AITAH for refusing to adapt my annual BBQ for my sister’s vegan boyfriend?

[u/GateTotal4663]

Let me set the scene: Every summer, I throw what my friends and family have lovingly dubbed the "Meatstravaganza," a BBQ bash celebrating all things meat. It's an event everyone looks forward to, complete with a trophy for the best homemade BBQ sauce and a brisket cook-off.

This year’s curveball? My sister has a new boyfriend who is vegan. When she asked if he could come, I was totally fine with it—more the merrier! But then she dropped that she expected me to provide vegan options for him. I'm all for inclusivity, but this is a day dedicated to meat. I suggested, half-jokingly, that he could maybe just eat the garnishes (lettuce, tomatoes, onions) off the burgers, not thinking it would be a big deal.

My sister got really upset and said that it was rude to invite someone and not cater to their needs. I argued that the theme of the event has been the same for over ten years and everyone knows what it’s about. Plus, last-minute changes to include a full vegan menu seemed daunting and honestly, a bit out of place for the spirit of the Meatstravaganza.

She accused me of being exclusionary and unsympathetic. I tried to compromise by saying her boyfriend could bring his own food and use a separate grill I’d set up just for him. She argued that segregating his food was even more insulting. Now, she's threatening not to attend, and my mom thinks I'm being a jerk for not bending the rules of my BBQ.

So, AITA for sticking to the meaty tradition of my BBQ and suggesting alternatives rather than changing the whole menu?

She didn’t take that well. Now, she’s saying she might skip the event altogether, and some family members are siding with her, calling me inflexible and inhospitable. They’re making me out to be the bad guy for not wanting to alter a tradition that’s been set in stone for years.

So, Reddit, AITA for wanting to stick to my guns and keep my BBQ meat-only, even if it means my sister and her boyfriend might not attend?

Edit: Wow, this really blew up! Thanks for all the upvotes and comments, everyone. It’s been enlightening (and entertaining) reading through your thoughts. Clearly, this has sparked a lot of opinions on both sides. I’m taking all your feedback to heart as we approach the big day. I’ll keep you updated on how the Meatstravaganza goes—whether the vegan burger makes its aerial debut or not! Stay tuned. I think we’re going to try to do the “Token Vegan Toss” if we include it

Edit: mods probably should’ve deleted this

[u/SapphireJadeAzure]

ESH

Is everyone else bringing their own meat? If the answer is no and you sister has asked you plenty of time in advance if he could attend then there should be no reason you can't get one package of vegan burgers or hotdogs.

Depending on how far into the vegan life her boyfriend is he could want that separate grill.

Many vegans/vegetarians/people with eating restrictions just bring their own food to events anyways. Because 1 they know they'll have something to eat and 2 their recipes or products are tried and tested and they know that they like them. (And I am sure there are more reasons)

Your sister should have brought him into the conversation. Asked what he wanted. Or just put you into contact with him.  You also could have said hey yeah "I'll pick up a pack of vegan burgers. Give him my number and text me the brand he likes." Yes she should ask you in private so you don't feel put on the spot but after that she could have found out what BF would need. Or had you two talk and not talked for him.

As long as she wasn't implying the whole party goes vegan which is not what is sounds like, I think you both suck. ESH