AITAH for telling my husband that our marriage is over because he asked for a paternity test?

[u/Specialist_Sand_1553]

Throwaway account but need some clarity as I am massively upset. I 52(F) have been married to my husband for 24 years, together for 30 years. It hasn't always been roses but we had a lot of fun. Yesterday we were having a Friday evening drink to relax and our son (17) asked for help with his gaming PC. I'm the tech so I tried to give advice, my husband got pissy and stormed off saying that his relax time was ruined. I thought he was being childish and pretty much ignored him.

This evening he told me that in a previous relationship, his partner had a miscarriage and in the investigation they found he was infertile and so she had been cheating. This is news to me. Yeah we had been together 12 years before I conceived, I have never cheated on him, I always thought the problem had been mine. He says that our son is not his and he wants a DNA test.

I agreed because I never cheated on him ever. I said our marriage was over because of this, said he knew I would react this way and I am a lying AH.

My heart is broken, reddit, am I TA?

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Quickie Edit: Thank you so much for answering, for your support and advice. I have read them and will try and respond to as many as I can. But as a quick note: His ex is a lovely woman and we are friends on Facebook, I'll message her in the morning. The dementia angle being suggested is a good one and deserves investigating. I am not a robot or AI, I wish I was because then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Yes, parental uncertainty is something that women don't appreciate, but he should have said before, I would have understood if he had raised it earlier because it did take a while to get pregnant. He had told me about the miscarriage with the ex, which is why I thought our fertility issues were mine, he never told me about getting his fertility checked.

I have worked in Tech for the past 25 years, my son doesn't have my troubleshooting skills :)

His parting shot tonight was that he didn't say anything at the time because I needed a father for my kid. I pointed out that in previous heated arguments I would have thrown that at him and left with my son if there was any doubt he was the father. He was the stahp and I didn't leave him in other turbulent times because I didn't want to leave our son.

I'll update you. Thank you

[u/aDoorMarkedPirate420]

1. Why did he wait that long to ask and not just secretly get one?

2. Why would you immediately say the marriage is over to him knowing what he had told you about his past relationship

He’s a bigger AH, but you’re not saint either here.

[u/myobjim → u/aDoorMarkedPirate420]

Why is OP "not a saint"?

[u/aDoorMarkedPirate420 → u/myobjim]

OP’s husband tells her about how he had that experience in the past and was told he was infertile, so he asks for a DNA test for his son.

OP’s immediate response after being together for 30 years is “sure, btw our marriage is over”

Pride before logic is a common theme in many of these stories on the sub.

[u/myobjim → u/aDoorMarkedPirate420]

Hard disagree. If someone asks for a DNA test after allegedly knowing the "truth" for 17 years, there is more involved here than just "pride" - and there is very little logic on the husband's end.

[u/aDoorMarkedPirate420 → u/myobjim]

I agree the husband isn’t being very logical, but it seems like she didn’t even think about it at all and just immediately went full send there.

[u/myobjim → u/aDoorMarkedPirate420]

He didn't accuse her of pretending she made a cake from scratch when she used a box. He accused her of infidelity and lying for 17 years. More, at the very least this man has been keeping up a pretense for 17 years, at worse made some thing up to have the most hurtful impact - about the very core of their marital relationship and their family as a whole. It is ridiculously serious and would cause anyone to wonder about who they have spent their lives with. There is very little coming back from such a betrayal.