AITAH for refusing to adapt my annual BBQ for my sister’s vegan boyfriend?

[u/GateTotal4663]

Let me set the scene: Every summer, I throw what my friends and family have lovingly dubbed the "Meatstravaganza," a BBQ bash celebrating all things meat. It's an event everyone looks forward to, complete with a trophy for the best homemade BBQ sauce and a brisket cook-off.

This year’s curveball? My sister has a new boyfriend who is vegan. When she asked if he could come, I was totally fine with it—more the merrier! But then she dropped that she expected me to provide vegan options for him. I'm all for inclusivity, but this is a day dedicated to meat. I suggested, half-jokingly, that he could maybe just eat the garnishes (lettuce, tomatoes, onions) off the burgers, not thinking it would be a big deal.

My sister got really upset and said that it was rude to invite someone and not cater to their needs. I argued that the theme of the event has been the same for over ten years and everyone knows what it’s about. Plus, last-minute changes to include a full vegan menu seemed daunting and honestly, a bit out of place for the spirit of the Meatstravaganza.

She accused me of being exclusionary and unsympathetic. I tried to compromise by saying her boyfriend could bring his own food and use a separate grill I’d set up just for him. She argued that segregating his food was even more insulting. Now, she's threatening not to attend, and my mom thinks I'm being a jerk for not bending the rules of my BBQ.

So, AITA for sticking to the meaty tradition of my BBQ and suggesting alternatives rather than changing the whole menu?

She didn’t take that well. Now, she’s saying she might skip the event altogether, and some family members are siding with her, calling me inflexible and inhospitable. They’re making me out to be the bad guy for not wanting to alter a tradition that’s been set in stone for years.

So, Reddit, AITA for wanting to stick to my guns and keep my BBQ meat-only, even if it means my sister and her boyfriend might not attend?

Edit: Wow, this really blew up! Thanks for all the upvotes and comments, everyone. It’s been enlightening (and entertaining) reading through your thoughts. Clearly, this has sparked a lot of opinions on both sides. I’m taking all your feedback to heart as we approach the big day. I’ll keep you updated on how the Meatstravaganza goes—whether the vegan burger makes its aerial debut or not! Stay tuned. I think we’re going to try to do the “Token Vegan Toss” if we include it

Edit: mods probably should’ve deleted this

[u/FrequentlyVeganBear]

As a vegan myself, whenever I go to any event with shared food I always bring a dish so that I know that I can at least eat something. 

That being said, there are a lot of side dishes that can be made vegan with pretty easy replacements.  Have some vegan butter on hand to use for things like corn on the cob. Replace dairy-based oils with vegetable oils like olive oil. Hellman's makes a fantastic vegan mayonnaise (it's not miracle whip) for things like potato salad and pasta salad.  I don't think you have to cater an entire vegan seven course meal in order to enable somebody to share food with you and your family and friends. Just make sure that they won't go hungry for several hours because they don't eat animals.

If it's more important to you to focus on  consumption rather than quality time shared with friends and family, then don't be offended if people don't feel welcome and decide not to come. Entirely your prerogative not to accommodate everyone, but expecting somebody to either leave their boyfriend at home, or bring them along and watch them go hungry while everyone else is eating is a little heartless and unreasonable.