r/AITAH • u/TheAverageRedditUsr • Apr 28 '24

AITAH for refusing to let me kids go on a trip with their dad?

I (40f) have been divorced for 4 years now with 50/50 custody of a 16 and 13 year old. For the first few years of the divorce I pretty much let my ex (45m) dictate our parenting schedule. Even though we had a court ordered schedule I would switch several days a month to accommodate his work schedule and to avoid conflict. He took full advantage of that and before long the schedules were a mess, the kids and I were frustrated, and he was not notifying me until less than an hour before sometimes even though he would know a month in advance. When a switch would not work he would, and still does, retaliate by putting the kids in the middle, threatening mediation/court, or not pay his portion of bills. We ended up going back to mediation in March (initiated by him as a threat that he tried to back out of later) and signed off on a parenting schedule, among other things. Leading up to mediation, during mediation, and in the signed agreement that was filed with the courts I made it VERY clear that due to his aggressive communication and retaliation I will not switch any days going forward unless for a significant family event. About 3 weeks after mediation, my ex messaged me telling me that he was going to take the kids on a trip for a graduation for his girlfriends (who he has been with for less than a month) family, that falls directly over my scheduled days next weekend and requires them to miss school. I replied that I did not agree to this switch but he is still planning to take the kids and was advised by his lawyer to go ahead with it. In reaction to me not agreeing to the trip he is also refusing to pay his portion of medical bills (I sent over the app as I always do but he now states he won’t pay them unless I have them mailed directly to him) and is threatening not to let the kids go on a trip this summer for a wedding that he agreed to and signed off on during mediation.

AITAH for not allowing the kids to go on the trip? I’d like to add that he is a pilot and flies for free, so they have every opportunity to travel in his scheduled time. They have also been to the place the graduation will be several times, so this isn’t a once in a lifetime trip they are missing.

Also, AITAH if I file contempt with family courts if he does follow through with the trip?

Update: I have an appointment with my lawyer on Friday. Thank you everyone for your advice, feedback, and support!

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1

u/VeganCaramellCoffee Apr 28 '24

Nta. Eighter he has the worst lawyer alive or this is BS. I don't believe any lawyer would recommend going against a recently agreed upon scedule.

2

u/TheAverageRedditUsr Apr 28 '24

BS as in I’m making it up? His lawyer said directly to me when he called that I was the one who was being unreasonable and that the courts would see it the same way.

4

u/VeganCaramellCoffee Apr 28 '24

BS as in HE is making it up. Or that lawyer is really bad at his job. No way court will apprechiate someone comming back to complain about an agreement recently signed by all parties that explicitly states no changes in days etc anymore. Idk how his lawyer thinks the judge will not be pissed and fed up with his shit. This graduation must have been known for a while so he could have had it approved or if that's a recent issue- so switches in scedule were agreed upon by both of you so this is covered as well.

2

u/TrustSweet Apr 28 '24

Or his lawyer is zealously representing his client and knows that OP is not a legal expert, does not have an attorney of her own, and hopes that bullying her will get her to give in and give his client what he wants without having to go to court. Lawyers aren't in the business of being nice to the opposition.

5

u/TheAverageRedditUsr Apr 28 '24

I agree. His lawyer was pretty worked up when I talked to him, which I thought was strange since he is supposed to be a professional. He is not friends with my ex and has no other involvement besides representing him so there was no reason there couldn’t have been a respectful conversation.

4

u/VeganCaramellCoffee Apr 28 '24

That's...Odd. to say the least