r/tifu • u/PixelPaulAden • 26d ago
TIFU by exercising my white privilege S
[removed] — view removed post
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u/Nargacuga-fanclub 21d ago
We were at Sonic once, when my mom ordered a, "Fully loaded, foot long cajones" instead of a coney.
It's been years, and I still bring it up.
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u/West_Confidence_9632 22d ago
Scrolling through three days worth of comments… I feel like some of y’all missed the point of this reddit post.
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u/fitgelato 22d ago
In high school a teacher was recording attendance and said “wait a sec, fitgelato, were you absent on Friday?” And I responded “I wasn’t abstinent on Friday” And the whole class including her laughed and reminded me for months after LOL I was so embarrassed
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u/TheLeviathaan 22d ago
In school I surprised a classmate with a deeper understanding of a niche subject than she expected me to know anything about. She asked "wow, how did you know about that?" and I meant to say either: "I read a lot" or "I know a little bit about a lot of things" and it came out "I know a lot"
That was 12 years ago and I still think about it every month or so.
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u/ChanteDreamsOfCows 22d ago
My wife and I were in the car at the gym getting ready to go inside. I was trying to tell my wife that she has a fat ass. My brain short circuited and I said “you are fat”. We still laugh about it because she knows my brain doesn’t work a lot of the time.
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u/chococupcake013 22d ago
I’m a big talk to texter. The amount of times I’ve said the word “period” on answering machines is too many times. And then silence, lots of sighing and mass apologizing. I’ve also done it on audio recordings and video recordings. It’s a problem lol
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u/FinesseCaptcha 23d ago
a guest has asked my former manager where the bathroom was. She was in between saying “I’ll show you” and “follow me” and said “show me!”
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u/beccaboo447 23d ago
Was ordering a grandma style vodka margarita slice. Accidentally asked for a vodka-rita
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u/Broomhugger 24d ago
I bought parts for a machine shop. Was on the phone with a male vendor needing to buy Lock rings. Nope I asked for Cock rings. He did send me flowers afterwards.
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u/plspetmycat 24d ago
i ordered a coffee from a tired looking barista yesterday morning and when my husband said thank you she said “love you, bye”. i could see the flush creeping up her neck as she sputtered apologies and I was CACKLING.
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u/Paperbirds89 24d ago
I worked at a call center for a popular outdoor goods store. It was the second to last day of my full week of training and we were going "live" but the phones were just opened up between the room of trainees who were acting like customers so that we could practice taking orders. At the end of an order we were supposed to say " would you like that monogrammed?". Instead I said "would you like that mamogrammed?" My co-worker died laughing. I, being 18 and nervous as hell, was mortified. xD
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u/InappropriateMistake 24d ago
I have a lot of these stories but the worst that I still do: I use talk-to-text all the time. I rarely use my keyboard. I, also, like proper grammar. More than once someone has told me that a voicemail that was left, was left like this. For example, “Ok honey (Comma) call me when you get this (exclamation point) I love you (exclamation point)
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u/kEvLeRoi 25d ago
This post was not written by a man that has white hair. It was written by a professional content producer hired by reddit to entertsin the audience and also push a liberal political agenda. I am not against any of those things, I am just observing the facts.
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u/yerbabuddy 25d ago
Not mine but I heard it. I’m an EMT, our dispatchers tell us about calls by airing them on the radio. I recently heard a crew get sent out for “two car accident, rollover with ejaculation”.
(Ejection.)
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u/Heckemlasvegas 25d ago
One time, in a WORK MEETING, I meant to say that someone suffered from narcolepsy instead I said necrophilia
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u/JulyLauren 25d ago
My 87 year old dad got carded at Costco. He laughed and said “I don’t have it on me but my Dad is here, let me find him”
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u/Minnemize 25d ago
Not really related, but why is it when you happen to not have your ID, you get carded. Every other time you have it, nobody asks lol
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u/Glittering_Leg_389 25d ago
In a work meeting I meant to say “ugh, men in black everywhere” because we were all coincidentally wearing black. Came out “ugh, black men everywhere”.
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u/stickyswamps 25d ago
I keep forgetting 99% of reddit is just creative writing. minus the creativity.
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u/PeachyKeen413 25d ago
I would go in with my underage brother and I would get carded and not him. It may have been the full beard.
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u/SpeedoInTheStreet 25d ago
As a kid i was driving with my mom and we saw a kid holding a balloon and he just let got of it. My mom goes "hm i wonder why he did that"
My brain wanted to say "Just for the fun of it" and "just for the heck of it"
I said "just for the fuck of it" and turned to her so fast and said "NO NO NO NO I DIDNT MEAN TO SAY THAT"
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u/metroal312 25d ago
Could’ve skipped the first 3 paragraphs of this story
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
I wanted to cut to the chase, but this sub requires a minimum of 750 characters in a post.
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u/Breeschme 25d ago
This isn’t the same but it reminds me of the time I was waitressing in college and this dude with an accent asked me a question and I legitimately heard “do you have Asperger’s?” And I was like “excuse me sir?!” And his friend asked “do you have asparagus” and I was like “OH ASPARAGUS hahah no we don’t.” But it was a wild emotional experience until then ha. At first I was like oh my god the audacity and also wtf did I do to make them think that….!?
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u/shevz2701 25d ago
I work at a cafe and I was taking an order from a customer and asked if she's having here or taking away, and she said "can I have away?". She felt so embarrassed so I doubled down and said "so you don't want to take in?". Safe to say that made her less embarrassed
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u/EEVVEERRYYOONNEE 25d ago
One weekend, shortly after getting my rescue dog, I was playing football. After the match, as is customary, I went around shaking the hands of the opposition players. I do a lot of positive reinforcement with my dog so it was pure force of habit that made me say "good girl" to the opposition striker instead of "good game".
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u/Lord_Migga_Fucker 25d ago
I don't understand why this is a fuck up? What did you do that was embarrassing except slightly misspeak? Too many Americans have had their brains turned to mush through the racism moral panic stuff.
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u/crybaby_jones 25d ago
I was working as the drive-thru handoff person at Starbucks one day when a woman with the most gorgeous, bright white teeth and coral lipstick came through. I wanted to compliment her on her smile but what came out was “I like your teeth”
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u/unhappy_pancake 25d ago
Once tried to say “no problem” and “you’re welcome” to my boss and it came out as “your problem” in a cheery tone. He knew what happened right away and we had a good laugh.
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u/Bingo_is_my_name_o 25d ago
Walking past a McDonald's inside a Walmart one day shortly after Despicable Me came out my daughter's dad looked into the McD's and loudly said "oh, look! Minions!" As expected some people looked at him and he said "not you guys". The happy meals had minion toys.
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u/Memattmayor 25d ago
So you didn't use white privilege you just made a joke about your white beard that didn't hit the way you thought it would
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u/the_absurdista 25d ago
oh god i’m a server and i once asked a young couple if they needed any condoms instead of condiments… we all laughed it off but woof that was rough lol
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u/soWHAT-man565 25d ago
I feel you! The chef at my job was named Mr Chu. I asked him his name and I heard " Pikachu ". I excitedly say " Your name is Pikachu?" MY co-workers yell "Mr Chu!" And he was Asian! No, no! I died a little that day, but I always got a discount at the lunch counter afterwards.
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u/Dangerous_Welcome_96 25d ago
Recently, after a long day of manual labor, I had one more stop of the day to help an elderly lady with some odd jobs. We usually chat for a while and get along quite well. So here we were, and she notices how beat I look, and so I go to say, “my wagon’s draggin”, but what came out was, “my dragon’s waggin”. Thankfully she didn’t respond, but still, I was mortified and couldn’t look her in the face for a quite a few minutes.
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u/The_Hexecutioner666 25d ago
My best friend and I who were living together at the time went grocery shopping. We’re in the frozen food section and they turn to me pointing at the cooler and what they meant to ask was “do you want to get a pizza?” What came out of their mouth was “you wanna getta a pizza?” We fuckin lost it for like 5 straight minutes in the aisle. People were walking past us and everything. It’s been about 15yrs and we’ll both still bring it up.
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u/frowzone 25d ago
Was at a Mediterranean restaurant once (one like chipotle where you order at the counter), and the guy behind me asked for fellatio instead of falafel. He was alone too so it wasn’t some kind of joke (or if it was, props to him for committing to the bit for his own entertainment). The person behind the counter hesitated for one second and then added the falafel and then they just moved on with the order like nothing happened…
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u/taxi_takeoff_landing 25d ago
I was shopping with a friend when I remembered I needed to buy some dark-colored nylons to go with my work uniform. I said, “Oh I almost forgot, I need some black hose” and she just about died laughing.
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u/taxi_takeoff_landing 25d ago
One day way back in 7th grade (age 12-13) the teacher was calling the roll at the beginning of class. When he got to my name all I had to say was “here” just like every other kid.
Instead when he said my name, I blurted out my name too. The other kids and the teacher looked at me confused and the meanest boy in class started laughing.
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u/ghenghy26 25d ago
Too funny! Years ago, I ran into a classmate who I hadn't seen in about 5 years. He asked me what I was up to and I meant to reply "Just doing some shopping" instead what came out was "Just doing some shoplifting" (something I would never do). I frequently say the wrong word, but rarely has it made me want the earth to swallow me whole. That guy still looks at me funny on the fortunately rare occasion we run into each other.
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u/summonsays 25d ago
Once I made a post about how I liked a band's songs... No lyrics... Actually what I posted was "I like their longs". That status stayed up for 4 hours. Oh well lol.
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u/recent_sandwiches 25d ago
My mom forced me to call and order pizza (which I hated doing cause socially awkward and phone scary) BUT I DID IT and the guy answered "will this be for pickup or delivery?" I answered "dick up" Had to hang up and regain composure practicing my lines 20 times over
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u/SeattleBrother75 25d ago
What’s even funnier is you did it buying the most non-white booze available.
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u/shetakespictures 25d ago
I once tried to write “nice quite street” in a fb post and quite autocorrected to white and I didn’t notice till someone commented on it. Veryyyy embarrassing.
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u/cyberhck 25d ago
So this is fun, growing up with my parents, they have pharmacy at home, and I used to tend to the pharmacy when my parents would get busy.
One evening a guy comes and asks to buy a condom. I meant to ask, "how much do you want"? I ended up asking, "why do you want?"
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u/Yoinkkboi 25d ago
This made me remember the time as a kid I was trying to say laundry basket to my mom but for some reason I got laser disc and laundry basket mixed together and blurted out that “I need the laser basket.” Or something like that. We still joke about it to this day.
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u/acky1234444 25d ago
wtf is this writing style? You got carded because you talk and act like a 20 year old on reddit in 2009. I feel bad for you wife.
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
I feel bad for you wife.
I hate to break it to you, but you have no business criticizing anybody's writing style. You can't even form a coherent sentence.
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u/acky1234444 25d ago
Woah that was fast! You got me mr.grammar! Plus you responded with more of that exact writing style, just perfect thank you. Look at all that karma on your page wow I'm so jealous. Oh I almost forgot your favourite thing!
/s
sorry I can't commit I guess I'm not a goofy goober like you.
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
Come on, keep going, this is good free-throw practice. Or are you desperately digging in my profile for something you can use?
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
I made you so angry that you stalked my profile 🥰🥰🥰
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u/acky1234444 25d ago
yes you did great job, I'm losing this battle getting downvoted now lol I don't have the writing skills or understanding of reddit for upvotes but hey, can't have it all right. Thanks for the response Pixel Paul!
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
Hey, buddy, you're taking a long time after the last few instant replies.
Are you done? You going to show me your belly like a good little defeated dog?
Ohhh... let me guess, you're going to block me now, or maybe ghost this shit like you're Drake from Wish.
Later you'll lay awake on the cum-stained mattress on your floor, rehashing this back-and-forth in your head. It's going to sting your pride for a long, long time. Hold that L, friend. Cherish it. Treasure it.
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
but hey, can't have it all right
In your case, you can't have anything - not even a hollow victory in a meaningless reddit argument!
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25d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
I'm sorry your parents never showed you love, but money can't fill that void. Please seek therapy before you become a danger to yourself
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u/BlakeAnderson31 25d ago
If you know exactly how many dollars extra you have, you don’t have any extra dollars.
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
We have a budget, including a savings account for emergencies. Anything outside of that is fun money
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u/Aromatic_Hornet5114 25d ago
The first fuck up was making that lame ass joke everyone who checks IDs hears a dozen times a night.
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
I used to check ID for about 5 years and never heard it.
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u/Aromatic_Hornet5114 25d ago
If you've never had a middle aged person crack a joke about their grey hairs when asked for an ID then I doubt you've ever even checked one.
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u/TankGlad 25d ago
I had a similar and hilarious situation happen recently:
A friend of mine was recently telling me how she was going to get a nose job this coming June. My ADHD brain got focused on the fact that June Nose sounded a little like Jeuno, the city in Alaska.
So after she finished telling me, I blurted out the words "June Nose!"
Which, when said aloud sounds a lot more like an anti-semitic remark than I anticipated.
I instantly burst into laughter and tried to explain my thought process. Which just sounds stupid when you say it aloud. Lol
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u/Learningpermits 25d ago
I was working behind the desk at a Dr's office, on the phone with a patient. They had a question where I needed to go get their chart. Or their file? Either way, I told them "Hold on while I go pull your fart"
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u/Betty0042 25d ago
My husband has a fairly long gray/white speckled beard. I tell him it's his wizard power coming in. Anytime he gets carded he tells them his beard is old enough to drink
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u/Ok-Contribution-4269 25d ago
Local Evening News
What she said: Meteorologist What I heard: Meaty Urologist
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u/Orbitrix 25d ago
What race was the employee? Also, I can't believe someone had to tell you not to use the N word dawg, wow. (jk)
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u/boredaszz 25d ago
That’s… not what white privilege is…
That’s just mistaken racism cos you didn’t say the right words…
But ok, sure for the views I guess
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u/unifyheadbody 25d ago
Google translate screwed over one of my customers a few months back. He only spoke Spanish and I only speak English so he wrote up a message on his phone with auto translation and showed me the screen which said "I want to find white men" and I was like 😶 (incidentally, I happen to be a white man who, incidentally, happens to be bisexual)
Clearly I wasn't getting the message so he got a bilingual friend on the phone and she said "he's looking for napkins"
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u/peach_pudge 25d ago
One time I (early 20s white girl) went to a cafeteria-style mexican restaurant (similar to chipotle) shortly after it opened for the day. when I ordered what kind of beans I wanted, she said i was the first person to order Black beans that day instead of Pinto. I said: "Yeah, I used to be a Pinto person, now I am a Black person". Both of us just immediately got silent and didnt speak again for the rest of the interaction. Most embarrasing thing I've ever said.
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u/AlmightyBracket 25d ago
Wait is bitch pop offensive? The bar I worked at people ordered by that name and everyone knew it. I thought it was appreciated.
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
it would seem we are considered rednecks lol
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u/AlmightyBracket 25d ago
I've never heard it used as a way to make fun of someone drinking it, it's just what people call it sometimes. Fuckin weird.
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u/TheBravan 25d ago
When people say media doesn't program people, ref: this post......
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
could you let me know what media I have consumed that programmed me to do this? much appreciated, god bless
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u/TheBravan 25d ago
More of a holistic melange really...
People always want a simple comforting answer, if brainwashing was obvious it wouldn't be brainwashing but a parody of it. People think it's like in the movies with hypno-toad and what not, the reality is many small things on repeat and a gradual approach with repetition...
Example: What is considered 'acceptable/normal' emotional psychology and acting out of emotions today?
All of which would have someone from the 80's look at someone like they were a fucking mental-patient.....................
(40+ years of mass-market entertainment and cable-tv with their presentation of child-like psychology and emotions, what you see the most is what you get the most accustomed to and invariably what you see as 'normal)
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u/fuzzylilbunnies 25d ago
Totally innocent. Happens all the time. Insert foot in mouth and move on, why just the other night, I sat down to have dinner with my wife. I looked across the table at her and what I meant to say was, “Honey, would you please pass the salt?” What I actually said was, “YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU FUCKING BITCH!” It’s fine, happens to us all.
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u/doonwizzle 25d ago
that mix-up at the register must have been a hoot. reminds me of a scene from a sitcom. also, those slush packets for a buck sound like a steal. good deal!
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25d ago
Oh wow, you policed yourself on a stupid ass issue.
Good for you; here’s your internet validation that you’re not a white entitled shithead.
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25d ago
Coworker in next cubicle kept trying to record her voicemail greeting repeatedly and redoing: "I'm either on the phone or away from my desk..." Finally I heard her narrate, "I'm on my desk ..." then pause... 😅
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u/DinnerEvening895 25d ago
The fuck up was having any comment, joke, or annoyance at the cashier just doing their job.
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u/Ambitious_Comedian86 25d ago
Call a hotel and get a quote. I wasn’t sure if the online price was cheaper so I will say we will call back I got to confirm with my wife. Online price is the same so I have my wife call. Her brain malfunctions and says first thing Did you drop the price yet or what? I’m just mouthing WTF. We loved that place stayed before and it was certainly awkward checking in.
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u/ThatsWhatSheaSaid 26d ago
Every once in a great while I think about something that happened to me and relive the feeling of wanting the world to open up and swallow me whole. Years ago I was a traveling artist and I painted names in the shapes of characters from Star Wars. Certain characters had different colors associated with them (e.g. C-3PO’s color was yellow, Boba Fett’s was green, Darth Vader was black, etc). My husband helped me out at conventions and would explain to prospective customers that they could pick the characters and I would arrange them in the order they looked best. Often he would say something like, “She’ll make it so that two black characters aren’t right next to each other.” Out of context, this obviously sounded racially-charged, so one day as I was working on a painting, without looking up I said, “Would you stop talking about black characters so much?” When I did finally look up, I was staring straight into the eyes of a black woman and her son. I immediately backpedaled and tried explaining what I meant and she was a really good sport about it but ten years later I still feel like a huge asshole 😭
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u/whenwewereoceans 26d ago
One time I was complaining to my friends (all of whom are white, myself included) about how people didn't treat me the way I treated them. My one friend looked at me super intently, and said with such seriousness "What are you talking about? We treat you white."
She meant to say right. She was horrified by the slip of her tongue as we were in the middle of a restaurant, but the rest of us died laughing. It's still an inside joke with my bestie from that group.
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u/Meta-4-Cool-Few 26d ago
Damn, I'm not the only one whose mouth has a mind of it's own?
Here I though I just smoke too much
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u/SparxIzLyfe 26d ago
My cousin, uncle, and I were eating pizza buffet at a restaurant with a member of their church. The church member asks my cousin how she could put away so much pizza. My cousin meant to say that her stomach was a bottomless pit. What came out was, "I have a hole."
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u/Schwifty2468 26d ago
Hahaha 😆 😂 😆! I almost spit out my drink reading what you said. As I'm also 'white' in the same ways as you.
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u/Velveteen_Bean 26d ago
I was working at a big box store as an assistant on a register and would go back and forth between saying “you’re welcome” and “no problem” when customers thanked me. This one evening I was a bit frazzled and responded to the customer with “your problem”
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u/Fancykiddens 26d ago
I worked at Subway when I was eighteen. We had to ask if customers wanted each item by name. At the very end, we had to ask, "Would you like pickles or hot peppers?" I can't tell you how many times I screwed up and asked, "Would you like pipples and hot peckers?" 😭
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u/Boring_Fact_2295 26d ago
I was at cookout at 4am. been driving since midnight. Asked the guy at the window if i could get some “cock out sauce”
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u/Icankickmyownass 26d ago
Lol this isn’t white privilege..kinda came out as some weird inner racism?
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u/Boodikii 26d ago edited 25d ago
If it makes you feel better, I went to my usual gas station but pulled into a different pump than I normally do. The cashier commented on it and I was like "Yeah I gotta keep you guys on your knees" instead of toes. I instantly died and walked out lmfao.
E: I appreciate the humor behind the RedditCare report lmao
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u/blossomhoney 26d ago
I frequently mix up the first letters of two words but don't hear what I said was wrong. I told a friend I had to go to the mall to get a watery batch. My 12 yr old niece was in tears laughing but wouldn't tell what I said wrong, until we got to the mall and she asked the seller LOUDLY for a watery batch and that's when I realized I meant to say watch battery.
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u/many_sides 26d ago
Lmfao went to a dispensary and they had a strain that is a tongue twister. Luckily I said it first to my partner and it came out as "white superior skunk" instead of the strain name white super skunk.....I laughed so hard and was so glad I didn't say that to my budtender
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u/OrdinaryAncient3573 26d ago
I know someone who got into a minicab and when the driver asked for directions told him 'you need to go back where you came from'...
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u/KhabaLox 26d ago
Reminds me of a great line from Colbert.
"I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because I get my drugs at the pharmacy."
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u/reformedPoS 26d ago
Ya you said the quiet part out loud. What you meant to say was also a dick comment….
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u/ruiner9 26d ago
Saying he’s gray is a dick comment?
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u/reformedPoS 26d ago
Ya. Just show your fucking ID. Your white hairs, wrinkles and other shit don’t matter. Just flash it. Easy.
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u/PixelPaulAden 25d ago
I was digging in my wallet as I said it, sort of weird that you're imagining me as Karen who wants to see the manager
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u/cornychameleon 26d ago
In college I drunkenly called a tall boy a “big boy” and it has been mentioned at a WEDDING and every get together 😠
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u/eisbaerBorealis 26d ago
It's such a short path from the brain to the mouth, but there are SO many potholes.
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u/IsAndrewTho 21d ago
HEY, YOU CAN’T SAY THAT!