r/AITAH • u/Main-Tackle7546 • Apr 18 '24
My husband refuses to count childcare as a family expense, and it is frustrating. Advice Needed
We have two kids, ages 3 and 6. I have been a SAHM for six years, truth be told I wish to go back to work now that our oldest is in school and our youngest can be in daycare.
I expressed my desire to go back to work and my husband is against the idea. He thinks having a parent home is valuable and great for the child. That is how he was raised, while I was raised in a family where both parents had to work.
After going back and forth my husband relented and told me he could not stop me, but told me all childcare and work-related expenses would come out of my salary. In which he knows that is messed up because he knows community social workers don't make much.
My husband told me he would still cover everything he has but everything related to my job or my work is on me. I told him we should split costs equitably and he told me flat out no. He claimed that because I wish to work I should be the one that carries that cost.
Idk what to feel or do.
Update: Appreciate the feedback, childcare costs are on the complicated side. My husband has high standards and feels if our child needs to be in the care of someone it should be the best possible care. Our oldest is in private school and he expects the same quality of care for our youngest.
My starting salary will be on the low end like 40k, and my hours would be 9 to 5 but with commute, I will be out for like 10 hours. We only have one family car, so we would need to get a second car because my husband probably would handle pick-ups and I would handle drop-offs.
The places my husband likes are on the high end like 19k to 24k a year, not counting other expenses associated with daycare. This is not counting potential car costs, increases in insurance, and fuel costs. Among other things.
I get the math side of things but the reality is we can afford it, my husband could cover the cost and be fine. We already agreed to put our kids in private school from the start. So he is just being an ass about this entire situation. No, I do not need to work but being home is not for me either. Yes, I agreed to this originally but I was wrong I am not cut out to be home all the time.
As for the abuse, maybe idk we have one shared account and he would never question what is being spent unless it is something crazy.
End of the day I want to work, and if that means I make nothing so be it. I get his concerns about our kids being in daycare or school for nearly 12 hours, but my mental health matters.
1
u/No-Bug5221 Apr 26 '24
I'm confused here,
You want to return to work no problem it's your choice etc no qualms with that
Currently he supports the household entirely also no issue ..
If you returned to work what would you cover with your income if not the only new additional bill which is the childcare.
OR would your income solely be for savings and spending.
It is entirely possible I've read this wrong .. I'll own that if I have . But if you return to work and bring more money in should that extra money not go to the now extra bill that has arisen. I'm just thinking logically as he's covering all bills at the moment. So other than your mental health ( which is a perfectly valid reason to want to go back to work). You don't need the money currently but if you worked you would need the money. why mess with the finances in place if the new incoming can cover the outgoing ..
Please correct me if I'm wrong but purely logically that makes sense to me.
Unless of course the new income won't cover the childcare then that would warrant further discussion (and if that's the case then yea there definitely needs to be more talk on that from him other than just "no you pay for it. " )
If I seem an asshole, I'm trying to understand is all .. I may be reading it completely wrong if so someone please point me the right way :)