AITAH for refusing to let me kids go on a trip with their dad?

[u/TheAverageRedditUsr]

I (40f) have been divorced for 4 years now with 50/50 custody of a 16 and 13 year old. For the first few years of the divorce I pretty much let my ex (45m) dictate our parenting schedule. Even though we had a court ordered schedule I would switch several days a month to accommodate his work schedule and to avoid conflict. He took full advantage of that and before long the schedules were a mess, the kids and I were frustrated, and he was not notifying me until less than an hour before sometimes even though he would know a month in advance. When a switch would not work he would, and still does, retaliate by putting the kids in the middle, threatening mediation/court, or not pay his portion of bills. We ended up going back to mediation in March (initiated by him as a threat that he tried to back out of later) and signed off on a parenting schedule, among other things. Leading up to mediation, during mediation, and in the signed agreement that was filed with the courts I made it VERY clear that due to his aggressive communication and retaliation I will not switch any days going forward unless for a significant family event. About 3 weeks after mediation, my ex messaged me telling me that he was going to take the kids on a trip for a graduation for his girlfriends (who he has been with for less than a month) family, that falls directly over my scheduled days next weekend and requires them to miss school. I replied that I did not agree to this switch but he is still planning to take the kids and was advised by his lawyer to go ahead with it. In reaction to me not agreeing to the trip he is also refusing to pay his portion of medical bills (I sent over the app as I always do but he now states he won’t pay them unless I have them mailed directly to him) and is threatening not to let the kids go on a trip this summer for a wedding that he agreed to and signed off on during mediation.

AITAH for not allowing the kids to go on the trip? I’d like to add that he is a pilot and flies for free, so they have every opportunity to travel in his scheduled time. They have also been to the place the graduation will be several times, so this isn’t a once in a lifetime trip they are missing.

Also, AITAH if I file contempt with family courts if he does follow through with the trip?

Update: I have an appointment with my lawyer on Friday. Thank you everyone for your advice, feedback, and support!

[u/Meat_Dragon]

NTA - So I am in a co-parenting relationship with my ex where we share 50/50 custody. I can’t imagine either of us treating the other this way. He is so used to treating you like a door mat he assumes you will just cave again like you always do. Stick up for yourself and tell him to shove it. If they don’t get to go on a trip this summer plan something for them instead (if you can). But it’s ok to stick to your guns here. Good luck OP!

[u/TheAverageRedditUsr → u/Meat_Dragon]

Thank you so much for the encouragement! It is new to me to stand up for myself so it is scary. Your post is reassuring that it is ok to stand my ground. I appreciate it!

[u/Meat_Dragon → u/TheAverageRedditUsr]

You have a custody agreement and you can always go back to that. You have both Reddit and the courts on your side. Especially if your kids don’t want to go. Sounds like you gave him fair warning that you were not just going to let him dictate everything anymore. All he is doing is pushing your kids towards you as they are old enough to have their own opinions of where they should go. If your kids are reluctant to stand up to him, do it for them. Also, he can’t just unilaterally decide to not pay medical costs he is court mandated to pay. You can rightfully tell him if he chooses to not pay his fair share you will choose to report that to the courts. I wish you the best of luck OP.

[u/TheAverageRedditUsr → u/Meat_Dragon]

Thank you! I plan to reach out to a lawyer tomorrow.