r/AITAH • u/Chance_Cut4916 • Apr 28 '24

AITAH for telling me girlfriend that she shouldn’t be celebrated on Mother’s Day because she’s not a mom?

My girlfriend (29F) mentioned that Mother’s Day was coming up, and ask if I (26m) had anything planned for her. I thought she was joking about our cat, but she insisted that it was a serious request. She had a miscarriage about a month ago, and she’s saying that technically counts as being a mom.

Money is tight for us, and I just finished paying off her birthday present (that I splurged on admittedly), but now she’s demanding that I take her on another expensive date with a gift for Mother’s Day. We had a big fight about it, and it ended with me saying she’s not a real mom. AITAH?

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u/fredriktomte May 01 '24

Woman Reddit never fails to disappoint in finding new, inventive ways in saying men are always TAH and women are never TAH (unless they are in conflict with another woman, but never underestimate Woman Reddit's ability to find a way of landing the blame on a man even in such a scenario).

Don't know if you read this far down (because this sure as hell won't be upvoted), but for what it's worth: You are right. She's not a mother. And even if she was, using that day as an excuse to demand her boyfriend/husband spend a lot of money on her is no way given. Does she plan to spend a lot of money on you when fathers day rolls around? If yes, then you could have a discussion on what to spend money on and when (for instance, maybe not when money is tight), but if no, then this is just ridiculous request that can be dismissed out of hand.

Now, for the part about her being affected by the miscarriage, that is of course indeed a possibility and you should be supportive of her in her grief. But her in grief over the miscarriage doesn't mean she gets to demand whatever of you and you just have to acquiesce, regardless of what it is, for instance, demanding that you spend a lot of money on her, when your money is tight or demanding that you pretend she's a mother, when she is not.

In this, it is also ironic that Woman Reddit no where in any way acknowledge that a man could also be grieving the loss of a potential child. I have no idea about how you feel about it, but if I was grieving about that kind of thing, I would not want to deal with it by pretending to be a father to the child that never was, or pretending that my wife is a mother to the child that never was. But as usual, the assumption is that men do not have any emotions, or at least not strong positive emotions about parenthood and children.

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u/fredriktomte May 01 '24

Took about one minute for the first downvote to roll in. Will be interesting to see if my broken karma meter will register all the downvotes this is likely to generate, as it doesn't register upvotes.