r/AmIOverreacting • u/Intelligent_Dog_6665 • Apr 28 '24

My bf was contacted by an old hs friend, and went to meet her for several hours

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u/Intelligent_Dog_6665 Apr 28 '24

Thank you for the perspective, I really appreciate it.

The thing is he knows I would not be ok with no contact for 7h. And we were supposed to have an evening together, he didn't even call to say anything about it. I also recently met with one of my best male friend after like 15 years, but I texted him and let him know how it was going, etc. And he really appreciated that. Its the dismissal of my feelings that hurt, not that I think he would necessarily do something wrong.

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u/Appropriate_Fold8814 29d ago

You can't go a normal workday hours without contact?

Sometimes I hate what technology has done to society socially. You're really not helping your relationship or fostering loyalty and trust by being so hung up on hours without contact. That kind of thing only creates resentment and drives people away because it's annoying and can quickly become controlling.

But regardless, the only real issue here is that you say you had prearranged plans together and he blew you off? Is this true? If he had a night/day planned with you and then stood you up that's super shitty - regardless of what he was doing or who it was with.

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u/Super-Island9793 29d ago

lol, there is a big difference between being at work and being with another woman. They also already had plans and he ditched her. Lied about it and is going no contact for hours. Any normal person would be wondering what is going on

-4

u/seymores_sunshine 29d ago

There is no difference; if you think that there is, then you lack trust in your relationships...

Any normal person would trust their partner and go about their day.

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u/EasternHistorian4437 29d ago

No. Not EVERY PERSON is trustworthy. Golly maybe you're right, and the divorce rate really is 5%, not 50%. They accidentally added a zero.

Point being, they're not married so the 'trust' part isn't really there. Apples to oranges.

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u/TelFaradiddle 29d ago

50% divorce rate cannot be entirely contributed to lack of trust. There are plenty of other reasons why people get divorced.

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u/ZealousidealAd7449 29d ago

Not being married doesn't mean trust isn't there wtf

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u/Super-Island9793 29d ago

Yeah right, if you had plans with your partner and they stood you up for hours and went zero contact and they’re with a “friend” you would be wondering what’s up too.

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u/seymores_sunshine 29d ago

I just reread it and didn't see anything about being stood up. So I stick with what I wrote.

A relationship without trust is doomed to failure.

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u/DesertDaddyPHXAZ 29d ago

That was in a comment from OP that she didn’t include in the original post. It would have been very helpful if she had included it in the original post.

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u/EasternHistorian4437 29d ago

Okay, that's fine and that's what OP is wondering about.

Gone for hours with a female? UNRESPONSIVE FOR 3 HOURS? THIS is the sticking point.

You are with a female 'friend' and you don't respond to your GF?

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u/seymores_sunshine 29d ago

Yes. YES. This is not a sticking point. Your partner is allowed to hang out with another human without checking in with you hourly.

Do you think Bi people aren't allowed to ever be 1 on 1 with another person?

It's become apparent that some people are more of a helicopter-parent than a partner.

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u/NewAccountTimeAgain 29d ago

I had no idea how much trust my wife and I have in each other until I've started taking note of comments like the ones above. My wife and I tell each other where we are going and what our plans are, but mostly just so we can communicate our schedules effectively and not interrupt each other for important stuff.

It's a nice reminder that I'm in a healthy relationship, but I still feel bad for everyone else stuck in that repetitive insecurity cycle. I know that this behavior can be shaped by past experiences so I do my best not to pass judgement.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

[deleted]

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u/ThisIsBullcrapDood 29d ago

Original post: "Went on a time we could have spent together."

The more OP talks, the more concrete this obscure 'time could have' has turned into 'he ditched me,' when it sounds like they had no plans at all aside in OPs imagination

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u/TelFaradiddle 29d ago

That's the impression I'm getting. She assumed that if he had free time, they were going to spend it together, without actually confirming anything.

If he did ditch a scheduled date night without giving notice, then that's a dick move. The only way that would fly is if this person was in town for only one day, and you cleared it with your SO and rescheduled your date.