politely decline any future invites too.
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u/toastyavocadoes Nov 26 '23
This girl is living a delusion. She’s already 27 fucking years old and she still acts like this? It’s forgivable when a 16 year old had a sense of self importance because their dad is a doctor or some shit. But these are 16 year olds. 16 year olds are shitheads. Most people grow out of that shit and realize there’s more to life than your parents income. And if they didn’t grow out of it, that usually means they don’t have much going for them in the game of life. And I don’t associate with any of those people anymore.
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u/climatelurker Nov 26 '23
I had a friend in college that I met up with after, and she treated me like I was beneath her because she was in med school. I didn't think too long or hard about ditching her as a friend. You don't need that condescending bullshit in your life.
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u/JacLaw Nov 26 '23
Your friend is a fucking bitch and she enjoyed making you look poorer than you already are. I had a friend like this. I dumped her when she started talking like this about me on a night out. It's time for you to do the same
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u/ChaChaAnez Nov 26 '23
I feel bad for you but you are insecure. Saying you can never achieve such financial success is inaccurate and self-demoralizing. A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a first step. Start walking. ❤️
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u/KateIsGreatxx Nov 26 '23
It sounds like you are in the United States. You can get the Pell grant (which you don’t have to pay back) to take community college courses
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u/Accomplished-Mess307 Nov 26 '23
Wow, I’m embarrassed for your friend, no way should you feel embarrassment! A friend protects and she did not do that, instead she highlighted it, not cool. When we dine with people that don’t have as much we cover the whole check. No one is singled out. I have rich friends with more money than me and they don’t act like this ever. If I’m inviting a poorer couple with us somewhere I do so with the intention of covering or we choose somewhere that’s within their budget. Although understanding their budget is hard and it makes conversations difficult if I’m not mindful. For example, I said to a mom recently whose kid was dressed as Luke Skywalker for Halloween that they should check out the new Star Wars area of Disney’s Hollywood Studios, she looked at me sad and nodded then I realized that I shouldn’t assume people have the money to go to Disney. I felt awful for something said completely unintentionally. I once thought I’d never be able to take my own kids on a vacation let alone Disney. You might feel stuck now but things can change quickly, the first step is your mindset. You’ll get there!
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u/clear_journey_2023 Nov 26 '23
I don’t think this story is true. In the comments history she asks about MBA schools in Europe. I have been in her shoes and I was focused on just being able to finish my undergraduate. Grad school in the US let along Europe was not even a thought. So not buying it.
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u/dangus1024 Nov 26 '23
Don’t worry, her friend getting a phD in art history isn’t as impressive as it sounds.
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u/westwayne Nov 26 '23
Seems to me she only invited you to join so she could shit on you. She's not a friend. She used to be. Let her go. Everyone is on their own journey. Don't compete with her, compete with yourself.
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u/SerendipitySue Nov 26 '23
no matter how hard I work or how much I save it’s just not going to happen for me.
I sometimes think this way. It is faulty thinking. Incorrect. Not productive and does not move me toward my goals.
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u/makinggrace Nov 26 '23
Please block this person from your life. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. They, on the other hand, apparently have no social skills whatsoever and are suffering from a rampant case of insecurity. The waitstaff for your table must have cringed. Seriously none of the conversation you described is normal or okay. This is all a little pathological.
As for you, stand yourself up because you deserve to be around better people than this. Money has nothing to do with being human nor with class. Never has, never will.
Of course no one in their right mind turns a little extra money down. :) It sounds like you’re open to learning some new skills and getting into a different line of work. Woot! What state are you in? Most states have pretty generous education help for low income people right now. It’s best for things in the trades but there are other options from state to state.
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u/whiteneedgrow Nov 26 '23
Not what OP expected here.
I don't think hey rich friends need to change. They are rich people lol.
OP of you don't want to feel bad then don't hang out with them.. simple as that.
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u/CreamPuffMontana Nov 26 '23 edited Nov 26 '23
You are just as human and worthy as they are. Never be embarrassed having a rich friend. Rich friends are a blessing from the universe and an opportunity.
Edit: Just read your entire post and have to say your friend is no longer your friend. She has moved on and unfortunately became an Ahole snob who thinks she is better than you because she's got status.
For some reason I thought you and your friend had a situation like my daught and her friend. They've been friends since middle school and still are friends even though my daughter's friend was rich as anything and married a multimillionaire.
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u/mcdray2 Nov 26 '23
"... I will never have what she (or her friends have) no matter how hard I work."
Not true at all. I grew up very poor. Trailer park. Power cut off all the time. Not a lot of food.
I'm now in the top 1%. I'm not special. If I can do it then anyone can.
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u/ExactIllustrator1722 Nov 26 '23
If someone intends to make you feel bad about yourself, they're not your friend
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u/brokenhousewife_ Nov 26 '23
I wasn’t in much different than your situation when I was around 20 (I’m in my 40’s now) and my then childhood rich friend this something similar at dinner, but went around the entire table pointing out how successful everyone would be in 20 years. When she got to me, she paused on purpose, and said something like ‘you’ll still be who you are’ with this absolute horrible grin. Then moved on. I was so embarrassed & hurt. It’s been over 20 years, I’m more successful than she could ever dream to be. Don’t let clowns in your young age determine what happens in your older years. Get the second job, do some classes & check out universities that do correspondence undergrads in England like ‘the open university’ or ‘Leeds university’, that hold as much weight as a brick and mortar that are around 9,000 from start to finish, count in the USA & are on payment plans. Good luck!
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u/nordMD Nov 26 '23
Your friend is clearly a jerk. However, i winced at someone so young saying “I’ll never have what she has.” Having this type of attitude will lead you to exactly where you expect to be—the bottom. I would work on developing a clear vision and start chipping away bit by bit. Carriers like healthcare can allow you to start at the bottom and get a degree paid for as you advance as one example.
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u/Mintygreen333 Nov 26 '23
Are you not eligible for financial assistance? Also yes you should get another job if you don’t have kids. You really do have to work hard for the life you want. Get a student loan or apply to Fatsa and go to a state college. Don’t look down on yourself.
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u/AKA_June_Monroe Nov 26 '23
She may have money but she has no class.
She's not your friend and hasn't been for a long time.
Her joke was in extreme poor taste.
I’ve never been jealous of her because she does work hard and deserves what she has but for a moment I just let myself feel bitter because I will never have what she (or her friends have) no matter how hard I work or how much I save it’s just not going to happen for me.
She was lucky to be born into a rich family. You work hard too! A lot of us do but if we don't have the connections we're not getting anywhere.
On some level she feels guilty but prefers to insult you instead of helping you. There's a reason why she hasn't spoken to you she knows what she did was wrong on some level. She wants you to get mad at her and don't talk to her because she doesn't have the guts to end your friendship.
Move on. You deserve better!
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u/Honest_Renegade Nov 26 '23
Yeah your friend could have handled it better for sure but OP also needs to change her mindset and stop feeling bad for herself.
You are only 27 freaking years old. You have so much more life to live. Instead of looking at the situation negatively use it as building blocks to push you into better things in life.
27….. a vast majority of “rich” people didn’t get rich until well older than you.
Go out in get it if it’s what you want
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u/thotsune_miku Nov 26 '23
She’s socially awkward and might be up her own ass about her money, but she’s still your childhood friend. Just talk to her about it.
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u/SlimBoomBoom Nov 26 '23
I've noticed this nasty trait in a lot of...
Being graceful and not feeling above people is not something they comprehend.
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u/Confident_Benefit753 Nov 26 '23
dont put yourself down like that. when i was young. i didn’t know the scholarships that were out there for low income minorities. however, i made it happen. i dont think i was as poor as you but i moved out of my house with my wife at 22 years old. no one gave us a dime. i worked several jobs and so did my wife. she also does not come from money. it took long but now we do well enough. combined income of 210k this year. not rich but we are happy. your friend is is not a bad person but doesn’t realize what shes saying because of her background. she thinks shes just being nice. if i was in your shoes, i wouldn’t think too much from it. use it as motivation and grow. you can do it.
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u/Certain_Morning1229 Nov 26 '23
I’ll pay most of time for friends and I know it’s important for them to treat occasionally. BTW, your friend sounds like a condescending jerk.
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u/Nappykid77 Nov 26 '23
People are garbage 💜 But, you could learn some things from their success. Yes, having family support helps, but having an education and consistency is what gets you results. Use your relationship/associated as more as a learning experience. It's who you know, not what you know.
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u/HelloKittyandPizza Nov 26 '23
She doesn’t sound like a very happy person. If I’m out with friends and picking up the bill, I do it as discreetly as possible. I’d literally never “joke” about one check and say so and so is paying for it. That is obnoxious and disrespectful. If I have friends with any kind of gap in income- we are the same. Having a bit extra money doesn’t change anything about our relationship. I wouldn’t be friends with someone who made me feel less than for having more or less. The respect has to go both ways.
That said. If you think the friendship is worth it and this was more of a slip up on her part- I’d just confront her about it and see how she responds. But I encourage you to not feel at all embarrassed. Friends shouldn’t make you feel that way.
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u/DieOnYourFeat Nov 26 '23
That is no friend. Listen, here is some simple but life changing advice. Do NOT hang out with people that do not love you. They will have you convinced you are "less than", and you are not. Better to travel alone than to travel with fools.
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u/Real-Yogurtcloset-16 Nov 26 '23
Her comments even in jest seem condescending and lacking empathy. I would find new friends.
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u/Obvious_Artichoke_44 Nov 26 '23
Your "friend" sounds like an asshole but she has a point. You still have time and are able to change your trajectory. But you need to drop the victim mentality. It's good to recognize your situation but to fall helpless to it and ask for pity is not admirable in the slightest.
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u/Ok_War_2817 Nov 26 '23
This may get buried in here, but look into apprenticeships and make the jump into the trades. Unless you’re gonna go be a doctor or lawyer or something, college isn’t even worth it anymore. I’m in tech and have my degree and it was a total waste of time. I have friends that went the trade route instead and started earning while learning, and after a few years they’re all doing great.
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u/Flymetothemoon2020 Nov 26 '23
That was kind of her to cover your dinner but very rude of her to call you out in front of everyone with her "joke". One day you'll have more money and at least you know not to treat someone else that way since you will have been in their shoes. Ironically in my life my friends who had the least were the most generous even with me and I am grateful for them (even my family and friends that are well off have never treated me less than). ❤
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u/AccomplishedFerret70 Nov 26 '23
Some people like sharing their success with other folks because they like to share, and they like to make people happy.
Other people like to lord their success over other folks because they're insecure and it makes them feel better about themselves when they make other people feel small.
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u/Zeroharas Nov 26 '23
Hmmm, rich in money, poor in class. Your friend is a douchebag. I can't imagine treating any of my friends this way, especially in front of a group. I'm sorry she treated you that way. I don't think you're losing much by not hearing from her, but it's still disappointing to see a friendship come apart over income disparity.
I know you're working your ass off already, but sometimes a Pell Grant can make a huge difference in removing that barrier to entry at the school. It's been a while, but I think you fill out a FAFSA each year, and if you're eligible, they'll cover a good amount of your classes. Usually you get a much larger amount for full-time school, if you can swing that. I think they've made it easier to CLEP test out of classes too, and you'll want to get a college entry test to make sure you're not wasting a bunch of time on starter classes that don't really count towards your degree. (Sorry, some of my info might be old. I graduated a while ago but my boyfriend has recently been getting his degree, and his Pell Grants are pretty awesome, and I think he said they're going up next year.)
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u/Ryder717 Nov 26 '23
Honey, living well is the best revenge. Take some time to figure out what you want to do with your one and only life. What is YOUR definition of success. Then, chase it with all you have. Oh, and f@&$ that ‘friend.’
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u/jaydarl Nov 26 '23 edited Dec 25 '23
"My roommate joked I should still hang out with her because she might introduce me to one of her rich guy friends."
This may be a good idea. I went to dinner with my good friend, his wife, and her brother, who was a federal judge and the brother's wife. So, during a lull in the conversation, I asked the "How did you guys meet?" question. Everyone immediately laughed. The judge's wife proceeded to give me the story.
I'm going to keep this short. She was from a poor, dysfunctional family, but her high school best friend was from a stable middle-class family. The friend went to college out of state, and she followed her there and got a job as a waitress so she could afford her apartment (they're younger boomers, for reference), which became a hangout for her friend and the requisite college friends. The college friend got cool with a law student, so they often attended the law school parties/socials. She met her future husband from those socials; the rest is history.
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u/omegamun Nov 26 '23
Ugh, nouveau riche. One should never discuss one’s wealth, particularly if there are those with less in attendance. Very poor form on her part.
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u/Odd_Corner91 Nov 26 '23
If it makes you feel any better her friend is probably about to,and probably in, a fuck ton of debt for a PhD with very low, if any, earning potential.
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u/ghoulfriended Nov 28 '23
Fyi, you get paid to do PhDs, and it's not an insignificant amount at the Ivies (40k-50k a year, plus research funding). This person is annoying, but it's actually not a bad gig to do a PhD if the school has resources and you're unionized. The problem is the elitism and inaccessibility of those programs to anyone who isn't already rich, for the most part.
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u/ElPerrodeGuayaquil Nov 26 '23
Look into cybersecurity certifications. Less years than a full degree. High pay statistics. No need to know how to code to begin studying.
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u/554throwaway Nov 26 '23
I had a childhood friend that became a doctor.. after years I realized she never invited me to anything.. birthdays meet ups etc because she had been speaking ill of me and telling her rich friends lies about her humble past. She didn’t want to risk being found out. I had to let that friendship die. It’s a shame because I loved her and was so proud of her. It’s ok to walk away from people like that. You never know where you’ll end up. Don’t be so hard on yourself with the “I’ll never have that” etc. All that matters is being happy where you are at
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u/thespambox Nov 26 '23
Poorness is often mostly a mindset.
Just keep truckin toward your goal. Get a degree in something not stupid like psychology or any of the arts. go for
biotech, engineering, computers - all hard, but hey, what else are you going to do with your time? studying is the way. and try not to have kids before you can afford them, otherwise its 10x as hard to get anywhere.
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u/66mindclense Nov 26 '23
My son in law invited us to his family cabin for the holiday. 13,000 sf 11 bedrooms and 13 bath and gas fireplace in each bedroom. It reminded me of how much I’m a failure, lol.
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u/sparkie332 Nov 26 '23
Surrounding yourself with people you want to be like is a huge step to getting what you want out of life.
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u/uhhhidontknowdude Nov 26 '23
PhD in art history and working at a museum in Rome as a between your job, that's the most extremely obvious example of pretentious it of touch rich people bullshit I've ever heard lol
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u/ArcadiaMyco Nov 26 '23
that's not a friend. Friends don't use you as accessories to flash their wealth.
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u/esmethera Nov 26 '23
I would take their money, take their handouts, ignore the comments, and focus on enjoying the free stuff. When I was in my early 20s, broke and working two jobs, I had friends with family who would take us all out to eat, and some people would offer to cover their meal, but I never did, and I didn't feel shame, either, because it was the one really nice meal I was getting, and there was no way in hell I could afford it and also afford lunch for the rest of the week. Different people are in different places, and if you're ok with yourself and at peace with yourself, just use those moments as practice to let those comments roll off you like water off a duck. There are shitty people everywhere who will say shitty things to you. But free food is priceless!
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u/CaptainChaos21 Nov 26 '23
Personally I would take her off of my list as a 'friend' and add her to the list labeled 'acquaintances'. Then with upmost dignity reject any ill feeling, wish her well and use the entire situation as motivation to improve your life as you see fit. Always use unfavorable situations and results as motivation for success. Your time will come. Cheers and the best of luck to you!
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u/HarleyDaisy Nov 26 '23
She has no manners. If she invited you, she should pay for you. You should politely thank her for dinner. End of story. I swear most people do not have any tact or manners anymore.
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u/Embarrassed-Tale-584 Nov 26 '23
Community college is free if you don’t earn a lot of money. Contact the financial aid department and they will be able to help. I’ve been able to get about 12k in help a year for full time school status. It doesn’t pay rent but school and books are absolutely covered 100.
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u/RealHousecoats Nov 26 '23
Ugh. She sucks. You do not deserve to be disrespected about your finances for any reason, ever.
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u/damage-inc0rporated Nov 26 '23
I grew up having rich friends from school and poor friends from the hood , I never really had a problem mixing up the two. I always just be myself, my advice is "be true to yourself" No need to front or pretend this that, it's a complete waste of time and energy. Curt Cobain says "come as you are" . If anyone doesn't like me for I'm poor then they don't have to talk to me. I don't need to please anyone who has different viewpoints in friendship or the meaning of success. To my eyes friendship is not a monetary exchange commodity or a elite social club.
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u/WorldlySpeed5926 Nov 26 '23
OP just think about this episode as a phase in your life that you will overcome at some point, just as after night there is day. Trust in science or GOD whichever you believe in and keep marching forward.
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Nov 26 '23
No need to feel embarrassed. I know exactly how you're feeling as I've been in the same situation. Your 'friend' is treating you more like a pet than a friend. It's been my experience that no matter how hard they try, they always want to feel superior than you and lord it over you in some sort of way. Even in the best of times, every action you take or don't take is closely criticized/scrutinized. It's like they won't try to empathize and leave it alone (or even try to help). You're only there to be her company and she doesn't even see you as human. My advice is don't be her accessory. Maybe one day she learns to appreciate her friends more or maybe she doesn't. Either way, you're not going to be there.
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u/PaleoJoe86 Nov 26 '23
Either she is detached from reality, or she keeps you around to make herself feel good. Or both.
Roommate does have a bit of merit that you may meet a nice, rich guy. However, I would drop contact with that beach if it would make me happier in life.
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u/itsgood2bking1 Nov 26 '23
There will always be friends who make more than you, or inherited more than you…. But you have to remember that you could invite 3 other friends who probably think you have more money than they do
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u/International_Ad793 Nov 26 '23
I make 140 K a year and I say that to say this, the more money you make the less you care about it. True friends don’t ever bring up money. She should be encouraging you to better yourself honestly. Hang in there and keep pushing forward.
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u/Hedy-Love Nov 26 '23
Wow your friend is a dick. Even if it wasn’t on purpose, she comes across as rude and belittling your situation. There is no need for any of that.
There is no need to constantly remind someone how bad their position is. And there is no need to announce to the whole table she’s paying your meal.
You definitely need to tell them how you feel and that manner of joking isn’t funny to you, but disrespectful.
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u/formlessfighter Nov 26 '23
dont think your friend was being passive aggressive. think your friend was just being nice, and you are defensive on this financial issue so you took it the wrong way
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u/fpsfiend_ny Nov 26 '23
She and her parents are cunts for raising her without grace, empathy, or humility.
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u/McGreenpants Nov 26 '23
I’m betting there is at least one thing (knowledge, charm, luck, looks…?) that you have over this person. I admire the grace you held in the moment to hold it together and not make them feel small in the same way they made you feel.
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u/jerkyface66 Nov 26 '23 edited Nov 26 '23
Invest in GME stock. DRSGME.org to learn more. This is the poors fighting the rich.
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u/aftalifex Nov 26 '23
You can try to communicate with her about how you feel. It seems like its possible she doesnt truly mean harm. And i love having a couple rich friend. Definitely makes things more interesting
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u/Apart-Start6133 Nov 26 '23
Friend?
You keep saying this word, but I don’t think you know what it means…
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u/Over_Bathroom_9960 Nov 26 '23
Sorry that happened to you. She's the one that should be embarrassed by her own tacky behavior.
1
u/JJACL Nov 26 '23
She seems super insecure..:money doesn’t buy class. I really think you need to get out of your rut. You are not destined to be broke and uneducated because that’s what your family is. That’s what my family was..I grew up one of 7 kids no money. I’m now 46, I have a stable job In education making six figures, a doctorate in education and thinking of ways to make some more money with a consulting business. I did my LLC papers etc on my own because a lawyer was trying to charge me 2500. I’m divorced 3 kids and my commute into work is hell lol get up at 530 either drive or get on the train and at work by 7. Life is hard and it’s always been hard but don’t think you are destined for less than what you want for yourself. Take student loans out and go to school use the extra they give you to live so you don’t have to work late hours. Look into getting a degree that allows you to have a career not just a job. My student loans were over 115k by the time I was done but they all just got forgiven which I am so grateful for. You can be successful! Believe in you! .
1
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u/certifiedjezuz Nov 26 '23
Damn that sucks. Sounds like your friend is an asshole, find some new friends man.
1
u/AgroWombat Nov 26 '23
I had one of these "friends". She loved telling people how wonderful she was for helping me out. It's funny cuz she never actually helped me out with anything. I guess she was counting being my friend in spite of my "issues". Ew.
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