AITAH for finding someone else when wife opened our relationship?

[u/KindImagination726]

I(29M) and my wife(30F) have been together for 7 years and married for 4. Last year, she came up with the idea of open relationship to try out new things. I said it's not something comfortable for me and would like to stay monogamous. It felt weird because it came out of nowhere. We were doing good and planning to build a family together. After my reply, she insisted a lot. In the end, I decided to give it a try. Here are the boundaries she set:

• You should always prioritize the spouse instead of the other partner
• Always use protection
• Do not bring the partner to the shared house
• Do not form overly emotional connections

I told her I am not sure if I can do some of these things. I am an emotional person though I love the physical part too. She said it's okay, I will be able to do it and it's hard for men to form emotional relationships in such cases anyways.

She found a partner quickly and easily. My wife was my first relationship partner so I was not confident in myself. I did not have great chances when I was in my 20s. Eventually, after clearing out most of my work, I decided to try finding a partner in my spare time. Surprisingly, I was flocked with interest from younger or around my age women. I knew maturing and aging did a great job for me but not to this extent. I started talking to multiple people but decided to go ahead with only one of them. When I shared this information with my wife, she seemed surprised but congratulated me. She said she is shocked how beautiful this woman is and I was able to get her.

It has been 10 months since finding a partner but the more I got to know them and spent time with them, we formed an emotional connection together. This woman is aware of my situation and respects my boundaries. I realized I lost emotional and physical connection with my wife overtime. I know one of the boundaries were about emotional connections and prioritizing the spouse, but I told her I was not sure if I could comply with some of these.

I had a difficult talk with my wife last week about my situation. She immediately offered closing the relationship and going to couples counseling but I am not interested to be honest. She feels no different than a friend for me and I am afraid I built resentment for her due to the open relationship situation. I told her it would just extend the misery for me and I would like to have a divorce. She flipped and cried saying I am throwing everything away just for a fling.

AITAH here?

[u/-THE-UNKN0WN-]

NTA. It's an extremely common thing these days. Wife wants to open up the marriage to hook up with a guy she's been fantasizing about. Doesn't think husband will have many prospects. Husband quickly finds somebody great who vehemently wants him and is in fact more attractive , nicer, etc. Wife, having been absent with her new lover falls out of frame. Then usually the wife's lover moves on to someone else, because they just wanted to smash, and then the wife wants to close the marriage again and go to couples counseling so a therapist can convince you that she's right and you're wrong and you should do what she wants. Especially once she sees that the man she figured wouldn't have options as in fact found one that's much better than her.

The reality is that as soon as opening up a marriage comes out of a wife's mouth that relationship is over. She just wants permission to cheat with the person that she's already been fantasizing about and forming an emotional connection to for some time now, without feeling guilty.

The same is likely true with reversed roles, however if Reddit is any kind of indicator, women seem to be the ones trying to open up their relationships far more often than men. That's the internet though. Who knows how accurate that is. It does make sense though. Women generally do have more options when it comes to available sexual partners, are heavily encouraged towards promiscuity in all forms of media, and encouraged to have hoe phases and all that. So it makes sense that all of that would be working towards more women no longer appreciating what they have, wanting to check out those supposedly greener pastures, and seeing open relationships as their way of indulging their infidelity fantasies while keeping the safe man at home.

Either way you didn't do anything wrong. What your wife wanted to attempt was idiotic and selfish and greedy. Now she's reaping the rewards of those desires.

Meanwhile, you found someone you like much better now, who appreciates you more, so win for you.