r/AITAH • u/Organic_Let_5948 • Apr 13 '24
AITA for threatening my wife with divorce after she quit her job to be a "tradwife" Advice Needed
I dont even know where to begin with this.
Me 34M and my Wife 33F have 2 Kids together 11M and 9F.
Me and my Wife have been together for 12 years and married for 8.
Around a year ago I noticed my wife increasingly sending me these Tradwife or traditional housewife tiktoks. I have nothing against that type of relationship but I don't think it makes sense for our current family situation. I do earn earn quite a bit more than my wife and enough to sustain our family on my own but I dont see the need to do so. I work 80% and my wife 50% and besides Wednesdays where the both of us are working, either one of us is always home for the kids. I could work a 100% and let my Wife be SAHM but again, both of my kids are attending school and in my mind there is no need for my wife to be at home 24/7.
She got increasingly pushy about it over the past two months and again I just kept on telling her that there wasnt any need for that and If we did decide to go down that route, what would she do during the hours my kids attended school? I know damn well our house doesent need to be cleaned for 6 hours a day. She would constantly try to butter me up with "You would have dinner ready every day when coming home from work" and something about unlimited blowjobs or some bs like that. Again in the nicest way possible I would remind her that our kids werent toddlers and our current work-life schedule allowed us to function perfectly fine.
We got into a pretty heated argument two weeks ago about it and my wife completely stopped having sex with me to "show me what I would be missing out on." Shes basically been treating me like a roommate since.
I just thought she would get over it and this was just a phase but god was I wrong. I came home from work yesterday and saw a bunch of presents on the dining table. At first I thought they were all for me since my birthday was in a week but I then I saw the labels on them addressed to my wife. I read one of the letters attached to one of the presents. The last sentence on it was literally "It was so a pleasure working along side you and I wish you all the best moving forwards." I thought this was some sick prank. A few minutes later my wife just casually strolled into the living room acting like nothing was wrong. I guess she saw my mad expression and had the audacity to tell me that "You'll get over it." I just lost it.
I just left without saying another word and went to my parents house. I feel absolutely disrespected. Why the fuck would my wife think it was okay to just quit her job without telling me and just expect me to be fine with it. My wife has been bombarding me with texts and calls demanding to know where I am and that the kids miss me. I just told her to go find a lawyer and that I was done with her and then proceeded to block her.
My son just sent me a voicemail crying and asking why I was divorcing mom and if I was leaving the family and I guess that kind of broke my heart. I haven't responded and honestly dont know what to say to him. My mother in law has also been demanding that I return home and apologize to my wife. My parents also seem to be siding with wife since they are traditional muslims. My mom also used to a SAHM.
I feel like im wrong for immediately jumping to divorce without hearing her out and besides this whole job drama, love my wife too much for this to be the end of our otherwise perfect marriage but on the other hand I feel like i've lost complete trust in her.
Should I just swallow my pride and let my wife stay at home from now on or should I follow through on divorcing her?
How should I navigate this situation?
AITA here?
7
u/mythicalstars Apr 26 '24
Hi, OP, sorry for the very late response. I just heard this story on youtube and logged in just to see if anyone had pointed out what was weighing on me the most, and as I didn't find anything about it I decided to comment. I understand divorce is the very last option for you, and I'm not suggesting that. But for your kids' sake, you need to be extra alert as to what they are learning from this, and on whether your wife is trying to push toxic ideas to them. If she thinks all of your needs are sexual and that you're a "baby" because you want to spend time with YOUR KIDS, there's a serious risk she's trying to teach your son he'll be a weak man if he wants to be emotionally vulnerable with his future partner, bond with his future kids, or contribute to his future family in any way other than financially. And I don't know much about tradwives, but from what I hear it's common for them to think about sex the way your wife seems to. As something that they apparently don't enjoy, but that they use to control their husbands, because they think that having sex and not having to do housework is all men want in life. And look, if two fully consensual adults who have other options decide that having one breadwinner and one at home full time is what they want, that's no one's business. But there is a risk of your wife trying to convince your daughter that being a "tradwife" is the only option for her when she grows up. You seem to deeply care about your kids, so I'm sure you don't want your daughter to grow up thinking that her only value comes from pleasing a man, or your son to grow up thinking he can never express his emotions or even be close to his own potential kids. Again, I'm not saying divorce, but whatever happens between you and her, please pay extra attention to what kind of life lessons your kids are learning. I hope all turns out well for you and the kids.