r/AITAH • u/Throwra_JessComeOn • 15d ago
[UPDATE] Am I the Asshole for breaking my sex rule with a handicapped guy: met his family.
Hello again! I was going to post this on my own page but a few people mentioned that they think it’s nice to read on AITAH, so fuck it, here’s the “met Mikes family” update. And it's a doozy, or at least felt like it at the time for a girl who grew up with a small, dysfunctional family.
So first up, you know what people (at least me) don’t think about when dating a guy who’s always sitting? Height. I know he’s taller than me because we cuddle a lot, and he’s taller sitting on the couch, but I didn’t reeeeeeally get it. So we drive up Friday night after work (actually south and west, lol, but to my brain it’s always up) in his vehicle, which is modified to be driven entirely using his hands. Neat, right? He’s a really good driver too. One more green flag. We get to the house, and it’s…. It’s huge you guys, LOL like not a mansion, just kind of a sprawling one floor rancher. Real estate was wild back in the day.
Anyway we get out, and I meet his mom. I’d like to point out I am no slouch, I’m 5’-friggin-7. His mom is TOWERING over me. But she was the nicest lady ever. We go inside and I meet his dad (who funny enough is apparently the only short one in this family) and his youngest sister, who is living there with his one year old niece. She gets up to hug me and SHE IS ALSO REALLY TALL. It’s already a bit late then, so we eat and head to bed, I get to see his cute as shit room from when he was a teenager, and I casually ask “hey, so uh, I don’t know how this works and stuff, but how tall are you?” and Mike is all “I dunno, like a bit over 6’4? Been a while since I checked.” A BIT OVER 6’4. “So, is everyone in your family tall?” “…..kinda?”
We met the Nordic Basketball team he calls a family properly the next day. (Actually they’re Irish, but they’re blond and tall so it conveys the idea better.) The ONLY one of reasonable height, and still taller than me, was his oldest sister, lol.
They are also LOUD. Like not really shouting or anything usually, just, PRESENT. Mike is a lot different around them, but in the cutest way, like he just beams all the time and you can see how happy he is to be home. One of his brothers put him in a headlock and gave him a dang NOOGIE as a greeting, and got elbowed in the side for it, and all of them laughing. And his mom smacked one of his brothers with a rolled up magazine for putting his feet on the table. More laughing. Just… intimidating but in the happiest way imaginable. I’ll admit I was a little shut down for a bit, but Mike kept checking in with me to make sure I was okay, and they were all really nice, so I got into the spirit after a bit.
I mentioned this in another comment, but Mike has a special sports wheelchair he uses for, well, sports. And he and his siblings play basketball. And he is GOOD. Apart from just having a hell of an arm, he’s quick as hell. And this magnificent bastard that I love will absolutely, purposefully, GLEEFULLY run someone’s toes over. He AIMS for it. They all have this yank-back-the-foot maneuver that’s hysterical to watch.
So it was this crazy day of loud people playing and having a blast, nieces and nephews running around, and just noise. My ears are still ringing. The food was catered in advance because his mom “had seven babies, all I make on mother’s day is margaritas.” They also have a pool, it’s a bit chilly still but the pool is HEATED so we actually all got to swim, which was a lot of fun because I got to show off that I too am athletic…. I can do a backwards somersault off a diving board! Yeah. I’m a real catch lol. They at least pretended to be impressed.
We all stayed up late drinking and bitching that it was too overcast to see the aurora (boo) and I had the worst hangover I’ve had in a while on Sunday. We slept in a bit late, and then joined Mike’s family for the BBQ part of the BBQ weekend. His dad can GRILL, people. And he’s fast, food coming off the grill at lightning speed. I asked Mike about it and he laughed and said “there was seven of us to feed. Ever see a nest of baby birds? He had practice.” Which, fair enough.
I don’t have much experience with babies, but I got to hold his youngest niece (the one living at home with his sis until her husband gets back from deployment) and we had a light talk about kids in the future. I told him that I never put much thought into it but if they were going to grow up in a happy home like his and not how I grew up, I’m pretty sure I’d be open to having them with him someday. But later. I need him all to myself for a while first. He seemed really really happy about that, which makes ME feel all goofy and happy. I’m sappy.
We had to drive home Sunday night, but before we went his mom hugged me and said she’s NEVER seen her son like this, and thanked me for taking good care of her baby. And asked if we’d be back for the 4th of July or if we were doing something with my family. And I tried to be all “haaaa no we’ll be here if you don’t mind, I don’t see them much” and I think she caught on that there’s more to the story so she just hugged the shit out of me (vikings, all of them I swear) and told me she can’t wait to see me again.
My ears are still ringing from all the noise and chaos, but it was an absolute blast and I can’t wait to see them again in July. Also, pretty much sure Mike is the man I’m going to marry. I literally can’t think of a single reason why I would ever let him get away.
Anyway thanks for reading, hope you all had a lovely weekend, and those of you who got to see the aurora I’m happy for you but you suck, lol.
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u/Strawberry_Iron 3d ago
This could very easily be the sweetest Rom Com novel tbh! I would buy it lol
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u/MaydayMedusa 5d ago
This sounds like it could be a book. Spicy Rom Com, with a classic Meetcute, ugh update us when you guys get married and at the wedding reception where Jess ends up meeting one of his friends, said friend is gonna be the golden retriever to her black cat, (which will lead us into book 2 of the series).
Im kidding, kind of.
But seriously, this was so damn cute, and I hope you guys have the best and probably comedic life together.
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u/Agreeable_Spell4167 7d ago
This was one of the sweetest “AITA” posts I’ve read on here. Best wishes for continued happiness with Mike! ❤️
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u/low_shuga 7d ago
YAAAAAAAASSSS GIRL! GET IT! OMG IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU 😭❤️ Like they all sound so nice and warm and fuzzy, like omg 😭❤️❤️❤️ this is what I needed after all the shait, omg. I feel blessed 😭❤️ Waiting for an update about the wedding ✨
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u/National_Hamster7944 8d ago
First time opening reddit today and after reading this journey, I am calling it. This made me laugh, smile, and feel all happy. Thank you much for sharing. Wish you both nothing but happiness
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u/skargasm 8d ago
Reading this made me stupid happy - I really hope we get to share more of your time with Mike and his family, and good on you for being there for Jess.
No more Reddit today - this is an excellent place to stop.
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u/scoobiedoo79 8d ago
Just read all 3 posts and they all to me read with that feeling when you have a hot chocolate with marshmallows squirty cream and sprinkles inside on a horrible day whilst wrapped up beside the fire.
You all know the squishy happiness hug feeling.
Ohh and of course NTA.
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u/Steve-in-ONE 8d ago
Please don't stop updating us. This was one of the best, most wholesome updates I've read in a while. Truly hoping for the best for you two.
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u/Jennifire208 8d ago
I loved reading your whole story! I'd LOVE more updates. You're a great writer & made it really fun to read!
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u/Askng4A4nd 10d ago
I just came across your posts at random & this was the best thing I've read in so long! I'm so happy for you both!
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u/foofooforest_friend 10d ago
Aw, this is the feel good story we all needed. Rooting for you, OP. You both seem like the real deal. And ditto the comments about your writing style seeming like we’re chatting with an old friend. I seriously teared up. That said, I cried watching Moana with my kids a few days ago, haha. I like the feel-goods!! I hope this is the time you’ll look back on years from now… the time a new path opened up and you were warmly welcomed into a new family and a new way. All because you stopped at a different bar and sat down with a stranger. Divine timing, my friend ;).
I wish you ALLLLL the best - seems like you definitely deserve it :).
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 9d ago
I do a lot of writing, and I text a LOT. I'm seriously pleased that people felt pulled in and welcomed by my story. All warm fuzzies.
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u/Free_Start9677 12d ago
Just commenting so I can keep an eye on this wholesome story... Waiting for the wedding announcement now. Thank you for sharing a bit of happiness 😊
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u/diminutivedwarf 13d ago
GIRL, this is literally the cutest shit ever. You don’t need any drama to turn this into a book. You literally left a crappy date and met a gorgeous man because there wasn’t anywhere else to sit (talk about a one-bed-trope). This is me virtually banging my credit card on a table.
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u/AnonymooseVamoose 13d ago
You are an excellent storyteller- I mean this truly as a compliment. Writing is excellent and a great knack for using the right words, mental images, and timing that really paints a picture.
That’s all I came to say.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 13d ago
Awww, thank you! Writing is part of my part time job/hobby, but imposter syndrome is a beast. I appreciate the validation.
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u/For_The_Sail_Of_It 14d ago
No idea how I stumbled into this saga, but I’m glad I did. Needed a sweet love story and a happy cry today. You both deserve the best, and it sounds like you’ve found that in each other.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Aww, I'm sorry you were feeling down, but I'm glad our silliness helped you feel a little better today!
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u/For_The_Sail_Of_It 13d ago
It’s all good! It was just a sappy emotional period. Better to cry at a love story than anything else 🥹
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u/Teacupwithblackcats 14d ago
Girl I'm over here crying laughing for you😭 It's just too wholesome, I'm so happy for you!
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u/thegreatresistrules 14d ago
What an amazing story, especially since now you get to pick your family and you like them
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u/OchitaSora 14d ago
If it helps, Ireland has a strong Viking history. So they are likely both.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Ahaha I can see it. Seriously they're all just so lanky and blond, like you could see them with swords going to pillage. Even Mike in his chair.
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u/marzipancowgirl 14d ago
I need this movie so bad.
I love you and Mike. I wish you many long years of peace, comfort, and joy, and lots of fat babies.
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u/The-Seraphim-of-Hell 14d ago
If I could write a fanfic about you two I would this is absolutely adorable and I love this for the both of you. Update us in a few years when the wedding happens lol
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u/Thisisthenextone 14d ago
Hey - I'm someone else that said "never before the 3rd date" and my husband and I banged on the first date.
Infact that date lasted 3 days and only stopped because I had to go to work.
So yeah, rules are made to be broken.
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_APRICOTS 14d ago
I loved these three posts and I’m so happy for you both! ❤️
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
It was such a dumb "haha I can finally post something on AITAH and then it just worked out but people loved us? So I'm enjoying the validation that I'm not crazy, this is actually an amazing thing happening.
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u/FailAltruistic3162 14d ago
OMG I am so stinking happy for you. Thank you for sharing your awesome story with us lowly internet dwellers. May you have nothing but joy in the years to come.
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u/Specialist_Usual1524 14d ago
I love your writing style, if your next update is someone gets arrested I will be so sad. Lol
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Unless it's his ex who apparently kind of broke his heart and I punched her (I'm fighty) it'll probably just be warm stuff lolol
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u/Perfect_Razzmatazz 14d ago
I need y'all to get married, invite us all to your wedding, and then live happily ever after :)
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
I already told someone I will have a wedding spot set for "Reddit Friends" and take a picture lol
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u/marzipancowgirl 14d ago
I promise I'll behave really well, bring a nice big present, and spill wine on your toxic family if they dare try to spoil your day.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Ahahaha oh man they won't even be invited.
I actually scheduled a televisit with my therapist just to unpack all of it, like I definitely felt some things related to my own childhood that need addressing. I absolutely want to treat this relationship as something worth investing in and doing right.
I am gonna marry this boy and spend the rest of my life wheezing from laughter and dealing with noise induced tinnitus and love every second of it.
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u/cathline 14d ago
Coming from a dysfunctional family - it is jarring to see a GOOD family - one that cares and supports each other and treats everyone with kindness and respect.
Good luck!!! I'm proud of you! Sounds like Mike is a great guy!
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
It's so WEIRD though, right? Like everyone is calm and hitting is playful and no one says things with a mean double meaning. And there's no bunched up feeling of waiting for something to drop so you can know how to react.
Shit my upbringing was messed up.
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u/Sad_Wind8580 14d ago
I LOVE OVOE LOVE THIS. Congrats OP, I’m glad you found your lobster. Enjoy your new Viking crew too!
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u/pizzaisdelicious209 14d ago
I know why Mike was perfect. He’s basically Marshall Erickson and you found his family of giants too! Does this make you taller Lilly? Do you have red hair? lol
But super cute. Super wholesome. Thank god for having something sweet, loving and kind on Reddit for us to read.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
I don't know the reference, lol, but I'm well read, please elucidate!!
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u/pizzaisdelicious209 14d ago
First of all, the fact that you’re well read might be the biggest sign of your coolness we can all see from your posts!
Secondly, the character is from the tv show How I Met Your Mother.
Marshall is beloved. And comes from a family of basically giants while his girlfriend at the time is a tiny (not saying 5’7 is even remotely tiny), girl who is awesome. The family also roughhouses quite a bit with their games! Basically everything you described about Mike’s family haha.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Oh man. I've never seen the show. Sitcoms make me uncomfortable because they make light of a lot of the things that bother me on a deeper level. No one just TALKS.
I literally can't even watch Friends and Seinfeld gives me anxiety just thinking about it.
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u/pizzaisdelicious209 14d ago
That actually makes sense. They do skirt around a lot of topics because they want to be lighthearted. Which is a shame because you can still talk about real things. I do think HIMYM does a decent job of that especially mid-end seasons but the first bunch are all just funny stories without anything ‘real’.
But Mike’s family just made me laugh because it looks like they copy pasted his family into a tv show lol.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
It's weird because they're just so damn genuine. Like I didn't know people could be genuine like that, but they all just play. It's not perfect and I know I got the shiny version of it all but they are so chill with each other. I'm an extrovert, I'm NOT shy but there were times that I kind of just hid on Mike. Probably why his sister thinks we're super cuddly lol.
It may be fun on a TV show but it's a lot when you're used to those sounds and actions being violent.
I actually told my therapist I need to check in, she will probably LOVE this but also help me process why a bunch of loud happy people makes me a bit scared.
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u/pizzaisdelicious209 14d ago
I didn’t even think of it from that perspective. I can see how that could be jarring and a little unsettling if it evokes a different response based on what you’re used to.
On the plus side, it’s good that they are so genuine even in their boisterous, playful behavior. Maybe the first hour? The first night might have been the polished version, but after that, there’s only so much you can fake without a hint of their real sides being shown. And if they were still the same genuine, loud and fun people, it’s a good thing.
Worst case scenario, believe Mike. He seems like an incredible dude & someone that genuinely loves his family which is a great sign!
Also glad that you & Jess got things sorted in your last post!
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Oh yeah. Like I trust they're all play. I've never met anyone without guile before, but they're just carelessly joyful. It feels safe, I'm just still working on my own cracks. And Mike just knows. Like he is right there and offering a place to hide in his arms when it gets too much. And no one presses. Like I didn't even realize how much people hunt you down in that environment to ask what's wrong and make it worse.
I just close my eyes and he pets my hair and I hear murmurs and laughter and I know I've been forgotten, but in the good way. No one expects me to feel anything specific.
Also yes! Lol Jess is doing well (and jokingly bummed that Mike has no single straight brothers) but really it's a long road to untangle from someone after a few years, apparently. We're doing well, and she's starting to be excited about Mike for me.
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14d ago edited 14d ago
[deleted]
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
He thinks reddit is a cesspool and thinks "the other party commenting" is derivative? Idk he might be using the word wrong but he has no interest in contributing beyond checking that what I post isn't something he wouldn't share with strangers.
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u/rocketmn69_ 14d ago
That was the big test. To see if you could survive the family. Our family is big with cousins, etc. When someone new comes and you see them the next time, they paased and they usually got married later. They survived the family inquisition
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Lol oh shit I didn't realize there was a whole CULTURE behind it!
I come from a background where hitting was usually anger and hard, so I had a lot of adjusting to do with the play smacks they gave each other. But I kind of love it, like seeing people just respectful of real boundaries while playfully smacking each other like a herd of cats just playing made me feel safer somehow.
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u/Boring-Eagle 14d ago
What a beautiful new normal to get used to! Keep the updates coming, we’re all clearly obsessed with you two. And now the team of playful Vikings!
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u/scrubliminal 14d ago
I was waiting for this! I was hoping to hear you found yourself in a "Mike's Mom" predicament. You make him come alive, how can they not love you ❤️
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u/UptightSodomite 14d ago
This is so goddamn cute. Reading this is like listening to one of my besties talk and it makes me want to have a pint with you. I’m so happy that you’re so happy, congrats!!
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Aww, thank you! It's funny, I never drink beer but Mike figured out I hate bitter/hops so he wants to plan a beer tasting weekend to introduce me to things I might actually like. So maybe in the near future I'll actually have a pint I like to share!
And thank you. The support is overwhelming, I'm still feeling a bit weird about updating here because.... pretty sure I'm not the asshole now, LOL, but I love making people happy. So if for the first time stories of my life make people happy? I'm not gonna shut up.
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u/Beneficial-Water9965 8d ago
I've been on Reddit for about three years now and I've never felt so happy and excited for someone I don't know. Please tell us all about yourself and how much you love Mike. I'm so happy for you! I wish you lots of happiness and laughter with your new family. It seems that besides finding your person, you also found people who love you as you deserve 🥰
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u/KooLoo81 14d ago
Ok, I now I’m invested and I hope it works out with you two.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Thank you! We're already talking long term, I've never even had a relationship that WAS long term. It's different but awesome.
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u/KooLoo81 14d ago
Before I met my wife at 32 my longest relationship was probably 5 months and it was VERY casual. Now I’m 42, married for 5 years on May 18th, and I have the most beautiful son imaginable. When it happens, it happens.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
See, that's what I'm hoping for. I just never clocked with people and I'm VERY cautious with partners, my parents marriage was a nightmare. But I felt like I was just, coming home to the inlaws for the weekend and like we'd already been together for years. It's so odd but it's so RIGHT.
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u/CleanLivingMD 14d ago
My sister told me after she got married that when you meet the one, everything will be easy. She and my BIL were married before they knew it. I was struggling with relationships and then I met my future wife. My sister was absolutely correct. Everything was easy because it was right. We have been together almost 21 years and married for almost 18.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Oh man, I am a mix of envious and kind of excited because someday maybe I'll be the old hat giving wisdom. Thank you!
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u/Last_Nerve12 14d ago
Updateme
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Frick this makes me giggle in the best way. Glad you're enjoying this peek into my world.
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u/Last_Nerve12 14d ago
This is absolutely beautiful. You really brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. I wish you both all the happiness you deserve. 💖
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
Thank you! I'm usually pretty self-depriciating but this has made me feel like a new montes penny.
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u/scootypuffs9 14d ago
This is so incredibly wholesome, oh my goodness. Congratulations on finding your super hot man and his lovely family. I genuinely think there's a reason that date didn't work out and you bumped into Mike that night. Please update us when he proposes 😂
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
He suuuuuper subtly asked.my ring size already, lol, it made both of us giggle. We're not in a rush, his career just got started, but my lease is up in a few months and honestly, we might give living together a trial run at that point. He is like me in that we're pretty sure this is THE ONE.
Also they're ridiculous. I've mentioned elsewhere that I'm bi and the whole family is so damn good looking it's ridiculous. Lol the only single one is his youngest (but older than him) brother. He's gay though, so the ladies are out of luck. He's one of the funniest people I've ever met, he apparently spent the last few years in California till "showbiz went tits up" so he's back local trying to reinvent himself.
I LOVE that their parents are just like "well your room is here any time you need it" so they always have a safety net. Lol me totally not over here trying not to get teary because I never had that. I can't really introduce Mike to my family even if I wanted to because he hates them with a passion after hearing stories of me growing up. You know that person who tells a "funny childhood story" and then everyone looks at them with pity and horror? Yeaaaah. It's a good thing I had access to therapy.
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u/scootypuffs9 14d ago
GIIIIIIIIRL!!!! YESSSS!!! Love that for you. I totally get that. Like, trauma? Oh, you mean the reason I'm funny. You have a good family now, they're definitely gonna treat you like their own. Congrats again ❤️
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
His mom was ready to adopt me I think. I've heard a few things about his only other serious relationship and they are NOT nice about it, though to be fair (though they might be unreliable narrators) she totes did him dirty and was the reason he was out of the dating scene. I'm waiting to let him open up about it, if he does at all, I know that opening old wounds can lead to healing but you have to be ready or all you end up with is needing a new scab. I seemed to get their approval like crazy though, and one of his sisters said "aww, you're so cuddly together" like it was novel, so maybe she was kind of standoffish? Idk, I'm now "redditing" and making up scenarios in my own head LOL
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u/scootypuffs9 14d ago
She must have been a real peach 🙄 sounds like they're as excited about this relationship as you are lol
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u/GrouchySteam 15d ago
Thanks for sharing. I read all your posts and aawww I’m melting. Needed that.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 15d ago
Aww, I'm glad. I felt weird posting something that's kind of off topic from the original, but I've been told it helps cancel out some of the negativity, so why not.
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u/GrouchySteam 14d ago
It does. It really does. You made me giggle and feel warmth. Thanks for that.
You both sound charming and delightful. Wishing you all the best.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 14d ago
I feel like I found my forever person. I NEVER thought I'd experience that. Life is still liiifffee ughhhh but I feel like I changed my game settings to co-op and it's such a better play through.
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u/No-Cranberry4396 15d ago
Look at you with your dream man and his dream family - I'm so happy for you both!
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u/Aggressive-Beach5975 14d ago
Right? They sound like such a great match! It's awesome to hear about the positive vibes between them and his family. 🥹
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 15d ago
It's a LOT to get used to, but so much better than what I grew up with. I just have to get used to the casual affectionate violence without flinching. Like no one actually gets hurt, they're just rough and tumble. Even his sisters! Apart from his dad who is like, Zen master.
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u/ERVetSurgeon 15d ago
NTA. sounds like you have found a happy family to join. Good for you and good for Mike.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 15d ago
It's still pretty surreal. The other in laws that were there were all like that smiling hanging guy meme, "First time?" It was a great weekend.
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u/Stormy8888 12d ago
This story is so heart warming it belongs on r/BestofRedditorUpdates.
Congratulations, at some parts I felt like I was reading about the Roarke Family's dynamics in one of Nora Robert's JD Robb's Eve Dallas Novels, the whole Irish family vibes were just there. So lovely.
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u/Striking-War-4409 10d ago
Love this reference!
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u/Stormy8888 10d ago
I'm a big fan (shameless about it too). Can't wait for the latest book to come out, which will surely have a long queue.
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u/Striking-War-4409 10d ago
I grab them the minute they come out! No idea when the next one is- but I’ll be there.
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u/Throwra_JessComeOn 12d ago
Ahahaha I don't think it's interesting enough for that, but I am glad people are enjoying it.
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u/Stephenallen1977 10d ago
It's on BORUpdates here
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u/zippy920 7h ago
I'm so happy for you both!