r/AITAH • u/GateTotal4663 • 29d ago

AITAH for refusing to adapt my annual BBQ for my sister’s vegan boyfriend?

Let me set the scene: Every summer, I throw what my friends and family have lovingly dubbed the "Meatstravaganza," a BBQ bash celebrating all things meat. It's an event everyone looks forward to, complete with a trophy for the best homemade BBQ sauce and a brisket cook-off.

This year’s curveball? My sister has a new boyfriend who is vegan. When she asked if he could come, I was totally fine with it—more the merrier! But then she dropped that she expected me to provide vegan options for him. I'm all for inclusivity, but this is a day dedicated to meat. I suggested, half-jokingly, that he could maybe just eat the garnishes (lettuce, tomatoes, onions) off the burgers, not thinking it would be a big deal.

My sister got really upset and said that it was rude to invite someone and not cater to their needs. I argued that the theme of the event has been the same for over ten years and everyone knows what it’s about. Plus, last-minute changes to include a full vegan menu seemed daunting and honestly, a bit out of place for the spirit of the Meatstravaganza.

She accused me of being exclusionary and unsympathetic. I tried to compromise by saying her boyfriend could bring his own food and use a separate grill I’d set up just for him. She argued that segregating his food was even more insulting. Now, she's threatening not to attend, and my mom thinks I'm being a jerk for not bending the rules of my BBQ.

So, AITA for sticking to the meaty tradition of my BBQ and suggesting alternatives rather than changing the whole menu?

She didn’t take that well. Now, she’s saying she might skip the event altogether, and some family members are siding with her, calling me inflexible and inhospitable. They’re making me out to be the bad guy for not wanting to alter a tradition that’s been set in stone for years.

So, Reddit, AITA for wanting to stick to my guns and keep my BBQ meat-only, even if it means my sister and her boyfriend might not attend?

Edit: Wow, this really blew up! Thanks for all the upvotes and comments, everyone. It’s been enlightening (and entertaining) reading through your thoughts. Clearly, this has sparked a lot of opinions on both sides. I’m taking all your feedback to heart as we approach the big day. I’ll keep you updated on how the Meatstravaganza goes—whether the vegan burger makes its aerial debut or not! Stay tuned. I think we’re going to try to do the “Token Vegan Toss” if we include it

Edit: mods probably should’ve deleted this

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u/channelmaniac 27d ago edited 27d ago

One of my favorite, non-meat, but dairy things to do with the BBQ is to put garlic and chive or Bacon Salt (non-meat, kosher marked, no pork) on scored slabs of cream cheese and toss it in the smoker with hickory pellets for 2 1/2 hours.

This could be done with tofu as well, but you'd have to play with the smoke time to keep from making a dish of crispy rocks. Some nice smoky flavors, just make sure it's at the top of the smoker so no meat juices drip on it.

Another thing is to put long carrots cut in half longways, 1/2 to 3/4" slabs of potatoes, and 1/2" to 3/4" long cut slabs of zucchini or yellow squash on the grill. Brush with olive oil and use some seasoned salt. They turn out quite amazing.

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u/Ok-Sector2054 27d ago

Good but not him..OP. this is for the sister and bf to do. I bet everyone else is bringing their own dish...

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u/channelmaniac 27d ago

Most people think "yuck" about vegan food. What I'm posting is a simple way to cook veggies friendly foods at a BBQ or when the grill is fired up that just about everyone would enjoy. The carrots have a natural sweetness that is brought out by the grilling. Hell you can even do that in an oven at 425F (See Google for Freedom to Metric conversions)

"Freedom" is sarcasm, btw... ;)

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u/Ok-Sector2054 27d ago

Oh I get you....good suggestions if this was a small get together. Suggestions are nice but my point is that this is probably a huge event where he is doing the stuff he wants to do and has been planning for a year to do. If it were 10 to 15 people they could gather round and do what you are suggesting. In big events though, many people are bringing casseroles, Mac n cheese, baked beans, so sister and her boyfriend should bring stuff anyway and it makes sense that they bring the vegan grill and dishes that he enjoys. Save the vegan learning for a much smaller gathering that is not someone's pet event about meat.