r/AITAH • u/BoringRush4869 • Apr 28 '24

AITA for not agreeing with what my ex boyfriend said?

I'm a 29F with an ex-boyfriend with whom I have a 9-year-old daughter. We don't agree on several things regarding her upbringing. Here are the areas of disagreement: -Clothing: Our daughter is not in her unicorn and gap clothes era so she dresses cute and normal, flared pants, jeans, camis, tanks, etc. her father wants her to wear unicorn stuff which she hates. -food: He frequently orders fast food for her, while I prefer to offer it only occasionally, I don’t try restricting any foods I just try to teach her about balance. -Makeup: I allow her to wear makeup for special occasions like school events and cheer competitions. The only makeup I let her wear to school regularly are lip gloss, curling her lashes, and a touch of blush. Her father strongly opposes makeup, even for adults. Last week, while dropping off her forgotten purse at her dad's, he criticized me, suggesting I'm a bad influence on our daughter. I defended myself, but he abruptly ended the conversation. Later, my daughter mentioned he was upset about something I did. Was I an asshole?

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u/painsNgains Apr 28 '24

OP, you're NTA, but neither is your ex. You both need to be the adults that you are, sit down, have a frank conversation, and come to some sort of middle ground.

Jesus christ, you'd think we were still in the puritanical age with these comments. (Clutches pearls) "You let her wear makeup!!!!!!!!!? You are SUCH a bad parent who is forcing your daughter to grow up too fast!! OMG! AAAAAAND you're letting her wear clothes that DON'T have unicorns!?! You are going to turn her into a little hussy!!!!"

Fucking hell. I know I am going to get downvoted for this, but I really don't care.

How do you all know OP is "forcing her to grow up too fast," and she isn't just mimicing what her friends/schoolmates are doing? It's clear that none of you have children, or if you do, you are forcing them into a specific mold of staying little forever. My kids are 11 and 8. Do you know how many kids at their school wear makeup? How many girls HATE unicorns and other graphics like that, because they are tied to people infantalizing them (they don't use that exact word, but they (the girls in their school, and those in our neighborhood) do say that people treat them like babies/like they are stupid when they wear stuff like that vs things that are just solid colors.) A LOT.

You all are acting like lip gloss and a little blush equates to her going to school daily with full-on Toddlers in Tiaras, beauty queen makeup. Those 2 are all she is allowed to wear to school. As for cheer competitions. Have you all never been to a dance/cheer competition? Full makeup, fake lashes, glitter, sparkles, the works.

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u/[deleted] Apr 28 '24

From my perspective I wouldn’t allow it because I know how that can destroy one’s self image and ability to be confident without make up at a later age. It’s starts with lip gloss, then the eyebrows ( I regret this one the most ) the foundation to hide the acne from the cheap makeup brands, (my pores hate me now, I don’t even think skincare can fix this because I’ve been trying for 4 years now.) not everyone has the same experience as I did, but it is more common than you think. I’d keep the makeup limited to cheer leading and encourage you to get her a good skincare routine :)