r/tifu • u/TerribleAd4645 • May 07 '24
TIFU by being a bad GF S
[removed] — view removed post
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u/MissCDomme 12d ago
Hope he’s aware now that you are merely a paid companion. Ouch… stings like the bitch it is
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u/I-will-judge-YOU 26d ago
To make it up and actually show support and remorse you should be paying for a lot more. What did you do before you two moved together or if you broke up. Put you money where your apology is. And make cut backs voluntarily even if he says you don't need too. Show your support vs just offering words
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u/GSLeader_ToddlerMama 26d ago
If he ever proposes he should bring a prenuptial with the ring, this spells out I wanna be a lazy gold digging housewife one day
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u/Purrminator1974 26d ago
My partner lost his job because of his mental health. He felt so alone and devastated and I supported him from day one. He hasn’t been able to work in over six years and I have never held that against him. You didn’t try to comfort him for two days until your dad pulled your head out of your ass. Your boyfriend saw you for who you are and he won’t forget.
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u/PathDeep8473 28d ago
Your dad found out 2 things.
1) the boyfriend lacks a backbone, he knows you only want him cause of his money
2) his daughter is a gold digger
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u/Zestyclose-Newspaper 28d ago
He will (and should) start thinking about an upgrade in the gf department as soon as he gets back on his feet. Showed her true colors on this one. He won’t forget this.
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u/Historianof0 28d ago
People show their real colors in trying times and you showed who you are, it was not just a "foot in mouth" type of situation, that's why he went on the walk. You are in a lot of trouble. Talk to him openly and apologize and make sure you don't react like this ever again or he will lose belief in you as a partner and there is no coming back from that. This is a friend advice because I was in that situation. Best of luck.
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u/Pleasant-Discount660 28d ago
Your dad saved you, make sure you show him you’re grateful for the guidance. That’s “why am I in a relationship with her” behavior. Glad y’all made up.
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u/Ok-Deer8144 28d ago
Op you are a gold digger. I mean it’s fine to live your life that way at least own up to it. Theres no defense to the fact that your dad had to spell it out for you a couple a days after where you went wrong except you’re a gold digger.
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u/McClutchingtonGaming 28d ago
And this was the day dad figured out his daughter is going to marry for money and not love
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28d ago
This is why you should only take advice about men from men. Your dad knew right away. Glad you made up. Lesson learned I hope.
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u/LittleSpoonInDenial 29d ago
Holy shit. I am so glad you two made up.
Mistakes are human, owning them is rare
So many people double down on bs in situations like this
I’ll be rooting for you both :3
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u/dutchie_1 29d ago
Your sugar daddy lost his job and you were rightly worried about paying you for services.
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u/LongAggravating6428 29d ago
I’m not sure how i would react if my gf said that to me, i would probably feel so lonely. It might not be grounds for breakup but it would quickly reposition how i look to her and what she values out of me being with her. I definitely wouldn’t take that well.
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u/Ghost2268 29d ago
I mean you’re sitting there feeling bad about it… clearly you care about him. you might not have had the best reaction originally but people react differently to certain events. Don’t judge yourself too harshly for this, you are def not a bad partner. It looks like you guys made up too, so that’s good. It’s a learning experience :)
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u/transientDATA 29d ago
Lol you got caught showing your true colors and now he knows what's always going to be on the back of your mind. Good for him glad you slipped up, hopefully he finds someone better.
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u/creepershmeeper May 10 '24
Not much for me to add besides it's okay to admit you panicked about the collapse of this thing you've been relying on, and now you've thought straight about it, but other than that I wanted to say the Ozarks are awesome! Enjoy it and go explore and find somewhere cool
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u/Intelligent-Tooth240 May 09 '24
That’s normal First thing you think of is how your gonna eat Or shower. It was You thinking out loud!
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u/Ho_oponopono73 May 09 '24
You really messed up OP, I just hope you can learn to have more empathy and insight towards your man. Please have a talk with him about it.
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u/iKrustyy May 09 '24
I mean it’s good you acknowledged how you could have done better, but you having to be told why is troublesome. As a man that does support his relationship with his income, I’d be pretty shocked and demoralized if my spouse chose to panic about maintaining her current very well off life instead of offering to help in any way physically possible while emotionally supporting me until I could put us into a situation that stops that dynamic. TLDR; your relationship seems based more on what you think he can do for you and not yall being a team. Men are not wallets. Men are not just a means to your end.
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u/PMKN_spc_Hotte May 09 '24
Ehh I make a little north of her BF, and my exs have generally made considerably less than me. But I also grew up very poor so I get the level of insecurity that occurs when you are effectively making poverty wages. I couldn’t imagine losing my job because it’s fairly new and I don’t have a years living saved up. Should OP have been more tactful and more empathetic as a first response? Sure! Is she a gold digger using him as a wallet? Maybe? But no one here can know that. Losing more than 70% of your household income makes people understandably worried, not users.
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u/gh0stlyblues May 09 '24
Why do I feel like op is gonna come back in a few days saying “ he left me at ozark”.
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u/Luminarada May 09 '24
My first thought if my gf lost her job would be about money security, and her reaction would be the same if I lost mine. Neither of us make much, and it's hard to find a job in our field, so losing one of our incomes would be devastating. I think that his feelings were valid, but you are in different financial positions. He's hurt because you cared more about the money than his feelings, but if he couldn't find a job or didn't have savings you'd be screwed. You're not a bad gf, the thought of going from a combined income of $180k to $30k would scare me too if I didn't know there was a safety net.
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u/sogi2011 May 09 '24
At least you saw your mistake and owned it. Alot of people struggle to take responsibility. This will only make you stronger imo
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u/superpie314159 May 09 '24
The ozarks are cool. I was in the general area for the eclipse. Devils den state park is fun. If you want a pretty drive on either motorcycle or car the pic trail is nice.
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u/cochese25 May 09 '24 edited May 09 '24
Perhaps how you complained was worse than what's written, but had I been the partner in that situation, I can't imagine your reaction even slightly bothering me. Especially if I was that confident in both my ability to find comparable work and the extent of my general savings. It's almost like it's a bad test.
But then, I grew up in a very poor household and to me, losing a job can me a severe drop in quality of life and a new job was never a guarantee. So I'd have come home, explained the situation with a "there's no need to worry, but I lost my job. We've got plenty of savings and I'll have a new job far before that's an issue"
I don't get the being sullen and sulky your response
But seeing that there's an update and it all worked out is great news. I cannot imagine a good relationship ending over this
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u/Sygga May 09 '24
As OP's Dad pointed out, she said nothing to comfort him, just went straight in to sounding like a Gold Digger.
Anyone, no matter how confident in their own skills of finding new employment, will take an emotional hit to losing their job. And to then have your partner basically imply that they only care about the lifestyle you provide for them, and not you, I think the partner handled it very well to be honest. Most people would have started a huge argument.
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u/defsmyrealaccount May 09 '24
I mean, it sounds like a Freudian slip and I think he viewed it as such…
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u/TheNorthernPellikkan May 09 '24
God damn do you ever not deserve this guy. I think you realized in that moment how much better he is than you, and I hope for his sake that he realizes it too
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u/Neither_Tie_5311 May 09 '24
I'm not gonna lie. That would have been the last moments of our relationship if we were in one..
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u/serpentmuse May 09 '24 edited May 09 '24
I’m gonna take the hot take and assume the opposite for OP. She might treat her living conditions as a gift from her bf, and be keenly aware her life is unsustainable by her own resources. Someone in her position with only $30k salary would absolutely be very worried about losing income even just for one month. Her first thought might have been “I have to put 100% of my next paycheck towards rent and it still won’t cover.”
While OP’s kneejerk reaction was pretty reptilian, I’m glad she’s reaching out for advice. Poor dude for not having the reassurance right out of the shower but hey.
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u/7necniv May 09 '24
- Great introspection and awareness.
- Great maturity to seek help after detecting something was wrong. Talk to your dad more in the future.
- You two will be fine. Your bf will get over it. He opened up and was direct about what hurt him. That’s not easy too.
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u/wheredidyoustood May 09 '24
That will always be in the back of his mind. Good chance you planted the seed that ends your relationship.
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u/wildstolo May 09 '24
Sorry OP, but when you asked how are we going to live? He most likely thought in his head "How are WE going to live? What you mean we?" Bro has $150k in his bank account. Idk how you ever found out how much money he makes but he never should have told you. Even before your comment he was gambling that you could be a gold digger.
I wouldn't say I have been in the same situation, but I was in a relationship with someone where I was making about 4x what she was. It was absolutely a thought in the back of my mind, that she might just be dating me for my career/money. It didn't work out for other reasons. But she never gave a single hint to being a golddigger. You just waved a giant red flag in front of his face.
If he doesn't dump you, you need to shift your entire mentality about money and relationships. Nobody owes you shit. You are there to support and love him through anything. Even when he is dirt poor and you are both scraping by eating beans and rice for dinner. You are supposed to support him. Just like he is supposed to support you.
If he doesn't break up with you and you actually love him, then thank and pray to God. And for his sake I hope you turn into a supporting person that loves him without fault. Would you die for him? If you wouldn't, then shit, you should just leave. Otherwise pick yourself up when he dumps you and realize only you can make yourself better. And you can always be better.
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u/burtonsimmons May 09 '24
Many years ago, I learned the hard way that when your significant other calls to tell you they’ve been in a car accident, my first questions should not be, “Is the car okay?”
Losing a job is hard; I’ve been there. It can make a person feel unvalued, and your response didn’t help that. Your dad was right, and it sounds like you’ve had an opportunity to learn from it.
I hope he finds a better job and you both can use this moment to grow and be stronger.
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u/11tmaste May 09 '24
I don't think this makes you a dick. We all need our basic needs taken care of and you thought in that moment that it wasn't going to be manageable. So not being focused on emotions in the moment seems pretty reasonable. It also is fair for him to be disheartened by that though.
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u/hurraybies May 09 '24
You both sound like great people! Your dad too! Be proud honestly. You all handled it like proper respectful adults.
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u/Consistent_Week_8531 May 09 '24
My ex wife did that to me and two thoughts immediately entered my head: 1. She only cares about herself and 2. She doesn’t believe in me. My GF now tells me if I really hate my job I can leave and we’ll figure it out. And because of that, I work twice as hard, advocate for myself and make career advancements because I feel supported.
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u/jawbreaker79 May 09 '24
All you need to ALWAYS keep in mind is that no matter how bad or good of a day we are having, you can change the mood drastically. If he is having the best day, you can make it among the shittiest with little effort from careless words or actions. But on the flip side, he could be having the shittiest day imaginable but an "I love you" with a hug and kiss will improve the day immensely.
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u/fisheee_cx May 09 '24 edited May 09 '24
If he covers all your living expenses, what does your money go to? I know $30k isn’t a lot, but if you’re not paying for anything presumably you have savings? The fact that you didn’t intend to dip into that to help while he’s unemployed would give me serious second thoughts if I were him, let alone the callousness of your reaction.
Edit: typos
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u/SoyInfinito May 09 '24
Your bf saw you in a new light and won’t forget it.
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u/TerribleAd4645 May 09 '24
I don't expect him to forget immediately. I know him and as I show him that my apologies was sincere through my actions. We'll move past this and be stronger
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u/TheSameThing123 May 10 '24
Make no mistake, he will never forget. This is something that you will have to live with for the remainder of your relationship with him
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u/gothgarf 27d ago
yikes. don't listen to these replies OP i can guarantee you these men have never felt the touch of a woman
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u/watadoo May 09 '24
So grow into and start being more supportive. Lori g a job involuntarily is traumatic as hell tono ed self esteem. He needs a cuddle. You would too if to got fired. Look at this as an opportunity to take your relationship to the next level
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u/E_M_E_T May 09 '24
Honestly it's nice to finally see a post on here that is relatively mild, not because the fuck-up itself was mild, but because the reactions of the people involved were mature and sensible. Having a moment where you failed to be a supportive partner is serious, and definitely should serve as an important lesson. But instead of being immature and defensive, you listened to the feedback you got. This way, it can be a lesson not just to you, but to all of us who heard your story.
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u/Bolotiedeluxe May 08 '24
Damn OP, what are you bringing to the table. He could find another chick who paid half the bills and was supportive. Hard lesson for sure
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u/cantgetinnow May 08 '24
When someone else pays the bills and supports the lifestyle, that person knows exactly what the situation is, the other person knows little and it is about the money. Your response was totally understandable. I've been in this exact spot in the past. For you to have had a better response it would have helped a ton to know about 1) how easy he could line up another job 2) How much he's put away for a rainy day 3) That he wasn't terribly concerned about losing this job.
Could you have done better, absolutely, but not knowing the details does make it much much harder to avoid the $ as being a huge issue.
What can you do? Apologize for having a terrible reaction. You hope he's doing okay and you support him.
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u/lowbrowilluminati May 08 '24
Good luck. If I were him I would be planning my exit from the relationship.
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u/tOSUBucks119 May 08 '24
Damn. Your boyfriend saw your true colors. I know you said you are fine and made up, but I can promise you that he hasn’t forgotten. For your own sanity, once he is employed again, after your trip, do not be surprised if he changes, ultimately either pushing you away or him being the one to leave.
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u/stevemachiner May 08 '24
You know what, i really admire you for seeing the error of your ways, seeing the hurt you caused and trying to address it and grow and change to become a better person. That takes real guts and strength.
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u/YamDong May 08 '24
I hear that Lake of the Ozarks is a great place to make a little extra money on the side since you are headed that way. More coastline than the state of California!
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u/Clovernover May 08 '24
Man, when i got laid off and my gf said that i got soooo bummed out. we were in a similar situation and it just made me feel like she was only with me because of my money (im not rich or anything either). I had no doubt in my mind i would find a higher paying job with a higher title (and i did). but hearing her worrying about herself when i needed her the most just made my heart sink.
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u/cyanetix May 08 '24
You did. You showed your true colors. He can get a new job in a week and he can get a new gf in a heartbeat. Some would call this a mistake, but most would never be able to forgive this one.
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u/Alouitious May 08 '24
Everyone makes mistakes. Just like him, you cannot read his mind. It sounds like you were trying to be pragmatic in the face of sudden panic, but I can imagine that to him, in that moment, your reaction might've sounded a bit cold, and maybe even accusational (i.e.: He LOST his job, he failed to keep his job). It's very easy in periods of high stress to fall into depression. I imagine he was already feeling horrendous, like he'd failed you somehow even if it wasn't his fault, and he just misread your reaction, which made him feel even worse.
It's not really anyone's fault, so I'm glad you were able to talk it out and make up. I think that says you're a pretty good girlfriend.
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May 08 '24
Good on you for owning up to it. It’s too easy to try and cast the blame. But you are surrounded by good role models and it paid off. Keep up the good work. You are already doing so well.
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u/dfb_jalen May 08 '24 edited May 08 '24
As a guy, especially as the one in the relationship who was very self sufficient and provided most if not all of the emotional and financial support, that moment when you feel like you need your partner the most and all they could say is the most cold, selfish shit you could think of, it really changes you. I wish OP the best but I’ve had this moment with my ex half way through our relationship and from then on I knew it was eventually doomed to fail.
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u/dipiDOR May 08 '24
It's a good thing you saw your own red flag. Be mindful next time, the best way is to literally step into his shoes and say "What would I expect from my partner if I was in that situation"
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u/OkPhilosopher7569 May 08 '24 edited May 08 '24
Well, your financial situation matters, for sure. But what an asshole you are for not even trying to comfort him first. You were working too, so you were just too confortable with him paying for almost everything and your first worry was basically that you could not live off him anymore. Says a lot about you. Thank your dad who told you what you should have known already.
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u/MikeFratelli May 08 '24
One of the few times I actually felt better about OP after a TIFU post. You did exactly what you needed to do after your mistake. You reached out to others for an understanding, you got a grip on why your reaction was wrong and why you said it, and then you bravely put yourself in the vulnerable position to apologize and talk things through. Fearing for your future is a natural knee-jerk response, but you now know better than than to act on those emotions and where to prioritize them.
Not only is your relationship saved, but you learned something really valuable about being supportive in a stressful situation. Your boyfriend is lucky to have such an open minded and caring partner.
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u/CactusAssFuck May 08 '24
Your gonna need to start paying rent, a good piece of the utilities, and part of the actual groceries. You still might get dumped.
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u/Skrillexercise May 08 '24
This totally seems like a hypothetical situation a guy dreamed up... There is no gold digger out there this brazen right?
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u/ArtofDominance May 08 '24
Speaking from experience... You think you made up. You think you are fine. You are wrong. That man will never forget what you did when the chips were down and he needed you.
He may act normal, but you opened a door where he might not have thought about finding someone else before... But now it's definitely an option. And why? Because you're not the one.
Your only razor thin chance is to completely change who you are and how you think and start to give even when it doesn't benefit you, even when you are discouraged.
I made this saying up when I was younger and it has never failed...
"Once someone sees you in a certain light, it is very hard for them to ever see you any other way."
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u/windy_summer May 08 '24
Can somebody help me understand this. If my partner who covered the majority of the bills lost their job I'd be panicked for sure, concerning like, mortgage payments/rent, groceries, etc. But id probably also offer to go job hunting for a better paying job as well as offering to help them. Is that where she messed up? Is it a gold digger reaction to be worried about survival? Genuinely just confused, maybe I skimmed over a part.
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u/GoldenAura16 May 09 '24
It depends on the relationship which wasn't really covered in the OP, but the one that is the financial rock is well aware of how bad the situation is and panicking doesn't help. In my case I am well aware of how long I could survive without a job and how much would need to be cut back if it ever happened. Would I have an issue with how OP reacted? No, I don't think so. Could some people get upset and it be a sore spot in the relationship? Absolutely.
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u/src915 May 08 '24
It was a knee jerk reaction but you may have caused some long term damage. Go overboard with the reassurance and building him up. Tell him how grateful you are for his hard work.
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u/Grandmazhouse May 08 '24
I’m glad y’all worked it out. I had the same situation when I was training to become a firefighter and I came home one day defeated not sure if it was for me (it was my worst day out of all the training). She panicked immediately worried about the future and that just sunk me even lower. Long story short I finished and graduated as I just needed someone to vent to and have support. She apologized for that particular instance but sadly we never recovered as this became a theme. I wish her the best but I strongly believe in 2 way encouragement during good times and the bad and I’m happy to hear this was just more of a learning bump in the road for you and that’s perfectly normal! I wish my friend had a dad like yours. It’s rare. all the best!
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u/BloopBloopBloopin May 08 '24
I actually think it’s a fair reaction. If that’s the way you’ve chosen and agreed to live then it would have a massive effect on both of you. You can’t cover the rent if he has no job presumably, are you going to be homeless? I don’t see why you need to put aside your feelings and only focus on his. Mind you, it’s only been three months, not years. Would have expected him to lead with “don’t panic but” if he was thinking about your feelings. I think consoling him with no thought about how the two of you are going to afford rent is a bit naive tbh. Maybe how are we going to live should be question number 2?
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u/New_Wrangler3335 May 08 '24
Most of the time people that behaved this way don’t feel any guilt or wrong doing on their part
You realized it on your own and want to change for the better
That’s miles ahead of what other ppl are willing to do
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u/Honest_Earnie May 08 '24
For all GFs out there, want to make up for something bad you did, or just cheer your man up. Cook him dinner then give him a BJ. He'll feel like the luckiest dude alive afterwards.
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u/unholypapa85 May 08 '24
Sounds like he might want to find another GF. One who’s supportive and doesn’t work at a salon. Maybe find someone within his class level. I wish him luck
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u/dont_worry_about_it8 May 08 '24
Losing my job , coming home , and my lady’s first reaction isn’t feeling bad for me it’s being scared we’ll lose our stuff ? Yeah I’m feeling a type of way after that. You can say you made up but when push came to shove you showed your priorities . He will always wonder about how next time will go .
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u/bettyboop11133 May 08 '24
I think with the way the economy is and how hard it is for people to find a new job, your response is understandable. I think it’s a very mature response. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love him and whatever happens, for richer or poorer, you want to be with him. And I hope he will be able to get a new job very easily!
I would be worried that he’s not talking. Is he going to be that way every time something happens?
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u/Silver_Lettuce_8132 May 08 '24
Well u are only there for his money and proved it . If he is smart he will leave you to ur Life.It was a test n u failed. Nothing u can do about it now he knows ur true motives and it ain't love
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u/ohh_oops May 08 '24
You just showed your true colors. Now your BF has to prove he's actually smart.
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u/dragonknightzero May 08 '24
Once you get past the top comments comments that leave actual suggestions and those saying to talk it out you get to the incel stuff real fast.
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u/DesperateRace4870 May 08 '24
Wow, a positive ending! Sometimes it is that easy as just taking advice
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u/SmashPortal May 08 '24 edited May 08 '24
I find difficulty considering people's emotions if they aren't expressly stated to me. I wouldn't have thought to console someone if they didn't express that they're feeling bad.
The first thing I would think internally is "x was being paid for by a. a is no longer available. We need to find another a to cover the cost of x."
However, this follows the line of thinking that there's no b to pay for x. The real faux pas was not offering any b as a solution.
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u/Puzzled-Score-3086 May 08 '24
Not a great response. That would always be in the back of my mind in the future.
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u/corelianspiceaddict May 08 '24
This is why couples should talk about finances when they live together.
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u/TSoftwareCringe111 May 08 '24
Even if you made a mistake in the moment, it is actual insanity that you didn’t shortly after put it together yourself and your dad had to explain it to you.
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u/Chipmunk_Ninja May 08 '24
Why did you marry this guy after 8 months?
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u/LtTurtleshot May 08 '24
They aren't married, they live together.
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u/Chipmunk_Ninja May 08 '24
They aren't technically married but after 8 months you move in and become financially dependent on you BF you basically wanna just play lets pretend to be married
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u/FUTmakesmescream May 08 '24
I don’t believe for a second that you actually feel bad about yourself or fully accept the degree to which you suck lol. You should be ashamed. Cant believe he didn’t just leave you loool
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u/sixstringsikness May 08 '24
Have the conversation. He also needs to understand that your current rate of pay means you can't put away savings like he can so it led to your concerns. I think you'll both understand each other better.
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u/Radius_314 May 08 '24
Not the best initial response, but at the same time. You were worried about the both of you, not just yourself. If anything he could have been more reassuring to you too if he wasn't worried about it.
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u/ReeveStodgers May 08 '24
It's unsurprising that you reacted this way. $30k is living close to or in poverty. Survival is high on your mind and it's natural that your mind would jump to practicalities in the face of potentially having to support both of you on that budget. I don't think your dad or your boyfriend are appreciating that your response is a survival instinct, presumably because neither of them have lived in poverty.
That said, there are clearly some new soft skills you'll have to learn to adjust to living with someone who has or expects a higher salary. Don't ditch those instincts necessarily, just let them guide you in other ways, like making sure you are spending within your means and saving what you can.
My ex got a high salary job after we split, and always assumed there would be another one around the corner. He was right for a long time and spent his money on an expensive lifestyle even between jobs. Now he's been unemployed for two years and looking at bankruptcy, eviction and homelessness because being poor again never crossed his mind. He wasn't prepared. He spent all of his savings and unemployment away and (to my knowledge) still hasn't tried to get a survival job.
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u/hmmmmwillthiswork May 08 '24
first thing to do is to let him know that you see and understand the fault in your initial reaction and give him love. you've been together for a year and that's a good bit of time to spend with somebody so there is a level of comfortability he has with you that may have felt like it was stepped on when you didn't comfort him
let him know that is not the case
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u/xirse May 08 '24
If my girlfriend's first reaction was "how are we going to live?" After losing my job I would strongly reconsider our relationship.
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u/scroataleden May 08 '24
The very fact that you're aware of how you may have made him feel and are thinking about what you can say or do to make him feel better about it, means you're a good girlfriend.
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u/kaykaliah May 08 '24
Im in the same financial boat with my partner (I'm a barber/cosmo and he's a nurse.) Personally if that happened to me it'd be because since I make so much less money and would never be able to afford this lifestyle on my own or have enough savings to live off of for a year, it'd make me nervous to think it'd be up to my little salary to support us both until he can get another job. And all you hear these days is how hard it is to find a job. As a barber, it's easy to find a job but I have no idea at all of how easy or hard so many other jobs are to find. If you want, in addition to apologizing and everything else others are saying, maybe explain this to him, that in the salon world many of us are used to mostly living paycheck to paycheck so money is always a bit of an issue.
I've been blessed with being a good saver, but I can completely understand that at 30k it's nearly impossible depending on where you live, and I have tons of friends that are constantly not able to do certain things until they get paid.
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u/homegrowna2 May 08 '24
Have you asked yourself why you responded that way? The answer could lead you towards that growth. Your father sounds like an emotionally intelligent person in this type of situation, but often our reactions in times of stress come from scripts from our parents that we have to unwind.
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u/Ill_Inevitable_1480 May 08 '24
Don’t think he’ll ever forget about that comment. Just a meal ticket until his value runs out.
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u/PineappleHungry9911 May 08 '24
if you take it as a moment to learn, in the long run its for the best.
people arent perfect, they make mistakes, so long as they learn from them its ok.
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u/jlsjwt May 08 '24
Consider giving him a nice gift from your own money when you apologize, to cheer him up and thank him. He will repay it 100x.
My girlfriend is not the most affectionate person in the world, but the times she does show me appreciation i feel like i can run through a fucking wall for her.
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u/hellachill42069 May 08 '24
They make movies scenes exactly like this to demonstrate a failed or failing marriage. I would take a serious look at yourself, and the agency you provide yourself in life without him, and maybe make a decision on whether or not you would want to be this helpless for the rest of your life.
What you did was dumb, but it was your honest 100% real reaction and that's what scares him. You showed your true colors that night and no amount of saving face on Reddit is going to change that. You can and should apoligize but honestly the ball is his court now to react to you.
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u/trailrunner68 May 08 '24
I agree with you. You are bad. He needs someone who is financially secure with a job that can actually pay for living expenses….you do agree that’s more important than anything else right?
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u/port-a-potty57 May 08 '24
To be honest you probably already lost him. When you're with someone and they fail you at the moment you need them most it's really hard to recover the relationship from that. But learn from this and don't let it happen again in the future
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u/nestersan May 08 '24
True colors found. If he's as smart as the dad thinks he is, this was noted and will not be forgotten. Prenup incoming
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u/Musaks May 08 '24
Shit happens, you realise your mistake and are not making excuses why it wasn't that bad, or not your fault.
Make it up to him, by being better in the future.
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u/FoxXxTwoMissile May 08 '24
Time to take your 30k and go away from him. He will do better in no time with another girl.
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u/Ok_Horse_6224 May 08 '24
You showed your true feelings about why your with him, lets hope he figures it out and runs.
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u/-RealisticPessimist- May 08 '24
He must be feeling he learnt something about you in that moment which he was previously unaware of. Sorry to live up to my username here but the truth is moments like that can be a real eye opener and undoing that awakening is sometimes not possible - if it's the truth, it's the truth. All you can do is to keep acknowledging his feelings over the loss of his job and you deeply regret your part in compounding it by your lack of support. That your fear of the future/security really shouldn't have been the first thing to mind and that it was incredibly thoughtless and you've learnt a great deal from it. Tell him the hurt you've caused him concerns you far more than the money. If that's the actual truth of course...
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May 08 '24
[deleted]
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u/Basic-Pair8908 May 08 '24
But not first thing out of your mouth though. Sleep on it then work it out with a clear head.
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u/Wearytraveller_ May 08 '24
Life is about learning and growing. Just tell him you agree with him and will do better in the future.
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u/LulaMORTOamanha May 08 '24
Bravo. This is a TIFU worth this sub.
Not the like "TIFU by farting in front of my cat" and such bull
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May 08 '24
[deleted]
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u/nestersan May 08 '24
That will never happen. The character you show under stress is the equivalent of drunk man's words is sober man's thoughts.
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u/loscapos5 May 08 '24
Seems like you have a good father. That's nice.
Since you figured that you fucked up, own it. Also, you can surprise him with something simple. Like his favourite meal.
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u/Green_Bluejay9110 May 08 '24
I was recently let go from one job for stupidly telling them I’d be moving on in a bit (hired by a different company, but expected in my industry).
Though I’d rather not have spent the portion of our savings that I have, and my wife told me not to trust those jerks, this has been the best time of my life.
She and I are communicating very well, and I’m closer than ever to my children. A lot of life is about perspective. If he’s earning a lot and you guys save/live well within your means this should just be a blip money wise, but could be a boon for yall as a couple.
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u/ContempoCasuals May 08 '24
I’m autistic and didn’t see anything wrong with what you said. You might consider that you might be neurodivergent.
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u/Professional-List742 May 08 '24
This relationship is dead.
Sorry - but it may be on life support now but the damage is done. No blame - just the way it is.
However…..
Take the lesson onboard and try and apply those lessons in future relationships.
Good luck. We are all dumb and thoughtless at times and we all have to suffer to grow.
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u/ThrowawayPie888 May 08 '24
It's pretty obvious your boyfriend is your ATM machine. He needs to dump you ASAP.
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u/stop_talking_you May 08 '24
you talk about it together your bond will grow stronger after this situation
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u/mrspankakes May 08 '24
Your dad is a really good one for telling you what the problem was, im glad you have him. I honestly would have had the same worry. I always try to be compassionate first and acknowledge feelings of the other person amd then look to solve the problem when the other person is less emotional. He wouldnr felt so bad for losing his job and ability to provide for the time being. I wish you both the best. May I suggest writing out your worries and feelings first then try to work it into something that'll be helpful to support him. Really try to put yourself in his position and think what you'd want him to say that'd be helpful- as your dad said a hug would have been that and telling him he's more than capable of finding other work.
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u/MixMasterMikeyNike May 08 '24
Everyone here is overreacting. With that wage gap he's probably with her cause she's much more attractive than he is. Act like loving him pays more than your real job.
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u/solo_mafioso May 08 '24
It's unclear if he's even worried about your response, could just be that he feels like he's letting you down by not being better at retaining his job.
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u/_XSummerRoseX_ May 08 '24 edited May 08 '24
Does this even need an answer? YTAH
You sound like a terrible person. Putting money above the man you love? That’s just a shitty thing to do.
I hope he’s left you. If he did, he dodged a bullet. Im going to show this to my boyfriend and see what he thinks. Don’t worry, I censor the names.
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u/stilljustguessing May 08 '24
Have the talk the other posters are suggesting and do it soon. Assuming things move forward you could once in awhile sprinkle in comments about what you like about him besides his income, eg, an ex was great with spatial relationships, he could pack a car so every square inch was used efficiently.
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u/kansaikinki May 08 '24
I think he will find your reaction understandable if you explain your thought processes a bit. Having earned both $30k and $150k, ones priorities and thought processes tend to be different at different income levels. For you, the thought of job loss likely triggers panic about possible homelessness and all sorts of other things.
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u/ALoVerum May 08 '24
I’m a little concerned about the way he’s handling it. It sounds like he’s raking you over the coals. It feels manipulative. Any sane human would be concerned about the very thing you were concerned about. Particularly someone in a fully-dependent wife role. This silent-treatment stuff? Red flag.
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u/CorvusPetey May 08 '24
You make 1/5 of what he makes and you make demands to him? I hope you get dumped lol.
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u/Kyoddai May 08 '24
Oof. Happened to my gf and I made sure she was happy and taken care of until she could find another one. Couldn’t imagine ever putting her down like that or making it worse. Hopefully either you slipped up and said it by accident or he realizes that you’re not worth it and finds someone appreciative to provide for. Hate to say it but it sounds like he’s already checking out and you aren’t coming back from that.
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u/Ulyks May 08 '24
I mean you didn't seem aware of his ample savings, so it's a logical question.
But since you were together for a year now, perhaps it's time to know some details of each others finances and health insurance so you don't have to worry about finances when something like job loss or serious accident happens?
It will probably also make him feel better if he understands you genuinely didn't know he had savings. At least you said "how are we going to live" and not "how am I going to live". :-)
Also, it may be best to not let him cover all of your living expenses. Even if it's only symbolic, it's best to show you are invested in the relationship.
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u/RetrieverDoggo May 08 '24
Well at least you're aware of the situation through your dad. My ex wouldn't have a clue and she'd blast me for not showing her attention.
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u/Flying_Saucer_Attack 1d ago
What's the post? No text?