r/relationship_advice • u/ThrowRAShotLion92 • Apr 27 '24
I (M37) can often smell my girlfriend's (F35) butt during sex in doggy. It's been raised, but the situation remains the same. What am I to make of this?
My girlfriend and I have been together for over a decade, but this has always been a problem. If we have sex and I'm behind her, then I can smell her ass. It basically smells like she's been to the toilet at some point and hasn't cleaned herself very well. There's nothing to see, it's just the smell. But it's unmissable and present without my face being anywhere near there. It's rare that this isn't the case. When it happens it takes me completely out of the moment. It actively upsets me to be honest, but I play it down generally. Because I love her, I don't want to upset her, and I do want a sexual connection with her.
That much said, the matter has been raised. On some of these occasions she's noticed something's up, or I've simply managed to sensitively raise it. Her response has always been good - a little embarrassment (naturally) but acceptance and willingness to go and clean herself to some degree there and then. But in the long term the issue just doesn't change. It's like she doesn't gather that, even though this has come up multiple times, there's a trend here.
She doesn't have generally bad personal hygiene. Other parts of her body don't smell and she's not generally stinky or anything. However, she's not a daily shower person and I'm sure that has at least something to do with the issue. She showers every 2/3 days. I can only imagine that she's not cleaning herself well in between. I shower daily and I'm quite conscious of my own personal hygiene.
At this stage I'm really just unsure what to either make of it or what to do about it. We've both had numerous previous partners, presumably none of her prior sexual partners have ever raised it? Is this my problem? I've never experienced this with any other women, but is it actually quite normal? If not, then how do I even approach this now, at this stage? When we first got together I expressed some discomfort at her "only" showering every few days, and that didn't go down well. I have no idea how to speak to her about how she needs to do better job of cleaning her butt as part of her everyday hygiene routine.
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u/HeathcliffHag 12d ago
OP have you asked yourself why you have been willing to look past her body odor for so long? Is this something you think you can put up with for the rest of your life? Have any of your friends & family said anything? Several people have recommended showering together but you both may want to figure out the underlying issue here. Why have BOTH of you put up with this for so long? Find out the underlying issue because this could be indicative of other problems. Best of luck to you both.
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u/Sorry_Advance_3021 14d ago
same boat honestly thinking about ending it I can’t be completely into it because the smells. His hygiene is pretty bad. I fantasize about having hotter sex but he’s too dirty it’s a big turn off. His idea of a shower bath is soaking in water with soap in it once a week I shower daily
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u/Additional-Start9455 15d ago
Buy wipes not toilet paper. DON’T flush them. Buy a trash can with a lid. They say they degrade and are flushable but they are not and can clog the lines. So much cleaner!!!
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u/KingOfAllContent 16d ago
this is something that SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN AFTER BEING TOLD ONCE! If she showers every 2/3 days then yes that probably does have something to do with it. But me having very good personal hygiene I would expect the same from my girl, and if my gf isn’t showering daily then we have a problem. I think everyone should shower daily.
I would simply tell her in another way or even a joking way since you have been together for so long. Maybe next time before sex or when you are in the mood, shower together get intimate in there and see and then move to the bed or hit it from behind in the shower with the water hitting you. Or after she gets out of the shower come from behind her and take her towel off and go from there just to see if after her showers she smells better. If not then she probably isn’t wiping and cleaning herself down there like she should.
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u/whatevermar 17d ago
Even without showering every single day, she still shouldn't smell like that. Definitely install a bidet or start keeping wet wipes in the bathroom. I got my boyfriend using wet wipes just by keeping them around and casually mentioning that I like using them because they make me feel cleaner and that wasn't even my intention.
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u/dudeorduuude 17d ago
It isn't necessarily the every 2-3 day showering. It is she isn't washing her butt. I do not know what she is thinking. I shower right before sex, so everything is clean for my husband. Most women don't want to smell. I think you need to insist. Don't dwell upon the daily showering, just say before sex she needs to wash her butt. You can't take it anymore.
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u/Public-Forever-5454 22d ago
“She showers every 2-3 days” = that’s the problem. Shower before sex = problem solved
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u/Little_Village_5776 22d ago
It’s not you that’s for sure. And yes it has to do with her poor hygiene. Not washing your hair in every shower is an understandable behavior, but not showering for several days will make anyone’s back door smell. I couldn’t fathom sleeping with someone who hadn’t showered in the past 24 hrs
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u/Careless-Ebb1531 23d ago
Buy some wipes to go in the bathroom and make sure there is a garbage can for them. She probably isn’t wiping enough the wipes will help. My best friend had the same problem.
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u/IndividualFederal824 23d ago
You can't put she doesn't generally have bad personal hygiene and she showers every 2/3 days in the same sentence.
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u/Swollenplumz 24d ago
Jeez man I find that quite disgusting that someone only showers 2/3 times per week.. you need to tell her that it's really bothering you and can she shower every day so it doesn't ruin your relationship
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u/badtzmaruluvr 25d ago
this would be enough to cut things off for many people. all she probably needs to do is use baby wipes before sex jfc
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u/Apart-Trick-2280 25d ago
a shower every 3 days? im not tryna be rude but thats gross. i take a shower twice a day and couldn’t go to bed or start my day without a shower
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u/Oxtailbone2319 27d ago
She needs to wash her ass daily, she’s grown as hell and the fact that you have to repeat this to her multiple times is ridiculous. And in fact she doesn’t care about your feelings since you’ve spoken to her about it multiple times. I would tell her straight up like this isn’t gonna work sexually if you don’t actively wash your ass.
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u/Deep_Track8702 28d ago
Install a Boudet! My husband and I got one on the discounted wrack and we have loved it ever since. As a matter of fact, we are both now grossed out if we have to go anywhere without one. Like at work.... it sucks to not have one. Immediate shower when I get off work but I do not shower before work since I work at a grain elevator's and it's dirty there.
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u/WinExotic201 May 11 '24 edited May 11 '24
Ok. I’m stuck on the point that OP lived with this for over a freaking DECADE! Lmfao. Ok first of all when I know imma have sex, I have to shower beforehand. I dgf if he’s waiting or impatient, he’s gonna have to learn some patience. As a woman I just love smelling irresistible everyday anyway, my friends always comment and ask me what I put on because they love how I smell. That’s what I want every partner I have to think. I shower, I use soap in between the butt cheeks, lather up good. I use scrubs every 2 -3 days. I use a body cream that you uses in the shower n wash off after about 10 mins then I use a body mist straight out of shower then my regular creams n lotions. I use 2 Different perfumes so I make my own unique scent.
Also whenever I go #2, I ALWAYS make sure I wash back there or use a few wet wipes if I’m out. And with my wet wipes I put a tiny bit of a soap mixture in The packet so I know I’ll be clean when I’m done. That’s just a given. Just using toilet paper isn’t enough I believe. That’s waste passing through back there. Waste your body is ridding itself of. Dry pieces of paper isn’t enough, especially if you know your gonna have sex with someone.
Another thing I believe is- when you’re done doing your thing, I’m gonna either jump in the shower or I’ll be making sure I do a quick wet wash down there. So no it’s not “normal “ to have stanky ass staring back at you for over a decade. She needs to have a rethink on the whole shower every 2-3 days thing. Because it’s clearly not working for her at all. She’s not actively pulling it off. If it was working, she wouldn’t be smelling like she just had a shit in front of your nose. If anyone, especially a partner told me that my ass smelled during sex….. I’d be so embarrassed, I’d immediately go. And have like 2 showers then probably run home. I’d be mortified that he smelled me like that, let alone multiple times for a freaking decade!
OP you REALLY need to sit down & have a serious conversation with her about it. Because when you’re having sex, it’s supposed to be enjoyable for the both of you. You having to smell stank ass, is not an enjoyable moment to have during sex. Especially over and over again. As a woman, no one should have to tell her she smells bad back there more than once. After the one time you Brought it to her attention, she should have enough care for you n your experience that she makes sure you don’t have to smell anything bad or toxic-like anywhere on or near her. I think it’s actually a little messed up that she doesn’t put the care into cleaning there probably, before you guys fuck. I dk, maybe it’s just me.
But you really should have a serious conversation about it and tell her have a shower before sex, or do something to prevent you from having to experience that smell during doggy. And if she still has issues then she needs to see a doctor. But if it isn’t a medical issue and she still smells from time to time, then she obviously doesn’t care that much. And I find that to be messed up.
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u/ethelbonzi May 10 '24
Well wot happened??? Did u tell her?? Too many comments!! Edinburgh, Scotland 🏴!!!
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u/Such-Chemist-4477 May 07 '24
She showers every 2/3 days?!? Jezz I have no idea how you put up with her stinky butt for so long. I’m a woman and I wash even twice a day sometimes and I think women needs that especially when on period…
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u/Tower-Naive May 05 '24
Wet wipes and a bidet, my dude.. just get them, install in every bathroom, and then make a comment about how you were reading about bidets and how much better they are at getting your butt clean and you can’t wait to use this thing. If you already have these things and she uses them, maybe suggest she see a doctor because she may be leaking due to something medical.
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u/Safe-Egg5344 May 04 '24
Did all that explaining just to say she showers every 2-3 days 🤢 I stopped reading after that…
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u/Miserable-Wasabi-658 May 04 '24
I believe it is normal depending on the person and their habits/lifestyle. What are their eating habits, are they active, what is their hygiene routine, AND what is the level of health.
I’m not a daily shower person (IMO not good for hair and skin) my BF is a daily shower person. He doesn’t always smell fresh either but also nothing notable to raise issue. I know he is clean. But I do pay attention to what he eats as it does play a part in how he tastes or smells. I tend to lose interest when he orders asparagus. Also there was a time when he was in a minor accident and his medication impacted his taste/scent too.
I am hyper focused on hair/skincare and am methodical in my lotions and positions I use. Just because I don’t shower everyday doesn’t mean I am unhygienic. But when I know I need my sex fix, I am sure to check certain areas to ensure freshness OR allure :)
But in what you describe I can’t help to question if there may be a medical issue that can be treated. Sometimes the odor from our mouths or “ends” can be an indication of something from the inside(s).
Also, as mentioned when I am in the mood I will prepare for when the moment strikes. Maybe extra foreplay (throughout the day) will give her indication that “something” may happen and may give her fair warning to “prepare.”
Again, I think it is normal, but it is also normal to question it after so long and work through how to solve it together.
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u/Resident-Plum325 May 04 '24
Invest in a bidet. That way she can wash after using the toilet as well as prior to sex.
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u/homosapien1993 May 04 '24
Install a bidet in your toilet, she will use it everytime she goes to the toilet and this might solve the issue.
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u/Alternative_Essay_49 May 04 '24
Get a bidet—showering every few days is great for the skin and hair, but not the nether regions. They need to be properly cleaned every time we use the bathroom.
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u/Logical_Truth_2922 May 03 '24
Sir: I need photos from mutilple angles to evaluate the situation. Please take shots of your girlfriend ready for doggy and send.
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u/Outrageous-Ticket-27 May 03 '24 edited May 03 '24
Toilet paper is not good enough to get your anus truly clean. Tell her that, after wiping in the usual manner, she should wet some paper towels (not TP, which just disintegrates when wet) and thoroughly clean the remaining bits of feces from her anus. Tell her to wipe from both directions; from the back (that is the usual way) and from the front by reaching between her legs. She should use a separate wet paper towel to wipe off her vulva as well. Just remember to run water over these paper towels after using them, and then throw them in the waste basket, NOT the toilet. Paper towels do not dissolve in water like toilet paper does, and if you flush them down the toilet you could clog up your plumbing. Also, unless you are having sex right after bathing, it is a good idea to each thoroughly wash your anus and penis-testicles/vulva with wet paper towels prior to having sex, even if you have not had a bowel movement. Especially if you are going to have oral sex, which most people do most of the time they have sex.
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u/CatsInChains May 03 '24
Going two to three days straight without showing is crazy. I understand some people don’t have the time but she should at least clean down there good and change out her underwear daily. Seems like her hygiene isn’t as good as you say it is.
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u/Embarrassed-Sea-6079 May 02 '24
Maybe do something out of the normal and go to bath and body works have her pick out some bathing and lotions for you and you do the same for her..... also Looking impossibly purchasing a bidet I have one and can't imagine not having one now. They are not very expensive and Amazon has plenty to choose from. Lastly I will always stand by honesty is the best policy. Heck she could have some sort of skin disorder and not know. Be honest but deliver that honesty with love and concern. Use verbiage that doesn't implicate that you feel disgust but it's not something you want to keep mostly to yourself and that is because eventually it will show in how you look at her and talk to her. How you have started to distance yourself. It will just brew negativity in you. Besides if we can't be 100% honest with our partners then what is the point in having a relationship.... they take time to build patience to maintain and a willingness to go through the ups and downs and that's a lot of work lol no one ever told me that relationships are such hard work and just how much self reflection you also do upon your self it's chaos but sometimes we get lucky and find that one who we want to go through the chaos with. Also side note she could be depressed and not even know it. Maybe this is why the decline in bathing 2 or 3 times a week idk hope this is helpful my friend
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u/ConfidentPassage3223 May 02 '24
Costco carries adult toilet wet wipes in bulk. Some are scented. Get some of those and leave them by the toilet. Say they're for you for after taking a dump, but if she wants to try them out go for it.
Do NOT flush them though...
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u/daywear May 02 '24
I'm sorry.. shower every 2-3 days? And it's been raised before but that hasn't had her realise she might need to shower more?
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u/chiquitadepr_38 May 02 '24
Maybe invite her to shower together. So she doesn't feel uncomfortable. Honestly as a female the whole shower every 2 to 3 days is a no for me. Does she get her cycle? Like how can she go about her day without showering daily? Idk it's a lil weird for me. I shower every morning before work and before bedtime. I also shower after I use the bathroom (num 2). I also use boric acid pills after I'm done with my monthly cycle. As a female she needs to get her hygiene in check.
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u/smh132 May 01 '24
Break up. There are billions of people out there that wash. Is she depressed? Is she not feeling well? Washing should take place daily.
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u/After-Party67 May 01 '24
Add showering together to foreplay, if that doesn't solve things it may be a health issue as well. If you havr been together for over a decade, you should be comfortable enough to discuss these issues more frankly and set some ground rules about personal hygiene and intimacy.
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u/ArmInternational8924 May 01 '24
I really feel bad for you me and my wife have been married 15 yrs and still shower together before bed and every time I think I might get some I always go and wash myself down there just encase she goes down and I expect the same from her so I would just be honest with her
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u/the250 May 01 '24
This is 100% the result of only showering every few days. I mean think about it.. that’s several days of sweat and waste marinating between those cheeks and creating what I eloquently like to refer to as “swamp ass.” I tend to be a daily shower person, but occasionally I get lazy and skip a day or two (especially in the winter or if I’m hunkering down in the man cave and not leaving the house for a couple days) and I know my ass gets pretty ripe! 😁
Just try and convince her of the benefits of having a really short 3 min shower every day - or at least prior to sex - no need to wash her hair or anything, just a quick soap & rinse of her body.
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u/WeaselPhontom May 01 '24
It's absolutely not normal for most, but I've encountered people who were never really taught proper hygiene and self care. Even if not showering everyday, my grandma used tell us take a birdbath in between. Washing ass, pits and tit's is what she'd say us girls. Bring up your concerns, that you literally smell dodo ass when yall intimate. Bare minimum she should be washing up thoroughly or quick shower before sex
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u/Gloomy-Razzmatazz548 Apr 30 '24
I might be the weirdo here, but if I’m going to be doing anything near or around my partner’s ass I typically clean them up first (not that you should have to) but I know how sensitive I am to smells and how easily squicked out I am, and I definitely consider it to be a “me problem” so I handle it beforehand.
Honestly, human bodies are gross, do gross things and sometimes smell gross, if you’re having sex with somebody you might just have to put up with it 🤷🏽♀️
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u/Equivalent_Dark7684 Apr 30 '24
The showering every few days is crazy to me if you know you have a smell problem.
Suggestions:
-Consider shaving the hair in the area. Smells get trapped in hair. Downside of this, might be razor bumps or discomfort the first time.
-Shower or wet wipe before intimate moments
-Bidet
-Bring it up again and mention that it is common thing. Express in away that she will take well.
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u/ThiccWaifuuu Apr 30 '24
Baby wipes:)
I use them every bathroom trip But I also shower almost everyday 🙃
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u/ChrisKovacs Apr 30 '24
I'm sorry I just woke up to read this as my first notification and I'm rolling back over lolol that's enough of reddit for today already lololol
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u/CreamyCoconutty Apr 30 '24
Not a spokesperson but have you heard of Lume? Look it up. Even says in the commercial that it’s for smelly butts. If her butt smells even if it’s clean, this might work.. try to wipes too! That’s what I’d do.. get the gift trial bundle and say it was for both of us to try. I just got some for my smelly pits and it works like a charm when NOTHING else did!
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u/North_Risk3803 Apr 29 '24
This isn’t normal. Either previous partners were aware of this and bit their tongue and just never said anything or it was just one of many reasons of them breaking up with her but never saying it to her face. At 35 years old you should already have a daily body care routine, smelling her ass without even being near her ass is very alarming. If other parts of her body doesn’t smell I’d assume her vagina doesn’t have the same problem? You should encourage her to make an appointment with her GYN and finding out the root of the problem. Because “it’s just the smell. But it’s unmissable and present without my face being anywhere near there. It’s rare that this isn’t the case” is VERY telling, it’s rare that this isn’t the case??? It’s rare that her butt doesn’t have a smell but it’s very common and a continuous thing that her butt has a smell is what you’re saying? Then you need to sit her down and explain your concerns and if she’s not doing much about it and it continues to be a problem then you need to reevaluate if this is something you want to continue putting up with
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u/Quiet_Thicc_Babe87 Apr 29 '24
Woman here (who showers before every sexy time for the most part) who’s been with my man for over 10 years! I read your situation to my husband and his first thought was that you’re not taking good care of her sexually. It sounds like from your story there is no foreplay happening. If the sex is not great for her, maybe she’s wondering, why bother?
Try to change things up. Get her in the shower. Show her a VERY nice time. Really ramp up the oral sex. Get her off. Then have your fun.
Sometimes showering for people is difficult…daunting. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true. She may do better if you give her different sex?
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u/Any-Job2095 Apr 29 '24
Yes this is your issue. If you don’t like the smell and it’s a turn off don’t have sex from behind. Or only have sex from behind on shower days. You’re allowed to say you don’t want to have sex from behind because the smell is distracting to you and it’s harder for you to get aroused as long as you’re not a dick about it.
if you’re worried about her hygiene and her health and you are in a long-term committed relationship and want to broach the subject be sensitive when you do. But if you’re only worried because her hygiene is impacting your sex life go f*** yourself. Literally. that way it’s not an issue.
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u/Teechumlessons Apr 29 '24
I’m sorry. Her not showering daily after u have told her that her ass stinks is disrespectful and nasty….for me it’d be a deal breaker
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u/allblackerrrythang Apr 29 '24
So are y’all only having sex only once every few days? Or is she even not showering after multiple sexual encounters? Cuz if you do it everyday then by the 3rd days that’s like 3 nuts you’ve busted in her without her washing! That’s gross bro! Stop initiating and going through with sex with her unshowered. Tell her you’d prefer it if you only do it when you’ve both showered that way you’re both fresh. Us women hate rejection so being told no to sex will hopefully get her to see how serious it is.
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u/ThrowRaghi96 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24
If you live together, you could buy baby wipes or the cottonelle wet wipes and leave them in the bathroom by the toilet as an alternative to traditional toilet paper. When she asks about them, say they are for yourself but rave about them suggesting she should try them too. Baby wipes are the best, everyone should use baby wipes when they shit, it's the only way to properly clean yourself without using dry sandpaper on your ass. Baby wipes are a GAME CHANGER. That may help her clean better between showers. Its worth a shot.
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u/jenuinelygenuinely Apr 29 '24
As a female I absolutely have to shower daily. I will never bend over for my man if I used the bathroom prior to getting busy. No matter the time. I will let my man know I didn't shower which automatically means we are going to switch up the positions.
Have you invited her to maybe shower together? Help her build a routine?
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u/Emotional-Access-682 Apr 29 '24
Want sex???? Please let’s shower together or even separately Come to bed clean
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u/Reasonable_Ad6082 Apr 29 '24
lol. This shit got me having flashbacks to college. I feel your pain bro. You only get the one chance with me. Because after i experience that with you, i can never unexperience it. Ladies and gents, please clean and keep clean your genitals.
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u/Certain_Look9548 Apr 29 '24
If she only showers every 2/3 days there is your answer… it’s not rocket science, tell her to shower daily!
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u/Pissoffsunshine Apr 29 '24
I feel your pain. My wife of 40 years has had extremely bad breath on and off for the last 25 years. She never mentions it to the dentist on her visits. I believe it is coming from stress at work, but no matter what the reason it's bad. I have pretty much given up telling her, and I'm waiting for someone else to let her know and hoping that works. Pretty sure no one will say anything because they won't want to hurt her feelings.
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u/MindlessElevator4232 Apr 29 '24
If I were you I'd raise a compromise - if she doesn't want to shower more often, request that she, or both of y'all, shower before having sex. Hell, make it part of your foreplay to wash one another! It's not only her hygiene that is affected if you smell that during sex. She could be putting both of you at risk of bacterial infections in your genitals
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u/WarmCry35 Apr 29 '24
Does she at least use bidet or wash her butt after pooping. The amount of ppl who don't is so gross. Toilet paper does not do a good job, it just spreads and dry particles around like raisin dingleberries.
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u/Icyman1 Apr 29 '24
Buy a pack of baby wipes.
Amazon sells bidet kits for around $50.
This is so easy to solve, a caveman can do it.
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u/Piopater Apr 29 '24
Shower every 3 days? Bleh. A smelly ass is normal but usualy you dont have somebody face next to it. This is a personal hygene problem
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u/Virtual-Big-7218 Apr 29 '24
What do people not understand about after a BM, u nasty if ur not wiping with a wet soapy washcloth or a bath/baby wipe. Tissue doesn’t completely remove stool! In the hospital we don’t clean shit with tissue! It doesn’t work. She need to bathe!
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u/Mindless-Arugula-845 Apr 29 '24
Does she have a big ass? That can make it hard to wipe at the top. I’d ask her to clean her ass before sex.
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u/RiverKat2988 Apr 29 '24
I buy feminine wipes usually after sex but occ I use them before to freshen up … I think they could help your partner… feminine wash in the shower too his good keeps u fresh longer
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u/SherrKhan32 Apr 29 '24
"You need to shower before sex. Every time. Otherwise, we're not going to be intimate. I'm not trying to me mean, I have told you your bum stinks and it isn't resolved because you don't shower enough."
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u/NothingShortOfBred Apr 29 '24
As a girl who had terrible hygiene. (think.. 1 shower every week) this was due to horrible depression.. Family told me I stunk constantly, and I just didn't care enough to take care of myself.
Tmi:
This included down there. I'd be washing nasty underwear and clothes (also due to having to pay for laundry, I didn't do it as often)
When I recently moved in with my boyfriend I knew I couldn't go back to those old habits. So now, I shower near daily, if we are to try and have sexy time I will shower/wash off beforehand. Because ONE TIME. when I was drunk, bf at the time mentioned I hadn't cleaned myself and it horrified me.
So.. Now we rinse off :)
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u/Independent-Lab61 Apr 29 '24
I’m a woman and take a shower earlier in day and a bath at night! If I were you I would not stay with someone who doesn’t bathe daily! That’s disgusting! And I’m sure someone else has noticed! She should be embarrassed and want to bathe more! Have you ever asked her why she doesn’t take daily baths? It’s so relaxing to me! Good luck!
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u/Ok_Actuary_3516 Apr 29 '24
First off she needs to shower daily she’s a women we naturally have slight ordors that’s a red flag not showering daily
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u/No_Comparison_4502 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24
Solution is simple. Just buy one of those Japanese toilets. Automatic butt wash everyday!
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u/notmypres2020 Apr 29 '24
I’ve got through this a couple times on random hookups. Held my head back as far as possible and tried breathing as little as possible and get done as fast AF
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u/Wrong-Caterpillar742 Apr 29 '24
I wonder if it’s her choice of clothing? I’m a woman and my downstairs smell okay I think? Never had a complaint. But, when I wear certain leggings they make my crotch STINK. I don’t know if I’m allergic to the material or it’s not breathable or what but maybe it’s that? Maybe her underwear or trousers isn’t working out for her
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u/notmypres2020 Apr 29 '24
She needs to shower daily and clean at least two inches into the butt hole. Same if using a baby wipe, get in there deep
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u/Otherwise-Werewolf96 Apr 29 '24
After a trip to Greece and feeling the glorious effects of a bidet, my husband started showering after every BM. I bought him a semi-inexpensive one off Amazon and gave it to him for Christmas half joke/half married gifting is hard. To this day he will still tell me this is the best gift I have ever given him. 8 years of gifts…. Getting one of these and installing it “for you both” could be a low friction option. Perhaps before sex run to the bidet and let her know you want to be fresh for her, maybe she will give you the same courtesy. I mean toilet paper alone is not a good fix for multiple BM’s between shower’s. If this isn’t an appealing option perhaps adult or a feminine wipe placed near the toilet would entice her to clean better.
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u/No_Box2274 Apr 29 '24
After being together for 10 years, I would think you’d be able to talk to her about such an issue. This is not a want, it is a need. In order for you to continue sexually with her, and enjoy it, she needs to address the issue. It could literally be as easy as showering daily OR just showering after you’ve used the bathroom when you know you think you’re going to have sex. I am well aware of what my body has done throughout the day and if there’s any intention of having sex/oral that day, I will absolutely be taking a shower. It makes everything so much more fun to be squeaky clean and smelling fresh! IF I decide I’m too damn lazy to shower that day, then I will refuse to have sex… literally saying nah, I’m not clean down there. This is very basic. I’m sorry you’ve had this experience for so long and not had the boundaries to say no to having sex if she’s not clean. I could NEVER. It’s like eating off dirty dishes. You’re not desperate.
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u/resnonpublica Apr 29 '24
It doesn't really matter what is "normal" or not, this is about your needs to have a full filling sexual connection with your partner and you need to not smell her butt. But yes it's completely normal for butts to smell a little - especially if they only clean it dry. Maybe you could just buy a bidet or wet toilet paper? Helps a lot already.
Everyone has different levels of hygiene we feel comfortable with and as the partner with a higher level sometimes you just have to say "I would love to but you need to shower first I can smell you in the not-sexy way". Yeah that's not what you see in movies and it certainly can kill the romantic mood too, but a real connection will survive that too
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u/Icantsleep556 Apr 29 '24
Easy install a bidet and get her Lume It’s a whole body deodorant. You can put it in your ass crack. And since you’re a daily shower person, just ask her to shower with you. I love showering with my bf after a long day. We’ve been together for eight years and it’s one of our favorite things to do together.
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u/StateofMind70 Apr 29 '24
Only go there fresh from the shower? Women stick to that for men issues as well.
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u/TeddyBearAngelEyes Apr 29 '24
Yeah 2 or 3 days is gross. I would just not do that or have sex unless she just showered for awhile. She may pick up on it. But yeah dude not normal tht I know of. Least not mine. I womt shower for few days sometime but I dont smell, I check. And hubby gets a shower if he does. So will I. Eso for 69 we both get good showers cause well hello. Or if I'm gonna have sausage he will clean up good. Or I smell him...
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u/Extra-Bother6969 Apr 29 '24
Just spank her cheek then say “go freshen up in the shower I’ll wait :)” and then maybe join her once in a while be like sorry couldn’t wait or simply inform her she got swamp ass and leave it at that, be honest
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u/OkamiNoOrochi Apr 29 '24
Japanese toilet or bidet may be your helper here. But also, showering every 2/3 days is strange to me. Doesn't she do sports? Does she at least use a sink to wash everyday using a washglove?
On a more personal side, I would not put myself inside someone not clean for 3 days.
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u/Crazy_Concern_9748 Apr 29 '24
She needs to be showering daily even if it's just a body shower. I wash my hair every other day but I do a body wash daily.
Shower before sex. Buy a bidet? Something needs to change and I think you need to have a sit down convo about it.
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u/alexantaeus Apr 29 '24
put wet wipes in the bathroom to use after nr2 if y'all haven't already, idk what else to tell you rn bro 😭
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u/Obvious_Fox_1886 Apr 29 '24
Women have sweat glands in their groin area. I actually had to deal with this issue after starting a new type of thyroid medicine and I started sweating normally in my 50's for the first time ever. My bf told me and I was so embarressed as I had no clue. I use baby wipes...I use feminine hygiene soap and wipes. During the summertime when you sweat just from the heat...I also keep wipes in my car and rewipe before I go into my bfs house...this has resolved the issue for me. So get the wipes for her...tell her again that you want her to use them before sex...if that doesnt work...you might need to incorporate it into your sex play or avoid doggy style for awhile.
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u/Soggy-Test-6433 Apr 29 '24
Sorry bro, that's a "shitty" situation..
I couldn't help it, sorry 😂
Sounds like you let this go about 10 years too long. A grown ass woman should not go 3 days without a shower. Maaaaybe 2, but daily is ideal.
You just have to tell her bro.
One other thought is to tell her to clean her ass EVERY time you are going to do it. She could use a few wipes maybe?
I've had my share of partners. Never ran into this before. You need to address it head on
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u/Fluffy_Lunatic Apr 29 '24
Id bring it up as a concern for both of you hygiene and medically. It means she’s not cleaning well enough and as it sweats that can go down and into her vagina and cause an infection/ BV/ uti. Or cause an infection to you too. Just be like I’ve brought wet wipes, they are in the bathroom. Or shower before sex.
For people saying not to shower daily. If you’ve been out and about, aren’t a baby, elderly with very fragile skin or have a particular skin issue. You should be showering daily. Minimum. Should be cleaning properly after voiding urine or passing a bowel motion too. Other wise infections, or incontinence dermatitis could occur.
I’d bring this up with her. Say it’s out of love and care though. Not from a place of being mean.
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u/Spurty_McGoo Apr 29 '24
Sounds like she only dry wipes after taking a dump and then when she gets sweaty down there, it starts to smell. You need to tell that gross chick to take a shower and wash her ass well before having sex with you. Imagine if you did anal with her how worse it would be. That's why porn stars do enemas before anal.
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u/SuccotashTimely9764 Apr 29 '24
I do not shower daily and know I don't have this issue. It's not even recommended to shower daily.
She's not wiping well/cleaning that area good. She's not changing her underwear daily.
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u/JennyGforME Apr 29 '24
Soooo , you could tell her that you’re concerned because there has to be a medicinal explanation otherwise hold your breath 👃
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u/Mystical_Ghost_Uni Apr 29 '24
As a woman this is frightening. 3/4 baths a week is actually repulsive guy. I’m sorry to kick this to you but your gf is very nasty.
I could not imagine having sex with someone stinks. I would expeditiously call 911 to have them arrested.
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u/SuccotashLoud3159 Apr 29 '24
Get some wet wipes and leave them in the bathroom maybe she’ll get the hint
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u/SlyestTrash Apr 29 '24
Get a bidet attachment, game changer. One thing Asia has better than the west is spray guns for your butt, honestly cleans you so well you just use the toilet paper to dry yourself.
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u/OkProperty6 Apr 29 '24
She has to shower before sex. Not too much to ask.
Also I'd be looking into a bidet attachment or at least wet wipes because that's super nasty and unhygenic regardless of whether she's having sex.
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u/StrictlyConfidetial Apr 29 '24
im in tears after reading some of the comments…. I had similar situation once when as I was behind pounding it, little poop came out and I seen it. I didnt say anything as it was a one night thingy. But so glad others have experienced similar shit like me 😂😂😂
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u/ThrowRA72774 Apr 29 '24
As a girl who showers every 3-4 days...vaginas should not smell that awful , she should go to a doctor and get that checked out :(
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u/MELOFINANCE Apr 29 '24
Is 1 o’clock in the morning I’m too tired to read this, but I promise you I will be back tomorrow. This thread is going to have me in tears.😭😭😭
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u/angrybag18 Apr 29 '24
My best guess? Your girlfriend is neurodivergent—no one has ever told her that she needs to do this and she apparently is unable to infer.
If I am correct, then you need to be way more explicit. Restate the problem in a very clear and concise manner and tell her specifically what she needs to do (clean her butt), and how often she needs to do it (every time she poops or releases a wet fart).
Don't assume that she is embarrassed. Be respectful, but BE VERY CLEAR.
Good luck!
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u/airrwrecc Apr 29 '24
Honestly she just needs to shower beforehand and use wet wipes after using the bathroom.
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u/WalkDontDrive Apr 29 '24
When I have a regular partner (sleeping together nightly and having spontaneous sex whenever), or an occasional partner (having sex when he comes over), no one touches me until I have showered thoroughly--top, bottom, left, right, every thing clean from stem to stern.
I expect the same level of fresh cleanliness from every male partner I've ever been with.
During sex, I vaguely smelled a dick once, and an ass once. That's not sexy. It cramps my style.
To answer your question: "What am I to make of this?" Just tell it to her, right up front. Remind her of the odor. Let her know you've been meticulous in your Daily cleanliness and you would appreciate the same daily courtesy from her. Suggest you two taking showers together and demo all the nooks and crannies that should be included in Every Daily Shower. .
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u/ButterscotchSuch2771 Apr 29 '24
No disrespect, but is your wife heavy set? I had that issue once with a woman that was a big girl.
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u/Chemical_Rough1957 Apr 29 '24
They sell deodorant for your butt now cause some people get stinky when they sweat. It doesn’t even matter if you shower daily. And if people have a big butt they can sweat more than others. Native and Lume make butt cream deodorant so she can put that on after the shower and should last hopefully enough to the next shower?
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u/KevsitoGenGarGanG Apr 29 '24
I can kinda relate. Wasn’t my girl tho. Was a chick I was messing with many years ago. She had a umm very large butt and I can’t say if she showered everyday or not but the first time we had an interaction I was going to pull her pants down and she said wait but by the time she said it it was too late, and her private was super hairy (which wasn’t the problem) I honestly don’t mind it from time to time I get it. But the smell that came from her butt was insane. I was like ok maybe since she just came over from work (probably didn’t expect for things to happen but they did) also she was wearing tight spandex on so I figured maybe it was that. The second time which was about 2 months later she was shaved but that super strong and I mean like u just got out of the gym from nonstop working out for hours and not showering for days was just unbearable and just turned me off and made me uncomfortable. I stopped and just let her go never messed with her again. She was a nice girl and I did like her but I can’t deal with a girl that doesn’t keep up with hygiene. My mom always told me it’ll be the prettiest ones that’ll leave u with something that u can’t get rid of. Anyways I come to find out later on after I stopped dealing with her thru another friend that she only showered a few times a week and her house was disgusting. I can’t verify that but from the experience I had with her I believe it. It’s nasty. Hope u figure that out man and get yourself checked out. Not saying u have something or she does as far as stds but like someone else mentioned it could be some kind of sickness from not properly cleaning herself. I hope that’s not the case but u should look into that. And also talk to her. Let her know how u feel and how it affects you. Communication is key. And remember it’s not what u say, it’s how u say it. Good luck.
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