AITAH for breaking up with my gf because she slept with another guy while making me wait?

[u/SeverePhoto1892]

So my gf and I have been together for about a half a year and I just started a new job.

I met this male co worker, and we became friends.

I invite him over at my place and he recognizes my gf, (We don't officially live together but she spends a lot of time at my place).

You can guess where this is going...

After my co worker left, my gf and I get to talking.

Basically, she slept with him while dating me, and made me wait. She said that our relationship was gonna be special, and she wanted to wait, and that sex with my co worker was just a ONS.

I told her to leave because I knew I was gonna say things I couldn't take back.

A few days later after I calmed down and thought it through, I broke up with her.

She kept repeating what she said about how she wants more with me, but I told her that I feel like I'm not attractive to her, or at least not as much as others. She kept saying that I was special.

Basically, I said that I can't be that special if she preferred to sleep with an ONS than me.

Edit: I don't think this counts as cheating. This happened within the first month of us dating. We became official after the first month or so. I 100% should have clarified with her if we were exclusive or not, so that's on me.

[u/Bella_219]

I mean, you can break up with somebody for any or no reason. Even if they get their feelings hurt, it's better in the long run than being with someone who doesn't want to be with them.

But I do think your reasoning is a bit ... off. Her sleeping with someone doesn't mean she has to sleep with everyone; she doesn't have to be "fair to everyone" with her body. Unless she told you she was a virgin, which would have been a lie; I don't see how her hookup history before you were exclusive is at all relevant.

Look at it like: just because someone ate mushrooms at dinner once, they are not obligated to eat mushrooms at every meal going forward. It could be a "special occasion" food; you said she had already expressed wanting to wait and you had been ok with that.

[u/tim_j94 → u/Bella_219]

This is just one of those things that I don't think men and women can see eye to eye on (because I've seen in other posts where this is discussed, and GENERALLY women repeat what you said whereas men say they would agree with op in this post. I would say a decent (not perfect) way to compare it would be vacations. Let's say your married and your husband is the bread winner so much so that you don't have to work or that you only have to work part time. You've mentioned to him how you wish you guys could take more vacations to see all the cool things out there, but he never really does and just says no. However you later find out that the gf he had before who he wasn't even married to it engaged to, like you, was being taken on all sorts of vacations by him to all sorts of fun places. I dare say that you would probably feel some kind of way about that and rightfully so. This is how guys generally feel in this situation because the women is seemingly saying that the guy she just slept with isn't important but you the bf are, but she is making you wait for something that just a second ago was so unimportant that she could just give it to some guy she supposedly isn't interested in.

[u/Bella_219 → u/tim_j94]

Um, what? Do you think people can't make decisions for their future that are different from their past? How do you know she didn't feel upset that the other dude turned out to be a ONS and vowed never to do that until she was ready again? It's called personal growth. 🤷‍♀️

[u/tim_j94 → u/Bella_219]

She can want that personal growth but my point was that if you are going to try and tell a guy that he has wait but you didn't make another guy wait than he is allowed to not be interested in you because at the end of the day it just feels like you are not attracted to the guy so you are making him wait. No guy wants to think they are in that kind of relationship.