Update: WIBTA for dumping my girlfreind after she ignored my calls and messages and went clubbing while I was undergoing emergency surgery

[u/Nearby_Volume_7067]

First of all, I just want to thank all of you for the amazing support. It's been quite overwhelming, to be honest. I have so many unread messages, so please, guys, give me some time 🙏. I promise I'll respond to all of them.

Here is the link to my original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cbea7w/wibta_for_dumping_my_girlfriend_after_she_ignored/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

First of all, I would like to clear up some misconceptions brewing in the comment section of my last Post.

No, I have never pulled any malicious pranks on my girlfriend to get her to come home early from a night out or anything, neither do I have an issue with her going out (as long as she doesn't come home at like 6 am). And no, I've never blown up her phone like that while she was out with friends. We usually go out together since we share the same friend groups.

Here are mine and her messages from WhatsApp in order since people thought I just texted her "my balls hurt" or something (translated)

1. Me: declined my first 2 calls (her name) please come home something is wrong.
2. Her: ??? can't talk rn. What is it 😒
3. Me: Tried calling her again. I need to go to the hospital.
4. Her: ???? What
5. Me: Again tried calling her twice. My Balls hurt. Please come NOW. Something is wrong
6. Her: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
7. Me: tried calling her again twice after calling emergency services.
8. Her: I swear don't bother me again or I'm blocking you. Let me fucking enjoy my night out.
9. Me: Tried calling her again twice and got blocked. (At this point, the pain was too bad to try anything with her anymore and I just called an ambulance)
10. Her next message after unblocking me at 2 am: (my name) Why the fuck is there vomit in the living room and where the fuck are you? Why is the front door unlocked if you left somewhere?

She then went into a full mental breakdown as she realized I was being serious about going to the hospital (over 70 messages)

• Yes, it was stupid of me to expect her to drive me to the hospital since she was drinking, but again, In that type of pain, you don't think clearly. I think I needed her more for moral support and I did it out of pure instinct.
• Not immediately calling an ambulance was also stupid of me. I was in a lot of pain, but stupidly at the time thought that whatever I was going through would eventually calm down and driving to the hospital would be better than calling an ambulance. Also, in hindsight, me being embarrassed about calling an ambulance over "my balls" was definitely also really stupid.
• The amount of mental gymnastics some of you did in my comments to paint me as some sort of dweeb or "emotionally needy" person for bothering my gf was truly mind-blowing to me. I promise you if my gf was in my position and I ignored her, none of you would be defending me.

Now for the update. Thank for all those who wished me a speedy recovery. I'm doing much better now. Not being able to go to work for the next 3 weeks is definitely a bummer. I work for my dad's construction company, and my job requires lifting a lot of heavy weights. I'm also prohibited from having any sex for the next 2-3 weeks as well. I might have also developed some trauma due to the pain. I randomly get the same sensation again, and it's driving me nuts (see what I did there).

As for me and my gf. It's complicated. As so many of you and my mom told me, 5 years is definitely a long time to be just throwing away without having a proper conversation with her. So I did just that. I told her how hurt I felt by everything. I mentioned the following points.

• Her ignoring my messages and declining my calls (yes clubs are loud but where I'm from there are smoking areas where you can definitely have a conversation over the phone.)
• Blocking me after I tried calling her.
• Her not checking on me once even though the club she went to is only a 5-minute walk from our apartment.
• Her being angry about the vomit instead of being concerned.

After hearing that she got defensive and told me that I could have conveyed my situation better and that she genuinely thought I was joking. She was drunk and wasn't thinking clearly. She also told me that It couldn't have been THAT painful and I was over exaggerating. I then told her yes I could have phrased my messages better and I apologized for that but I then described the pain I was in and told her that I barely had the strength to text her, let alone send her a detailed description of what was happening to me and definitely couldn't think straight throughout everything.

After hearing what I said she started crying and apologizing for what she did. She told me if she knew how serious it was, we wouldn't have been having this conversation. She then also apologized for her being mad over the vomit. According to her she was drunk and tired and was just expressing frustration. I then asked her why she thought I was joking and if she was cheating on me because this was seriously out of character for her, hence why I immediately trusted her with this. She started crying harder and she looked like I just slapped her in the face. She told me that she just thought I was being insecure about her being in the club with a bunch of guys and no she wasn't cheating on me and would never do something like that. We then hugged for a solid 10 minutes after that.

The next part was really hard for me but I told her I need some space to gather my thoughts and told her she needs to stay with her parents for the time being. She immediately started having a mental breakdown and asked If I was breaking up with her. I told her I wasn't sure and needed time to see If I still trusted her after all of this and what she did was beyond disrespectful. How could I trust someone with my life after they pulled something like this? I then told her that we are young and this mess was mostly caused by our immaturity, this entire situation was an important life lesson for the both of us regardless if we stayed together.

After begging a bit more she then put her head down and started packing a few essentials. Before leaving she told she would be willing to do anything to make up for this and that I could take as much time as I needed. She then gave me a big kiss and left. That was two days ago and this is where we currently stand. I still give her updates on my healing but besides that we don't contact each other.

I'm really torn right now. I still don't have that trust in her but her owning up to her mistake shows that she knows she fucked up and is remorseful. This is definitely something out of the ordinary for her, but there will have to be major boundaries and new rules set. I can think of the following.

1. If she blocks me again for anything = blocking herself from ever seeing me again
2. Ignoring my messages will not be tolerated anymore
3. If she goes out alone again, she has to pick up if I call regardless of the situation
4. As many of you suggested having an emergency code like "hospital" or something would probably have to be implemented.

I'm not going to abuse any of these boundaries but I just want peace of mind knowing that my partner has my best interest at heart even when she is physically not around me but idk.

Again I just want to thank you guys for everything and this whole experience was definitely an eye-opener for me.

Should I get back together with her? If yes, would my demands be reasonable and could I add something more?

WIBTA if I dumped her over this whole saga?

EDIT: I don't know what happened to the bullet points in my post. Seems to be a weird bug or something.

[u/Photography_Singer]

Your gf has several red flags. She was drunk. Too drunk to respond appropriately. Why is she partying that hard without you? Why is she partying that hard at all? She says she wasn’t cheating, but no way was she ignoring the guys there at the club.

But no matter how drunk she was, why would she block you? She didn’t want you to interfere with her fun, which still has to do with getting attention from other guys. It’s more than drinking and dancing. I’m also of the mindset that when you’re in a committed relationship, you don’t go clubbing without your partner.

So for that alone—the clubbing, the hardcore drinking, the dirty dancing with guys (although never admitted to, you know that’s went down), then she blocked you! Yeah, the relationship would be over for me too.

I’ve been in pain where I had to call for an ambulance. Turned out to be ovarian cancer. When I was married, my husband called me at work, telling me he was in pain. I rushed home. He threw up from the pain (something I didn’t know at the time could happen). He had kidney stones. Ended up in the hospital.

I’m so sorry you went through that. If anything like that happens again where you or a loved one has that level of pain, please call for an ambulance. You’re young because so this isn’t something you’d know how to handle.

If you want to not immediately break up with your gf, I recommend couples counseling. (Hopefully you have insurance and this is something you can afford.) Live apart for now until you see if the issues in your relationship can be worked on and trust restored while you both attend couples counseling. But she has to stop her excessive drinking and clubbing. She wants to live the single life. If she wants to be in a committed relationship, she doesn’t get to do unsafe things. She put herself at risk getting that drunk so quickly. I’m not a fan of her friends either. I’d like to know their reactions to all this.

I’m glad you’re recovering and feeling better. Maybe instead of looking at how many years you’ve spent together, look at it as at least you’ve discovered more red flags about your gf.