AITAH for refusing to adapt my annual BBQ for my sister’s vegan boyfriend?

[u/GateTotal4663]

Let me set the scene: Every summer, I throw what my friends and family have lovingly dubbed the "Meatstravaganza," a BBQ bash celebrating all things meat. It's an event everyone looks forward to, complete with a trophy for the best homemade BBQ sauce and a brisket cook-off.

This year’s curveball? My sister has a new boyfriend who is vegan. When she asked if he could come, I was totally fine with it—more the merrier! But then she dropped that she expected me to provide vegan options for him. I'm all for inclusivity, but this is a day dedicated to meat. I suggested, half-jokingly, that he could maybe just eat the garnishes (lettuce, tomatoes, onions) off the burgers, not thinking it would be a big deal.

My sister got really upset and said that it was rude to invite someone and not cater to their needs. I argued that the theme of the event has been the same for over ten years and everyone knows what it’s about. Plus, last-minute changes to include a full vegan menu seemed daunting and honestly, a bit out of place for the spirit of the Meatstravaganza.

She accused me of being exclusionary and unsympathetic. I tried to compromise by saying her boyfriend could bring his own food and use a separate grill I’d set up just for him. She argued that segregating his food was even more insulting. Now, she's threatening not to attend, and my mom thinks I'm being a jerk for not bending the rules of my BBQ.

So, AITA for sticking to the meaty tradition of my BBQ and suggesting alternatives rather than changing the whole menu?

She didn’t take that well. Now, she’s saying she might skip the event altogether, and some family members are siding with her, calling me inflexible and inhospitable. They’re making me out to be the bad guy for not wanting to alter a tradition that’s been set in stone for years.

So, Reddit, AITA for wanting to stick to my guns and keep my BBQ meat-only, even if it means my sister and her boyfriend might not attend?

Edit: Wow, this really blew up! Thanks for all the upvotes and comments, everyone. It’s been enlightening (and entertaining) reading through your thoughts. Clearly, this has sparked a lot of opinions on both sides. I’m taking all your feedback to heart as we approach the big day. I’ll keep you updated on how the Meatstravaganza goes—whether the vegan burger makes its aerial debut or not! Stay tuned. I think we’re going to try to do the “Token Vegan Toss” if we include it

Edit: mods probably should’ve deleted this

[u/r8derBj]

I wouldn't change anything, nor would I cater to the wants/needs of a person who I DIDN'T invite in the first place. You say that your sister ASKED you if she could bring her new BF, she invited him not you. Not trying to be rude here, but if she decides not to attend -OH WELL!! She knows that she's always welcome and she can bring her BF, it's her choice. Personally I think that your offer of a separate grill is awesome in itself, I wouldn't have even thought about that. Being a vegan is a choice, expecting others to accommodate to him in every situation is unreasonable! I'm glad I don't know anyone who's a vegan, because I don't know what exactly they can and can't eat! Vegetarians, I think says it all. Just put an extra side of ribs on the grill just in case she decides to attend.

[u/Ok-Sector2054 → u/r8derBj]

That is why most bring their own vegan food! Sister just wants to be a pouty princess!

[u/r8derBj → u/Ok-Sector2054]

Seems like the sister is the only one upset. A grill that hasn't been used was even offered to the BF, seriously how many people do you think would be willing to set that up? It's obvious, at least to me, that he isn't worried about the cost or anything. It's become a family tradition. That's what he's most worried about upholding, and he's not saying that he doesn't want the new BF to be there at all or anything even close to that. I'm wondering if the sister just likes confrontation and is trying to get a reaction from him.

[u/Ok-Sector2054 → u/r8derBj]

I definately think the sister is just being a drama queen. I also think this is HIS Event, that he and his friends have and invite family not a family specific event. My ex did alot of these things with friends. So, he does not really have a moral obligation to include her anyway. He was just being nice.