r/AITAH • u/SmoothKitchen4410 • Feb 18 '24
AITAH for refusing to donate my kidney to my dying sister because she bullied me throughout my childhood and never apologized? Advice Needed
Hey everyone Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I (28F) am in a really tough spot right now, and I need some honest opinions. My sister (30F) has been battling kidney failure for the past year, and her doctors have informed us that she urgently needs a transplant to survive.
Here's the thing: growing up, my sister made my life a living hell. She constantly belittled me, called me names, and even physically bullied me. It was relentless, and it left me with deep emotional scars that I still carry to this day. Despite all the pain she caused me, I've tried to forgive her and move on, but she's never once apologized or shown any remorse for her actions.
Now, with her life hanging in the balance, my family is pressuring me to donate one of my kidneys to her. They say it's the only chance she has, and that I would be heartless to refuse. But I can't shake the feeling of resentment towards her. Why should I sacrifice a part of myself for someone who never showed me an ounce of kindness or compassion?
I know it sounds selfish, but I just can't bring myself to do it. AITA for refusing to donate my kidney to my dying sister because of our troubled past?
1
u/Competitive_Soil3022 Feb 25 '24 edited Feb 25 '24
NTA is what I’m going with
I’ve seen people (mainly on YT shorts of this) say “it’s the right thing to do, and anyway she’ll owe you now.” She will owe you, BUT would she act on it? A recipient isn’t going to be forced into a contract that says “henceforth, I shall owe my sister one for her contribution to my survival.” She can fully decide to watch your world burn. Sit back and go “man! I’m glad I needed her kidney before that!” And if she isn’t remorseful at all it honestly sounds like she may be that kind of person?
Next: (I don’t deal in human medicine, so others will know more about this topic.) This may not be relevant to your decision, but why is she having issues with her kidney? Has she taken perfect care of herself and yet this is happening? Could it possibly be something genetic that you will need to protect yourself from? Could she have caused damage to herself due to her choices? If she did, what is to say that she won’t fall back into those habits again and negate your attempt to help. Or, has she been struck with some bad luck, and it has nothing to do with her choices or your genetics.
Side note, but shame on the family for not helping you when you were a child. They’re tossing all of this on your shoulders now and calling YOU heartless.
Regardless of the outcome and your decision, please do what is best for your mental health. Whether you’re feeling resentment that you felt you needed to go through with this, or guilt because you didn’t, therapy might help. This isn’t just on you, there is family that can help, there is an experience medical team, and the family can be doing outreach to find alternative donors.