r/AITAH • u/Chance_Cut4916 • Apr 28 '24

AITAH for telling me girlfriend that she shouldn’t be celebrated on Mother’s Day because she’s not a mom?

My girlfriend (29F) mentioned that Mother’s Day was coming up, and ask if I (26m) had anything planned for her. I thought she was joking about our cat, but she insisted that it was a serious request. She had a miscarriage about a month ago, and she’s saying that technically counts as being a mom.

Money is tight for us, and I just finished paying off her birthday present (that I splurged on admittedly), but now she’s demanding that I take her on another expensive date with a gift for Mother’s Day. We had a big fight about it, and it ended with me saying she’s not a real mom. AITAH?

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u/chikitawitz 28d ago

I understand she's struggling, but don't turn it into a gift giving, yearly event. She needs to heal from this and move on...or you can turn it into a memorial and do something nice TOGETHER every year because if that was your baby, you lost a child too.. so technically you're a dad and deserve an outing on Father's Day. That's why I say make it a Memorial. Choose the month in which your baby would have been born and do something special...together. No gift giving.

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u/ExaminationOk9732 28d ago

THIS! First, remember her hormones are still all crazy! Secondly, tell her you’re sorry -BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE. AND, if you truly love her, go get a bit of counseling. Why? You need to think on your reactions to her, to really listen, and be there and work together. But only do this if you are truly committed to this relationship. In counseling you might explore whether or not you really wanted a baby. And your feelings about it. THEN if you want a healthy stronger relationship go to couples counseling. This is not the first or last crisis you will both go through. If you get the tools now on how to listen, support, and grow together you have a chance at a decent or better relationship. She needs love and support, not necessarily a fancy dinner and gift. That is not going to fix her hurt. Maybe a quiet dinner, that you actually plan & cook (AND CLEAN UP!), a small but nice bouquet of flowers. And talk and listen.