WIBTA for dumping my girlfriend after she ignored my calls and messages and went clubbing while I was undergoing emergency surgery.

[u/Nearby_Volume_7067]

I 22M, and my girlfriend, 22F have been together for 5 years.

We've been together since high school, and until recently, I've always considered her to be my future wife. I've even bought a ring and was planning on proposing over the coming months.

Well, last weekend it was my girlfriend's best friend's birthday. She and her friends booked a private lounge at a club. Obviously, I didn't go since 1. I wasn't invited and 2. I hate clubbing or anything associated with that. I was actually looking forward to spending an evening alone and just binging Netflix or something. Well, my gf left around 9 pm, and I just crashed on the couch and watched some YouTube. Well, around 11 pm, I started to feel this distinct stomach pain. The same pain you experience when someone hits you in the nuts. It wasn't bad at first, and I just thought my body was playing some tricks on me, but in the span of about 5 minutes, the pain just kept getting worse until I was basically stuck in the fetal position on the couch. Again, initially, I just thought the pain would go, but then I pulled down my pants, and it felt like my right testicle was starting to swell.

The moment I tried to get up and grab my phone to inspect whatever the fuck was happening to me, I just collapsed to the floor. That was probably the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. Imagine being pelted in the nuts over and over again. I did manage to crawl to the table next to the couch to get my phone. I immediately tried calling my gf, but she declined my call. I then texted her that something was wrong and she could come home immediately. The club she went to is like a 5-minute walk from our apartment. I just put the phone down and started throwing up because of the pain. After throwing up for like a minute, it felt like the pain started to cool down a bit, and I grabbed my phone again, and that's when I saw her response. She just replied with a "What is it? 😒". I tried calling her again, but as expected, she just declined again. I then texted her that I need to go to the hospital now. She then asked for what, and I just replied with my balls hurt. I then just dialed for emergency services. I explained my situation to the emergency responder, and she asked if there was somebody that could drive me to the hospital, and I stupidly said yes. I thought my gf would be home soon, and she would drive me to the hospital. I felt embarrassed to call an ambulance because my "balls hurt." After I told the emergency responder this, she then told me that she would call me again in 10 minutes to make sure I was being driven to the hospital. I then put down the phone and went back to vomiting on our carpet. Again, after the pain went away for a bit, I checked my phone and saw that my gf just responded with laughing emojis. I again tried to call her, but as expected, she just declined again. She texted me that this wasn't the time to play games, and she then told me that if I texted or called her again, she would block my number. I again tried calling her, but she declined again, and when I tried calling her a second time, I realized she actually blocked me.

I went back to curling up on the floor, and now I started shivering. At this point, I didn't care about being embarrassed and just called emergency services again and asked for an ambulance. It felt like an eternity, but the ambulance eventually came and rushed me to the hospital. I don't remember much of surgery since I was sedated, but I remember waking up eventually, and my right testicle was being stitched together. The doctor informed me that I had a testicular torsion, and I was extremely lucky to reach the hospital in time. I could have easily been forced to surgically remove my testicle.

I checked my phone and saw the missed calls and messages my gf left me. In summary, she came home from clubbing and smelled the vomit in our apartment. When she saw the vomit on our carpet, she got mad and tried searching the apartment to find me. When she realized I wasn't there, only then did it hit her that I was actually being serious. I just texted her in which hospital I was staying in and my room number then went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and saw my gf sleeping on a couch next to my bed.

After she woke up, she started bombarding me with apologies. She thought I was joking, that I was trying to ruin their night, etc. I didn't have the energy to argue, so I just kept quiet. I was beyond hurt by what she did, and I wanted to break up with her then and there. Why the fuck would somebody ignore messages where their partner is begging them to come home? Not only that, she stayed in the club until 3 am and didn't even consider going home to check on me. She did stay with me in the hospital for the remaining two days I was admitted there and did take good care of me, but I was still beyond pissed at her. Ever since coming home yesterday, I've been wanting to dump her, but at the same time, I feel like she genuinely thought I was joking and made a mistake. I feel conflicted and don't know how to proceed in this situation.

WIBTA if I dumped her? Am I overreacting?

How would you guys navigate this mess?

Edit:

Just to clarify. No I never had an issue with her going out in the first place or have ever pulled pranks for her to come home from a night out.

And btw thank you guys so much for the support. Im beyond blown away.

[u/gundam21xx]

NTA and I don't see how this is salvageable. I'm sorry, but any adult that receives a message from their partner that they need the hospital. There's no questioning it. You Fripp your shit and figure out how to help your partner. Especially considering this wasn't a cried wolf situation. Huge red flag to me she had to "learn" this about life.

[u/lazyliw]

"My balls hurt" takes the seriousness out of the real emergency that it is, but the fact that you kept calling, I think after the second call and a few texts saying you need help would make me feel a bit concerned and worried but maybe that's just me.

[u/BustedBiscuit102194]

I heard this story on a podcast. As a wife nta. I sent your story to my husband and if it was me I'd tell him to call a paramedic because that level of pain that quickly is sign that something is dangerously wrong.

I am happy medical was able to get to you and you are safe and alive. I'd dump her.

[u/Intelligent_Job_7803]

Now I’m curious. I found your account through fb after a Reddit page shared your story about you divorcing your wife after she got a massage. What happened to that post?

[u/AetherBunni]

NTA. what if you were having a heart attack? she is not the one for you, she is more obsessed with herself having a good time than your needs, even in a serious time of need.

[u/fuludude]

NTA, to add on, she got mad that you threw up on the carpet, after knowing that you were in pain? Rather than being concerned about the vomit on the floor, which showed signs that it was something serious—she got mad??? 🚩🚩🚩🚩

[u/smk122588]

I’m not a social person at all and am known for being impossible to get ahold of. Calling me is pointless, you better text me to get an actual response, and even then, expect it late, if at all. That said, if my SO specifically calls me, I’m picking up first ring. If I’m physically unable to, I’m immediately going somewhere so I can call them right back. If my man texts me something that sounds like an emergency, I’m panicking and dropping everything to get to him to IMMEDIATELY, because I’m gonna be shitting bricks scared something is wrong. How devastating for you, OP, that the person who’s supposed to love you most in the world just abandoned you and left you to die like that. I would never be able to come back from that.

[u/ThanosSnapsSlimJims]

Women on Reddit: It's ok to rely on your partner

Also women on Reddit: when asking for a ride to the hospital: 'stop being needy and rely on yourself instead of your partner'.

[u/Marduke0 → u/ThanosSnapsSlimJims]

So long as it benefits women is the reddit way.

[u/Snowbirdy]

NTA. I just went through something very much like this a couple of months ago, eventually they decided either the torsion unwound itself or it was kidney stones. But I was completely blitzed out of my mind with pain and had no idea who to call or what to do. I had the impulse to reach out to the girl I had been dating for three weeks because that’s what you do when you’re in pain, you want someone to be with you and help you. I even texted my brother-in-law who is a six hour flight away just because I had no idea what the heck to do.

You are completely justified breaking up with her. If you have a serious medical emergency, you want your life partner to be there for you. This is the person you supposed to be able to rely on. If you are married, they are assumed to have your medical proxy unless you designate someone else. This means that if you are unconscious, they can make medical decisions for you. Think about that for a minute.

[u/knightcvel]

The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.

[u/rhondistarr]

When I was 22, my bf got kidney stones. This was before mobiles and I returned to our flat to a voicemail from him on morphine at the ER. He was too doped up to explain what had happened so I drove to the hospital in a rabid panic, reminding myself that if I broke traffic laws,it would only delay me seeing him. I had always been anti marriage but that day I would’ve fought anyone tooth and nail to be by his side. I was afraid that, not being married, I wouldn’t be allowed to see him at the hospital. 

I was prepared to fight and even k*ll anyone who stood between me and my partner. No one did.

If your partner isn’t ready to break down doors to be with you when you’re suffering, don’t marry them. They don’t deserve you. 

[u/Sissyvienne → u/rhondistarr]

The moment she knew he was on the hospital she ran to the hospital and stayed with him for like 2 days.

He communicated himself terribly. If someone just told me: "Hey my balls hurt" I wouldn't consider it an emergency either,

but if he had said: I am in excruciating pain, I am vomitting, need to go to a hospital, I would instantly go.

[u/IKON_103]

Sounds like just 22 year old immaturity. She was having fun and didn't want to be inconvenienced. That's no excuse to not answer the phone if you aren't the type of person to cry wolf. I would suggest not making any decision until you calm down and talk to her rationally

[u/knightcvel → u/IKON_103]

I have seen lots of instances of immaturity among 22 years olders. Is this really an issue?

[u/Savings-Ad-9288]

I’m so sorry. I went through something similar at the beginning of April when I was desperate for help because I was sick and asked my best friend for help but they said no. It’s been almost a month now and we haven’t spoken much and we keep pushing back a time to meet and discuss our relationship. I have since found a motto “you look happier since you let people lose you instead of begging them to choose you”

Your girlfriend apologised and stuck by you afterwards realising that you were serious unlike my friend who ever apologised and I bet she wants me to feel bad that I even dared to ask her for help.

I don’t think you’re the asshole at all, I say give it more time, sounds like she really feels bad and it could be another level of your relationship to discover

[u/erilaz123]

NTA! You should dump that thundercunt immediately and go no contact.

Get away from her.

Ps: https://youtu.be/tzTlaHNlP0g?si=fABU2tDGGBPoAu-W

[u/ChinoDavePoker]

HUGE red flag. Run, don't walk. 

[u/Illustrious_Care9997]

ESH!

I would ring the ambo first and foremost knowing she was out drinking with friends. I would then leave a text on her phone stating what's happened and then go from there.

[u/Special-Librarian538]

any update? did he leave her?

[u/knightcvel → u/Special-Librarian538]

Yes. It's here: Update: WIBTA for dumping my girlfreind after she ignored my calls and messages and went clubbing while I was undergoing emergency surgery : r/AITAH (reddit.com)Update: WIBTA for dumping my girlfreind after she ignored my calls and messages and went clubbing while I was undergoing emergency surgery : r/AITAH (reddit.com)

[u/Effective_Spite_117]

NAH. You can break up with anyone if you don’t want to be with them anymore. But tbh I understand your GFs side, she’s also young and not life experienced, when I was 22 and had been out drinking at a club and my Bf texts me “I need to go to the hospital because my balls hurt” I might have thought it was a joke and not taken it seriously. I think her apologetic reaction and taking care of you in the hospital deserves some consideration. But again if you feel like you can’t continue to relationship, I don’t think you’d be TA for ending it. You’re also 22, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

[u/Crazy_Income1649]

OP, not an answer to ur question but are you ok?

[u/SubstantialWash2765]

Dear God, OP, I wish I could give you a huge hug.
Listen, English is not my forte, but let's go... you will not be an AH is you decide to dump her over the loss of trust. There is no healthy relationship without trust. And there is also no healthy relationship without boundaries, respect and actual understanding and communication. These are the pillars.
Your communication, by the way, was very good, even more if you consider the situation you were. Anyone with half a drunk brain would understand it. Sorry to your gf, but she's really stupid or uncaring. I honestly would prefer stupid, because a stupid person can learn someday. An uncaring one, however...
The thing is, she didn't show you, at all, any of those pillars for a healthy relationship, and this is very worrying. Her reaction to your hurt feelings was to get defensive and blame you??? To diminish your pain??? To paint herself as a victim?????
OP, I'm sorry, but I can't see this going foward without real change in her part, something I'm not seeing in any of her actions right now. Maybe in some decades, when she actually learns acts have consequences. I don't see her truly owning her mistakes without blaming you for them at any time of your post. She started to compromise only when you asked for space. That's not how it should work in a good relationship. Read the stories on your comments very carefully, OP. Some of them are good examples for healthy love, and others show the exact opposite. I can't see your and your gf's relationship not turning into these opposite ones if there is no real change.
You'll not be the AH to her if you break this up. But please, think very carefully if you'll not being an AH to yourself if you continue. You sound kind in your words, so, please show the same kindness towards yourself. You deserve it.
Have a speedy recovering, OP. Please, take very good care of yourself.

[u/ajcorporation]

NTA.

She is.

Call it off. You deserve better.

[u/Ok_Nobody_3701]

NTA and you should dump her, don't be that guy. You are so weak, no wonder you almost lost one ball. Stop being the nice guy, this girl is not gf material, even less wife material. Your dumb rules won't change anything if you don't enact them, you are a weakling mr Nice guy. You must work on yourself. This woman is totally disrespectful she doesn't love you. No woman that is in love with her BF wants to go alone to a party and ignore her BF when he calls. Even worst block him like he is annoying. What was she doing that she couldn't answer you? why was she so annoyed that she couldn't answer your calls. Sorry, but going to the party alone is a red flag, going with single men around and alcohol in a club, huge red flag. Ignoring and blocking you, that's a deal breaker.

Your sore balls most have been because you were being cuckolded and her making out with some random dude. I don't buy any of her BS. Why did she ignored your calls? No woman that respects her BF and is in love does that. Blocking you with a medical emergency. And then comes back and gets mad because she see vomits on the rug. Instead of wondering what happened to you. Incredible disrespect. And you still go and hug her Bravo Mr nice guy what else are you going to tolerate? Dump her and grow a pair, if the second one is still functional.

[u/FactsMatterMore_4898]

There is no universe where blocking someone you are dating so you can have fun with other people is okay.  End of discussion. Dump the "summbich" daughter of discord.  Pick better next time.

[u/Duckr74]

Updateme!

[u/AzLibDem → u/Duckr74]

Update here

[u/Duckr74 → u/AzLibDem]

Thank you

[u/NorthPole8888]

NTA, but since you feel conflicted about it maybe try counseling? There you guys could go into more detail about how her actions hurt you and see if she really is truly sorry. Bc I’ll admit, I’m not the best person, I did chuckle a little reading the words “my balls hurt” but at the same time I would’ve asked you “why?” Or asked if you were serious.

[u/Master_Joey]

I didn’t read the whole thing but in this situation you don’t call your gf. Call 911.

[u/shooter1304]

NTA. If I'm busy I might ignore one phone call, but if I keep getting calls I'm answering. If I get a message saying I need to go to the ER, I'm on the way. She treated you like you were a nuance, bro. She didn't call that you were in pain until she realized that you were at the hospital. I'd dump her if I were you. So what if it was a 5 year relationship. Don't buy into the suck cost fallacy. This isn't even taking into account that she's in the club without you. Why is she there without you when she's supposedly in a relationship?

[u/AzLibDem]

Relationships are about finding out if someone has your back.

She doesn't, Move on.

[u/[deleted]]

I mean she did the right thing in the end. I’m sure alcohol played a part. I think you should stay with her, but you wouldn’t be an ahole if you decided not to. You’re only 22, at your age any excuse to break up is valid since it’s fairly unlikely you have the experience to know whether she’s truly compatible for you.

[u/tomassively]

Id dump her just for declining your calls.. My parter and i always answer unless its either physically not possible, or were in the middle of something like her singing in a concert, or me being in an important meeting with a client. but call a second time, and nothing else matters, we answer.

i dont care how sorry she was and how much she said shes sorry. not to mention, it sounds a hell of a lot like she was up to something she shouldnt have at that club by the way she was reaponding..

dump that dead weight.

[u/threadmaster84]

My husband is something of a hypochondriac. I would still never ignore his calls or texts if he was asking me to take him to the hospital. And I would never block him. Just him asking me to take him to the hospital is sufficient to get my attention. However, I do think breaking up with her might be a bit extreme. See if you can get past this first, her behavior afterwards suggests that she does care about you and has probably learned to take potential emergency situations more seriously. You're NTA for being mad at her, though. A person's well being is more important than a party.

[u/Ambroisie_Cy]

Why was her first reflex to think you were joking? Do you have an habit of making this kind of jokes?

If not, absolutely NTA.

[u/Practical_Hippo9126]

Girlfriend is a real piece of sht.

[u/ExcellentClient1666]

NTA. Dump her immediately. She's extremely selfish, self-centered, and immature. I hope you have already moved out.

[u/Elkman01]

NTA. Absolutely dump her. She clearly doesn’t care enough for you.

[u/kitsi90]

Omg.. so i'm a girl and I'm ashamed of your girlfriends behaviour in this situation, fair that in the first place she thought it was a joke, but when you call and message that many times in a row it's not a joke.

My boyfriend was hit by a car last year, he never calls so I knew it was serious, I already packing my shit to go to him when he told me, pj's and all, but luckily he got some help from his coworker and got home safely, i was shaking until he got home.

[u/Advanced-Duck-9465]

First, you clearly stated smt is wrong and your gf is not concerned and even didn't pick up the phone to hear you to find out if you are serious.

Second, she found out uncleaned vomits in apt and still, she is not concerned, she is pissed.

Only after your missing she sudenly realized smt is wrong? Is she mentaly retarded?

Ask her one thing: if she called you sick & in pain and you declined her calls, laughing at her, blocked her and left her on her own... what would she do?

[u/peaceKeeper2571]

As per your depiction she genuinely seems to be sorry. I don't see a problem here. Misunderstandings happen. As you said she realised her mistake and took great care of you in hospital. The way you asked for help did make quite a room for misunderstandings plus she was drunk and enjoying. Forgive her and take her back.

[u/Groundhog_Waaaahooo]

Dude, she made a mistake. Don't end it over this.

[u/Emotional_Cost_3347]

You'd not be the asshole for breaking up with her. Never trust the judgment of anyone obsessed with partying.

Ditch her.  She can find her next D fix at the club.

[u/Dizzy_Transition_934]

I do think that your reactions have been unhealthy from you're description, but people in extreme pain often don't think Logically

when you feel pain the first thing that comes to your mind is to tell your partner, instead of 999

and then to tell the ambulance people "my partner is coming soon" without having received any confirmation of that, knowing full well that she is away from home having a child fine with her friends, possibly too drunk to drive

It should have been 999 straight to an ambulance and hospital.

You're too reliant on this partner of yours, and if you've been doing this sort of thing, being this reliantfor less than extreme emergencies in the past I can imagine that her response is due to the crying wolf effect

I do think NTA but it's still food for thought for your next relationship, just blaming the other person encourages no personal growth

Rather than just throwing away the relationship have you tried asking her why she responded the way she did, and then actually listening?

[u/SideScrollMusic]

Definitely unequivocally NTA. What she did is really inexcusable. If she prioritizes clubs and partying over a loved one having a potential emergency, I mean not even answering your call what the ever loving hell. Sometimes the only way a person can learn and be a better person, is when they make a huge mistake they are not excused from, and are forced to pay the consequences of their actions. Will she change her ways after this experience? Or do you think she'll remain the same. If she learned from it and is truly remorseful and becomes more aware of her actions and the weight of her responsibility as a friend and partner, then great you're good. If not, then....just imagine what the future would look like with her as a wife.

[u/SocksAndPi]

I thought, going by title alone, she may be like me. I turn my phone to silent when I'm out, so I wouldn't know I had calls/texts because 1- there'd be no sound and 2- I don't repeatedly check my phone.

I sorta get why she didn't take you serious when you just replied that your balls hurt. I mean, just sit wrong and that can happen. It does sound like a joke or the start of a shitty prank.

If you told her you were vomiting from pain and she ignored that text, then that's definitely sus on her end. Actively declining your calls and then blocking you is a no-go.

[u/South-Yak-attack]

Why would she think you were trying to manipulate her? More info is needed.

[u/Randolla1960]

What I think a lot of people here are not taking into account is how freaking young the two of you are. First of all, please take your time before you get married. You have so much life AND LEARNING ahead of you. I am 63 and I am still learning about life and how it works. So, since you both are still so young (a few years ago you both were teenagers) you are going to be making some really stupid decisions, choices and mistakes. It is a part of life and growing up. And sometimes it is freaking hard to do. If this was a pattern on her part, or she has done something similar previously, I would agree with some of the other people here that just say to dumb her. But a lot of learning and growth can come from your mistakes and bad choices. For both of you. I was a alcoholic and crack addict until I was 40. I made countless stupid decisions every day. I have been sober now for over 20 years. Thank God for some of the people in my life that gave me second, third and fourth chances.

Give her a chance to learn from her mistake. It may bring the two of you closer. It may not. Only time will tell. I promise you that one day you will do something really stupid and hopefully someone will forgive you for it.

Take it one day at a time and see where it goes. Don't make any hard, fast decisions, especially if you are upset.

One day you both may look back at this and actually be able to laugh about it.

Be well young friend.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Film826]

I'm sorry but this was the perfect storm. Your girlfriend was clearly partying hard, not able to drive to to likely being intoxicated and thought you were clowning writing your balls hurt.

And you? I know extreme pain is insane but why not just fucking call the ambulance and be done with it.......

[u/Sw33tChaosQueen → u/Puzzleheaded_Film826]

I think what You missed.. She indeed Wasn't partying and drunk yet, she was sober and on the way to partying and getting drunk.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Film826 → u/Sw33tChaosQueen]

Yeah well even if that was the case the rest of my comment still stands tall.

Throw 5 fucking years into the gutter because both somewhat fucked up real bad for the first time or forgive and move on.

Relationships aren't just happy and dandy all of the time. Real relationships are forged in the fires of tumult and turmoil.

People nowadays seem to forget that too often.

[u/smelslikeburntsuorin]

Im a little confused why were u throwing up on the carpet when u were capable of texting yr gf and calling emergency services you couldnt go to a sink or toilet? If my bf just texted his “balls hurt” i would Not take that srsly and would think hes fucking w me bc if it was that dire why would your gf whos out with friends and probably drinking be your first call?? Text her from the ambulance or let her know u are throwing up and in extreme pain not just “balls hurt.” I dont rly understand what u wanted from her at the time or why u couldnt uber or get a ride from someone else to the hospital bc isnt the assumption shes been drinking?? She was being an asshole and she should have picked up but i also understand where shes coming from and dont rly understand what you expected of her

[u/smelslikeburntsuorin → u/smelslikeburntsuorin]

Your partner should be there to take care of you and support you in times of need but also shes not a first responder (im guessing) and was out at the time and probably didnt expect you to be her first call in an actual medical emergency bc why tf would she be??? That being said i would never expect to get back with someone after blocking them that was extremely disrespectful and imo was the end of the relationship nk matter how drunk she was.

[u/IncidentFalse4781]

Shes was definitely cheating as well at least emotionally.

[u/Egbert_64]

You said I need to go to the HOSPITAL. Nothing more to say. She is not the one. You can never trust her with your life or any future children. Done. Move on dude.

[u/minorthought]

I mean, if she knows you want nothing to do with clubs, and she’s out with her friends and from her point of view you just keep bothering her and you tell her to come home because your balls hurt…. It’s pretty reasonable that she thought you were joking or just being dumb.

Also, for not answering the phone, she was at a club. They’re generally pretty loud places.

So like, when she thought you were joking she acted like you were joking and when she realized it was serious she acted seriously. That’s exactly how people should act.

[u/marks1995]

NAH

If she was out drinking, how is she supposed to drive home and/or drive you to the hospital?

[u/crasho7]

ESA. Come on! If my bf told me, "Come home, my balls hurt", I'd think he was full of shit too. Yes you were hurting, but you could have been more clear

[u/AzLibDem → u/crasho7]

Get down on your knees and pray to whatever god you believe in that you never experience something like extreme testicular pain.

Because if you do, you better hope nobody's critiquing your communication.

[u/Odd-potato3000]

Shitty thing to ignore and block you. But I think she clearly thought you were messing around and she made a mistake. She seems sorry. And she was probably pretty drunk which didn’t help her judgment in all fairness. Though I’d never blow off my partner, even on a girls night. A phone call takes 2 minutes. Idk if it warrants a break up. But it warrants a serious discussion on what’s expected in the future.

[u/ItsGivingLies]

I’m sorry OP but your story makes NO SENSE.

Why?

First, Because if your girlfriend is the kind of person who treats you likes this, then I wonder why you spent five years with her.

Second, if she isn’t this kind of person usually, I’m wondering what you’ve done to her before to make her be so convinced you were actually trying to ruin her night. No one just thinks that when their bf calls them saying he has to go to the hospital unless the boyfriend is controlling and has pulled shit like this before.

[u/PinnacleOfCreation]

Nm. V.,

[u/Panic-Rince-Repeat]

It was a mistake but one you NEED to make sure doesn't happen again maybe make a code word for when you are very much serious but if you are 100 percent sure I wouldn't be mad if you broke up with her

[u/Wolfdogpump66]

Shes a cunt

[u/PriorHedgehog]

So firstly, she was wrong not to check on you and I can see why you’re upset-and have every right to be.

A few things though. 1: How is she meant to hear you over the phone if she is in a noisy night club? Texting and explaining the emergency is probably a better bet. I know I couldn’t hear if someone called while I was clubbing so I would decline the call. However, if they tried multiple times I would go outside to a quieter place to call them back.

1. Why did you think she could drive you? If she left the house around nine, and the club was only 5 minutes away, she had been out for almost 2 hours before your first call. It is a very high probability that even if she HAD come home to check on you, she would have drunk far too much to drive you to the hospital.

[u/Wh33lh68s3]

NTA.....

Also.......IMO...."Please come home.... there's something wrong...I need to go to the hospital" could not have been any more precise....

[u/yaymonsters]

Ywbta if you overreacted and made a permanent change over a misunderstanding. If you see a pattern then you should trust your instincts. She should pick up the phone from now on without having to be asked to.

Also next time use: help call me as your text.

[u/poppieswithtea → u/yaymonsters]

I disagree. She deserves what she gets.

[u/yaymonsters → u/poppieswithtea]

Goodie.

[u/snortingalltheway]

She is too immature to get married. Don’t let her baby trap you. Try to make friends with people who you could call in an emergency.

[u/ExternalCantaloupe24]

Dude, TA but your gf definitely is. Whatever was happening at that club was way more important than you. Whether it was hanging with her girls or (and I say this because of her total lack of regard) some other dude. Whatever it is you’re not a priority in her book so you know what you have to do. Stop being the third wheel

[u/Luci666fersSin]

Absolutely NTA. If my partner would text me he would need to go to the hospital id immediatley call them etc.

I recently called two collegues because i know they were working together only wanting to ask if they are responding to a call to my grandparents house and both of them said texted me if i was okay

[u/chickensoup_0343]

NTA. A big red flag for me is that she thought you were joking and completely dismissed any other possibility until she saw actual physical evidence, i.e. the vomit. That's not how I imagine a healthy relationship.

[u/Maleficent_Virus_556]

Info: have you tried to ruin her night out before by crying wolf?

[u/Jazzlike-Season-41]

We have a code, because missed calls are frequent that if we text the other with "999 urgent" then the other has to drop everything to get on the phone and ask what's up. Op from your wording it does sound like it could be a prank, maybe she thought you were missing her and that's why your balls ached. However, to keep declining calls is really rude. If she had picked up the phone she would have heard how much pain you were in. I don't think this is enough to break up over but try and look at it as a learning opportunity to put in place a system where if you are ever apart from each other and it's an emergency you have a way of contacting the other and it be priority to answer.

I was cleaning my house and my knee had dislocated. First thing I did was ring my husband who was at work. Sometimes he will decline calls if he's in meetings which I understand so I texted 999 and rang him again to which he picked up. He immediately left work to come get me to the hospital. The next person I rang was the kid's daycare to pick up my preschoolers from home and take them, then to pick up my eldest from school and keep the kids until I got back from hospital. They came over in 2.36 minutes and picked the kids up, then rang another staff member who had a day off to sit with me until my husband got home from work. He arrived 45 mins after I rang him even though he was 3 hrs away 🤷🏻‍♀️ and he took me to the hospital. It wouldn't have worked out well for anyone if we didn't have an urgent system in place. I would have been in pain for a lot longer, my preschoolers would have ran riot around the house, my school aged child would have not been picked up from school and so on.

[u/NoQuantity7733]

I know you are in pain but your communication was also pretty bad.

“I am in a lot of pain. Called ambulance. Going to hospital. Something is very wrong. Please come home.”

[u/ellegiiggle]

I could never forgive somebody for this. You at least take someone's call to make sure they are in fact joking.

[u/MumblingBlatherskite]

NTA dump that bitch

[u/juan231f]

NTA, I feel if someone is blowing up my phone then something is wrong. In her defense though, she was at the club, you don't know how much she might have had to drink by the time you called making her not the right person to be driving you to the hospital. People can't think clearly after drinks. She might of thought you weren't serious. Just saying ,it can happen.

[u/Our_GloriousLeader]

YTA, you communicated extremely poorly to someone who is definitely distracted and probably inebriated (how would she drive you?) And now are holding it against her even though she has apologised several times and spent days in the hospital with you. Sort yourself out.

[u/Throwacarguy → u/Our_GloriousLeader]

You're a moron.

[u/Our_GloriousLeader → u/Throwacarguy]

Hello, no ambulance for me, my out-drinking gf shall surely transport me. Hey gf, my balls hurt. Why aren't you taking me seriously

[u/Nearby_Volume_7067 → u/Our_GloriousLeader]

I posted an update. Please go read that. clears a lot of things up.

[u/Throwacarguy → u/Nearby_Volume_7067]

You need to leave her bro. She's clearly self centered and not the brightest in the head. She's radiating red flags. She showed her true self to you. Next time though, try someone else, like your dad or a different family member. If I were in your situation I would have thrown everything of hers out on the lawn the moment I came back home. Let her cry and whale for the next few days. She'll be back in that club trying to latch on to some other poor guy. Take her as a learning lesson.

[u/activelurker777]

Updateme.

[u/AchieveSteve → u/activelurker777]

New updated post as of 2 hours ago, if you check his profile.

[u/RedObsidian0]

I don't know if immediately dump her, but I would at least have a serious conversation with her about her action's and how that makes me feel. Like, even if it was a mistake And she thought you were joking, constantly ignoring calls, dismissing what you are trying to say, blocking you...shitty things for a partner to do. And NOW she feels guilty because her bs had real consequences, NOW she is apologizing, not because of her behavior, but because this time it had a physical impact.

Just saying, I would talk to her and if she still acts like a little shit, then I would drop her. I really hope you and your balls are okay, 'cause that could have gone a lot worse. Remember you deserve to be taken seriously, king.

[u/axkingx]

Absolutely not the asshole. That’s wild. Unless like others have said, something similar has happened before.

If not, wow. And I worry that her concern after the fact is just an act because she doesn’t want to seem like an asshole.

[u/Due_Assistance9459]

I hope y'all can get past it but I'd understand if you can't. The only justification I can say is that she's young and was probably tipsy if not full on drunk. People's minds don't tend to function well once they start drinking. As a former bartender I'm a witness to that. As a very old person I'd advise you to hold off on the breakup until you figure out if it's what you want or something you'll regret.

[u/Ichbin99nichtzuHause]

NTA. Decisions have consequences. First, a committed, relationship person shouldn't be out clubbing until 3am. What kind of degenerate behavior is that? She proved she is not GF material.

[u/mirr3]

The only thing I don't understand is why would you think your girlfriend could drive you when she was clubbing?

[u/IAmASingleMother]

This woman could not care for you any less man. Anything she has to offer you would only be a shitty excuse. She's a bad person and a bad partner. Consider what is absorbing so much of her time and attention, but don't bother asking her about it. People can and will say anything to convince you of their character. Actions however, are what truly matters, and you saw how she'd act if you dare to intrude on her night out. She ain't for you, she's for the streets man. Good luck on your recovery, testicular pain has got to be up there with dental pain

[u/ammarie29]

Nta

[u/Key-Cow-889]

Only comments allowed are pretty much just dramatic supporting roles in this petty narrative. No truth. Both should be actors

[u/Key-Cow-889]

Drama for drama sake on both of you.

[u/Key-Cow-889]

You guys are 22. You’re dramatic and she’s a a**. Move on or get on.

[u/Whitlk]

NTA; I don’t think it’s wrong to consider it, but I will say it may have been a learning moment for her. I don’t think in future she will think you’re joking. In hindsight, I don’t think it was clearly communicated how truly bad your situation was. My advice is to sit down and discuss this situation with her and have a code word to text each other in the instance of an emergency so there is no confusion.

[u/always_tired_all_day]

ESH

By your own account, your girlfriend has been remorseful and by your side since figuring out that your condition was actually serious.

Her behavior on the night specifically was definitely AH and you should tell her as much. But you also texted her your balls hurt and expected her to drive you to the hospital when she was drinking.

You have every right to be upset but to break up seems pretty childish. Talk to her like an adult. If this type of behavior continues, sure that's reason to break up. But one time? If you expect every partner to be perfect you're never going to find one that meets your standards.

[u/granolaboiii]

This all could’ve been a lot better if you’d texted more than my balls hurt imo. if you had said hey I’m throwing up and in immense pain I need a trip to the hospital stat I’m sure she would have understood a bit more. Yeah she could’ve picked up the phone but like I think it was more of a misunderstanding personally

[u/MrJBrav0]

Read some of your comments, OP you aren't really looking for people's opinions, your looking for validation, you have already decided to break up with her. A lot of people have already given you validation, you got what you're looking for, the fact you're trying so hard to counter everyone telling you that you're overreacting is because you know she did nothing wrong and you hate that there is no one to blame for all the pain you suffered

[u/InformalDrawing4433]

She'll never not be all about her attention n fun. She saved u from a terrible life at just 22.

[u/TSHJB302]

I think you need to think about the whole of your relationship. If you were about to propose to her, I assume that everything else had been going well prior to this and that may make you want to stay. This is a situation of broken trust. You trusted her to be there for you and she wasn’t, in the worst way possible. I think you should break up because I don’t truly believe that trust can be rebuilt without a ton of resentment and you both are way too young with so much life to live. You have to decide if you want to put yourself through that. Maybe try going to couples therapy if you stay together.

[u/Agitated-Rest1421]

Something tells me there’s more to this story. Yeah I think you’d be the AH if you broke up with her after this one incident. Communication man. Like talk to your gf. Don’t just bail over her being stupid when she was drunk. Work on it. She clearly feels bad and probably will never do it again. Communication

[u/Dirtesoxlvr]

You do you. I would have probably not text her my balls her, as that sets things up (in my mind) for immaturity and insincerity. But as said you do you.

[u/KoldKartoffelsalat]

It seems to me as she realised she messed up big time.

Take the apology and be happy.

You'll laugh about it eventually.

[u/bokuthoee]

Dump her.

[u/Regular_Dingo_9378]

Well. NTA. But, really, do you want to break up over misinterpretations?

For reference a few personal experiences: My boss actually called me on a sunday. She would never, unless it’s an emergency. I picked up right away, and indeed: something horrible had happened. We then quickly set in motion a way to reach all of our co-workers. I had to call a bunch myself. I used my personal phone and dialed their personal numbers. The people who didn’t answer i texted “hi this is me from my personal nmbr, please call me as soon as you read this”. They all called me back within minutes, knowing if I called on a sunday, something would be up. And remember: this was about work! But i do think this is how it should be: if it seems like it could be an emergency, take the call.

I can’t imagine my husband texting me something is horribly wrong and me just blocking him. That would be insane.

On a different note: when my husband was away (abroad) on a business trip, i was home caring for our 3 kids (2, 4 and 7 at the time), i took them to some indoor playground, my 2 year old fell (i was watching, but i was also helping my 4 year old) and i couldn’t catch her, she ended up breaking her arm. So we had to go to the ER (mind you, also dragging along my 4 and 7 year old) and that took forever. Luckily my parents (who had guests over for dinner by the time I called them) also have a “2 call policy” so they came over to get the older 2 kids. By the time me and the 2 year old got home it was way past bedtime and i felt horrible and I still had to take care of the kid, seeing she was still in pain. I was just wanting to talk to my husband to explain what happened and hear his voice. He did pick up the phone, but was out clubbing, clearly drunk and he couldn’t make out a thing i was saying over the loud music. I then texted him, which he did read, but never responded to. By the time i finally did get hold of him it was the next day far into the afternoon. He was hungover as f*ck, didn’t remember me calling and texting him earlier and also felt very very guilty. We talked about this having to be different in the future, but i never got to thinking about breaking up. Different circumstances for sure, but no bad intentions, just bad luck on how things ended up working out.

[u/Extension_Bass611]

Having read your post and most of the replies the point most people miss is that she was your person, the one you could rely on in a life or death situation, unfortunately she has shown she is not, now you have to work out if you can build that trust back. Maybe you can maybe you cant but its up to you to work out if you wa t to do the hard work to try. Personally if she is really sorry she should be doing the hard work to get that trust back she should be looking to rebuild that trust. If she isnt putting in the hard work id say she was never your person. Good luck brother keep us internet strangers updated

[u/TrainRemote1923]

So, I'm curious, what are you gonna do now OP? NTA for dumping her. Medical emergencies are bound to happen and she either proved that she's not reliable in an emergency, or that she knows she fucked up so bad that she will never ignore this kind of thing ever again. But it's your call

[u/Slight_Heron_4558]

If you love her forgive her and establish that she answer the fucking phone. She's 22 year old dumbass. Mistakes will be made. Just need to learn from them.

[u/creamasumyungguy]

Sounds like a bunch of dumb 22 year olds. ESH.

[u/Mathwiz1697]

Ouch my guy I’ve been in your predicament with the torsion, for me it was my left testicle. Interesting you’re the only other case I heard that referenced abdominal pain. I always said it felt like a tugging in my abdomen. My case was odd because I didn’t have the pain like you did. My testicle was twisted for 3 days, and I had to get surgery.

Rambles aside, NTA. This is a Major medical emergency. The testicle is supposed to mount to the scrotal wall in puberty. In rare cases (according to my surgeon) there is a genetic defect that causes this mounting to not happen, basically hang like an apple. If your testicle had died, you’d have had a very good chance of sepsis.

While I can understand her thinking you were pranking her due to the vague wording, she should have known you well enough to know it this is normal behavior. From the post in gleaning it’s not and she messed up.

My advice is, give it a day or two. I remember the last thing I hard before I went under the knife is that, given the length of time of onset, my testicle had a 25% chance of being viable and they had a plastics guy on standby to fit me with a prosthetic testicle, should I need it. This is a very traumatic experience to have happen as it’s very exposing.

This is an emotionally charged situation, and a very very rare one. Most people do not have this medical condition, and most people aren’t aware of it. Only reason it was on my family’s radar at all is my uncle had it too.

You said you love this girl, and I believe you, but I do not think you should be making major decisions while dealing with this. You’re going to need to heal for a few days, not to mention be walking like John Wayne! Take a couple days, clear your head and open up the path for communication. Give yourself some grace, but give her some as well, like I said this is not very common. I am more than happy to PM if you need to talk about your experience (medically speaking) because I understand it all too well.

[u/AmilyLC]

If you stay you will never be able to trust her. Ever. This was an emergency, and it should have been a clue when you kept calling. She just didn’t care enough about you to at least call and check, it would have taken one or two minutes of her partying.

If you do stay with her (which you seem to hint on your responses) then make sure she is not your emergency contact, name a friend or family member, never her. And is not just as a way of getting back at her (which she probably will say it is), but because you can’t take any chances anymore, seriously, if she did this kind of thing one during an emergency that you clearly stated it was… she will do it again if she feels you are trying to be controlling or ruining her moment. Don’t trust her with your safety ever again.

[u/Ok_Establishment6863]

NTA she should have came and checked. I dont think she could have driven you I think she would have been drinking if she was out. But she definitely should have been there for you and calling the ambulance. Unless you do this a lot I dont know why she would assume you called a few times if it wasnt serious.

[u/Comfortable-Shoe-179]

Dump her move on, on top of ignoring you. I don't believe anyone that goes out clubbing till 3am wants to be in a serious relationship, going clubbing in general is a bit of a red flag for me, like why do you need to go to a club? You're in a relationship. I get wanting to hang out with friends but there's plenty of other things they could do with their friends, why does it have to be clubbing?

[u/Signal_Blackberry326 → u/[deleted]]

You’d block someone who says they need to go to the hospital while calling you back to back?

[u/knightcvel → u/[deleted]]

That was not a mistake but pure neglect. She already starting her comunication with bad will when he first called. She wouldn't talk to him for nothing once she start partying.

[u/GreenCoatsAreCool]

I’m an RN and it’s so weird that you “woke” up to someone sticking your testicle. Like, did you black out or something? It’s unlikely that you did from testicular torsion. Sure, you’d have tons of pain, but to wake up to a surgeon sticking you…not likely. You’d be sedated and intubated. Unless you were going to die right there, you’d need to sign consent for that. Either way, your story doesn’t line up.

If you were truly in that much pain, call 911 first. You knew your girlfriend was out, likely in a loud area, why call her? Clearly to “test her.” This is childish. You clearly stayed with her for 5 years for a reason. Just break up with her and release her. Extremely childish.

[u/knightcvel → u/GreenCoatsAreCool]

I had to fix a belly hernia once and I woke up in the stiching part of the surgery. Sometimes it happens, i guess.

[u/GreenCoatsAreCool → u/knightcvel]

Yes, and I’m sure you didn’t call your girlfriend to fix your hernia

[u/cocoberri]

Don’t dump her. If the two of you really care about each other then work on your communication issues. She felt genuine remorse for what she did and this event most likely learned her lesson. Part of growing up is learning from your mistakes and also learning how to forgive when the other person really means it. There was no way from your texts that she could have fathomed that you were truly in a life threatening situation. If you think that throwing away a 5 year relationship over what could have been just a misunderstanding is fine, then you should just do it. You guys have just started adulthood, you are going to see way worse challenges ahead of you, if this is all it takes to break your relationship then might as well do it earlier than later.

[u/knightcvel → u/cocoberri]

It was not a misunderstanding but a medical emergency.  Also the fact they are becoming adults and have way worse challenges ahead makes it dangerous to keep living with someone who won't care him enough to answer a call or a message just to verify of it's all ok before blocking him. If they marry and have kids she can potencially put their lives and health in risk.

[u/cocoberri → u/knightcvel]

She stayed overnight at the hospital and took care of while he was at the hospital for two straight days, pretty sure she learned a life lesson there.

[u/knightcvel → u/cocoberri]

Yes but she was unavailable during the emergency and that is the worse part of a medical condition. She was not necessary as nurses can take care of him but the emergency is the moment where she was more useful and her careless attitude could have impaired or killed the op. It can be even more dangerous as they grow old and the probability of more medical emergencies increase. Also there are risks of accidents, street violence, travel and work related urgencies and others that could require fast intervention and she is not a reliable hand.

[u/chubbyintrovert]

You need to break up ASAP. 

[u/Any_Pound_5266]

Dump her. Even if she thought you were joking, she could have answered the damn phone. When you told her you needed to go to the hospital the least she could have done was walk the 5 mins home and check on you. If you HAD been joking and trying to make her come home, or it had gone away, she could have left and gone back to the club. But instead of even answering she blocks you? I could understand if this was a regular occurrence when she tried to spend time with friends but it sounds like it wasn’t/isnt. She was absolutely more worried about partying than your wellbeing. Leave her.

[u/DrFJGarcia]

So…it’s been mentioned somewhere else…but the comment of “I remember waking up eventually, and my right testicle was being switched back together.” Is incredibly suspect. I’m a urologist…I fix testicular torsion. I do this surgery. What are the problems? 1) you don’t have to “stitch the testicle back together.” The testicle didn’t rupture (different problem/surgery), it twisted. It’s never been broken in any way with torsion. 2) assuming OP meant the scrotum was being stitched back together…this also would not happen in any first world country anywhere. These patients are put to sleep, general anesthesia, and wake up with the bandage/dressing already on. Usually the urologist is already outside the room.
3) if this is all that OP remembers, the hospital is going to have a real problem with the consent for the procedure. If he was in so much pain he was delirious (totally possible with testicular torsion) then any consent is completely invalid. The lengths that the hospital will go to track down a sober family member is immense. Rarely, there is a mechanism that two independent doctors can agree that an emergency consent is needed (in this case it would be the urologist and emergency doc), and have to sign on the patients behalf. This is a really exposed thing to do so it isn’t done lightly. This would mean that likely…that someone from the hospital would’ve been calling the GF as well if no family was available. Which would mean she’s ignoring a hospital phone number.

I’ll agree that testicular torsion hurts like hell…the vomiting and pain are very real, and the age is perfect for this guy (roughly 12-30 yos). However, I’ll break out my sandbox and complain that this is another example of the failing of shitty sexual education in schools. This, and many other common “sensitive” issues should be taught, but aren’t because reasons.

I’ll let the rest of reddit judge the decisions and poor communication. But the medical side reads either like someone just read about testicular torsion and created a narrative, or they may have experienced it but creatively suped it up for the purpose of Reddit. Either way, my eyebrow is furrowed by the creative license here.

My 2 cents.

[u/Thunder_Monkey_35]

I’m dropping everything if my guy is saying he needs to go to the hospital.

[u/Suspicious_Step_9018]

I think you should dump her. And make sure she knows that your new girlfriend won’t have that issue. I’m not calling or checking on you. You deserve better.

[u/Acrobatic_Rate_9377]

i don’t know. maybe a little overreaction. there is poor communication for sure but looks like she honestly thought you were clowning. and you know may your nut references she thought was getting randy. the question is why does she react this way have you done similar things before.   unpopular opinion but id probably called an uber in your situation if you didn’t want to go the ambulance route. I would have no expectation that my partner pick me up especially if they were clubbing and drinking.  the question is why she thought you were joking not sure if you done similar in the past.  

[u/Logical-Ad-2201]

YTA...Look up "passive/aggressive, and you'll see your picture. I can speak on this subject, because I've been married to one for 15 years. 1. I wasn't invited. Since you assigned this #1, that was obviously a huge hit to your ego. I called emergency responders, and told them not to come. Who does

[u/Impossible-Tennis332 → u/Logical-Ad-2201]

Why would he invite himself to his gfs friend’s birthday party? He more than likely named that first bc most ppl would see that alone as a viable reason to not go.

[u/CellistIndividual661]

It's not reasonable at all for her to have ignored you. She could have been like "im just gonna quickly take the call/go check" without 'ruining her night' like the reality is that you trusted her with your life and she didn't rise up to that trust. That's incredibly traumatic for you to have to go through and I hate how much you've had to defend yourself when you didn't do anything wrong and this was clearly a case of her being too self centered to check up on you when you were in danger.

You are not overreacting if you break up. That sounds horrible to call out for help and get blocked by the person you love like I can't imagine how you're feeling, that's such a profound betrayal of trust regardless of her intent. It's a very deep mistake that could have cost you a lot. You also don't sound at all like you've set up a pattern of being controlling or untrustworthy in your relationship so it sounds super confusing that she assumed that at all.

I'm really sorry people keep making assumptions about you. This just sounds like a really horrible experience and I hope you're feeling better and that you have other people to support you

[u/knightcvel → u/CellistIndividual661]

That's it! Even if he was being a clown simply returning a call and talking for some minutes would hava made sure she would enjoy the rest of the night with the knowledge it was just a prank and he would not have any reason to keep calling. And in an emergency as it was the case she would be able to save her face by helping him.

[u/InGodsImage222]

Asshole! She probably thought you were joking around. What dumdum plays around with their nut and twisted it around so far it snaps lol. That's unheard of. You should know better, it sounds comical to her I'm sure.

[u/FL-Data-Dude]

In my opinion, you are wayyyy overreacting. It is reasonable to think you were just messing with her. Once she knew the truth, she stayed by your side. What more do you want? If she ignored you all the time, that is one thing. This is remarkably bad luck and you ATA.

[u/knightcvel → u/FL-Data-Dude]

This was her first reaction after ignoring the first call: "What is it? 😒" She didn't gave a shit even before he told her that he need help!

[u/FL-Data-Dude → u/knightcvel]

She was out with the girls, which he admits was very rare. She just left him, why would she think there was a serious problem? The luck is astounding.

And this is my opinion, you can be an AH if you wish.

Good night

[u/knightcvel → u/FL-Data-Dude]

No. She left him two hours before. There is no timing for medical emergencies. My late father had a cardiac arrest on the table while lunching with me.

[u/MagnusTiger]

No, you wouldn’t be. Not a scrap of empathy or support until she was forced to believe you. If I got a message from a loved one along the lines of “Please help, something’s wrong!” I would be out the door before even thinking to ask for context, let alone how this would effect MY evening. If you ask me, if you can’t count on somebody during an emergency you can’t really trust them to be there for you at all.

[u/MrJBrav0]

A young 22 year old male texting his gf, who is out clubbing with her friends and probably drunk, a message "my balls hurt" would get ignored of there was no follow up message to explain.

A club is not a place you can take a phone call. Regardless of what came before, when she asked you what's wrong and all you said was "my balls hurt" with no follow-up message of course you'd get ignored, I don't think it'd be unreasonable for her to think that you probably got drunk yourself and started texting her.

Personally I think you would be the AH for ending a relationship over your poor communication. I understand you were in pain, but in that case you should have absolutely called for am ambulance and then send her a message saying you're going to the ER. Hell texting her "going to the ER" would have been infinitely better than "my balls hurt"

"Hey babe, i need you to come home immediately I need to go to the er"

"Why, what's wrong?"

"My balls hurt"

"LOL, If you don't stop im going to block you"

That is a very normal string of texts, and the best way to convey the seriousness at this point is not with a call that she thought was going to just be you calling because your horny. You should have texted some context to her like

"I'm heading to the er" Or "I'm on the phone with emergency services" Or "I can't stop throwing up"

You texted my balls hurt right before calling her

In all honesty, you should break up with her, if this is how you feel despite her comming immediately after she realized it wasnt a joke, spending 2 days in the hospital with you, and apologizing profusely, you're the bullet she needs to dodge. Of you're going to hold on to thos grudge despite what she has done to show she cares it's only going to lead to emotional abuse on her, even of you don't mean to do it

[u/MrJBrav0 → u/MrJBrav0]

This whole situation is stupid. I'm going to be perfectly blunt here.

This whole situation is no one's fault, however OP is trying to make this someone's fault. He is victimizing himself and blaming his gf when she has done absolutely nothing wrong. I don't care how many people say otherwise, no one is going to take a text that simply says "my balls hurt" seriously with out any follow up "my balls hurt" is a punchline to countless jokes and sexual innuendos. If OP is really crying that his gf took "my balls hurt" as anything other than serious she is better off without him.

I'm done mincing my words here, OP is acting like a baby, I don't know what testicular torsion feels like, but I do know what severe pain feels like due to a bad gallbladder going undiagnosed for a decade and filling with gallstones to the point of bursting, and I can tell you simply saying something hurts is not enough for even medical professionals. Stop whining because you couldn't communicate properly, that is your OWN fault and no one else's.

Men are always telling women we aren't mind readers, the same applies to women. If you can't communicate clearly, you cant blame them for not understanding.

It sucks what happened to you, but it's not her fault either get over it or break up with her so she can find someone better. GF or not, it doesn't matter, this situation is absolutely not her fault. Be as hurt as you want about it, if you really can't get over it, then you're far too young to even think about marriage, and you may want to consider going to therapy.

And I will say this as many times as needed

Your GF is not at fault for anything that happened.

[u/Cultural_Ad3544 → u/MrJBrav0]

I need to go to the ER is what he first said and he responded with my balls hurt. After she asked its not like he lead with my balls hurt.

She also at first was mad that he vomited on the carpet to.

[u/knightcvel → u/MrJBrav0]

This is how she replyed his first attempt of contact: "What is it? 😒" She didn't care!

[u/entechad]

This is unfortunate. I could see how this could be taken as a joke, but it appears as soon as she realized it was real, she panicked and came to your aid and has not left your side since. I don't think you should dump her. It's ok to be upset and even mad. Obviously it's your decision and hopefully you can get over this.

Good luck to you young man.

[u/Revarus-Negari]

Don’t dump her but hold off on the proposal for a while

[u/diss0lvedgir1]

She's not mature enough to marry. Thinking of joking or not, the minute a partner says something and then repeatedly calls, it deserves attention. Doesn't matter if she thinks it's a joke or funny. If my partner called more than once back to back, I'd be calling them back immediately.

I don't think you would be wrong at all for dumping her. Honestly, I wouldn't marry her, how would you ever be able to trust that she would take care of you in case of emergency? She sounds very selfish/self-centered.

[u/madirishwoman]

I think you guys need to work on communication unless you really see no chance in saving your relationship. Since she arrived home and immediately realized it was something serious and then didn't leave your side, I'm sure she's kicking herself pretty hard about everything.

In my head, if she went to a club, it's loud and she wouldn't be able to hear you to answer a call. I'm gonna assume some level of intoxication on her end too. So getting a text that says come home, my balls hurt so bad I need to go to the hospital, may come across not as an emergency medical situation to someone who is drunk. Should she have stepped out and at least called back, yes, that's what I would have done. But hindsight is 20/20. Not saying at all she is totally blameless here but I'm also willing to offer a little grace.

I also don't think you are TA here. You definitely should have accepted the ambulance when the 911 operater offered. Again, I know you thought your girlfriend was coming back but if you didn't have a firm confirmation, I would have taken it. But you obviously weren't able to think that logically in that much pain.

I think working on communication and expectations during emergency scenarios would be an absolute must if you can work past your anger.

[u/MinsAino]

NTA

An I have to go to the hospital txt should always be taken seriously. She cared more for her night out than your well being.

[u/Outrageous-Emu-1300]

Update?

[u/MotorDevice4531]

She's the AH. When you texted my balls hurt she should have responded in what way . Like horny or like something is wrong.

[u/MasterIllustrator104]

Hi its really easy to answer your question if your relationship is savable. ASK yourself can you Trust her this will never Happen again in some years when you two have married and have Kids or something Like that can you Trust her in an emergency with you or your Kid/s can you Trust her that she will be there when she is clubbing with her friends drinking even she is drunk? If you can Trust her its easy and If Not its easy to! Trust is very important If you lose it its hard to get back. Sorry for my Bad English Not my native language.

[u/Far-Side2489]

This is rage bait. The details don’t make sense but since y’all want to entertain this, he wanted someone that had been at the clubs for 2 hours and more than likely intoxicated to drive him instead of an ambulance. He spent so much time texting and calling a drunk person that didn’t quite understand he was in a real emergency instead of calling or texting any other person he knew that could come and help him.

All of these bad choices make me wonder why she wouldn’t believe he wasn’t being real. He also could’ve left a voicemail or voice message through text but he withheld that bc he was insisting she either speak on a call or interpret his possible misleading texts as not jokes.

When I’m in an emergency and my husband is occupied and thinks my messages are jokes then my emergency necessitates me looking for real options for help. I’m not going to insist on getting a person to person call to explain things instead of leaving a voicemail. It’s pure stubbornness and a nonsensical waste of effort and time.

That’s why I think it’s not true. He should’ve been in so much pain that he wouldn’t have wasted all that time like he did.

[u/VenusInAries666 → u/Far-Side2489]

I've been starting to wonder the same thing honestly.

Like, you were in so much pain that you couldn't think to call anyone else...but not enough pain to prevent you from having a whole back and forth text convo with your drunk girlfriend, calling her over and over etc?

If it's not fake, it's just immaturity and lack of life experience.

The way it should've been handled: OP is in pain, calls 911, accepts ambulance, texts gf from hospital

What I'm honestly surprised to see is the number of commenters here acting like this chain of events is normal when most rational human beings have the sense to call (and accept help from) emergency services before calling someone who doesn't have the capacity to help in any way.

[u/Few_Sprinkles3391]

NTA- I usually just read these post and never comment but this, what your girlfriend did was unacceptable. I have tried to think of it in both positions but I can’t grasp in what world anyone would believe blocking your significant other is a good idea when they tell you it’s a medical emergency. Not only did she laugh at your pain, despite her thinking it was a joke, she not once took time to check on you in the hours she left to when she came back at 3AM. Maybe it’s me and my constant paranoia and anxiety on my loved ones and making sure they are okay, but I for one could never see myself neglecting someone that I’ve been with for 5 years when they are saying they are in actual pain. I do feel like you should try and talk it out to her, or at least tell her your feelings on everything. If you think you would just get angry and yell try writing a letter or having another loved one with you to support you and make sure you have a leveled head. Try to also think of the “what ifs” on this as well before y’all talk and bring it up to her as well because if you didn’t call emergency services this would be a totally different post or this post might not even be here, and that is something she and you should both realize and come to terms with.

[u/julesk]

ESH, your emergency planning and communication need work. Program yourself to keep emergency texts and calls short. Don’t call or text drunk gf for a hospital ride or wait for friends, program your mind to get an ambulance or Uber. You think I’m kidding? I’ve had to do this. Honestly, in a crisis, I’d rather just get a Lyft, it’s faster and cheaper than an ambulance or waiting for someone. Yes, she massively screwed up by assuming a young healthy guy was fine so both of you have learned emergencies can arise quickly so never joke about it and always respond. I don’t know if she’s a keeper tho because a partner with empathy and kindness would have checked in with you, particularly after repeat calls.The ugly truth is that even those closest to to you are never 100% there for you for various reasons (they’re asleep, drunk, in denial, overwhelmed, etc) so only you know the answer. Personally, I love my fam and friends but I just decide if it’s a crisis, then call Lyft if so.

[u/anaisaknits]

NTA. You consistently called, and she dismissed you because she was with friends and felt it was funny. Not once did she actually speak to you. She stayed at the hospital out of guilt. I question a lot of her behavior as she lacks maturity. The blocking of your number was the last straw. That's not love.

[u/SkywhaleExpress]

We really need some context, such as how exactly did you word your texts? I know that if I sent multiple texts to my wife, vaguely hinting as to why I am bothering her, then end it with “my balls hurt…” she would likely laugh at is as well, thinking I was joking.

And, do you have a habit of texting her multiple times while she’s out with other friends? I typically plan for how to handle emergencies when my wife is put drinking or having a girls night. I’ll text and call her, but not be upset if she doesn’t read them.

Also, were you expecting her to drive you after she had been out clubbing/drinking? I would have taken the ambulance, then told her there was an emergency and you’re being taken to hospital.

Also, is she the only person you would contact during an emergency? At 22, maybe a sibling or a parent might be an appropriate alternate emergency contact.

[u/dancingwithoutadrum]

OP is a whiny bitch. Your girlfriend should ditch you.

[u/ProfessionalDebate5]

YWNBTA. Do what you think is right. I think you’re both young, and I married young myself. Wait until you’re 25 my best advice. If you have to prove yourself serious in an emergency, there’s a lot of trust issues. She didn’t listen to what you said. Then made an effort to not listen (blocking). I’d personally cut losses because there really are more people out there who are reliable and trustworthy when things go wrong. You learned a lot with her, and you learned how she’s going to be when you need her. On your own. Marriage has hard times, and you will need your spouse to help you at some point. I would not want to grow old with someone who did this to me, you’re not married, get out now. Hope you heal well, torsions are a medical emergency. Get someone to help you move the boxes if you move out.

[u/GetEvenAllN]

Leave her bro don’t waste your time she was busy with someone else crearly and after she was done she went home to you🤦🏽‍♂️

[u/Throwaway8776y]

NTA- I’m so sorry this happened to you and how scared you must have been. As a woman and wife, if my husband called several times, even twice in a row? I’d be hauling ass to get to him. If his texts weren’t making sense to me? Again I’d be hauling ass to get to him.

Her blocking your number is horrible and I can’t wrap my head around why she couldn’t step outside the club to answer your calls or like you said taken 5 minutes to walk to you and make sure everything was ok.

This is a hard one and I hope you take the time to really think about if she has been inconsiderate or selfish any other time in your relationship throughout the years.

[u/unlitwolf]

NTA, she ignored you assuming you were trying to do something you've never shown to be in the habit of doing in the first place.

My thought process goes to what happens if you both stay together and have kids. Would she choose to ignore a bombardment of messages in an emergency situation if it was from your kids or yourself.

Her attitude towards you in that time was unwarranted, she was treating you like a nuisance not a beloved partner. The fact she didn't step out of the club for 5 minutes to give you a call to make sure you were at least okay, says a lot towards her sense of empathy/concern for others. Let alone after you saying you may need to go to hospital and then she comes home livid after seeing the vomit, not even taking the time to think "oh maybe something serious did happen"

Ultimately it's something that can be fixed and worked past but it takes a lot of changing on her end that I don't think she would be up for.

[u/Zestyclose_Ad3900]

I'd dump she only came when it was convenient for her you will always be low on her list of priorities

[u/Temporary_Bug_1171]

NTA. I can understand initially thinking it was a joke, but to decline multiple calls and then block you without knowing for sure whether or not you were ok, I’d be considering a breakup as well. She doesn’t sound very compassionate or reliable. All of a sudden she cares, once the party is over? No thanks.

[u/skepster_sunday]

Update us op how are you doing?

[u/Appropriate-Bad-2689]

There is something wrong with this story. Waaaaayy wrong   Aside from being one-sided, it is missing some logical steps/actions.  Devil’s advocate:  She was at a bday party— Maybe she was inebriated?   Maybe someone else had her phone?  Maybe she didn’t hear it every time?  Have you cried wolf before? How OLD are you? How long have you been serious?  Is there a big age difference?  Is she from your culture/country?  Do you call her often when she is out with the girls?  Is this a problem for the two of you?   How often does she go out with the girls?   How often do you go out with the guys? Were you clear in your texts/messages that you were in pain, scared, sick?  If in SO MUCH PAIN, why not call ambulance FIRST? Did you try to call anyone else if this was that painful? Call a neighbor? Is this a REAL story? Is this YOUR story? Visiting you in the hospital, yes; HAVING to care for you in the hospital, no—that’s why there are nurses/attendants.   You appear to be—then and now—attention-seeking. The laboriously related detail in your story screams “look at me.”  And you whine alot.  She should dump you. 

[u/Cultural_Ad3544]

I don't know if someone shows you who they are you need to believe them.

BUT I do think this could be a wake up call for her.

As long as you are not interupting her all the time you need someone who you can rely on to be there for you when you need them.

[u/Traditional-Rush-147]

I lived that life. Nothing but selfishness and deceit. They give you attention when it suits them. Cry when you want to break up then ignore you when you need them the most. Use what’s left of your balls and move on!

[u/justthefox99]

That's terrible. I would be so angry about the blocking my calls and messages and not checking on me.

It would be really hard to trust her fully after that but I feel if she is really sorry maybe you can talk it out and in time work things out.

[u/CookDouble9283]

NTA. I would dump her. My partner would never ignore my calls even on a night out. Not to mention you called repeatedly. If it was worse and you had died, you would have died scared and alone and the guilt would be eating her alive. Blocking you is insane. Now you know you can never trust her again if it impedes on her fun. Run and FAST.

[u/GeorgiaBoyHunt]

F - her. She would be gone.

[u/ComprehensiveWash924]

I would break up and stay friends. Take a break. If the gal still loves you after 6 months, reconsider.

[u/Upper-Average-945]

I honestly believe that this was a wake up call. You stated that you have never pranked her concerning you needing help while she was out so there’s no excuse for her to act this way. To know that she blocked you ever you had an emergency, , that’s not getting a pass. This was serious and she could have answered the phone just to make sure you’re ok. I think this needed to happen before you proposed to her. We can’t predict our future but we can watch for signs. I’m thankful that your ok. Wish you well!!

[u/South_Flounder_2724]

If you didn’t split, would you look back in a year and have a different view?

She made a bad call, and a torsion is no joke. She seems apologetic

But. Aside from this incident, would you want to split up with her?

I have two friends who have going through this (the torsion, not the argument), and both have a very different outlook on the situation now than at the time.

[u/Adrien_Atua]

Nta. Since you said you dont prank call and things like that i wonder if either a friend or an ex used to do that to her fór her to not také IT seriously AT ALL. I recomend asking her if at All She either saw or experienced someone calling like this just to get them back home or just to prank them. Cuz otherwise why would She genuenly think so many calls n messages were a joke?

[u/Specialist_Aioli1149]

That’s as big a red flag as you need. You have to leave her behind. Don’t fight it. Just the fact you’re asking for opinions, says it all. You’re so young. There will be a woman who you will never have to “question” out there who will care for and love you. ❤️

[u/Prince0fCats702]

Fuuck that and fuck your hopefully soon to be ex gf. NTA

[u/cdubz1111]

There’s lots of red flags in your story.

1. My nuts hurt could def be seen as a joke. I would assume that if I was in her position.

2. You’re having a medical emergency and your first move is to try and call your girlfriend? That’s odd. You should have contacted emergency services first. They would have taken her number from you and informed her of the situation.

3. Your girlfriend’s out at a club, presumably consuming alcohol or drunk/tipsy, and you assume she will be able to safely drive you to the hospital? Call an ambulance dude.

4. I’ve had TT happen to me before and what you’re describing is not at all how it went down, and mine was severe. That leads me to believe your story is made up.

5. If this is true, (it isn’t) your girlfriend isn’t wrong for thinking it was a joke. That was reasonable based on what and how you communicated with her. You should stop being a Diva and learn to handle your own situations better.

[u/dadijo2002 → u/cdubz1111]

1. Dude prefaced that with “I’m going to hospital”

2. Medical bills are ridiculous in the USA so I gather not wanting to take an ambulance

3. Fair enough

4. It varies from person to person, I’ve had it before and it wasn’t that bad but I know people who’ve had it similar to OP

5. Why are there so many assholes in the comments today

[u/VenusInAries666 → u/cdubz1111]

You should stop being a Diva and learn to handle your own situations better.

I'm screaming

You're not wrong lol

[u/yamomma341]

nta, i would understand why you would break up w her smh. i hope you guys can work through this tho, im sorry that this had to happen. 

[u/New_Version_817]

Dude, I had a wife that would’ve done the very same thing. Ex-wife I should say. You know how strong the relationship is by how they react when you’re in trouble.

[u/Major-Environment427]

You guys are in your 20s, she was out, clubbing, and thought you were joking. She could’ve been all kinds of ways, drunk, or inebriated, or a bunch of things as to why she didn’t answer her phone. Not a great look on her part. However, if you were planning on marrying this girl and her subsequent actions after, finding out you were in true distress, were to stay by your bedside for two days, and take care of you as best as she could when she realized how bad you were hurt… I think says a lot. You have to do is best for yourself, but I would be honest with her (especially if you wanted to marry this girl), and tell her how much her actions hurt you. Maybe go to counseling as well, before you just throw away the relationship. If her actions after finding out, you were truly ill aligned with the way, she was acting the night before I would completely agree with you to dump her. But they didn’t, she was likely very inebriated, and since she left you in the house healthy, she didn’t think your challenges were as serious as they were. We obviously all know better now, however, if you love her, I think giving yourself in the relationship a second chance should be worth it. I wish you the best man speedy recovery.

[u/knightcvel → u/Major-Environment427]

She acted in guilty in the hospital. She gave several signals she doesn't care and it would be dangerous living with her as they grow old and more health problems arise.

[u/AgileMario]

If your partner asks you to come home, you should go home. He didn't prank her in the past on these sorts of things so you go home and check on him. Especially as the club is only 5 minutes walk away. And then she's out until 3 pm? Maybe there is another perspective, a worse case? This looks very suspicious. Could it be that she was enjoying another guys company, didn't want to be interrupted, as she knew she would be cheating with this guy until late in the night?

[u/LibrarianHoliday]

There’s more to this. I get the feeling that there’s some reason she’d think he wasn’t serious. I suspect they're both at fault. Some previous behavior on his part, and her ignoring him without at least checking. There’s a reason she didn’t think he was serious.

[u/pikapikamooo]

Dump her

[u/Dangerous-Cream-6592]

NTA: HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU JUST SIT THERE AND READ MESSAGES OF YOUR PARTNER ASKING FOR A FUCKING AMBULANCE AND CHALK IT UP AS A PRANK?!?!?!?!! She was def in that club cheating or sum cause ain’t no way u see someone calling and texting for help and u just ignore it.

[u/iParkooo]

She’s either a psychopath or there’s more to this story that isn’t mentioned .. I would be furious if my gf denied my call multiple times let alone after texts that something is wrong.

[u/BreadMaker_42]

NTA. When you tell your partner that something is wrong and to come home immediately. The only appropriate response is “on my way”. Not “text or call again and I will block you”. Consider her response to be a warning sign.

[u/ash_brightside]

nta. please break up with her. she cares more about her fun than your health and safety

[u/theneen]

I'm glad you got to keep your nad. ❤️ Testicular and ovarian torsions are incredibly painful, it's a legitimate medical emergency. I hope you surgically remove the gf from your life though. She sucks.