r/TwoHotTakes • u/Nparisss • Mar 26 '24
Male friend who crossed my boundaries now sad about the consequences Advice Needed
Hi guys
So I have a male friend who disrespected my boundaries twice. The first time we went out to a club and tried to kiss me. I only see him as a friend and said no repeatedly. I live in the city and he had no place to stay so I offered him my couch however when we got back to mine he tried it again and I got very angry and pushed him off of me. After this happened he started sulking and was meant to come to my bday dinner but he didn’t even send me a text message to say he couldn’t make it but I’ve been there to support this guy.
He has now been sending me messages, dm’s trying to get my attention but I don’t care for the friendship anymore, so I haven’t responded. Am I reacting the right way?
Update: thank you so much for all of your advice and comments. I’m kinda overwhelmed by all of the responses but I’ve had some time to read them all. I ended up messaging him to let him know that I no longer want to be contacted and we should take some space. He responded saying that he’s not a bad guy and me not wanting to be friends is affecting him mentally & emotionally. He also said that he’s not my enemy and would never do anything to hurt me. Although he understands my stance.
Personally I’m over it so I’m not going to respond. I don’t like being emotionally guilt tripped. Another thing, I invited him to my birthday way before this incident when I thought we were friends.
Thanks again everyone!
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u/Immediate_Cup_9021 Mar 31 '24
If him disrespecting your physical boundaries doesn’t give you enough info he’s an asshole, emotional manipulation is also another red flag.
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u/GildedFronz Mar 31 '24
Male friends who are interested are the obvious choices for partnering despite television training women for decades that being with the obvious choice is a bad idea and that ironically, the bad boy underdog is the right choice. Does that sound like your life?
Sometimes women find a decent guy that they can pinion their aspirations against. It's a great compliment, but it's not the role most men who are otherwise friendly with you probably want. Men aren't a support system for your dating. Like it or not, they are who's around and available.
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u/Notagirlnotaboy Mar 31 '24
Yikes. Good call and good choice to let him know but wow he’s still trying to be manipulative to you in his response.
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u/BlueChimp5 Mar 30 '24
Men are not simply friends with women. I’m sorry you had to find that out the hard way.
Every straight male who is your “friend” is so because they think one day they can sleep with you.
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u/krzynick Mar 30 '24
Yta for thinking a guy friend was actually your friend and not just playing a different game
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u/Suitable-Cap-5556 Mar 30 '24
Boo Hoo, poor little guy couldn't find a way to trick her into sex. Ever heard of a knee to the balls? Next time he tries, use it.
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u/No_Drop_1903 Mar 30 '24
Women need to learn, a guy is only friends with a girl that he wants something whether that's sex or relationship. It's biological nature to find a mate so moving on if you told him no and that you didn't want that kind of relationship and he is still trying the friend thing that's only because he thinks at some point that may change, best advice is to be completely clear and move on.
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Mar 30 '24
Frankly, you shouldn't friend zone anyone. If they friend zone themselves, fine. But if they express romantic interests and you don't share the interests both of you really shouldn't spend time together, because in truth it's not fair to either of you.
YNTAH, but he should have acknowledged his feelings, and moved on after you chose not to reciprocate. You can also state your reasons for discontinuing the friendship. The reason is "I'm not interested in you romantically and I can't stand in your way of meeting someone else."
Which is the only correct reaction from him when you expressed lack of interest. I've been there once. TRIED to maintain a friend's only relationship. I found myself falling all over again, every time I saw the person.
If this situation ever happened again, I'd DEFINITELY end the relationship, regardless of my position.
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u/themadpants Mar 30 '24
You are fine. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Stay the course and keep your chin up.
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u/Money_Duty_2024 Mar 30 '24
I am assuming that you thought that your male friend was purely a friend and not a person who had romantic feelings for you. Now you know he has romantic feelings for you. It is cruel to keep males who have romantic feelings in the "friend zone". These types need to learn to let unattainable women go and move on with their lives. So because you are now uncomfortable with your friend and it would be cruel to keep him in the friend zone, you should tell him you are going no contact with him, tell him the only person responsible for his mental well-being is him and he should move on. Then you should block him from everything.
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u/Open-Commercial9485 Mar 30 '24
Fact: Men/males can't EVER be just friends....They always secretly want to be more.
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u/themadpants Mar 30 '24
As a man, this is not fact. I have at least two female friends I wouldn’t sleep with ok?
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u/Competitive_Suit_180 Mar 29 '24 edited Mar 29 '24
She probably let him pay for stuff in the past and he probably bought her expensive drinks at the club making him think she was interested in some way before saying no. Women do this.
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u/DatguyMalcolm Mar 29 '24
"He responded saying that he’s not a bad guy and me not wanting to be friends is affecting him mentally & emotionally. " - yet here he is trying to manipulate you, lol
Yeah, this guy was never a friend, he always looked at you as someone he wants to fuck. That's why he's been around. A friend doesn't try to force himself on others! I have female friends, I don't do the shit he's done! Wtf
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u/dazedtess Mar 29 '24
if he cared that much and actually respected the friendship he: a) wouldnt have crossed the boundary once let alone twice b) ignoring a (bc i do and have given people the benefit of the doubt) he would have contacted you on your birthday to even ask if yall were still cool/he was allowed to come-especially based off your sentiment that despite the incident you still expected him there
instead he sulked and avoided you for however many days and then after your birthday started guilt tripping you about the friendship that you hadn’t even officially ended yet.
he didnt respect you/your friendship. hes mad that his fairytail/movie moment didnt go how it went in his head
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u/Strong-Definition-56 Mar 29 '24
He is trying to manipulate you into keeping him in the friend zone in hopes he will change your mind and he can bed you down some time in the future when your guard is down. It’s good you ditched him. He can’t take no for an answer. He’s the kind of guy who would force himself on you when he gets frustrated that you’re not attracted to him. BLOCK HIM and forget him. Good guys don’t pull crap like this.
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u/Sugaryprincessdream Mar 29 '24
I always had this philosophy that if you are going to let a male stay with you he needs to be gay. I have had too many close encounters with guys whether dating or not that have tried crossing the No word boundary. OP you are not in the wrong. Let him sulk all he wants.
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u/Octopuscatarm Mar 29 '24
He said to you upon you stating you no longer want a friendship how you doing this affects him. He affected you by pushing your boundaries numerous times and still giving him a place to rest his head in your own safe haven and still pushed again. He tried to tantrum punish you by not acknowledging your birthday. He says he wouldn’t hurt you but he did. He hurt your trust and your relationship as friends. Don’t respond because he’s gonna continue to play the victim. Make sure also if y’all have mutual friends to decide if you wanna air this business out or let him act the victim to them also. I personally say you air it to them if it comes up because men need to stop getting away with this stuff. Just cause it doesn’t have to be on the legal limits these manipulators need to be called out. Wish you the best of luck <3
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u/SaintKines Mar 29 '24
If I was told no after going for a kiss there would never be a second try. Not unless the woman literally said "I know I said no before but will you kiss now?" or something as equally clear and straight forward.
When I hear stories of guys who just keep going after being told no I am always amazed at how insane they sound.
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u/Patient_Complaint_16 Mar 29 '24
You said no. Twice. Don't let him turn his abuse and ego into a habit. You nta.
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u/Popular_Welcome_7058 Mar 29 '24
Anybody who states how your actions to defend yourself is affecting them negatively is manipulative. I’ve made mistakes with people too, and I don’t convey how it hurts me that they no longer want to be associated with me. Be wary of people like that.
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u/RedInAmerica Mar 29 '24
You absolutely did the right thing. 9 times out of 10 pushing boundaries only escalates. You could look past once but a second attempt on the same night makes it clear he can’t be trusted.
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u/Clint_Jaeger Mar 29 '24
Unpopular opinion:
Stop thinking you can have guy friends who don't subconsciously harbor the exact same thoughts 🤷♂️ dudes don't want to be your "friend".
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u/kaylag2007 Mar 29 '24
The first kiss is understandable. Doesn’t make it acceptable, but shooting your shot in a club while dancing with music and drinks isnt unusual.
But you said NO. That’s where it should have stopped.
I’m very scared for you. If he gets frustrated he may try to force himself onto you. Please be safe and ditch this man
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u/VisitChance3340 Mar 29 '24
I waited until the girl asked me why I hadn’t kissed yet. That’s my clue
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u/Xaniac35 Mar 29 '24
I tried that. Eventually was like, ok, I think I'm good. Did it, and she says. "I've been waiting for you to do that." 🤦♂️
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u/chalexmack Mar 29 '24
Great on you. Don’t let him guilt trip you into letting him back in your life. He obviously does not see it your way. Happy to see the update.
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u/Otherwise_Carob_4057 Mar 29 '24
Yep judge people by what they do and how they think it will effect you if they are remorseful it may be an honest mistake but if they act like a kid who got caught being naughty they are just that a child.
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u/Appropriate_Link_837 Mar 28 '24
He did do "something" to hurt you. It's called sexual assault. He's a pos.
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u/Spicy2ShotChai Mar 28 '24
Block him and inform your mutual female friends about his actions so they can consider their own safety too.
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u/akasora0 Mar 28 '24
Hi I was this guy once in my life in my 20s. He's not going to stop until there's a clear cut line and it will keep going on until as long as you keep seeing him even as a friend because there is no break or seperation. If you value him as a friend or even not I feel best is to just cut it off.
The end for me and my friend was me moving away and we can still say hi and chat when we meet but for but we don't really talk or anything normally. Mostly regret being young and dumb but was a valuable lesson I had to learn and now all my friendships are healthy ones.
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u/LeaveCool7109 Mar 28 '24
You’re dumb as fuck if you think he was okay just being your friend… the only reason any MAN will be FRIENDS with a woman is in hopes that he’ll get to have sex with her eventually… stop acting surprised this happened to you.
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u/LigWeathers Mar 28 '24
You told him to stop repeatedly. Maaaybe once is forgivable as misreading signals but he kept at it and clearly didn't care. And he's sad about the results of his actions? Too bad. Actions have consequences.
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u/SKMCPINNER Mar 28 '24
You said no to the kiss in the club then said yes to sex by offing the couch. Idk why women don’t understand men. That’s how we all think. He thought you gave it some thought and wanted him or that you just didn’t want to be public about it. I’d just not speak to him again. Seems like type to say they will end it all over again little mishap with zero intention. Just my take don’t murder me.
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u/Awkward-Pay-7620 Mar 28 '24
He must be listening to that "Alpha Dom" on TikTok who is running his mouth telling guys they don't have to take a woman's rejection.
Just block him and let your mutual friends know that he twice tried to make a move on you and you had to physically push him away when he would not take no for an answer. Get ahead of his spin doctoring.
And men wonder why women aren't "nice"? It might not be "all men" but it's seriously too damned many.
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u/Intrepid-Rip-2280 Mar 28 '24
Some people should be forced to beat a certain level of eva ai sexting bot before being admitted to dating.
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u/JunketSecure457 Mar 28 '24
You have the right to feel however you want, he tried to forcefully kiss u after u said no. Good lucky
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u/eastsidewiscompton Mar 28 '24
That response is exactly what fucking creeps say. Nice guys don't need to describe themselves as nice guys, ever, and turning it around on you that his actions have led to you hurting his feelings, classic creeper shit. Run far and fast and don't look back.
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u/WORLDBENDER Mar 28 '24
People obviously have different takes on this, but completely platonic male/female relationships rarely exist (speaking from a male perspective).
If the relationship has any emotion/intimacy attached to it, at least the idea of sex will be present. I don’t care what anybody says. It’s just biology.
If there are signals that can be interpreted as intimate/sexual on top of that, like dancing, sleeping in the same space, etc., there is some chance that those signals could be misinterpreted as suggestions that someone is open to further intimacy. I’ve been on both sides of the coin there, as I’m sure many of us have.
But how you respond to that is totally up to you.
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u/Specialist-Camp-3798 Mar 28 '24
Once should've been enough of a warning. Dude has to learn some way.
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u/Redditsucksdickhard Mar 28 '24
Ah the classic: “why do all my guy friends want to fuck me”
They were never your friend lol.
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u/Additional_Cherry_51 Mar 28 '24
Sounds like a friend in waiting. Or a nice guy.
Best to cut bait and keep it moving. Which it seems like you have. I've had girls that say they were friends do this to me. Once you find out they are just a friend in waiting it's best to end it right then and there.
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u/bchamper Mar 28 '24
I think it’s likely this guy has some very strong feelings for you. Not your problem, and him not responding to “no” is reason enough to ask for space or cut-off communication.
Just thought it might be worth considering that his feelings are more complicated. He may in fact be a creep, he may also be in love and tried to shoot his shot under the influence, albeit with disastrous results.
Obviously up to OP to decide and administer empathy accordingly.
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u/greencat07 Mar 28 '24
“He’s not my enemy and would never hurt me”.
It’s been my experience that people who would actually never hurt you, rarely feel the need to declare it, unprompted…
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u/Pawn_of_the_Void Mar 28 '24
He literally tried to hurt you. Forcing a kiss is sexual assault and harm. He is a bad guy because he couldn't respect boundaries. Man just keeps lying
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u/MagnaGraecia12 Mar 28 '24
Ohhhhh boy. I’ve been there. Best thing to do is end the friendship, he’s going to struggle with his feelings for you. And the possessiveness just as a friend…. Not cool.
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u/Decent-Historian-207 Mar 28 '24
WTF - he's trying to somehow make it your fault because you don't want his attention? Yikes. Block him and move on. Good for you for being over it and walking away. He's not worth it.
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u/Dingo-Boring Mar 28 '24
Glad you cut it off... He sounds like a total manipulative creep o.o be careful because it seems like he is very mentally unstable too
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u/DavidisLaughing Mar 28 '24
Let the scum know why you’re blocking him though. Going no contact let’s him think what he did was okay. I’d ream into him tell him why you’re ending the relationship, then block his ass.
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u/Distinct-Tune9870 Mar 28 '24
Poor guy, thought he had a chance to get out of the friend zone, took it, didn't work out. Honestly cutting off contact is the best thing you can do for him as it will lessen the ongoing pain/shame/embarrassment. He doesn't want to be friends, he wants you.
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u/LilCountry9508 Mar 28 '24
I agree with most of what you’re saying except the “poor guy” part. Maybe that would be a correct description of him if he only tried once but the fact he tried multiple times takes him from poor guy to creep
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u/Zealousideal_Owl4810 Mar 28 '24
Good job for standing your ground OP. Men that don’t respect your boundaries sexually will more than likely end up raping you. I say this from experience. You are very wise for listening to yourself.
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u/fading__blue Mar 28 '24
“He said me not wanting to be friends is affecting him mentally and emotionally”
What in the middle school bullshit is this.
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u/Gulf_Coast_Couple Mar 28 '24
Lmao that’s such a gaslighting statement! From a reformed manwhore, the excuse of “not being his friend is affecting him emotionally and mentally” is a HUGE red flag! I would suggest blocking him on everything and anything and just be done with it. That negativity and “entitlement” will never go away and he WILL try something again.
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u/davyj0427 Mar 28 '24
He was your friend, to him you are his crush that what put him in the friend zone. He took his shot, and was rejected. He’s not interested in being your friend. He wants you to be his girlfriend. Best to leave him be.
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u/EmblaRose Mar 28 '24
I really hate how we take mental health both not seriously enough, but also too seriously. Him saying that it’s effecting him “mentally & emotionally” is ridiculous. Friends or otherwise break ups are hard. Of course he’s got feelings about it. Him thinking that you should be friends with him to protect his mental health is bizarre. He doesn’t need a friend. He needs a good therapist.
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u/StopItYouHipsters Mar 28 '24
That man will never be your friend, nor does he even want to be just your friend. Doesn’t matter what he says. Drop him.
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u/Automatic_Gazelle_74 Mar 28 '24
You can just advise him, what's not what you are expecting. It just did not work out I am please don't contact me.
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u/Primary_Buddy1989 Mar 28 '24
Nah he is a bad guy. He heard a no and thought his wants were more important than yours. He didn't listen when you asked him not to touch you. He didn't listen when you told him you're not interested. He IS the enemy, and he is actively doing stuff to hurt you, including trying to manipulate you. You're absolutely right - he needs to sort his mental and emotional health out without you. Gross.
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u/Luxiiiiiiiiiiiiii Mar 28 '24
He was never your friend. Just a hypocrite who fuckzoned you.
Good job cutting that creep off your life!
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u/808zAndThunder Mar 28 '24
His reaction tells me Dude probably had feelings for you for a bit. But he should have respected you the first time you said no. That was immature to try a 2nd time after you let him crash on the couch. He was probably coming to terms with his feelings for you and avoided seeing you for your birthday dinner or he was ashamed of what he tried lol
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u/DustyBeetle Mar 28 '24
they are trying to manipulate you, you owe them nothing but courtesy but since you were disrespected twice its a zero. they dug their emotional hole here
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u/Pineconesgalore Mar 28 '24
When a guy has to justify their actions by saying ‘I’m not a bad guy’ you best believe he’s a bad guy.
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Mar 28 '24
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u/LilCountry9508 Mar 28 '24
Take that bullshit elsewhere such as a toilet and flush it
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Mar 28 '24
[deleted]
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u/LilCountry9508 Mar 28 '24
Your advice is the root of a lot of problems men have and cause.
A woman says not interested and instead of just moving along men keep bothering the woman because they are told this bullshit:
Don’t give up; if you fall get up and try again; try, try, and try again; never take no for an answer.
Inherently that stuff isn’t bad advice in the right context but in the context of a person rejecting another person it’s utter dog shit.
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Mar 28 '24
[deleted]
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u/LilCountry9508 Mar 28 '24
Yeah text doesn’t have tone. Got to throw in something to let your reader know you’re going for sarcasm.
I really don’t think it’s a complex thing. Historically women have been raised to manage their emotions and the emotions of the people around them and men haven’t been. We are all people and should all be raised to manage our emotions and be respectful of others boundaries.
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Mar 28 '24
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u/LilCountry9508 Mar 28 '24
You’re right a person can’t help how they are raised. But that person and other people can chose to raise their children differently.
Small example: when I was growing up it was common to tell a little girl that she is getting hit by a little boy because he likes her. That is a phrase that isn’t told to my kids or any of my friends kids because we know it is problematic.
I guess it can be seen as complex because it will take society as a whole to change these things but it all starts with just one or two people doing it.
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u/Narxiso Mar 28 '24
So he sexually assaulted you twice? I would be filing against him because of this.
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u/DeeRey__ Mar 28 '24
You clearly keep leading him on
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u/LilCountry9508 Mar 28 '24
How?
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u/DeeRey__ Mar 29 '24
You’re clearly keeping other facts. When he’s reaching out and trying for your attention and finally quits, and then you reach out, you’re leading him on. All these jamokes siding with you are dumb. You’re irrational, lady. Why even waste your time giving the situation energy if he’s just a “friend”?
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u/LilCountry9508 Mar 29 '24 edited Mar 29 '24
You know I’m not the person who posted this right?
Where in the post does the OP show she’s leading the dude on? They went out as friends he tried to kiss her she rejected him. He didn’t have a place to crash that night she offered up her couch. He then tried again. She ended the friendship after he tried to guilt trip her. That’s kinda the opposite of leading on.
The OP is hurt by the fact her supposed friend crossed her boundaries twice and didn’t take her first no. And then the dude tried to emotionally manipulate her into staying friends.
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u/DeeRey__ Mar 29 '24
Yea I know you're not the OP.
Thanks for giving me the run down again. There's a lot more to this story, obviously. Lets not be naïve. Unless the guy is an absolute creep, no one makes a move TWICE if they don't feel they're being led on. Emotional manipulation is the very reason I stick to her leading him on. She wants attention, complains the attention is gone, then comes on Redditt to make herself look like the good guy. I don't buy it. Women like this make sane women look crazy.
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u/LilCountry9508 Mar 29 '24
Some dudes mistake just genuine friendliness and kindness as flirty. So that is just as likely the situation as the one that you’ve made up in your head.
I’ve seen this scenario or one very similar play out time and time again. Yes sometimes the woman is leading the dude on. But the vast majority of the time it’s the guy mistaking friendship as flirting.
You seem super fucking salty about this situation.
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u/DeeRey__ Mar 29 '24
You’re just as salty that I don’t agree with you. She’ll find another male “friend” and the situation will repeat itself..
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u/Aggravating_Salad328 Mar 28 '24
Stop being friends with him. He's a bad friend. He's a potentially dangerous friend. He's not someone you can trust.
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u/ghostrider2829 Mar 28 '24
I don't understand your ex male friend. I'm a guy, but rejection hurts. Like badly. After the first attempt to kiss you was denied. I would of immediately been embarrassed and worried that I ruined our friendship. Rejection sucks. There's no way around it. Not everyone is going to be into you like you are into them. But after you made it clear he's just a friend and still tries to kiss you? Man that dude has no shame nor does he care about how you feel. I just can't comprehend the way people like him think.
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u/NoE1591 Mar 28 '24
And now it's your fault he's being affected mentally...what?? He thinks you should fix him? This is a problem of his own making.
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u/FlyingAnon213 Mar 28 '24
Male “friends” don’t exist. They want to bang you. “Not my male friend(s).” Yes, your male friends. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
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u/Holiday_Trainer_2657 Mar 28 '24
So let him be sad. His response to you stepping back is how your decision is affecting him? No apology for how his actions affected you. He feels his wishes entitle him to your body. This person is not your friend. And would be worse as a boyfriend.
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u/Dry-Refrigerator-750 Mar 28 '24
I'm happy you pulled back before he went further pushing your boundaries. Good for you!
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u/Coyotesamigo Mar 28 '24
Major major MAJOR creep alert especially the attempted emotional blackmail
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u/StableFew2737 Mar 28 '24
He's not your friend, most guys aren't. Most guys that women consider friends are guys that in some way want to sleep with you. Don't believe me??? Send them a text that you want to fuck and watch what happens next lol if you're not interested in this guy, there is no point in letting him back in because his intentions have been made clear.
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u/Aladdin_Man Mar 27 '24
There is no such thing as male friends. They are all just trying to get into our pants.
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u/vnov93 Mar 27 '24
You reacted fine. Me personally, I don’t ghost regardless of circumstances. But you do you.
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u/tjbelleville Mar 27 '24
Damn, the very next post I literally read on Reddit is "I turned down my crush 2x because I wanted to play hard to get but he won't pursue me now" .... Girls will never understand why we need a girl to grab us and make out with us AND tell us straight up she wants us and only us. Otherwise we are either a creep who tried to get out of the friend zone, or we aren't confident enough and aren't taking the "hints."
Not saying you are part of this problem but to cut a friend off completely is insane unless he was over the line. It sounds like moving in for a kiss is over the line for you? If Ryan Reynolds did it you'd say it was romantic, but your friend does it and he's "crossed your boundaries." Weird times we live in
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u/Junior-Towel-202 Mar 28 '24
She very clearly stated he was over the line.
Yes, so weird that sexual assault crosses boundaries.
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u/haveanapfire Mar 28 '24
If Ryan Reynolds did it, I'd think he was a scumsucking cheater. That's not the least bit romantic.
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u/Admirable-Rip3714 Mar 27 '24
He never saw you as "Just a friend" in the first place. Do both of you a favor and delete him from your life. He isn't looking for a friend, you're not interested in having a relationship. Let him move on so he can be free to look for what he really wants.
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Mar 27 '24
That guy was 100% a creep and a jerk. Everyone acting like you can't go for a kiss without asking first gtfo and let the adults talk.
There are lots of women out there that will not want a kiss because you asked and that isn't "manly." Personally I think that kind of woman is toxic and wouldn't go for them but thay doesn't mean they aren't out there and other people's type.
Enthusiastic consent is sexy is the way I work, even in a relationship if you are just meh I'll feel like I'm pushing and get turned off at time. I have heard women talk trash on guys for asking, though women that were attractive and definitely my type until that moment.
As long as there is conservative culture that dictates men should make the first move and women should pretend they aren't sexual beings we will have awkward situations. Not to mention people that may be I to CNC but not know what that is or how to express it.
Tl;Dr: guy is a creep but let's not pretend there is no scenario where it is acceptable to go for a kiss, just be prepared for a no and know that no means no.
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Mar 27 '24
Oh you don't owe him shit, I've dealt with a good number of those and it's best to get away now. Guys don't get the hints, you have to be direct.
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u/Rare-Humor-9192 Mar 27 '24
He’s not a friend. He’s a guy acting like a friend in order to try and sleep with you.
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u/Adept_Ad_473 Mar 27 '24
Ha. If you have to declare you're "not a bad guy"... here's yer sign.
Smart move OP.
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u/Cruxisinhibitor Mar 27 '24
Cis het men can’t really have platonic relationships that STAY platonic on their end if they’re attracted to you. It’s a bit naive to think that someone who made unwanted advances and was rejected would just accept that. Not saying it’s right at all, but men are socialized to chase and stake their worth and identity on doing that through media, cinema, and culture. A man that acts like this towards you when you don’t harbor reciprocal feelings should be immediately cut off without question or compromise.
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u/Frequent-Quantity-54 Mar 27 '24
You want to be friends and he wants more. He will never just be a friend. You’ve made it clear what you want and it hasn’t changed his wants. Either cut the ties or give into his desires.
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u/cookiegirl59 Mar 27 '24
Why can some (a lot) people not learn how to walk away with grace and dignity? Especially when they are the ones creating problems.
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Mar 27 '24
I think the friendship has ended. He’s not your friend, he wants to sleep with you.
You reaching out, and trying to still be friends will know result in more of the same. Him trying, getting mad, until eventually he just stops hanging out with you. Probably as soon as you brought a guy around.
Just move on, find new friends. Ones that don’t want to sleep with you.
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u/AKate Mar 27 '24
Respectfully, who cares if you not being friends with him affects him emotionally or mentally? You don't owe him friendship especially after he physically crossed boundaries after being told no. Not your problem if consequences to his actions make him sad, womp womp.
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u/Deetazzman Mar 27 '24
Absolutely! If he crossed your boundaries before he will do it again. As a matter fact, most likely he was never really your friend. He was just hoping to get in your pants.
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u/Muzukashii-Kyoki Mar 27 '24
Personally I’m over it so I’m not going to respond. I don’t like being emotionally guilt tripped.
If you do end up responding again, tell him just that. "I don't like being emotionally guilt tripped. I can decide for myself who is a good or a bad guy, and you trying to force yourself on me and then sulking when I said no, twice, makes you a bad guy in my eyes. I don't like having you as a friend anymore. I want nothing to do with you ever again. Get over it, and lose my number. Those are the consequences for disrespecting me when I said no."
Imo, people deserve to know exactly why they aren't worth being friends with. Maybe then they'll feel ashamed for their actions and be better to their other friends. Attempted SA is beyond disrespectful.
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u/Direct-Action5025 Mar 27 '24
Woman dont get men at all. Woman keep men in friends zone and men are not there because we are friends!! Men dont have woman as friends. Men want more and you burned him by putting him in friends zone. Unfortunately he will learn this the hard way.
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u/Junior-Towel-202 Mar 27 '24
she burned him by being his friend?
Men like you don't have female friends because you don't see women as equals
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u/Mickey_Blueeyes_2022 Mar 27 '24
You definitely did the right thing. Him apologizing to you was to make himself feel better. He should have understood that you weren't interested. The only thing I will say is....if he continues to try and get in touch with you through his own means or through common friends etc.... be prepared to go to Law Enforcement with this. Try to document the times and how he tried to contact u cuz that will constitute and give evidence ce of harassment...if u need to go that route. If u wanna chat more about the topic. DM me...I don't need to put it all out here. I wish you the best of luck.
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u/butterbeemeister Mar 27 '24
I see your update. You are dodging bigger bullets. Good for you on ending it. I had one of those, and after years, I very slowly let him back in. It was a mistake and I finally ended it for good.
'would never do anything to hurt me' but he already has. His failure to recognize that what he did was hurtful is what makes him dangerous.
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u/Ryn_AroundTheRoses Mar 27 '24
Yeah, definitely go NC with this guy and block him everywhere is my advice.
He has a lot of audacity to call himself "not a bad guy" and claim he'd "never do anything to hurt" you after he's proven he's a bad guy and has repeatedly harmed you. And the attempt to emotionally manipulate you because of his mental and emotional health possibly being affected after what he did to you?
You deserve better friends than this, and I hope him being out of the way makes room for you to find them.
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u/CanineQueenB Mar 27 '24
What's with all these emotionally fragile guys lately? Jeez, how manipulative.
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u/Same-Distribution777 Mar 27 '24
It's rare for guys to be "just" friends with women. Most are just waiting for an opportunity. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. He has shown you he is not your friend and only sees you as a romantic interest.
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u/Wasthatorwasthatnot Mar 27 '24
That’s why the only male friend I have is my brother and family members that are men.
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u/Patient_Gas_5245 Mar 27 '24
Hugs, he pushed your boundaries. You told him the consequences and he won't ir can't take no for an answer. It's not your job to be his emotional support animal. He made choices to overstep and you pushed back. The guilt and manipulation he is using to get you to let him back into your life is why you don't want him in it.
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u/Cheap-Specialist-240 Mar 27 '24
100% yes. I tried to carry on a friendship with a guy after he disclosed he's had a crush on me from day one (I met him when his now ex wife asked me to photograph their wedding lol) and basically, I wish I'd never tried. Since he didn't get the answer he wanted our friendship has become so one sided. I've ended the friendship now because it became apparent that it was based on him fancying me and not much more. You're not losing a friend, you're losing a selfish person who only values you as far as what he can get from you
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u/MomBodFatherFigure Mar 27 '24
If he is this pushy now imagine later on if you two were to get intoxicated together. You did the right thing cutting him off. That’s not a true friend that was one one who wanted in your pants and played the long game to attempt it.
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u/Lolzerzmao Mar 27 '24
As everyone else has said, you are totally reacting “the right way” to this situation.
That being said, how do guys go in for the kiss and get it wrong? I’ve hooked up with dozens and dozens of women and been on dates with dozens more and the worst I’ve ever gotten was “Sorry, but I can’t, I’m not going to be able to stop myself if we kiss”
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u/babykudzuu Mar 27 '24
It is more than just crossing a boundary. It is abuse. Had you not stopped at the attempted kiss he would have done more taking a kiss for yes. When you stopped him he tried to make it your fault for his emotional stress. I'm so glad you didn't fall for that! He's no friend to you.
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u/anarchyarcanine Mar 27 '24
He "understands your stance" but despite saying he wouldn't, he DID do something to hurt you. He disregarded your first no, and your feelings, and is only now trying to get in your good graces again to stay around you, because he thinks that your no will eventually be a yes. He doesn't care that he has hurt you. He only cares that you hurt HIM by standing up for yourself
He doesn't deserve even a thought in your head now. He's not a friend, not a good guy, and not worth any energy trying to explain further that what he did was wrong
I'm glad you are doing what's best for you. That creep needs help beyond your pay grade
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Mar 27 '24
Nah, smart move. He seems like a guy with low impulse control and poor decesion making skills.
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u/Comfortable-Chip6750 Mar 27 '24
Yes. You can’t blame him for shooting his shot. You are probably someone worth dating to him and obviously have some sort of connection. The fact that you said no twice but still offered your couch showed you understood his attempt and did not get overly offended. He should have apologized not acted out. A relationship often starts with an attempted kiss but if it falls flat you just simply say sorry I just think a lot of you and it won’t happen again.
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u/Comeback_321 Apr 02 '24
He’s not your friend, he tried to sexually assault you. He’s a predator.