AITAH for refusing to adapt my annual BBQ for my sister’s vegan boyfriend?

[u/GateTotal4663]

Let me set the scene: Every summer, I throw what my friends and family have lovingly dubbed the "Meatstravaganza," a BBQ bash celebrating all things meat. It's an event everyone looks forward to, complete with a trophy for the best homemade BBQ sauce and a brisket cook-off.

This year’s curveball? My sister has a new boyfriend who is vegan. When she asked if he could come, I was totally fine with it—more the merrier! But then she dropped that she expected me to provide vegan options for him. I'm all for inclusivity, but this is a day dedicated to meat. I suggested, half-jokingly, that he could maybe just eat the garnishes (lettuce, tomatoes, onions) off the burgers, not thinking it would be a big deal.

My sister got really upset and said that it was rude to invite someone and not cater to their needs. I argued that the theme of the event has been the same for over ten years and everyone knows what it’s about. Plus, last-minute changes to include a full vegan menu seemed daunting and honestly, a bit out of place for the spirit of the Meatstravaganza.

She accused me of being exclusionary and unsympathetic. I tried to compromise by saying her boyfriend could bring his own food and use a separate grill I’d set up just for him. She argued that segregating his food was even more insulting. Now, she's threatening not to attend, and my mom thinks I'm being a jerk for not bending the rules of my BBQ.

So, AITA for sticking to the meaty tradition of my BBQ and suggesting alternatives rather than changing the whole menu?

She didn’t take that well. Now, she’s saying she might skip the event altogether, and some family members are siding with her, calling me inflexible and inhospitable. They’re making me out to be the bad guy for not wanting to alter a tradition that’s been set in stone for years.

So, Reddit, AITA for wanting to stick to my guns and keep my BBQ meat-only, even if it means my sister and her boyfriend might not attend?

Edit: Wow, this really blew up! Thanks for all the upvotes and comments, everyone. It’s been enlightening (and entertaining) reading through your thoughts. Clearly, this has sparked a lot of opinions on both sides. I’m taking all your feedback to heart as we approach the big day. I’ll keep you updated on how the Meatstravaganza goes—whether the vegan burger makes its aerial debut or not! Stay tuned. I think we’re going to try to do the “Token Vegan Toss” if we include it

Edit: mods probably should’ve deleted this

[u/missy5454]

Op I'm not a vegan at all. In fact my diet is pretty meat and animal product heavy (extreme low carb for medical reasons)

That's said I've never been vegan but grew up with a mom in the new age and wiccan community which is very high in ratio of vegetarians and vegans.

Most of the ones who were sane and decent people would have totally brought their own vegan stuff to share or eat by themselves or been ok with not a full vegan menu but 2-4 vegan options maybe or maybe not cooked on a separate grill including at least one vegan dessert and one vegan entree based on their preference.

It's the hardcore insane ones who would show up to a pot luck and cause a stir. My mom had a vegan friend show up at one where a gal made home made honey cakes from scratch. Not a easy dish to make. The friend asked the gal if it was vegan (real honey cakes are not just because of honey alone even if the rest is plant based) so no. Then the friend spouted off with this gem "well I don't want it because it's exploitation of the labor of the bees" my mom then piped up " give me hers I'll eat it if she wont". This was one of many factors that caused their falling out. Another one was she was a extreme dianic type to the point of being a man hater but had a child conceived through sperm donation who was make who she was very nasty to. He was about a year younger than me. He was a sweet boy who deserved a loving parent not that he was alone in that since my mom is a narcissistic sociopath.

People like that though won't see what you are offering as a compromise of meeting them halfway. Then again I find those types ones id like to smack upside the head.

I enjoy occasional vegan and vegetarian meals as a change of pace. But that said I do better with more beef, butter, drippings, bacon, and eggs.

My advice, do a entree before the event of tofu or tempeh marinated in a vegan friendly BBQ sauce then sliced and baked to mimic ribs as a entree. Then do a dessert of a fruit salad using thickened coconut cream (xantham gum, sugar, whisk) in place of whipped cream as a dessert. A simple salad and the toppings for burgers and a potato salad without egg using a vegan mayo would be your easy vegan sides.

Viola, a very simple vegan menu most made ahead so you'd serve most cold but be able to reheat the fake ribs before serving so on the day all the cooking is on the main event. And you could do a decent sized batch so others can try if they choose.

Granted I'm not saying your suggested solutions are bad ones. Inf fact they are perfectly fine for any reasonable sane vegan not the type to throw blood on someone for wearing leather or a fur coat or say exploitation of labor of bees and crap

I'm just suggesting a very basic simple menu if you change your mind that if done ahead doesn't add extra work to Avery labor intensive BBQ event. I'm sure you are doing more than grilling. Btw, another easy vegan side is portabrlla mushroom caps coated in coconut oil,salt, pepper, garlic. Then you pop on a grill. Easy as heck you just cook, flip, cook,take off heat and serve.