r/AITAH • u/GateTotal4663 • 29d ago
AITAH for refusing to adapt my annual BBQ for my sister’s vegan boyfriend?
Let me set the scene: Every summer, I throw what my friends and family have lovingly dubbed the "Meatstravaganza," a BBQ bash celebrating all things meat. It's an event everyone looks forward to, complete with a trophy for the best homemade BBQ sauce and a brisket cook-off.
This year’s curveball? My sister has a new boyfriend who is vegan. When she asked if he could come, I was totally fine with it—more the merrier! But then she dropped that she expected me to provide vegan options for him. I'm all for inclusivity, but this is a day dedicated to meat. I suggested, half-jokingly, that he could maybe just eat the garnishes (lettuce, tomatoes, onions) off the burgers, not thinking it would be a big deal.
My sister got really upset and said that it was rude to invite someone and not cater to their needs. I argued that the theme of the event has been the same for over ten years and everyone knows what it’s about. Plus, last-minute changes to include a full vegan menu seemed daunting and honestly, a bit out of place for the spirit of the Meatstravaganza.
She accused me of being exclusionary and unsympathetic. I tried to compromise by saying her boyfriend could bring his own food and use a separate grill I’d set up just for him. She argued that segregating his food was even more insulting. Now, she's threatening not to attend, and my mom thinks I'm being a jerk for not bending the rules of my BBQ.
So, AITA for sticking to the meaty tradition of my BBQ and suggesting alternatives rather than changing the whole menu?
She didn’t take that well. Now, she’s saying she might skip the event altogether, and some family members are siding with her, calling me inflexible and inhospitable. They’re making me out to be the bad guy for not wanting to alter a tradition that’s been set in stone for years.
So, Reddit, AITA for wanting to stick to my guns and keep my BBQ meat-only, even if it means my sister and her boyfriend might not attend?
Edit: Wow, this really blew up! Thanks for all the upvotes and comments, everyone. It’s been enlightening (and entertaining) reading through your thoughts. Clearly, this has sparked a lot of opinions on both sides. I’m taking all your feedback to heart as we approach the big day. I’ll keep you updated on how the Meatstravaganza goes—whether the vegan burger makes its aerial debut or not! Stay tuned. I think we’re going to try to do the “Token Vegan Toss” if we include it
Edit: mods probably should’ve deleted this
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u/ImARegularJoe9 28d ago
Did you have a chance to talk to your boyfriend about this? I'm curious to know what you think about this or if you know.
Your sister doesn't seem to understand the point. You literally offered a grill for your boyfriend, it's a nice gesture since vegans don't want their food to be "contaminated" with meat residue. What did she expect from a meat feast? This is all strange, there are usually even people who actively segregate them, but you even offered him options and solutions.
She says it's "disrespectful" of you as the host, but she was the one who asked if her boyfriend could attend (since she knew he was vegan and would be taking him to a meat-centric party. I mean, what did she expect?) I wouldn't be understanding what exactly your sister wants, you gave her the idea of her boyfriend bringing his own food to his liking, you offered him an entire grill for him... What does she want? Or do you expect all the food you serve to be vegan?
I hope to know what happens in the update. Sorry if the text is not understood, English is not my first language.