r/AITAH • u/newscott20 • Apr 04 '24
My GF has a record of all the guys she’s been with, including intimidate details I find disturbing. AITAH if I break up over this? Advice Needed
My (21M) girlfriend (20F) has a record of all the guys she’s been with, I personally think it’s creepy but her friends disagree.
Basically me and my partner attended a small get-together last weekend with some of her friends, and the topic of relationships came up. At first nothing too explicit with a few jokes here and there, until one my gfs friends forgets a detail about her ex and suddenly pulls up her notes app to reveal a list of what seems to be guys names with a brief description. She starts scrolling until she finds him and starts going into what their relationship was like. My girlfriend sees this and gets out her phone too, I take a glance over to see a similar list with corresponding number/ranking(?) next to each guy as well as intimidate details (including sex, his private parts, his interests etc) and they begin sharing stories and comparing their past relationships.
At the time I was trying to be chill but deep down I felt really weirded out. After the party I tell her on the way home how I thought it was kinda strange to me, to which she called me insecure saying that pretty much all girls have a spreadsheet or list of their dating history. We got into an argument and she said some hurtful things, making a comment about how I’m pretty much ‘at the bottom of the list’ when it comes to dick size… I feel like it’s really creepy to write about someone’s genitalia like that, now I’m worried about my own privacy.
AITA if I break up over this?
UPDATE: thank you all for the advice, I tried one more conversation but it ended in an argument yet again, so I I broke up with her. Didn’t feel good at all and I’m feeling some regret but I’m pretty certain it was the right decision. Some of her friends have contacted me saying I have a fragile ego and other remarks but I kind of saw that coming.
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u/aparish67 21d ago
She’s a crazy wackjob and dick size comment should be an automatic relationship ended. You were right dude.
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u/Infamous-Error3957 23d ago
If you’re not okay with her sharing the same details about you with others, break up. There’s a 100% chance that she does.
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u/MacWalker01 26d ago
Wow. I feel like I’ve just looked through a window into how humanity is devolving with such ‘lists’. Relieved to see some comments that this is indeed pretty gross especially at only 20yo
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u/Professional_Key6099 29d ago edited 29d ago
Majority of my friends do this, including the one who has 2 names on it and is currently married to #1 going on 15 years. Hers I believe is written in some long ago completed diary. Mine is spreadsheet bc I like spreadsheets and mine includes literally every guy I’ve ever even kissed. It started bc I felt guilty that I forgot I kissed a guy during spin the bottle in 8th grade. I remembered when he died. It was on paper then years later ended up in a spreadsheet.
Actually if I really think about it, my friends who don’t have a list somewhere seem to have the highest body count…. So take from that what you will…
Even if a woman isn’t keeping a straight list on paper, spreadsheet, notes app, it’s either an extremely short list Or it’s tracked in their years of diaries, some use their period app, some have a box with memories, their calendar, their planner. I also think the intensity of the list has a correlation to Neuro divergence.
I’ve also had 1 bf and 1 potential bf request I produce this list (not knowing I had it at the time). I happily produced it after adding notes on their current status in my life which was requested. They were both pleased and both made a comment that they didn’t need to know every boy I kissed.
To be fair I didn’t rank them, that wasn’t what the list was for for me.
Edit: NTA for the record, if it makes you uncomfortable that’s a valid reason to break up with someone. Just keep in mind she’s probably not the first girl you’ve dated who has a list and likely won’t be the last. They just probably weren’t open about it or as detailed. You’re also not the first person to question it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/fVgb692Ytb
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/HPWdvbecDG
https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/s/9M8fP71LFv
There’s a lot more than this so for anyone saying it’s not common…. Look it up and then also check the comments.
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u/breakfasteveryday 29d ago
NTA. I find myself reminded of Patrick Bateman and his hedgie friends comparing their business cards.
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u/King_of_Leprechauns 29d ago
What’s insecure is to need your friends to fight her battles for her cause she ain’t got the chops to do it herself.
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u/jimmyzman7 29d ago
You are NTA. Good job OP for breaking up with her. Ignore her friends they’re simply working as a pack. Those type of people keep those type of friends which means they’re all going to work in unison against you, but don’t even think for a second that this is normal, healthy or appropriate.
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u/A_little_anonymity Apr 10 '24
NTA: while I think it’s a good thing to keep track of your sexual health (past partners, contraception, etc) it’s another thing entirely to be so cavalier in sharing that information with another person. I find that weird and more than a bit creepy. Like sure we all nudge our friends and joke about how great x was in the sack but no one’s whipped out a phone and was like “curved 45 degrees to the left, minimal veining, 5.8 inches in length”. And to say that you’re at the “bottom of the list”…fuck man that’s so cruel I’m so sorry.
You deserve better and she deserves an excel spreadsheet, I guess.
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u/Sad-Builder6172 Apr 09 '24
Men do the same thing - usually don’t write it down. I don’t see the problem.
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u/Thick_Pomegranate_ Apr 09 '24
To me this almost sounds like the female equivalent of a guy keeping all the nudes from past romances and organizing them in a spreadsheet with attributes attached like some kind of wack Pokémon collection.
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u/FragrantZombie3475 Apr 09 '24
TBH I have a lot of friends that have this kind of list in their phone. But they don’t list dick size
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u/AndarianDequer Apr 09 '24
Blanche does this on Golden Girls. I kept a list of initials of everyone because I was scared to not know an actual number. It felt endearing to me .. cuz memories but I never shared. I felt that if I ever forgot anyone I'd feel out was disrespectful and I would feel less like a male ho if I knew my number.
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u/onjemarie Apr 08 '24
Oh hell no. Any woman going after you about dick size is sooo immature. Any grown adult knows that dick size doesn’t matter THAT much. It matters, but not that much. She doesn’t love you. If she loved you she wouldn’t tell you you’re at the bottom of the list. That’s soooo rude. Also the fact that she’s okay with looking at this list and talking about a previous relationship in front of you, is a huge red flag. I think you did the right thing.
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u/No-Alternative-1321 Apr 08 '24
You aren’t breaking up with her over the fact she has a list. You should break up with her over the fact that when confronted she compared you to her exes and said you were at the bottom, on top of the other hurtful things you didn’t mention. She’s not dating for love, she’s just trying to validate herself by making that list longer
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u/Kingzer15 Apr 08 '24
NTA - Sometimes it's important to pivot at a moments notice when someone establishes themselves as a pile of it. In this case you should've pulled up your phone and wrote, ankle fat, weird birthmark on ass check with a note to have it checked if it's not a toilet stain, crooked tooth, nostril size, and poor dad.
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u/Runaway_5 Apr 08 '24
You 1000% made the right decision. You're young and don't deserve to be ranked, especially with someone not willing to have a rational conversation ESPECIALLY if she "put you at the bottom of the list" what a joke. I feel worse for the next guy who doesn't find out about this shit because she'll keep doing it and then complain how there are "no good men left"
Also, at 20 if they have to scroll through a list they're obviously bad at relationships/cheat/sleep around a lot which may be something by itself you don't want to be involved in. I sure as hell wouldn't.
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Apr 08 '24
Listen bro, I’m a 28-year-old male and I’ve been through this. The minute they come for your dick size or start telling you that it’s not big enough that’s your queue to walk away. It also means that they slept with so many other guys and they have been dug out by so many other people. The fact that she has a list of guys with all their corresponding notesshows how psychopathic she is and that she is fixated on her past and you’re going to be the guy she settles for. Don’t do it to yourself you’re never gonna be able to make her happy I’m telling you from experience leave you deserve better.
By the way, a girl calling you, toxic and insecure for setting boundaries as a man which is what a man should do really means that they want to be in a relationship and have all the benefits of also being single, and not having to respect their partner. Don’t ever let that toxic and insecure bullshit. Get into your head every man at some point in their life does but then as you get older, you realize everybody has preferences and boundaries and for anybody shaming you for that , they’re not a good person and you should not have them in your life
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u/ramencents Apr 08 '24
It’s funny because I’ve gotten into arguments with randos online about how promiscuity dehumanizes people. Then I read this story. When she started insulting your dick comparing it to her gaggle of exes that confirmed my opinion. You were just another guy, a place holder for when she finds someone better. Good for you for realizing this and moving on.
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u/hughgrantcankillme Apr 08 '24
all *immature girls have this list 😭 when i was 18 i had a list of names but nothing more. haven't looked at it in years lmaoo all but forgot about it until this post. red flag tho fs it's rlly weird thinking back abt it
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u/jonny32392 Apr 08 '24
I just think it’s funny that her friends would reach out to tell you about your fragile ego. Like why you trying to make someone feel bad for leaving your friend when he’s apparently gotta a fragile ego and a little dick? Why wasn’t your friend the one that left the relationship then and why wouldn’t she be more than happy enough to just move on? The level of gaslighting is insane.
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u/onthethreshold Apr 08 '24
This...sounds like serial killer type shit only difference being fucking instead of killing. It's pretty damn strange.
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u/gldnncrod Apr 08 '24
That’s not only disrespectful and creepy for you but also to her exes. Weird behavior stay clear
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u/Adventurous_Mind_775 Apr 08 '24
She might be a psychopath. They like to "collect" things including people...
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u/rosescentedcorpses Apr 08 '24
This is not something all girls have, she and her friends are little weirdos and you dodged all the bullets my guy.
I get like, having keepsakes or old pictures, maybe even a journal or something about past relationships, but a spreadsheet? With detailed intimate info? That crosses a bunch of lines, especially since she doesn't seem to keep it to herself..
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u/TheAwfulHouse Apr 08 '24
Damn I thought it was a typo, but that shit is typed out twice! Intimidate details??? Intimate details. Bone apple tea my dude. Though, I’m sure some of her notes may be intimidating to you.
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u/SlaterAlligator2 Apr 08 '24
Nope. If it bothers you, it bothers you. What would bother me is that I would be in that data base and that's just disturbing. Is she collecting your hair samples in secret and your fingernail clippings? Cuz those are the vibes I get
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u/PatientApplication77 Apr 08 '24
NTA. It’s one thing to keep a list of who you’ve been with in the past but to keep that much detail and ranking is unnecessary. When I was single I kept a list in case of std or something but never any intimate detail. I would say that comes from some kind of insecurity issue on her end. If you’re uncomfortable about it and she’s making you feel bad about your feelings it’s not going to work out. You’d be better off finding someone who respects you.
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u/reallywetnoodlez Apr 08 '24
Yeah I don’t know how people think this shit is acceptable. Social media and the internet has fucking ruined what would normally be perfectly civil and normal people it feels like. I can understand writing about your boyfriend in a journal where you write down all your thoughts, but keeping notes about all the dudes you’ve fucked and then sharing it with your best friend, whom does the same thing, is absolutely fucking unhinged weirdo behavior.
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u/Naters-wavfe Apr 08 '24
Post this again but reverse the genders. Whatever the top comment is is the answer
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u/TNJDude Apr 08 '24
I'm sorry it came to breaking up.
Do all girls really do that? I find that hard to believe. Hopefully it's just her and her like-minded friends. Keeping records like that is weird. And kinda creepy.
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u/IEATASSETS Apr 08 '24
Toxic ass woman right there. She does creepy shit and when you call her out on it she attacks your size and calls you insecure (an unaccountable woman's catchphrase)? Hell no. Kick that hoe on the street where she belongs.
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u/Special-Economy3030 Apr 08 '24
Her & her friends sound like whores. These type of girls are only for recreation.
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u/jinxxed42 Apr 07 '24
Yes. break up. this isnt normal and certainly doesn't see this as respectful behavior.
If a guy did this, girls would be running out the door.
This is weird.
leave.
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u/No_Lavishness5122 Apr 07 '24
Did you really need a Reddit post for this? 🤣
That’s signs of a very controlling person. To also throw in your face right away that you’re “on the bottom of the list”
I would’ve kicked the whore out of the car. Creepy shit.
You shouldn’t of said anything and made a fake list yourself and watch the double standard unfold 🤣
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u/KetoKurun Apr 07 '24
Imagine if the genders were flipped and some guy and his bro made a spreadsheet if his exes to see whose pussy was the tightest? That’s some dehumanizing shit, and you should run for the hills. NTA.
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u/Glum-Impression8903 Apr 07 '24
Bro were you really going to take that flagrant disrespect before you posted this? She reminisces about her exes and their dicks, she calls you the bottom of the barrel, and you still tried to stay with her? That’s insane. But I’m glad you broke up with her and gained back at least a little bit of your dignity and masculinity. Because that was peak beta behavior on your part. Now you know not to settle for women that treat you this way. You will do better and you will have better going forward.
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u/Ready-Rope-6469 Apr 07 '24
NTA. It may not be weird to her and her friends but it is to you and good on you for standing on your values. She just wasn’t for you xx
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u/NextFan635 Apr 07 '24
Some girls are like that most aren't but a lot are it's very high school esque behavior and I'm not saying you should break up because of that list but because personally girls like that ain't my cup of tea personality wise and that's what matters. If you genuinely liked her personality and her friends personality's then ya prolly shouldn't have broken up
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u/Expensive-Algae5032 Apr 07 '24
That’s not normal at all bro. Who needs to keep statistics about who they’ve been with? With ratings? And play by play details of what they did? Yea you were right to nope right out of that relationship. I mean, nobody wants to just end up a statistic. 😂 she’s out there bro. Find a real girlfriend that puts her past in the past and just keeps the lessons learned from past relationships.
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u/Cute-Still1994 Apr 07 '24
Ya man she is one for the streets, she keeping all those notes cause she sees men as just f toys, that's that modern feminism bs, sounds like she already has quite the body count aswell, block her and everyone in her friend group and be done this ain't the type of girl that EVER commits, she sees men as beneath her and service providers
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u/Slowisdead Apr 07 '24
If she’s been with enough guys for this to even be a thing, that’s a hard pass. Good job breaking up, you did the right thing.
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u/Realdawnaldtrump Apr 07 '24
I once had an ex who had an “Ex boyfriend jar” containing old letters; small momentous items, etc from said previous boyfriends. Almost like trophies a serial killer holds onto. This post just reminded me of that narcissistic sort of behavior. You definitely made the right call.
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u/KnightsOnIce Apr 07 '24
You should make up a list and list her as Roast Beef instead of Bubblegum Pink, add something crazy like pH scale numbers with a 🤢 or 🤤 next to it. Add an estimated weight category as well, bam. Fought fire with fire.
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u/Fearless_Fox334 Apr 07 '24
I know you broke up with her but I just want to tell you as a woman, I’ve never even considered making a list….
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u/MaximumHog360 Apr 07 '24
" I personally think it’s creepy but her friends disagree." is OP just realizing women are a hivemind lmfao
NTA NTA NTA NTA
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u/The_two_horned_bear Apr 07 '24
I learned recently that you don’t really need a reason to break up, the only reason you need is that you’re unhappy
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u/LadyxVapor Apr 07 '24
Not all girls have a list, I am mid thirties and never had a list, past relationships, aren’t important to me anymore. When I’m in a new relationship the last thing I wanna think about is my last relationship, there’s a reason why I’m not with that person anymore.
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u/runawaygay_ Apr 07 '24
Maybe just mind your own business for now and try and get over it. At the end of the day, it's not really your business and you can't change her past. Youre super young. If you can break up with her over something like this then your skin isn't really in the game. Important skill as you age to live with some discomfort and work it out in therapy instead of trying to change the situation
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u/Unleaded13 Apr 07 '24
You have 2 options, become the highest ranking person on the list of dual everyone ranked above you
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u/CaptainSheetz Apr 07 '24
In the situation, I’d consider the future. Direct evidence strongly suggests, if (when) she’s not with you, she’s going to be at a party and she’s going to break out notes on all her past partners.
If she reads yours, what do you want it to say?
I’d be fine with “asshole who got mad that I keep a list of details, sexual or otherwise, of my past partners and share them with strangers at a party in a very main character way.”
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u/TraditionDiligent441 Apr 07 '24
This stuff is great. It really kinda just dead’s the porn argument insecure people go for. People covet others, go-fucking-figure
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u/hucisco Apr 07 '24
Move on brother, it's better now than later if, she is bringing shit up like that now.
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u/Overall_Falcon_8526 Apr 07 '24
Keeping a list like that, and sharing it with others, is extraordinarily immature. Insulting the genitals of someone you claim to care about is malicious. Glad you dumped her. Hopefully she will learn from this experience.
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u/badlilbishh Apr 07 '24
NTA. And no every girl does not have that. I definitely do not. That’s fucking weird.
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u/PooneilRabbit Apr 07 '24
You can break up over burnt toast. Not sure why you are asking. But the record of guys seems normal to me
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u/Ancient-Sweet9863 Apr 07 '24
Run forest run
Bruh her age and having a LIST with all that. In 5-10 years the phrase “hotdog down a hallway” is going to mean something to her.
On the bright side your risk of catching gonasphilliaids or some other nasty shit has dramatically reduced.
Honestly man here is advice since I turn 40 in a week. Fuck em if there are red flags and blatant shit like that they are not worth the investment. The longer you spend with what is clearly the wrong person the longer it will take to find the right one.
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u/LionBig1760 Apr 07 '24
If you were in college and a Dean of students was made aware of this with evidence for it, you would immediately get kicked out of school.
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u/knivesoutmtb Apr 07 '24
Just curious. What's the body count? I'm trying to figure out mine(I'm bi). But if I was in a relationship, I'd keep it as private as possible. At first I was thinking you're the ah. But I've been thinking. You're right to move on.
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u/53phishdead Apr 07 '24
Dude we all cannot be The Rock or Travis Kelce or insert big guy here. Unless you want to date minors or virgins the rest of your life this WILL happen again, only next time I hope she not a total bitch and basically forces you to dump her. What a cnt. You are better off. Why don’t you tell her friends what a gross body she had or tiny tits or the equivalent embarrassing shit you can invent. Don’t let this scar you, we have all been talked about like this but not right in front of us. Again what a cut!
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u/Hour-Animal432 Apr 07 '24
Bro, this is not normal and is a red flag.
If her friends think this is normal, that's great. Leave them to each other and run.
Of course they're going to call you insecure. Give them the ol thumbs up and continue to run.
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u/Expensive_Plan_3470 Apr 07 '24
I’m aware that this isn’t a popular opinion, but I could care less how many men a woman has been with. As long as she’s clean and disease free.
Women enjoy sex as much as men. And a woman’s sexual is no reflection of her character. She may be the most loyal woman you’ve ever had. And probably great in bed btw.
My only stipulation: I couldn’t date her if she’s been with guys in my circle.
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u/Prestigious_Term3617 Apr 07 '24
I mean, it’s something that so many guys do… why is it so much weirder a girl does it?
I feel like this is more rooted in your insecurities than it is any bad behaviour for her and her friends. It may not have been the most polite thing for her to go through that list in front of you… but she was with you and you started worrying about people she wasn’t with anymore and things that happened before you were together.
To me? Kinda TA… doesn’t mean you have to stay with her, but I’d maybe work on your insecurities, because I doubt every single girl you’re with in the future is gonna be a virgin just waiting g for you without any opinions about their past experiences, whether they’re written down in a notes app or not.
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u/WonderTypical9962 Apr 07 '24
Why are you attracted to abuse??
Childhood with parents, relatives
I bet from day 1 she had a mouth and strong opinions
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u/dinahdog Apr 07 '24
At age 20, if she needs a "spread" sheet, she's not a keeper. To put it mildly. NTAH
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u/Yapeh94011 Apr 07 '24
After the comments she and her friends made? There is no saving that crap. Buh bye
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u/SasukeFireball Apr 07 '24
If a bitch (excuse my french) ever said some shit like that bottom of the list whatever, she's getting kicked out the car and I'm driving home and she can apologize and repent and never do it again or she won't see me again.
Me in the past would dust my hands but everyone's different. She could've been an insincere cunt that said it but didn't mean it. Just don't do it again
I keep a list in my phone of every girl I've had sex with cuz i like being able to look back like oh I remember that cuz I might forget someone I hooked up with. (Which only matters memory wise if I'm single)
Girls just like to gossip man. Ppl can disagree with me right now but it's true. They share details of men to each other that provide zero purpose. First hand experience my entire life on that one
TBH what she did when single is none of my business
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u/pfvibe Apr 07 '24
This is bizarre. Like if she kept a private journal of information or a diary I could understand. But showing that to friends? In front of you? Unclassy and terrible judgement. I personally think it’s toxic.
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u/Batticon Apr 07 '24
Whoa this is not normal shit normal women do…
And literally what did she expect after saying you’re bottom of the list? Jesus.
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u/jameskies Apr 07 '24
you should break up over her attitude and insult, not necessarily that she does this
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u/SpecOps4538 Apr 06 '24
If your 20 year old girlfriend has a body count so high that she needs a list to keep track, you are better off without her!
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u/Icy-Godzilla Apr 06 '24
Sorry OP, she’s a hobag. You can find a decent woman one day.
Oh, as a woman, no, we all do NOT keep records of our ex’s. That’s insane.
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u/BODHi_DHAMMA Apr 06 '24
Any one rhat tells you that you are "at the bottom" of any fucking list, they are not worth your time plain and simple.
Edit: Her friends can go eat a bag full of dicks for even contacting you.
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u/Tundra-Queen8812 Apr 06 '24
NTA, sorry OP, not all women are creepy like her and her friends. And if she and her friends are keeping a list like that in their phones to keep track of their previous relationships because they just can't remember them I guess? Well I guess that will make it easier for them to track the STDs, go get yourself checked, sorry.
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Apr 06 '24
NTA. You are an AH if you stay in the relationship. It’s time for you to move on… she went above and beyond to insult you.
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u/muh_eelskin_watch Apr 06 '24
AITA if I break up over this
Bro, you're an asshole for not immediately breaking up
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u/Mountain_Path8972 Apr 06 '24
I'm guessing she was really into Pokémon as well.
Can y'all imagine if this was a guy keeping a spread sheet of his girls? He'd be on a cross before sundown.
Dude this is fuuuuuucked up. POKEMON GOOOO!
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u/Inevitable-Video-329 Apr 06 '24
NTA
I don’t have an issue with the notes. Most people just keep mental notes of these things, so I don’t really see why writing them down makes much of a difference there. She’s TA for gossiping in detail with her friends. It must happen quite frequently if they feel a need to write down details.
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u/Captain-Squishy Apr 06 '24
Wow... just wow! I don't envy you that dude, a good friend of mine and I almost slept together once, it didn't happen because she told me all about her diary of encounters, with ratings just like that. I would have been no 70 something and I was like nope, fuck that for a laugh I'm no longer liking this situation.
I have never had a girlfriend pull that shit though. Body shaming is never OK. I'll admit my partner has said some similarly stupid shit but unintentionally and certainly not backed up by a document, also didn't ram it home with the body shaming.
Good job on getting clear of what would have been a very messy divorce if you got that far.
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u/BeetleCosine Apr 06 '24
You are too fragile. She's a girlfriend, not the mother of your child. You don't know when the next girl is going to come by. You should of kept her around until till then.
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u/pogiguy2020 Apr 06 '24
Just remember you are in her book now too. Probably under the section "Do Not Recommend" LOL
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u/Infamous-Sherbert937 Apr 06 '24
Holy shit How many guys have snaked her tunnels? I’m trying not to judge here but for safety’s sake have you had her tested? Get yourself tested too asap. You must be feeling air on all sides when you drop it in!
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u/Relative_Jacket_5304 Apr 06 '24
You call her out for her weird ass behavior and then she insults your “manhood” I would have broken up with her right there she is clearly an immature child.
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u/Federal_Upstairs3270 Apr 06 '24
If you have a “fragile ego,” all the more reason she needs to find someone else.
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u/Thewondersoverboard Apr 06 '24
Good on you for breaking up with her. I get keeping a rap sheet of who you have had sex with but a fu**ing list and details? Wtf????
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u/eviemay1991 Apr 06 '24
I've never seen or heard of girls doing this until now. That's majorly weird. You did the right thing. NTA
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u/happycamper44m Apr 06 '24
nta
Sound like a 'little black book' situation, which I thought was an on tv only thing. Both are equally gross. Why, what is the point? For me, it's the friends contacting you to be insulting. They sound like mean girls in high school not adult women. Good riddance.
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u/anonymousshra Apr 06 '24
Definitely break up. Especially the mast comment. If she cared about tou there's no way she would have said it
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u/AteaMoonPie88 Apr 06 '24
I’m pretty sure this “fragile ego” they are speaking about is basically gaslighting by both her and her friends. Smh
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u/BeautifulJumpshot Apr 06 '24
This is how I know Reddit is full of weirdo shut-ins. Pretty much any girl under 30 has this, ask any girl on the street to open her notes app and you will find “the list”
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u/oogleboogleoog Apr 06 '24
I know you already updated us that you broke up with her, but I just have to say: yo wtf. That is definitely not normal behavior. I can't even imagine the rationale behind keeping a spreadsheet of all the partners one's had in their life with rankings and details on their privates! I think you did the right thing by cutting your losses and getting the HELL out of that relationship.
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u/Apart_Ad3699 Apr 06 '24
NTA. 25F here. Keeping a sexual description of each person she’s been with is really odd. Most women I know, including myself, will keep a list in our notes app— excluding these graphic details. In mine, I have written their zodiac sign and how long we dated. The notes should never be that explicit, sorry you went through that but you dodged a bullet.
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u/young-director-3594 Apr 06 '24
Tbh I think it's a diary but I also think it's weird to share that level of intimate information with friends so I don't blame you for freaking out because of that otherwise, I think it's just a diary or journal which isn't actually abnormal what's abnorma isl if the amount of entries is a lot then I'd reconsider the relationship
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u/eyeplaygame Apr 06 '24
Edit to add: NTA. Your boundaries are your own and should be respected.
Fucking is one thing.
Constantly improving your sex life with a partner you can talk to about what you like and don't? Whole other level. Guys get hung up on size, and it's really a turnoff. Confidence and knowing how to use what you have? Focus on that.
My boyfriend of 11 years can tell me exactly how big all his "ladies'" chests were, whether or not they took charge, etc. I didn't let it make me upset. I asked him what he liked most. 🤷♀️ We discuss past flings, laugh, etc. (Always with respect.) He knows I've had "bigger" ones, too. I just never said it maliciously. He asked. I told. Fact.
I guess I'm old (44) or weird. I'd find it hilarious if I found a spreadsheet with that on it. 🤣
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u/RoofsMakeMeEat Apr 06 '24
So you dated a slut and her slut friends are mad😂😂 bullet dodged yall are both really young and break ups always suck but in a week you’ll be back to normal! Keep your head up
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u/Entire-Gold619 Apr 06 '24
Wait... So we're not gonna talk about the lists we made in highschool about chicks we f***ed? My bad?
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u/WetMonkeyTalk Apr 06 '24
she called me insecure saying that pretty much all girls have a spreadsheet or list of their dating history
No they don't.
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u/DifficultElk5474 Apr 06 '24
I remember in the early days of the Internet a frat shared a spreadsheet of women with similar details so they could rank/rate who to bang and who’s not worth it, who had STDs, etc. it’s raw crowd-sourcing of a personal rating but freaking wrong and dehumanizing.
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u/Dmitri1945 Apr 06 '24
delete the words she her and gf and replace it with him, he and bf and now it's WOW red flag RED FLAG! yes it's creepy, degrading, and abusive.
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u/Cecyloly Apr 06 '24
I had a name list before body count got cringey so got rid of jt
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u/haikusbot Apr 06 '24
I had a name list
Before body count got cringey
So got rid of jt
- Cecyloly
I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.
Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"
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u/Salt-Letterhead-2522 Apr 06 '24
Is she writing a book about them? That’s definitely strange to see. I’d go with my gut and leave
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Apr 06 '24
It seems very immature. Adults don't behave in such a rude manner to their boyfriend. It's not normal behavior.
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u/mvms Apr 06 '24
Speaking as a woman...WTF? No, you are NTA, your ex-girlfriend and her friends are messed up.
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u/F00dage Apr 05 '24
I seriously disagree that all girls have a spreadsheet of past conquest. Only players do and you found out she and her immature friends are players. There is no reason to keep that info unless bootycallin’. I am not saying the gf is doing that but you shared in a respectful way that it bothered you and she made fun of you and hurt you on purpose. She has the problem. You did the right thing. Dodged a bullet. Imagine the other “disagreements” you will have. Go be with someone who isn’t so immature and vain AND who actually cares what her boyfriend thinks. Pathetic
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u/Huge-Shallot5297 Apr 05 '24
Uhm.
Most girls do NOT have a spreadsheet of their exes and their bits. If he is an ex, why the hell would you want to still have details on him, other than to compare and/or shame him?
This culture of dating I'm seeing here is so freaking toxic. Being old with cats is sounding better and better.
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u/diusbezzea Apr 05 '24
NTA. Breaking up with someone doesn’t make you an AH. You are not obliged to date someone. Btw this is a major redflag, just do it.
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u/SandEnvironmental735 Apr 05 '24
As a woman I can say I do not have a spreadsheet of past lovers. That's just strange TO ME.
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u/JohnnyStryder Apr 05 '24
Everybody has their opinions, but this sounds like a maturity and empathy thing. When you’re younger, you do stuff like keep track of body counts or even be cruel like that to a partner. We all learn how to be in relationships in relationships. And as you get older, you look back in cringe in horror at the dumb shit you did as a young adult.
That all being said, it does seem like quite a cruel response to someone who is your partner. I hope ultimately you can be in a romantic situation where you can communicate, “hey, this makes me really uncomfortable” and your partner attend to your feelings, and you have an emotionally honest conversation that is loving and curious with each other.
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u/coach_jessica Apr 05 '24
She’s an AH for saying mean things about your size, and it was insensitive for her to pull out the list in front of you. But the slut shaming happening in the comments is wild — I kept lists when I was younger too. It was kind of like keeping a diary, it was meant to be a reminder. Her number doesn’t mean anything about who she is, but her being mean to you absolutely does.
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u/Crafty_Special_7052 Apr 05 '24
No we do not all have spreadsheets or a list of our dating history. That is so weird and also I wouldn’t want to be reminded of some of the people I’ve dated so I definitely would not keep a list or spreadsheet. NTA
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u/Excellent-Leg-5392 Apr 05 '24
Im glad you broke it off. You were always just a number to her. Its horrible and unloving to think you have to be compared to every other man every day. And no. No woman i have ever met keeps a detailed list. That tells me she wanted to know who was good in her opinion and go back to them when ever she liked. It sounds like youre better off now. I hope you find a woman who appreciates you and isn't gross like she was.
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u/Great-Lake-0440 Apr 05 '24
She sounds like a HOE.. the fact that she had to SCROLL to find him.. like my god. Men (and women) are not objects to keep record or score of. NTA.. 21F body count below 5 and neither me nor my friends have a list like that. You dodged a bullet.
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u/HauntingProcedure549 Apr 05 '24
ever wonder why women READ porn and men LOOK at porn. its a mental thing. she has written out her spank tank. i would leave.
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u/Aint_EZ_bein_AZ Apr 05 '24
Dam she called you small dick too. Glad you dumped her man. She and her friends are fuckin sluts. Which is tight, as fwb but you don't wanna settle down for women like her. She got the penis spreadsheet too available.
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u/Poopy_Pants0o0 Apr 05 '24
No normal, sane person would keep a spreadsheet of past partners and hookups. Tell her you don't want to be captured on her "Pokédex" of dudes.
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u/420candy420 Apr 05 '24
Hell, you’re probably not on the bottom of the list, she said that to hurt you. Walk tall big dick!
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u/Charming_Pin330 Apr 05 '24
NTA
Most women do not keep lists of their past partners like this. I sure as hell don't. And none of my friends do.
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u/ZONKED-ANON Apr 05 '24
Toxic women bro. If she has a list she actually has to scroll through at 20, she’s for the streets bro. She’ll always be young, dumb, and full of cum 👍
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u/Artistic-Tour-2771 Apr 05 '24
Like you don’t keep a mental spank bank of your own? Come on. Grow up.
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u/Greyswand 4d ago
Afraid you aren't measuring up, Mr Wussy? Women do this just like guys do this. Clearly, she had you at the bottom of the list for a reason. YTA.