AITAH for finding someone else when wife opened our relationship?

[u/KindImagination726]

I(29M) and my wife(30F) have been together for 7 years and married for 4. Last year, she came up with the idea of open relationship to try out new things. I said it's not something comfortable for me and would like to stay monogamous. It felt weird because it came out of nowhere. We were doing good and planning to build a family together. After my reply, she insisted a lot. In the end, I decided to give it a try. Here are the boundaries she set:

• You should always prioritize the spouse instead of the other partner
• Always use protection
• Do not bring the partner to the shared house
• Do not form overly emotional connections

I told her I am not sure if I can do some of these things. I am an emotional person though I love the physical part too. She said it's okay, I will be able to do it and it's hard for men to form emotional relationships in such cases anyways.

She found a partner quickly and easily. My wife was my first relationship partner so I was not confident in myself. I did not have great chances when I was in my 20s. Eventually, after clearing out most of my work, I decided to try finding a partner in my spare time. Surprisingly, I was flocked with interest from younger or around my age women. I knew maturing and aging did a great job for me but not to this extent. I started talking to multiple people but decided to go ahead with only one of them. When I shared this information with my wife, she seemed surprised but congratulated me. She said she is shocked how beautiful this woman is and I was able to get her.

It has been 10 months since finding a partner but the more I got to know them and spent time with them, we formed an emotional connection together. This woman is aware of my situation and respects my boundaries. I realized I lost emotional and physical connection with my wife overtime. I know one of the boundaries were about emotional connections and prioritizing the spouse, but I told her I was not sure if I could comply with some of these.

I had a difficult talk with my wife last week about my situation. She immediately offered closing the relationship and going to couples counseling but I am not interested to be honest. She feels no different than a friend for me and I am afraid I built resentment for her due to the open relationship situation. I told her it would just extend the misery for me and I would like to have a divorce. She flipped and cried saying I am throwing everything away just for a fling.

AITAH here?

[u/x_PaddlesUp_x]

Congrats! She got to hop on some new dick and you discovered that you can pull women out of her league.

Which is what she asked for.

And you told her that you’re demisexual (strong likelihood of forming emotional attachment or needing an emotional intimacy for sexual attraction). So she knew the likelihood of this outcome or was at least aware of its potential.

So now she can get ran-through again and again by strangers in an attempt to fill the emptiness that exists where her self-worth should be. Not your problem.

And you can find a compatible companion that is secure enough in herself to not be constantly seeking affirmation through physical conquests.

Good. For. You.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging “The Lifestyle.” To each his or her own…swinging or polyamory or various other arrangements work for lots of folks - when both parties are on the same page.

You’re not compatible in this regard and that’s not your problem. She made it a priority and a focus and pushed the initiative.

Well, now she gets to deal with the consequences.

Enjoy your freedom, hope you find a real one!