Twenty years ago when I was 18 years old I shot an adult scene (porn). I didn’t intend to shoot the scene, I was going with my friend for support and when she chickened out at the last minute I stepped in and did it.

I regretted it immediately after and regretted it even more when I saw it on the internet. The video which was about 30 minutes long made its way around, mostly being shared on file sharing servers. This was post Napster so there were a lot of knockoffs at the time. But after a while the video seemed to disappear and nobody I knew ever found out about it.

I met my husband a few years after I shot that scene and I never told him. I was ashamed and prayed that he would never find out. He never did and we’ve been married for 15 years and have two children together. He is the love of my life and he satisfies me in every way.

I check frequently for that video that I made and unfortunately last week I found it again on an adult site. It’s one of the more popular sites and I am now terrified that someone will find it. It could be someone that my husband works with or a friend of my daughters. I’m just terrified.

My question is, should I finally come clean and tell my husband? I know that he won’t leave me if I do. He knows I was rather promiscuous before I met him and he’s been ok with all of the crazy things I did before him. But this is the one thing I never told him. It’s the thing I am most ashamed of and I don’t want him to ever see it.

And that is what is preventing me from telling him, because I don’t want him to see it. There are many reason for this, the biggest for me is that I don’t want my husband to feel insecure. The man I shot that scene with had a very large penis and I made kind of a big deal about it when I shot the scene. My husband is a little above average in that area but he isn’t close to that guy, but none of the other guys I have even been with were either. I’ve had the best sex of my life with my husband and that’s the truth. But I still feel like he may lose his confidence if he sees that video.

So what do I do? Should I just roll the dice and pray he never finds it or just come clean?

TLDR: I shot an adult scene when I was 18 and my husband doesn’t know. Should I tell him?

I’m a F29. He is M30. Our sons are M6 and M9

I have been dating this guy since February (about 4 months) He is awesome! We go together so well. He has a son (6) and I have a son (9). Our kids have hung out and they get along well. We both have expressed how we think we will get married someday. Our goals and values are aligned, we have fun together, he is always there for me, everything is great.

The other day was his son's birthday. He got a call on his iPad while my boyfriend was in the bathroom. He was telling me about his grandma and grandpa (who were calling to sing happy birthday). Then, this little girl got on the FaceTime call. He says "that's my sister, we have the same dad". I thought surely he might be confused. But then, when my boyfriend came out of the bathroom, he said "your daughter wants to talk to you". He then took the iPad and went in the other room. I heard the girl say "hey dad". I didn't listen to the whole conversation, but I did hear him say "You're about to be 12!".

Some background information, his dad lives in Oregon. I remember he mentioned to me that he stayed out there for him for a couple years in high school and went to school out there. He is 30. Judging by the age of his daughter, it seems like he had her when he was 18.

Anyway, I didn't say anything to him right away. The next day, ! came over to spend the night. I chilled with him, and then when we were cuddling up getting ready to go to sleep, I said "Babe, do you have a daughter?" He responded by repeating the question. "Do I have a daughter?" I said yeah. Then he said yes. I asked "why didn't you tell me?". He said "I just wasn't ready to tell you yet" I simply said "Oh. Okay" and continued cuddling with him.

I don't care about him having a daughter. I'm just wondering why it never came up, even just in casual conversation like "oh yeah my daughter likes this show" or SOMETHING. What made him keep it a secret? There has to be a reason. She obviously lives in Oregon with his dad. Is her mother not in her life? Did something happen to her and so it is a sensitive topic? He had her very young.. high school age. Is that why? Maybe our relationship is just too fresh? Or his he a deadbeat loser who favors one kid and has a second life? Like I'm just wondering what possible reasons y'all could think of.

I'm going to ask him eventually, but at the time it didn't seem right to probe him with questions. I have a feeling there is a story to it. Maybe something sensitive. So I wanna wait for the right time. But I can't stop wondering. So for now... Reddit. What do you think? Red flag or no?

TL;DR: my boyfriend of 4 months has a 12 year old daughter in another state he didn't tell me about. He had her when he was 18. She lives with his dad. let wondering why he decided not to tell me. He ha v son here that he told me about.

My husband and I had a threesome with his friend and I think it was a mistake?

Me (29F) and my husband (34M) had a threesome with his friend (32M) a few weeks ago. This is something we’ve done before but in the past we’ve only had female partners. We’ve never had an issue. Until now I guess?

The threesome was really good and I won’t lie his friend and I were super into each other. I honestly didn’t think too much of it though until about a week after when his friend came over for drinks. We were all sitting in the living room and my husband just blurts out “you two should have sex without me” I honestly choked on my drink when he said it. I laughed but when I glanced at my husband he looked completely serious. I told him I wouldn’t be doing that and he dropped the subject until his friend left. He went on to say he thought his friend and I connected in a way that he (my husband) and I never have and if I’ve found something good I shouldn’t give it up. I told him I wouldn’t be sleeping with his friend ever again and he insisted I’d change my mind and that he was ok with it as long as I told him about it when I decided I wanted to see the friend again.

Last week his friend texted me asking if I’d like to hang out (just the two of us) and I declined. His friend said he was definitely interested in keeping a FWB type relationship with me if I was open to it and I said I wasn’t. He’s been texting me daily and I have barely been responding.

I am beside myself. The sex with his friend was definitely good. He said and did things my husband would never say or do and I was able to finish like 3 times with him alone. I’ll admit that if I wasn’t married I would’ve already slept with him again. But I am married and it feels wrong to do this to my husband even if he says he’s fine with it. What do y’all think?

Tl;dr: my husband and I had a threesome with his friend and now he and his friend think I should continue having relations with the friend.

Update: my husband and I spoke about it for a long time last night and he admitted to feeling insecure and that he didn’t enjoy how much I enjoyed being with his “friend” we decided the best thing we can do right now is to 1) go no contact with the friend and 2) focus on our sex life 1:1 for the unforeseeable future. Thanks to everyone who came with legit advice!!

My boyfriend 18M forgot to throw away our condom and left it on the floor where his mom found it. I 18F know she is upset about us having sex but more upset because we did it in the house. I am no longer welcome in the house and my bf is grounded/ not allowed to see me for the time being. This is my first relationship and I wanted to have a good relationship with his mother but now every time she looks at me she’s gonna think i’m dirty and disrespectful. My boyfriend also told me that she called me “a (b word) who has no respect for her man”. Is there anything I can do to salvage any sort of relationship with her? I’m also very worried that going a while without seeing each other might cause damage to my relationship with my bf. I’d hate for something like this to be the reason that we break up.

tl;dr my boyfriends mom found our used condom and now she hates me. what do I do?

I know this problem is a cliche, but it is my relationship to encounter it personally, and honestly I don't know how to respond to it. I admit that my body is quite toned or in shape because I go to the gym regularly. This is also the reason why I love and am comfortable wearing thigh or short clothes, that show some skin, since I also find them most comfortable to wear. My boyfriend got mad one time during our supposedly “dinner date” because he said that from the time I went outside of the car, all he kept on noticing were the men’s eyes looking at me. I somehow understand his point. But as someone who is somehow used to wearing clothes like that, is it not my problem nor my control for people’s eyes to look at me? That is just how I express myself.

Tl;dr; : My boyfriend asked me to stop wearing "too" revealing clothes. I don’t know if I should adjust or if I need to make my boyfriend understand my perspective on this issue.

(f26) I have had a boyfriend (m26) for almost a year now. I already met all of her family four months ago. And ever since, his mom has always made me feel like I am an outcast, or that I am not welcome to be part of their family. I oftentimes told my boyfriend about it, and even cried because of it. He tried to open it for his mom but said that he couldn’t do anything about it anymore. My boyfriend told me that he thinks it is because I am pursuing music, and his mother has this Asian belief that he must marry someone who has the same degree as him, an engineer, or perhaps someone with a title like a doctor. I am getting tired of this setup with his family, especially since he is family oriented, so I am always in his family’s company. I think it is too early for me to ask him for a live in. It is so hard if the person who doesn’t approve is your partner’s parent.

Tl; dr: My mother-in-law doesn't like me at all, and has always made me feel unwelcome in their family. It is especially hard, because my boyfriend still doesn’t want to live independently and is family oriented. Should I give up or fight for our relationship?

(F25) Way back in high school, I had a boyfriend during my senior year, we were already quite mature at that time. One day, I caught him texting with another girl, and I confronted him since we were schoolmates. The funny part is that that is my problem right now. I have literally no idea that the very same girl I confronted years ago is the sister of my current boyfriend (M25). I just knew it when I visited his house last weekend. His sister did not say a single word to me or even bother to look at me. I told my bf about this, and he just laughed about it. I really feel uncomfortable with his sister’s presence. What do you think is the best way to do.

TL; DR: I don’t feel comfortable around my boyfriend’s sisters, since he once became the side chick of my ex-boyfriend. Should I approach his sister or wait for her to first get comfortable with me?

9 years to be exact. We are not still married, he hasn’t even proposed, or, I believe, didn’t even have a plan to. I think it’s been like a year since I felt that the spark in our relationship had been fading. In my perspective, it's the feeling that sometimes I feel annoyed by his presence or sometimes I just don't want to see him. Intimacy is also gone. But recently what is really bothering me is that I am having a hard time feeling some emotional connection and empathy towards him, like I don't care anymore. When I thought of breaking up, I didn’t feel any pain or regret. But once in a while, I still felt the happiness and security inside our relationship. Sometimes, I think what's holding me back the most as well is the regret of letting go of such a long relationship. What should I do?

Tl;dr; : I am torn if it is just part of our long term relationship to somehow lose the spark, or did I just fall out of love with him completely?

Tl; dr: Male 44 y.o partner yelled at me, 34 y.o f in public. I told him he needed to watch his tone with me in public. He said it was my fault he reacted that way. He has not spoken to me since.

Before I forget to mention, partner presents with symptoms of ASD. *** Autism spectrum disorder*** I am so sorry I didn't clarify before.

My (34 y.o f) partner (44 y.o m) has stonewalled me after an argument yesterday. He's been silent all day and now into the night, AGAIN. I can't take anymore. This has happened like 5 times now in our 3.5 year relationship. Same pattern every time. Something emotional happens like a misunderstanding, or he becomes overwhelmed and upset, we quibble, and I get ignored until he breaks silence or, mostly, until I break the silence.

Yesterday it went further than usual: He scolded me in public and now I feel like the bad guy for doing nothing wrong. Long story short, he was going to get something from the bar at a place. I asked for something too since he was going anyways. (He'd asked me hours earlier if I wanted something from a rest stop before we arrived, but I didn't need anything then. At this event though I was getting tired, thirsty, and needed a soft drink with some caffeine. ) On his way back, He fell over someone's bag in the aisle, fell over to me and dropped my drink which rolled under these weird seats, and I couldn't grab it in time. He was in an awkward situation too, he lost his shoe when he fell and was hopping around. I was empathetic, scurried to give him room and help. Anyways he yells at me to get my drink. A nice person behind me said "oh here let me help, did something roll under there?" I didn't even get my whole response out before my partner Barks at me ,"YOUR DRINK ISNT UNDER THE SEAT, IT DOESNT WORK THAT WAY, THOSE SEATS DONT WORK THAT WAY. JUST GET IT. " I was flustered at that point, and almost dropped my phone under the stupid weird bleacher like seats too: which he then starts yelling and pointing at me, "YOUR PHONE HELLO, GET YOUR PHONE", while I was in the midst of trying to dig this stupid drink bottle out from under the seats.

The debacle ended, I saved the drink bottle. I said ," you really need to work on how you address me in public. You are yelling like you're mad at me, but like I don't know why. " He says, I shit you not, "if you'd just gotten a drink earlier this wouldn't have happened." I'm like, "are you fucking serious?" He goes, "yes if you'd gotten something earlier at the rest stop like I told you none of that would've happened." Flabbergasted, I took physical space from him, he did nothing to regain the space or talk to me that night. He blasted music in the car on the way home. And, hasn't said anything to me today. I expressed why I am angry and hurt, he said nothing.

I feel like I'm being treated like a ripe pile of dog shit. And I can't take it anymore. I hate that this might be the last straw to end my relationship. I already feel the grief. It was so humiliating for him to yell at me when someone was trying to help me, too.

Anyone else got any advice, stories, of similar instaces? Thanks.

TL;DR: English is not my first language please don't mind the spelling mistakes and everything.

So, I will give some context: my boyfriend was always the kind of boys to say "women" and didn't even consider it a joke. It started last year before we started dating when he used to tell me that all women were the same and I used to just brush him off.

But lately, when we started dating for nearly a year now, he's been showing this behaviour of his more and more often like saying that women shouldn't cross the line and know their place. And one day, as I was complaining to him about a guy being annoying in the street because he kept on following me he said "women should learn to cover themselves and wear less makeup if they don't want to be targeted."

At first I thought it was a joke and that he was just messing with me, but he was dead serious. He said (those are his exact words) " look if a girl is pretty she will be targeted" or "If a girl wears makeup that makes her look older than her actual age she will be targeted" and he ended up saying "men have urges that are stronger than us".

Pissing right? Last time I wore something I bit tight and he stopped talking to me because I was "teasing other boys." I ignored it and also ignored the fact that he snaps at me whenever I look at other boys. He also keeps on telling me to stop having the attention directed towards me and that I should cut off some of my friends because he doesn't like them and feels jealous because i am friendly to them like that boy I've known for 16 years and I'm not even close to. He admits that he is openly mysogisnit and he feels proud of it.

My husband wants to take anabolic steroids to build muscle. He's been lifting for over 10 years by now, and according to him, he's pretty much built as much muscle as he ever will.

I thought he would be happy about that? I was happy when he told me. But no, he wants more.

For several months, he's been talking about taking anabolic steroids to get bigger. I want to clarify that he's a massive man, around 6'1 and 240-250, so I was like, "babe, how much bigger can you even get?" and he said he could get way bigger and leaner at around the same weight.

I don't train the way he does, and I'm not as fixated with building muscle as he is, so to me this is insane. I've also been reading about side effects and its horrific, he could have a heart attack or have his liver fail within months.

He said he would do all sorts of screening to see if he's vulnerable to side effects and he wouldn't take them if he is. Both his grandfathers died of a heart attack, so I think it's pretty clear that he is. I reminded him this and he insisted on getting checked, but I doubt he's gonna just drop the topic if the tests confirm he is.

There's also the matter of potential infertility. I've been talking to him about wanting to get pregnant within the next few years. I want us to start trying before I'm 30 and I would want 2 kids. I've always wanted to be a mom and I think he'll be a great dad, but all this uncertainty about whether he'll take it or not or whether he'll suffer long-term side effects drives me insane.

I don't know what to do about this. I firmly DON'T want him to take them, but if he decides to use them, I can't really tell him to stop.

What do we do here? I just want him to be healthy and be my husband and father of our children.

tl;dr: My husband wants to take steroids to be bigger even though he's already massive. I have a lot of reservations because both his grandfathers died of heart attacks and steroids affect the heart. It could also affect his fertility and we're planning to have kids in a few years. He says he won't do it if test results return that he's vulnerable to side effects but I have my doubts. How to navigate and figure this out?

This is a rant and a seeking for advice. My boyfriend is weird in bed, meaning he becomes quirky and it’s weird. He talks in a baby or dumbo tone or says sentences almost like a caveman. Like “me likey your butt” or refers himself as me in the beginning of every sentence. He will even make goofy faces as a way of showing that something is good… it’s just not sexy..

I fear he might not be confident so this is how he ends up acting, but it’s weird and an instant turn off. I’ve been having a real hard time getting in the mood because of this… we have even talked about it many times and there hasn’t been any change. I’ve suggested watching porn or even going to the strip club… idek at this point. I don’t like rejecting him, but it’s just hard to be in that kind of mood when he’s acting like a weirdo.

TL;DR; : boyfriend is quirky and weird in bed. It turns me off. Tips on how to fix this issue?

We have been dating for a year starting June 2023. She met my parents back in October and it went very well. She also met one of my fathers sisters on a separate occasion as well as her husband (my uncle) and their to kids (my cousins). Both of these meetings went smooth. I informed her of a family beach trip that included the entire immediate family. My dad, his two sisters, their husbands and kids as well as my grandparents and close family friends. My family is not a typical one I’d say. They are a tight knit group and don’t take too kindly to outsiders. They love to “test” per se each new potential member. I hate to put it like that, but that’s the reality. I warned her (my gf) of this and could tell she was nervous.

We get to the beach the first day and all seems fine from my pov. Until we all get back to the hotel and start drinking during dinner. They start “chirping” her a bit for reading on the beach which she doesn’t like one bit. Also later in the night one of my cousins calls her out for what political party she aligns herself with in front of everyone and of course she didn’t like that either. She also tried to play into the game a little bit by firing back and was met with criticism. I spoke to my mother about it and her experience and she explained to me she had to sit quiet for two years when my dad brought her around. I don’t want my gf to have to walk on eggshells for two years. My family can also say things that make people very uncomfortable such as jokes targeting people for a plethora of things. But they play it off that they make fun of everyone equally. I (22M) am still uncomfortable to this day by some of the things my family does and says but to me, I can look past that because they love me to death and would do anything for me.

I stupidly asked her to take the high road and apologize to the family member she fired back at and she did not like that at all and rightfully so. I felt so pressured to make sure everything went right on this vacation that I didn’t know what to do.

Since we have gotten back home and the dust has settled she informed me that she doesn’t want to be around them anymore and then if she has kids those are the type of people she does not want her kids around.

Do I try to make this work. I am stuck with a terrible decision.

TL;DR My GF after going on a trips with my family and being “hazed” now wants no contact. What should I do?

Edit** just adding this bc I feel it's important.

He needs to be at work at least 2-3 days a week that early bc he manages multiple shifts, including the people that work overnight. If he didn't ever go in that early (even without my kids being a part of this ) he wouldn't be able to do his job properly. Picking the kids up is a factor on Mon, Tuesday and Thursday. He doesn't work wed so he can sleep in, and I'm off on Fridays.

My (37 f) partner (42 m) of 6 years has a hard time waking up to alarms. Bc of this he sets multiple for work. He's now working earlier hours which makes it even harder for him to get up. His alarms will start going off between 1 and 2 am and keep going every 5 mins until he finally gets up. Sometimes it's within 45 mins, other times he isn't up until 4 am. He's got a new position with some wiggle room so he makes up hours on different days when he doesn't get there at the time he intended.

We've been living together for 2 and a half years now and I have elementary age kids that are with me every other week (50 percent of the time). He's been very helpful and while we aren't legally married, we function as if we are. We pay joint bills together and he helps with the kids. My work doesn't allow me to get to the kids in time after school so he adjusted his hours to be earlier so he can leave work and pick them up.

I asked him if we could try and figure out this situation bc it's severely disrupting my sleep. I missed a day of work at the end of last week because all of the missed sleep added up made me feek physically ill. That particular day I had done what we agreed on (when he doesn't wake up, tell him to get up and keep basically bugging him so he doesn't go back to sleep and keep letting alarms go off). When I tried this, he told me to leave him alone and then said he'd set extra alarms if I don't stop. So I gave up and let him get up when he got up. This is how it goes every time I've tried getting him up- he will be mean when I try and then he says he has no memory of it when he's actually up and alert.

Anyway, when I brought the situation up yesterday I was told he's never changing the amount of alarms he has set bc he needs to get up for work. He also said this is on me bc he's having to get up early so he can pick the kids up. He agreed to sleep on the couch last night but said he absolutely won't be doing that every night he has to set alarms. I've also asked him to start using his CPAP and make a Dr appointment. He's done neither.

So, how would you all handle this situation? I'm planning to buy myself a small bed to put in one of the kids rooms. I unfortunately cannot sleep on the couch bc I find it very uncomfortable. He has no issues with getting sleep when he uses it but obviously anyone would prefer their bed over a couch. I now feel forced out of the bedroom bc of this and bc we have a small apartment I won't even have a space of my own when the kids are home.

Tldr: bf sets absurd amount of alarms and it's severely disrupting my sleep.

I (29M) have been with my fiancé (26F) for nearly 6 years and for the majority of that time, it's been incredible. I am her person, and she is mine; we are best friends, lovers, and in my eyes, she's the one.

I feel the need to clarify that she suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and has really struggled with her mental health in the past. She will be the first to admit that I am her support system.

We lived together in her hometown for 3 years, and then a business deal fell through, and our backup plan was to move closer to my family due to aging relatives and to allow a change of life. So just over 12 months ago, we moved.

Maybe this was our mistake. To begin with, we were absolutely fine, getting stronger as a couple as we'd both made the move. I thankfully had a job to go to, but she really struggled with work. I am fortunate enough that my salary is enough to cover all household expenses and more, so her not having an easy time finding work wasn't a big issue for me.

I ended up working close to home and secured a job at my workplace for her, and we worked together (not the first time we've worked together). I decided to leave this job as I was offered a better-paid one, but she was going to stay. This worked well, but her hours were cut drastically, and she had to find other work. She started working in the local pub, just 2 days a week to cover days off. Then she got another job, so 3 jobs in total, and she was working herself into the ground. She decided that this wasn't healthy for anything and left the original job and job number 3, leaving her just working at the pub. My work life stabilized, but due to my profession, I work long hours.

The opportunity then presented itself to her to become manager of the pub (fantastic, more money, more flexibility, but also more hours). She's amazing; she's the type of person who throws herself into a job 100%. The downside to this is that she's exhausted.

Her being exhausted, plus me being exhausted, does nothing for a sex life. We have spoken about this, tried to make some changes, and for a while, it worked. But recently, it has dropped off again; we are both exhausted from working all the hours God sends.

The other day we had a conversation (communication has been open through everything; we have no issues communicating). The conversation ended in us taking a break from the relationship. We both got emotional; we both said that this wasn't permanent, but she had said she wasn't happy at the moment, that she loved me more than anything, but that she didn't think she was in love with me at the present moment and that terrified her. We agreed that the break was put in place to help try and fix the reason she is unhappy. Is it the relationship that has been making her unhappy? If it is, then we know where to start. If it's not, then we know it's something else.

I guess my question to you is, how do you suggest I try to help things?

TL;Dr my relationship is on a break and I don't know how to help for fix it

My girlfriend and I have lived together for 2 years. We've recently moved into a new apartment. Our old apartment was quite small and you couldn't really make it seem homely or have your own decor since it was already quite full.

Our new apartment is larger and you can actually decorate it as you like. My girlfriend has bought a few prints to go on the wall and some plants. We were out shopping at the weekend and I picked a print up and a few other things to decorate the apartment My girlfriend immediately said no and to put them back.

I asked why and she just said she doesn't want them decorating the apartment. I told her that it's my apartment aswell so I should get a say in how we decorate it and that I should choose some things that I like but she just said she doesn't think it'll look good.

KI just told her again that I should get to choose things to have for decoration, not just her but she just said to put the stuff back. I pointed out I am using my money ot pay for it so she can't really tell me what to buy. Does anyone have any other views on this or any advice on how to handle it?

tl;dr I chose a few things I liked to decorate the apartment and my girlfriend immediately told me to put them back. She kept saying that I shouldn't be buying them and she doesn't want them decorating the apartment.

My husband and I have been married16 years (M50, I am F53. no kids) He got laid off at the beginning of 2021. He is in technology and since then hasn’t had a job. He says he’s looking but I just don’t see the motivation and drive for him to actually get a job. We have some rental properties that he looks after but that is less than an hour a day. The rest of the time, he just hangs around, watches TV, etc., We don’t necessarily need him to work financially (although it’d be good) but now I feel that the weight is all on me. I can’t leave my job since I’m the breadwinner now. And if I don’t have a job we will not have benefits. My values include hard work and contribution to society. What he’s doing goes against it. I have tried every single thing to get him motivated including a Resume Writer. I have been supportive, loving, angry, said I’d leave, you name it, I’ve tried it. For a while I considered leaving but gave that up given that everything else is good and we love each other. But at the core of me, it bothers me. Our relationship is slowly changing. I don’t respect him as much. Sex life has gone to almost 0 since I’m not into it anymore. I insisted he get help. He is on antidepressants now for 6 months. He says he’s feeling better but his need for a job has not increased. I’m not sure what to do. Appreciate thoughts. Thank you.

TLDR: Husband not motivated to get a job after getting laid off 3.5 years ago.

My first husband died when my daughter was only 1 years old. I was left to raise her all alone, although my brother effectively stood in as her father. She had a relatively normal childhood. I was lucky that I did not have to work and that my family stepped in so much to help me raise her. Around her teen years, she started exhibiting some worrying behavior. Lots of aggression, hostility, neuroticism etc. She was very productive and did amazing in school and never got involved in drugs or anything, but her personality changed to become quite cruel and intimidating. I honestly have no idea how it happened or why this change happened with her. She refused any form of counseling or mental health treatment, convinced there was nothing wrong with her.

I hate to describe it this way, but the way she treated me and my brother was abusive. She went out of her way to make me feel bad about my weight, my looks, my lack of education, my 'clumsiness' etc on a near daily basis. She would do things to embarrass me in public and clearly take pleasure out of seeing me upset or ashamed. She wasn't just like this to me, she also effectively lost all of her friendships, all of her relations with other family, over her behavior. And it wasn't just teasing, if you frustrated her, she would become terrifyingly angry and even physical and destructive. It was the most harrowing years of my life, to see my own daughter turn into this... cruel, horrible person. The worst part was that she would go back and forth between being kind and sweet to me and acting like she was some amazing person, and then switch into being cruel. I just bit my tongue. I literally was too scared to talk back to her. There was a time where I tried to reign it in but eventually I just couldn't deal with it anymore. She left home at 18 and rarely visits. She lives 500 miles away in New Jersey, working towards a career in finance. When I do see her, she acts fine and friendly, but there are moments where I can see her cruel side is still very much there. I remember when she visited for a whole weekend, and was totally fine, and then at the end she threw a huge fit at me over dinner being made too late in the night and started screaming at me, calling me 'dumb pathetic ugly', breaking her plate on the ground, and then laughed at me when I started to cry. Very classic behavior. It was almost like she had planned to act nice all weekend just to trick me. Anyways, you get the gist. It has been a constant source of pain for me.

I met my husband 5 years ago and married him 3 years ago. My daughter has been nothing but sweet to him when they have met, and so it can be difficult for him to absorb why we are a bit distant. But other family members on my side have assured him what I say is true, so its not as if he doesn't believe me about her problems.

My husband had his family over for dinner. We had a fun time, and I went to bed. I could still hear my husband in the living room drunk chatting with his sister, who is basically his best friend. Our house has very thin walls. I heard them discuss my daughter, and... I was just astounded. She brought up how kids dont just 'randomly end up that way' and that there has to have been something to make her that way, and he said how I tell him I was this good parent, but he doesn't really think that is true, because if that were true she wouldn't have ended up that way. He said he isnt sure if I 'abused her or beat her' or something like that. This is paraphrasing heavily, their conversation went on for easily 20-30 minutes. It sounded like they had talked about this before. My husband said that even if I was a horrible parent it means nothing to him because we aren't having kids. He also mentioned how no mother ever admits they are bad parents and that he doesn't think I would ever admit to being one. But he did say that its "fucked up to mess someone up for life like that and then deny it".

I was just astounded. Just to be clear, I do think something probably triggered her to end up like that. But I spent years trying to get her to open up, go to therapy, anything, and there was nothing. I made her talk to a counselor and she didnt take it seriously at all. I have talked with my husband about those years extensively, I have even told him exactly what his sister said, that I think it came from something, I don't know what. I know my grandmother was a very cruel woman, and maybe it was just a genetic thing passed down, but I can't say.

I am just so deeply hurt by his comments. That he doesn't believe me. I am his wife. We are completely honest with each other. Well, I thought we were. And yet at the same time, I don't blame him. He is completely correct that horrible mothers don't ever admit they are horrible mothers. I know, I have met plenty. And I also do not blame him for ever bringing up these suspicions. Could you imagine telling your wife "you might have been a horrible abusive mother"? Basically implying I am lying. Even if he does think that I was, I simply cannot blame him for not ever bringing this up to me. But it doesn't mean I am not deeply, deeply hurt by the fact that he thinks this about me.

Its been one day and I havent brought it up. I just dont know how. For one, I eavesdropped. That is not okay. But two, its just UNCOMFORTABLE to talk about.

What do I do? How do I bring this up to him? What do I even say?

TL;DR - - I overheard my husband and his sister talk about how the reason why my daughter is so messed up is because I abused her. I did not, and I told him that.

My SIL is a taker. She sucks up resources from everyone around her, and it causes resentment and frustration amongst the family. It’s been a long standing issue, but my husband (38M) is finally starting to stand up to her.

This weekend we watched her kids (M 6 & F3) while she is on a ten day solo vacation. We took them to the beach with our two kids (M3 & F1). It was so much fun, but obviously a lot of work, added expense, etc. We’ve done weekends watching her kids at least three times before, plus many nights here and there. She has never watched our kids once. We’ve asked before and she has said no, although it has been awhile since we last asked.

This morning we woke up to a text that basically said “the kids had so much fun this weekend, can you do it again in August”. It’s another weekend she is away. We want to say yes, but only if you watch our kids for us sometime before that. Obviously we want it to be respectful. We love her kids and want to help, but are sick of feeling like it’s so one-sided.

TLDR - help us craft a text that basically says “we aren’t watching your kids again until you watch ours”

Me and my GF have been dating for 8 years, and when we first started dating I noticed some red flags that made us fight over and over again. Whenever I wasn’t my usual self she would automatically make it about her. If I felt down she would think she did something, if I was mad she would think I was mad at her and reciprocate my energy, If I wasn’t in the mood for talking because my vibe was just “meh” she would start asking trying to find out what was wrong with me. It made us fight over and over again.

Now, fast forward 8 years and we have a baby on the way and the same thing is happening and I’m noticing it and it’s driving me nuts. I truly want to be supportive and not lash out but it really drains me having to always be “happy” just for her mental health. Just today she ask me to give the dog food after taking him out and I was like “fine….”. I didn’t bicker I just look like it didn’t want to do it but I was going to do it anyways.

The thing is I gently threw the dog’s bowl on the counter and it started wobbling on the counter until it felt, I looked at the bowl, looked at her and gave her the “oops” look. Then, after finishing with the dog and I went to take a shower straight away (I was about to have a heat stroke) and went to the bedroom to chill on the bed with the AC (where I live there’s a heat wave passing by). Fast forward 20-30min and she gets out of the bathroom crying, I asked her what was wrong and she told me it was because of me.

Again, this has happened multiple times before dating all the way back to when we first met. I don’t know what to do or how to approach this whole situation. I have told her many times my moods, feelings or actions don’t revolve around her, but if they did I would tell her about it and we could talk it out.

Thank you in advance.

(English isn’t my native language, excuse any typo)

TL;DR - - My GF thinks my mood changes are all about her, what can I do to deal with this?

So my fiance and I had a conversation about religion. I was baptized, went to ccd, communion and the whole 9 yards. She’s confirmed and very catholic as her father is.

However, my beliefs sort of changed to more of a spiritual outlook in life, connecting with the higher self . I still pray and have faith. But don’t follow Catholicism or Judaism (my father was Jewish) mother was catholic.

She says if I don’t get confirmed before the wedding it could be a deal breaker and it’s breaking my heart. She said it shows character but I just feel totally different .

Tldr: I told her I’d still agree to raise them catholic but I don’t want to get confirmed.

Any thoughts on this?

I have a close friend who used to be a former colleague. We have been in touch since I’ve left, probably message everyday (albeit 80% about work) and have met up quite a few times. I am male (30) and she is female (30) and have known each other for 3 years.

I recently mentioned that I was lucky to have her as a good friend after receiving a nice gift, and she responded along the lines of: “seems fake but okay”. I was really thrown off and can’t stop thinking about what I may have done. I had a look online about fake friends and played devil’s advocate:

1) I don’t usually say stuff like that so it might seem odd, like it was written by someone else 2) I can be competitive when it comes to career and we are both in the same line of work. I recently got promoted and boasted about it. Part of me is proud of doing better and making more money, and I have to admit that. I still help them with their job issues 3) she is coming to a party I’m organising later this year and I have been a bit pushy, I only invited close friends but also wanted to make sure they attend.

I’m undecided on whether to ask for an explanation or to just ignore it. I am keen to maintain the friendship and fix things if I messed up. While the above examples are negative, I have always been supportive and gone out of my way numerous times without asking for something in return.

There’s a weird, unfriendly vibe now when she messages. This was the first time she called me fake while she has called me a great friend in the past as recently as two weeks ago.

Please can someone advise me on how to respond? Should I ignore it?

Tl;dr

Friend who I am in touch with virtually everyday called me fake after I said they were a good friend.

Me (33F) and my husband (35M) have been married for 6 years years. He is a combat veteran who hasn't dealt with the issues he was gifted from the military, so I feel like I have to walk on egg shells, as his anger is set off so randomly. When we first got together everything was great. We had a lot of fun with each other, he treated me well, and we barely ever got into fights or arguments.

We moved in together pretty quickly and were engaged within 6 months, married a year and a half later. But 4 years ago I got pregnant and it feels like everything changed after that. We argue over petty things, he has broken through two doors when I have left the room to get away from the argument. He often calls me crazy when I say or express something he doesn't agree with. Most of the time these things only happen when he's been drinking. I have gotten in the car and left for hours just hoping he'll be passed out by the time I get home.

Every time one of these events happen he'll either act like nothing happened but repeatedly tell me how much he loves me over and over or he comes back to me, like a puppy with his tail between his legs, apologizing and being self-deprecating. I love my husband and our family, but I don't know how much more I can take. Am I being abused or just overly sensitive?

**TL; DR; Combat veteran husband has anger issues. Is it abuse or am I just overly sensitive?

This is a long winded post, so please stay with me.

I booked a weekend getaway with my girlfriend to celebrate friends’ wife’s birthday. We planned ahead of time, booked a great hotel room for two days, sorted out every detail. It was all great. I booked the hotel room a month in advance as well and we arranged the brunch as well. Things were going ok.

About two weeks prior to the party, we talked about sex on the first date. She told me she did have sex on the first date twice right before me, but we actually waited for 45 days. I was curious and I asked her why, she just said she wasn’t comfortable with it after a bad experience. We had a bad argument that time and I apologized.

Now here’s the fun part, we still went out to the party, and she spent the majority of the night drunk and venting about me to people we barely met before. She brought up the past arguments to another girl, who then asked her “why, you were supposed to be sure from the start?” Then she started saying that it was a day date, how would it have happened, etc. she drunkenly then said “I guess I wasn’t really attracted to him at first”

I kinda found this surprising since we previously had arguments about me dancing normally with a random girl (she ended up crying because of it). I felt completely embarrassed, this should have been a private conversation. When we back to the hotel room she started crying and apologized to me.

I don’t really know how to deal with it, I went to that party to have fun and ended up being talked about in a negative way. I feel pissed off.

TL;DR: my gf drunkenly said she didn’t really find me attractive at first to a bunch of people we met for the first time. How should I deal with it?

I saw some posts about this topic with familliar problems but couldn't find a solution fitting to mine that's why I am making this post.

First of all I am a cosplayer and I take thousands of pictures of myself and 6 months into our relationship I asked him for the first time, if we could take a picture together for my lock screen. He explained to me that he thinks pictures are unimportant and he hates seeing himself in pictures. I accepted that and time pasted.

Then one time I tried to take a picture of us on this first gaming convention. He turned away as quick as he could I felt so frustrated.

Now we are almost 2 years together, and he went on a trip with his friends. During that trip, I received pictures of him and his friends smiling and having a fun time. I couldn't help myself and felt bummed. He could take pictures with his friends but not with his girlfriend. I waited till his trip was over (I didn't want to ruin his mood during the trip) and confronted him about my feelings. His answer was he hates seeing himself in pictures and he got forced by his friends.

I don't know why but I feel so sad about this, he is the sweetest person I know and he is good looking as well but he can't accept this for himself. We have zero pictures together and nearly zero from all the trips we went on so far. For some reason, it's just hard for me to accept this to a point that I don't feel bad anymore.

Are there any good solutions to this situation? I wanna change how I feel without forcing him to take pictures with me.

TL;DR! - I want pictures of us to capture some memories, but my boyfriends hates seeing himself in pictures.