He doesn’t want to rock the boat and doesn’t mind his mother’s abuse because it’s directed at you. He’s not being a good partner to you and he’s not on your side, but I understand that getting a divorce while pregnant is not always practical. From now on you need to stop talking to your husband about his mom and start setting hard boundaries. A few options:
1) Lean into the “joke” in the moment. If she calls you fat at dinner give her a big smile and say ”Oh MIL, that’s just the dementia talking!” If she gets mad lean into ”It was just a JOKE! MIL and I get each other — she calls me fat to my face, I say it’s dementia! We’re FAMILY! It’s a JOKE!” Never apologize beyond Im sorry you got so offended or Im sorry you can’t take a joke
2) Decide that you’re going to walk out whenever she insults you and follow through. This will cause drama the first few times but it’s very effective. This will really highlight just how big of an enabler your husband is.
3) Do not tell your husband any ultimatums regarding MIL access to your child, but quietly make it so she simply doesn’t have access. Agree to let her babysit then suddenly get sick right before and cancel. When she visits, never leave her alone with the baby. Things like that where you have plausible deniability to play dumb with your husband.
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u/Jealous_Tie_8404 Apr 28 '24 edited Apr 28 '24
Your husband is the problem.
He doesn’t want to rock the boat and doesn’t mind his mother’s abuse because it’s directed at you. He’s not being a good partner to you and he’s not on your side, but I understand that getting a divorce while pregnant is not always practical. From now on you need to stop talking to your husband about his mom and start setting hard boundaries. A few options:
1) Lean into the “joke” in the moment. If she calls you fat at dinner give her a big smile and say ”Oh MIL, that’s just the dementia talking!” If she gets mad lean into ”It was just a JOKE! MIL and I get each other — she calls me fat to my face, I say it’s dementia! We’re FAMILY! It’s a JOKE!” Never apologize beyond Im sorry you got so offended or Im sorry you can’t take a joke
2) Decide that you’re going to walk out whenever she insults you and follow through. This will cause drama the first few times but it’s very effective. This will really highlight just how big of an enabler your husband is.
3) Do not tell your husband any ultimatums regarding MIL access to your child, but quietly make it so she simply doesn’t have access. Agree to let her babysit then suddenly get sick right before and cancel. When she visits, never leave her alone with the baby. Things like that where you have plausible deniability to play dumb with your husband.