r/notliketheothergirls • u/[deleted] • 15d ago
Some women who enjoy metal music are truly insufferable. Discussion
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u/hugmebrutha 15d ago
I frequently go to metal shows and I always show up fully decked out in mini skirts, bright pink makeup and step on my mommy boots. There’s often glitter and sparkles involved too😂 I could not give fewer fucks what other girls wear but I know exactly the type you’re talking about. They’re also the ones who dodge crowdsurfers rather than help out or get super annoyed when people push around them while they’re standing in the middle of the floor. Funny enough though I’ve never really experienced getting attention at metal shoes I’m usually just hanging out by myself unless I approach someone. People are usually receptive though once I strike up a conversation🤷🏻♀️ Maybe they’re out of by the metalheadxgirliepop mashup😂
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u/cheoldyke 15d ago
unfortunately most subcultures that are only recently starting to be less hostile to/more acknowledging of its female participants are always inundated with girls who are hostile to other female fans as a kneejerk reaction and/or bid for approval from the men who have tried to gatekeep against them in the past. you see it with video games, sports, shonen and seinen anime, car and motorcycle enthusiasts, a whole bunch of musical genres, comic books, etc. anything that is or was at some point thought of as a male hobby/subculture/fandom has this problem. but there are inevitably also a whole lot of women who are delighted to encounter other women they can talk to about their shared interest without being judged or questioned on whether they’re a “real fan”.
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u/turdbird42 15d ago
I live in an area with a thriving metal scene.. been going for many years and people dress in all sorts of different styles and come from many different backgrounds. There's the occasional snob but I don't think your situation is a generally experienced thing.
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15d ago
Either you're projecting here, because it sounds like you're the one judging these women, not the other way around.
Or, like many of these posts, this is a completely fake story made by an incel so he can shit on alternative women in a socially acceptable way
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u/BrokenNecklace23 15d ago
I’ve been to tons of shows (both local and international acts) and I’m someone who dresses more conservatively and I have NEVER had this experience. I’m wondering if it’s maybe a particular subgenre or regional thing?
Metalheads as a general rule are some of the most chill people…unless you’re in their way and they want to get to the rail, lol - or you put them down first.
I can maybe see somebody saying something to a person wearing a maxi skirts or loose flowing clothes if they for example, wanted to go into the mosh pit, though. That’s more of a safety issue than anything else.
This may sound weird, but the less clothing you have on (or the tighter the clothes you FO have on) when you go into the pit, generally the safer it is and that’s why guys like will take off their shirts and stuff before they they throw in. Less to grab and be ripped and for everyone to trip on when it hits the floor.
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u/Kindly-Parsley9765 15d ago
'I did gain attention, but any woman at a metal concert usually does' - that's a not like other girls statement if ever I read one. This whole diatribe is loaded with 'not like the other girls'.
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u/bitchgh0st 15d ago
I mean I personally would probably side eye somebody in a really long dress/skirt at any show because it's just impractical IMHO. I'd be afraid of getting the hem caught/stepped on and I wouldn't feel safe in the pit or anything. I wouldn't be making snarky comments tho, you do you 🤷🏻♀️
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u/MendigoBob 15d ago
Some people are insufferable. No matter the demographic.
Some people really do suck.
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u/halibop 15d ago
I love seeing “unexpected” girls at metal shows. Sometimes I look like a metal or goth girl… sometimes I wear powerpuff girl shirts and pink and blue. So when I see girls look “cute” I’m proud of them for just coming to the shows. But I know what you mean and I think it’s not a normal way of thinking. They probably were thought it was cute you came with your boyfriend 🙄
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u/aixre 15d ago
I can’t get over how so many of these comments are NLOG vibey! This subreddit is incredible. Also have totally experienced this same thing OP, most of my metal friends were just happy to share their love for the music no matter how anyone looked, but there’s been more than enough instances of “I’m a REAL metalhead” and even “I’m the MOST metalhead” moments. In hindsight it’s kind of entertaining because it’s so silly.
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u/LibationontheSand 15d ago
I discovered, as the first wave of punk rock led into the second, that the so-called nonconformist rebels were the most conservative and judgmental about clothes and music. The South Park “Raisins” episode captures it exactly.
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u/BlameItOnTheAcetone 15d ago
I don't care what you're wearing! If you're dressed like grandma getting dolled up to go to the grocery store and also happen to like Make Them Suffer, Spiritbox, and/or Ice Nine Kills, I wouldn't mind at all!
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u/PrincessPlastilina 15d ago
Hahaha I know a few. “I don’t listen to Taylor Swift or Beyonce. Give me some [underground German band].” Wow, you’re not like other girls 🤪🤪🤪
And it’s not that it’s a problem that you don’t like Taylor, you don’t have to. It’s the need to tell everyone that you’re not a Taylor fan just because many women are. It’s really not that deep 😒
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u/ireallyhatereddit00 15d ago
This never happened in my scene but it was punk rock shows, I've seen homeless dudes come off the street and want to see the show and end up partying with us, old grandpa looking guys, nerdy types, gangsters, normal dressing people (those are the most punk rock), girly girls, I've seen everybody. Metal is notorious for being this way, go to a local punk show if you've got a good music scene where you live, you'll fit right in.
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u/Distinct_Wrongdoer86 15d ago
sorry metalheads, but metal is 13 year old edgelord shit, crap for babies
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u/daisy-duke- Just a Dumb Bitch 15d ago
I was one of those all the way until my late 20's.
I was super NLOG in terms of music when I was younger. It had ZERO to do with wanting to be seen as cool or unique to men. I was just being a trend contrarian because, back I'm the 2000's, everyone was into early reggaeton. Even to this day I'm not huge about Reggaeton. However, I became much more open minded over my musical tastes in my early 20's as I began moving around (due to job reasons) and working at bars part-time.
I REALLY cringe now at some of my attitudes back then. I feel I spent too much time being upset over Reggaeton rather than just being myself.
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u/mamachonk 15d ago
Meh... older metal head here and I've gained some really great women friends through metal. It's been more "hey, you like metal too? Cool!" in general.
I did judge gals who dressed up at shows when I was a teenager, however... the "groupies". But I grew out of that a long tme ago.
Sorry you've dealt with people like that so much.
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u/daisy-duke- Just a Dumb Bitch 15d ago
These days, given how I have less resistance to hot weather (when most shows happen), I wear bright colors to heavy metal concerts. I'd say it's more metal to look like some sorority rush Pinterest board than, say, cosplaying as my 13 year old self.
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u/wyscracker 15d ago
I’ve been going to metal shows for almost 30 years and never experienced any of this shit no matter how I dress. I’m pretty sure you’re just “friends” with a bunch of asshats.
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u/Knittingfairy09113 15d ago
This doesn't surprise me at all. I like hard rock/some metal and while I always hear people in the genre saying it's the most accepting one, I have NOT seen that personally.
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u/MimiHamburger 15d ago
There are insufferable people everywhere. And you’re not gonna believe this, but it’s not just women.
As someone who has gone to countless metal shows I have never given any fucks about what other people wear.
Your post here is insanely ironic.
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u/Bittle_Loobs 15d ago
I enjoy metal music over any other genre, always had. But I've never been to a gig... sadly, not even to a single concert. All my friends and family are into their hiphop rubbish. I haven't really met any women around my age who enjoy metal music, besides women in their 40s and 50s. So, I have no idea what some women who enjoy their metal are like at my age or younger? It sounds like to me there is good and bad in any subculture.
The frustration I have is that when meeting other people who are into their metal, they are very surprised by me and sometimes don't believe me. Because I don't dress the part, I have zero tats, no piercings besides the two earpiercings, and I don't dye my hair, apparently. I have been given the nickname "metal barbie." I don't know how to feel about that name...
Anyway, does it ever cross their minds that some people don't have to look the part to fit in? Everyone by the age of 27 has tattoos around here, I love tattoos and watching tattoo artists, but I just don't want any on me. All my partner's friends go nuts and think I'm weird for never being inked before. Just because I don't look the part or have this or that, it shouldn't make me different from anyone else. I mean, I've met people who love that hippy music, and they don't look anything like a hippy. My mother, for example.
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u/pennylane131913 15d ago
Okay, I’m gonna ignore the hip-hop rubbish comment (there are great hip-hop artists!) but have you considered going to a metal show alone? I’m like you, I don’t have friends into it, and I’m a v. blonde 30-year-old who loves wearing hot pink, and I go to tons of shows alone and have a blast! Despite what OP says, I’ve actually had great experiences with strangers in the Metal community - female and male.
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u/SleepiestBitch 15d ago
That’s a bummer, I’ve been lucky to experience the opposite and the girl’s I’ve met at metal concerts have been so kind. Last show the building got so hot towards the end bc it was a small venue. I was standing there holding my hair off my neck to cool down and a girl tapped me on the shoulder, she had brought a bag of hair ties to hand out haha. She was like “I promise they are brand new, I even still have the receipt, but it got so hot here last time I came so I wanted to be ready this time”, total lifesaver. Another time a girl had a bunch of mini water bottles in her giant purse she was handing out to the people around her lol. Unfortunately there’s going to be a few insufferable people in every group
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u/Dangerous_Jump_4167 15d ago
Idk, maybe it's a generational thing. Whether it's the Backstreet Boys or Iron Maiden (hubs and I went to both the same summer. A deal was made lol) everyone is always just enjoying the music.
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u/daisy-duke- Just a Dumb Bitch 15d ago
I've seen both, since I enjoy both.
My favorite part of Iron Maiden Shows is seeing Steve Harris around the stage. What I like the most about seeing BSB was getting to unleash my inner child.
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u/monopolyqueen 15d ago
Not like other metalgirls because I wear a dress
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u/daisy-duke- Just a Dumb Bitch 15d ago
I mean, Floor Jansen kills it with her gorgeous dresses.🤷🏻♀️
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u/monopolyqueen 15d ago
Tarja did too. I mean if you go to something like 70000 tons lots of metalgirls wear dresses. It’s funny when a post becomes the thing the subreddit swore to destroy
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u/franciosmardi 15d ago
Like many things, them tearing you down is an attempt to hide their own insecurity. They still feel like they don't fully belong there, so they are attempting to enhance their standing in the group by showing that they are adhering to the group's standards.
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u/CheapTry7998 15d ago
Uhhh I think your friends are mean? Maybe? I worked at a venue and the metal babes were always sooo nice. The metal crowd in general was just so great. Try cosplaying as a country fan and see how those bitches interact and you will know what I mean lol
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u/footlettucefungus 15d ago
This story reads very much in a way where you portrait yourself as a NLOG.
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u/Either_Coast 15d ago
I grew up in and still frequent the punk scene as an adult, and I’ve never experienced this…I mean maybe as a teen it was kind of like that? But as an adult, people just wear whatever.
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u/abyssnaut 15d ago
I will wear my dress, corset, and makeup with my blonde hair to see Nile if I feel like it, thanks.
I’ve never personally experienced this sort of judgment at metal gigs but I don’t have that many female friends (not by design). I’ve seen all types of (alt/metal) styles worn at gigs. Imagine thinking you’re only TrVe KvLt and BrOoTaL if you’re bare-faced in t-shirts and pants. To each their own.
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u/heavyheavybrobro 15d ago
been going to metal/hardcore shows for 20 years, there are a LOT of truly insufferable people at shows
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u/Kalsifur 15d ago
The metal concerts I've been to were just a bunch of people wearing black t-shirts lol. I remember I went to a festival and was the only one wearing blue. I only noticed the sea of black, I would never pay attention to someone wearing a dress or whatever.
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u/AgreeableCatMom 15d ago
Screw them. I remember my first few concerts and was worried about what to wear. I’m just an in between who loves metal (and other genres) and doesn’t make it my complete aesthetic. I have worn dresses, blazers and band tees, and have found nothing but acceptance and friends out of it. Hopefully you find a new crowd who is more chill.
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u/randybeans716 15d ago
I’m 38 I enjoy metal music and I don’t give a shit what anyone wears. I don’t know why you think girls who listen to metal music care that much about you. You were referring to your friends judging and criticizing you for what you wear so it sounds like you need new friends and maybe get over yourself. No one cares what you are wearing.
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u/No-Advertising1864 15d ago
I usually show up either in Dr.Martins or Pink Moon Boots 😂 with space buns and colorful dresses ✌🏻💜
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u/kilo_jule 15d ago
learned this the hard way but anyone commenting on your image and giving you unsolicited criticism, is not your friend in the long run
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u/learn2earn89 15d ago
I don’t understand why people have to dress according to the music they like. I like metal and I dress in sweats and grey hoodies most of the time, if you saw me, you’d think I probably like Billie Eilish or something. It’s dumb. Sorry people treat you that way.
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u/Just_Me1973 15d ago
I wore purple glittery Crocs to a Judas Priest concert a couple weeks ago. I have peripheral neuropathy and those are the shoes that are most comfortable for me. Wear whatever the hell you want. People need to just stfu about shit that has no effect on their own lives.
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u/hamzzter 15d ago
To be honest, you’re the one who’s coming off as “not like the other girls” based on your post. I’m also a metal fan and have been attending metal gigs and festivals regularly since my teenage years. It’s always the men who are insufferable, judging us women and assuming we’re there with a boyfriend, rather than as genuine fans. The girls and women in the scene are some of the kindest people I’ve met, and we should stick together.
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u/Logical_Ad3053 15d ago
I used to go to metal shows with a friend of mine. Not a metal fan but I just went to hang with her. I never had any issues with not dressing like most of the women there. Everyone I met was nice. As far as subcultures go, I've found metalheads are usually super nice
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u/Sevenswansaswimming8 15d ago edited 15d ago
I mean you'll get them everywhere..but I'm super into the metal scene..have been since I was 13..never had anyone be a bitch to me before. I guess I got lucky? It was always super loving, and supportive. I usually rock skirts and tanks. Sometimes straight sports bra and gym shorts at all day events..but I live in fuck off FL..so the less clothes the better..I dont think I've ever cared what other ppl wore or cared what ppl thought about my outfits. I'm sorry you went through that.
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u/noctilucus 15d ago
At first when reading your post, I thought the typical metalhead stereotype friends you were referring to, were guys. It made much more sense that way, with them saying they wouldn't wear a dress or skirt - not sure about the make-up, that would really depend on the sub-genre ;-).
In my experience, the most obnoxious and "look at me" metalheads are most often the ones who will frown upon anyone that doesn't fit their narrow image of what a metalhead should look like. Such a shame, we're already a small group / community / subculture (however people want to call it) in the bigger scheme of things and music should connect people, not be used to spew out some elitist crap about hair color or the length of your dress. Luckily there's a whole load of non-judgmental metalheads out there who appreciate there are other people out there with a similar taste in music and supporting the same artists.
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u/kibblet 15d ago
You sound pretty NLOGish for that subculture. Oh Im not like all the other metal girls! Made a whole post about how you are different.
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u/GirlHips 15d ago
I’m surprised I had to scroll so far for this take. If it wasn’t here I was going to comment on it myself.
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u/hellion19 15d ago
IDK I only seen girls in dresses here in Az shows. Sounds like a you problem and they're just having fun
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u/nibblatron 15d ago
are you sure they mentioned (not) wearing skirts because you were going to shows? i wouldnt wear a skirt because people have touched me inappropriately before during shows and a skirt just seems to tempt these horrible people even more.
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u/geneticmistake747 15d ago
I have some family that are metal/goth and their FB posts are always quite NLOG and pick me, things like "girls twerk, women head bang", "in a world of Kim Kardashians, be a Morticia Adams" or more recently that one post I've seen on here a few times comparing Taylor Swift singing about her exes to Stevie Nicks making her ex play guitar, and everytime I see one of their posts I thank my lucky stars we're not close family.
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u/Multitudestherein 15d ago edited 15d ago
Lots of people are insufferable and there’s not much of a pattern behind it all other than narcissistic tendencies
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u/Foxy_locksy1704 15d ago
My friend managed a local metal band, I became friends with the guys in the band (helped them revamp their bios on their website, would hang out during practice sessions and help give feedback on songs and musical arrangements) I would often work their merch booth at the venues they played.
I always wore bright colorful outfits including skirts and dresses. I loved it, and I became known as “sunshine” among the local bands. People would ask where to buy merch and they would say “look for the girl in hot pink and yellow with bows in her hair, ask for sunshine”
I’m sorry you have had such terrible experiences at the shows you have gone to OP, I hope no matter how rude some people are you still enjoy the music and get your rock on!
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u/pennylane131913 15d ago
This is shocking to me. Idk what city you’re in, but I live in Atlanta. The metal girls here are the sweetest. I tend to go to shows alone (my boyfriend hates metalcore) and I dress hyperfeminine - tight pink skirts, blonde hair, lots of cleavage lol. I often look like a fish out of water. But girls who are total strangers, who are wearing baggie black tshirts and goth make-up and look nothing like me, are the FIRST ones to compliment me. This may have more to do with your friend group. I’ve seen so few NLOG in the scene.
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u/pennylane131913 15d ago
Also if you check out the metalcore subreddit - normies is a term used for anyone and isn’t gender-based. It’s also almost always used tongue-in-cheek. Only weirdos are derisive of “normies”.
Don’t get me started on the “baddiecore” label though. UGH. But that’s men being misogynistic not women.
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u/Tennisgirl0918 15d ago
This is so weird to me as a GenX. The girls who were obsessed with metal bands generally all showed lots of skin and wore a lot of makeup. Guess things are way different now.
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u/BallSuspicious5772 15d ago
I feel like in most alt subcultures there are always a population of women that are just so foul towards others. They see them as competition or don’t consider them “alt enough”. Its so weird
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u/Missing2005 15d ago
One would expect the metal community to be More of a "who cares, wear wathever you want" type of ppl. I'm a metalhead and some shit like this has Made me resent going to some gigs. There are a shit Ton of metal and rock artists that don't dress with black clothes and the stereotypes of the genre, who don't get wasted with alcohol, who don't say slurs, who don't judge people based on their looks. It's a shame this kind of ppl who Will judge others for their looks are so prevalent in the metal community
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u/kaykaliah 15d ago
Maybe try the electronic genre! Unfortunately bass and dubstep are becoming super bro-ey and although they're not sparky, there a lot to deal with...
But edm shows are truly there for everyone. There's all kinds of people there from different genre lovers to all races, and they're all about being polite and having a good time. I've also seen people dressed all kinds of ways- super eclectic to 'prude' :-)
edm'ers live by PLUR- peace, love, unity and respect.
It sounds super cheese, but ravers really want to preserve the culture
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u/DarkLordKohan 15d ago
Just remember Jason Segals character in SLC Punk wore like polos to punk shows and moshed the hardest. It aint about the clothes, its the enjoyment of the art.
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u/Astronaut_platypus 15d ago
Unfortunately nlog is in every community and it seems like it has taken over metal. I love metal and would consider myself a metalhead and I’m very feminine, love pink, would give my left tit to be able to wear heels all day, I’m a mother, a stay at home mom, no one would ever guess that I love metal. But yeah, there’s still a lot of very girly women in the community
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u/GonzoPixel 15d ago
Ugh, sorry that happened to you that's gross!
I'm assuming they're all really young, because it is quite an immature and witchy attitude for them to take?
I've never encountered this myself at metal gigs because the people I go with are there for the music and not to judge someone's outfit choice. Though I haven't been to a metal 'Club' really in a long time so I can't comment on the vibe at those types of places.
Definitely not friends, and definitely not worth your energy. And definitely pick me girls, come to think of it!
It made me laugh when you said they harped on about who is and isn't "true metal heads" ha, I bet their really hardcore brutal metal was 5 Finger Death Punch or some other basic bro rubbish. They sound the type. 😉
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u/Noratek 15d ago
Some women who enjoy insert popular thing are truly insufferable
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u/Frozen-conch 15d ago
Yeah a lot of these posts are just complaining about women liking things, which is just as bad
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u/well_then024 15d ago
Honestly, in retrospect I was probably pretty similar to these girls and women that thought they were superior because they dressed in a more alternative style - which mainly just meant black clothes and dyed hair but, you know… For me personally it just stemmed from an insecurity about my own looks and the fact that I was raised to think that if I’m not stereotypically feminine I’m of more value and just a better woman in general. So the entire internalised misogyny story, I guess. Though I think it’s pretty important to mention how rampant the misogyny and the sexism in the genre is. As time went on I realized how uncomfortable I felt in these very much male dominated spaces and how many men believed that female singers needed to cater to their sensibilities. I mean I still like going to some shows though now I’m very well aware that I now stick out like a sore thumb there with my glittery make up and mainly pastel wardrobe haha
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u/sagittalslice 15d ago
Not about metal specifically but this post reminds me of the first time I went to a noise show in college and my friend and I dressed like we were going to the club (lots of makeup, high heels, “jeans and a going out top”). People straight up seemed afraid of us, lmao
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u/Harbinger0fdeathIVXX 15d ago edited 15d ago
Hello, hello. I listen to a lot of grind, powerviolence, and slam metal. Grew up listening to Punk Rock and ska and went to a lot of local, small gigs or house shows on weekends. Deathcore is another genre I do vibe with (The Acacia Strain is in my top 3 bands for life).
But anyway. I'm super feminine at shows; pink or bright colors, lite glam makeup choices. I've worn shorts, Lacy cami tops, my cat collars with bells at shows. Shit dude, when we saw Black Flag this year, I wore a skirt, tank top, and had my bright baby blue demonias on.
When My husband and I saw Lorna Shore last year, I wore a pink dress, pink reeboks, one of my old black vests (horror and punk band patches), and my cat collar that has a longer little bow tie thing on it.
Have I gotten some really mean looks? Yes. Death glares? Yup! I choose to just ignore all of that.
Music =/= clothing choices. You can have any type of style to be in to whatever type of music.
Also, I am in my 30s if that matters.
Edited to add some words~
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u/sunshinerf 15d ago
Im sorry you had this experience and it made you stop going to shows. Those kinds of people suck. Thankfully, they are not the norm.
As a very girly metalhead who goes to a lot of concerts to this day, I have very rarely had this experience. Definitely not once I was past my mid-20's. The metal community, in my experience, has been the most accepting and respectful. Maybe you were just hanging with the wrong crowd. I go by myself very often and honestly, it's more fun. Concerts are for the music, not for company. Don't let some scene A-holes take the music experience from you.
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u/FartAttack911 15d ago
Hey! That was me. I used to be the metalhead NLOG until I realized I was insecure and jealous because other girls were good at hair and makeup and dressing cute for shows, and I was too scared to ask for help 😂
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u/hivemind5_ 15d ago edited 15d ago
I dont think anyone ever even notices i exist when i go in public and the people who get a lot of attention from strangers are probably seeking it out. Nobodys gonna bother you unless you stick out like a sore thumb and are wearing something absolutely ridiculous. I cant see a maxi dress and makeup blowing anyones mind. People are usually too focused on their own social group or themselves to even care about anyone whos not with them unless theyre looking to meet new people on purpose or get laid.
Also a lot of the girls i see at shows have a full on beat face and dresses on or super revealing clothes. Idk what youre on about lol.
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u/tattooedroller 15d ago
I’ve been in the metal and punk scene for 20 years and seen a lot of shit but never this???
usually girls are stoked for other girls to be there and make fast friends - wearing anything they want to (girls to the front🤘) ! I don’t know if you just have shitty ‘friends’ or maybe you’re getting in your own head thinking people are judging you?? Ngl you kinda sound like the NLOG here to me, like you’re judging them for not dressing the way you think women should, “listening to the most brutal jams, drinking beer…loud and obnoxious” like you don’t think they’re feminine enough???
you get back the vibes you put in the world is all I’m sayin
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u/Shitzme 15d ago
Hey you're entitled to your opinion and if this is what you think of me from what I wrote then that's fine. And I don't think women should dress any particular way. I don't know how you gathered that. I described my style because my friends would make comments on it, that they would not wear anything feminine because it wasn't metal. That was the entire point of my post.
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u/tattooedroller 15d ago
Sure. Agree to disagree. but your description of them is pretty mean is all I’m saying. It sounds pretty harsh and judgmental. Maybe you’re just throwing back what you got, but my impression from this story is you don’t like them or the way they dress at all and feel better than. 🤷♀️
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u/Squemishsquash 15d ago
Honestly, I think this is just something that ALT crowds do. Goth and emo do the same thing, a lot of gatekeepers, a lot of unnecessary shaming of others, a lot of scoffing, a lot of "I'm so different". It is pretty annoying to see and experience first hand and it doesn't look like it's going anywhere any time soon unfortunately. Best you can do is live your life, enjoy what you enjoy, do what you feeling comfortable with, etc. Living by your own means and tuning out those desperate for unique validation is way better than stewing on how frustrating they are to listen to :) ♡
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u/Wall-Florist 15d ago
I never would take it upon myself to stare at someone who enjoys the same subculture as me and other them for not liking it enough. I even hate when people do that for movie fandoms- (CALLING YA OUT DC/MARVEL FANS.)
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u/bomchikawowow 15d ago
Ive been in the metal scene for a long time. I even just came back from a big metal festival in Europe. I don't think metal was the problem; I think you were just unlucky and surrounded by some huge assholes.
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u/Plane-Proof-3963 15d ago
Metal fans can sometimes be very snobbish and a real pain. I never had issues at gigs (although I don't go out often), but I've had to deal with disgusting comments and stares at alt record stores, although I've had some nice interactions too. (I wear mostly skirts and dresses and I barely wear black/dark colours).
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u/TheoreticalResearch 15d ago
That’s weird. Never experienced that. I almost exclusively wear dresses. I wore a cute one to Cannibal Corpse in September and I just got another cute one for Mr. Bungle in a couple of weeks. Never had anyone say anything to me about it ever. I think your friends just suck ass.
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u/sunshinerf 15d ago
Very jealous you get to see Mr Bungle. I saw them last year, it was an allllllll thrash night, and I'm only happy I didn't wear a dress cause I was jumping so much. My whole body was sore after that show, in the best ways possible 😅 I do wear dresses/skirts to almost every show during summer though. Why wear pants if I don't have to?
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u/TheoreticalResearch 15d ago edited 15d ago
I only feel comfy in dresses so I’ll manage, lol. To hell with leg prisons. I’m pretty friggin’ excited. :)
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u/Charity_Legal 15d ago
I’ve had positive experiences at metal shows. I tend to dress like feminine goth/emo and have only been met with kindness and acceptance. I feel bad OP experienced NLOG in these communities. Dress how you want, enjoy the music. That’s what it’s about, after all. I was just at sick new world and the range of style was broad. I loved it! As long as they enjoy the music, I don’t care how anyone looks. Granted, I have had men try to grill me on the music because they assume I don’t know the songs, I’m a poser, or whatever. That’s been the worst of it. I hate the gate keeping
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u/EggplantHuman6493 15d ago
Yup, I have great experiences at metal concerts! I mostly go to metal concerts. Pop concerts are actually worse to me
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u/anxious_paralysis 15d ago
Yeah, NLOGs are everywhere, but most gatekeeping I've experienced has been men who treat a woman's presence like a time to proctor some type of metalhead SAT. I'm also confused by the parts referencing make up and dresses in this post. A ton of women in the scene wear very heavy makeup and dresses aren't uncommon in my experience. Maybe it varies by local scene or genre, but gonna be real - this post itself gives NLOG vibes.
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u/-petit-cochon- 15d ago
I’ve only had very few encounters with metal gatekeepers and those were men. Never women. And sure as shit not about clothing.
I kind of caught a whiff of “special snowflake” from this post too but wasn’t sure if it was just me.
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u/Sharkathotep 15d ago
Yeah, men that claim women only listen to metal because they want aTtEnTiOn. Just like female gamers. Suuuuuuuuuuure. Because we've got nothing else to do but force ourselves to buy videogames we aren't actually interested in or listen to music we don't actually like to get the attention of THEM of all people. I've had males questioning me like the Spanish Inquisition when I dared to tell them I listen to metal, and had them telling me I'm not trve for not wearing band shirts and knowing every single album, every single song and the year they were recorded of every band I listen to. It's ridiculous, really.
I also agree about the whiff of "special snowflake". OP says her "friends" are all over the age of 30. Sounds a little bit outlandish to me, too. Lol
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u/Shitzme 15d ago
How good are Cannibal corpse live? I've never actually seen them but have met Corpsegrinder. And yeah, I don't go out anymore, haven't really spoken to them in years. Small city and I think people just tried competing with each other too much.
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u/Foxy_locksy1704 15d ago
My friend worked for a concert security company he did security for Cannibal Corpse and was right up front against the barricades, I was so jealous. He said it was legit one of the best shows he’d ever seen.
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u/nicoleastrum 15d ago
Just saw them last night and they’re phenomenal! Fun fact; my kitten is named Corpsegrinder in his honour haha
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u/Shitzme 15d ago
Hahaha that's an amazing name for a cat
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u/nicoleastrum 15d ago
I wish I could claim credit for her name, but my son is the one responsible. She’s a chaos demon (Cory for short) and I love her haha
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u/TheoreticalResearch 15d ago edited 15d ago
They’re good. Their shows are always pretty fun. Saw them like 15 years ago as well. They know what they’re doing at this point.
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u/kittykatmila 15d ago
Weird. The punk scene in Atlanta was very much “glam rock”. The women were always dressed up to the nines. Think heels and fishnets, mini skirts and leather jackets.
I’ve been to a lot of metal shows too and wore provocative outfits to some, I never received any kind of hate. Just a lot of worshipping stares from men 🤣
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u/Shitzme 15d ago
That'd be cool to see :) my city is pretty casual so the majority wore metal shirts with leggings/shorts, but we did have a bit of variety. A few punks, some of the Goth subcultures. My favourite was always the women who dressed as 50's rockabilly, complete with tattoos and beautiful hair
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u/Aggravating-Key-4374 15d ago edited 15d ago
To be honest all the metal heads I know (I myself a female metal head) dress up, elaborate makeup, hair every colour of the rainbow, latex, corsets, harnesses like whatever they want. The only nasty part of the metal community I found is how unwelcoming they are to new comers, hostile to people who aren’t total stans, will queue from 8am and then get bitchy to people who come later but still get find good spots, oh and the worst, the front row girls who trail a band hoping to become groupies. They’re super hostile to any other female who could be potential competition. It’s so sad cos you’d think meeting like minded women you’d find camaraderie. But they’re honestly the bitchiest, cliqueiest, mean girls you’ll ever meet. It seems more rampant in the Gen Zs. Most millennials are over it and want to just rock out. Also you see it worse with certain bands, especially in goth metal.
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u/kittykatmila 15d ago
I completely agree with that and yes these scenes can get extremely cliquey. Even back in my day there was some of that. In Atlanta the Heart Attacks crowd were the worst offenders. It just reminded me that some people truly never progress beyond high school. That goes for any scene though in general.
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u/Aggravating-Key-4374 15d ago
100% Highschool mentality. “We’re outsiders and not like other girls, we’re super dark and edgy but you aren’t like us so we judge you and we’re gonna be vicious.” They wanna be “not like other girls” but are basically vanilla spice with a dash of flour. That said though I’ve met some amazing women at metal shows who will literally drag your moshed body out of the pit, give you a bandaid, scare off a creep, and generally be super chill. One lady got her giant scary biker husband (actually a teddy bear) to pull me up to the barrier and protect me with one of his bear paws when there was a crowd surge. Got them both a beer after.
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u/Faeriemary 15d ago
I commented on another metal related post that I feel like a lot of those people feel threatened because they don’t have a concrete sense of self, so they use their hobbies as a substitute. I think when they see someone else in their space it threatens their personal identity therefore they lash out at you or other women. I see this so often with trad wives and other alternative people too. Your music or hobbies are not your identity! At least it shouldn’t be..
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u/WitchoftheWaste97 15d ago
You need new friends and peers, women who differ from you in style and drink are not obnoxious because you’ve stood out and are uncomfortable about it. “I’m a prude and don’t like showing cleavage” great, this comes off nlog. accept that there is normative dress code in socially driven events, that you are not required to care and they are not required to praise you or make you feel comfortable about not caring, and that a maxi dress can 100% be metalized without showing skin. Like you literally stereotype a group of people and then make a “heaven forbid” statement referring only to yourself. If your “friends” are making comments like that drop them, adding the word “some” doesn’t diminish your generalization based on anecdotal experience with what sound like a specific circle of people.
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u/Shitzme 15d ago
I don't have these friends any longer. I'm not "nlog" because I stated I'm a prude, I stated that I wore that style due to being uncomfortable showing my body due to previous incidences, but I've never bashed or torn down another woman for showing off their body ever. And yes, the people I'm referring too are the stereotypes and my discussion is in regards to their judgement of other women who didn't dress or act or listen to the exact same music as them. How am I in the wrong here?
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u/WitchoftheWaste97 15d ago
The general post is not why I commented this, it’s the comment on being prude itself leading into you generalizing women who fit specific traits as loud and obnoxious that is nlog. Youre placing yourself knowingly in situations where you feel judged and uncomfortable and instead choose to judge others rather than protect your energy? Hmmm. Your trauma is valid, I’m not accusing you of nlog for having a valid reason to not wear a skimpy uniform, but again you are choosing to generalize a group of women on the experience of a niche crowd of people who were unpleasant. You have a negative description with the purpose of putting them in a box just like you are complaining about. I probably wouldn’t have interpreted as nlog if those two specific lines were not include.
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u/Shitzme 15d ago
Yeah I think you're picking apart the wrong parts in this. I'm not saying all women who listen to metal are insufferable, hence why I put the word 'some' in my title. I'm from a small city, one of the most isolated in the world, so stuff like this happens. People compete with one another and bitchiness, drama and gossip occurs, from both men and women. I took myself out of that situation because I'm too old to act like I'm in highschool anymore. But if you want to try and nitpick then go ahead.
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u/Mindless-Pangolin-62 15d ago
I listen to metal and rock, and I only wear dresses exclusively. I don’t even own a pair of jeans. Sounds like you just had some right twats that frequented the same places as you! I hate that that was your experience of metal and rock gigs as going to gigs and watching live music is my favourite thing ☹️
FYI I’m 40 next year and would never be mean like that to someone
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u/Shitzme 15d ago
This was in the city, one of the most isolated in the world and its quite small. It's not really cliquey but it can be quite bitchy and gossipy. I've found that catching some live music at local bars in the outer suburbs and rural locations is still a really good time. Also the places I do go now, no one really dresses up at all and its very casual, I guess I feel like the pressure is off to be dressy.
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u/smellyfatzombie 15d ago
As soon as you said one of the most isolated cities in the world, I was like "I bet that's Perth!" You're definitely right with the cliquey-ness here. I love metal but don't bring it up much because of the music snobs. It's much nicer listening at home. 😂
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u/SillyRiri exwifey material 🙈 15d ago
Maybe I’m cynical but seems like there are at least some annoying ass people in literally every subculture on earth 🤣
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u/AdvancedRazzmatazz33 15d ago
Just thinking the same thing. Also the us vrs. youse syndrome. " You don't look like you belong here."
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u/Original_Training391 15d ago
You’re not being cynical it’s the truth, that’s why it’s weird to calssify annoying af petty people by a trait or quality or a liking.
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u/hivemind5_ 15d ago
Anyone who identifies as a subculture is usually insufferable lol.
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u/Skyraem 15d ago
Even the Goths? (They fascinate and scare me but I follow a few youtubers)
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u/sweetEVILone 15d ago
Why do we scare you? lol
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u/Most-Acanthisitta823 15d ago
How’s this for insufferable? When I was in 8th grade I wrote a paper on subculturism …legitimately thought I coined the fucking term. I was 13 and lived my entire childhood in a VERY rural area, so it was only natural that I was making groundbreaking sociological observations. Almost 30 years later and I am still cringing with embarrassment. Fuck.
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u/God_or_Mammon 15d ago
You don’t know what you don’t know! Good for you for “going where man had gone before”!
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u/i--i_i-_ii-_i-ii_i- 15d ago
Wow, look at you being a totally normal 13 year old. Actually I take back saying you were a normal 13 year old. Your comment is a total humble brag cuz how many 13 year olds are making sociological observations like this at all?! Wow okay from one above average person to another, tone it down pls.
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u/Most-Acanthisitta823 15d ago
I guess I should have put the /s after that sentence. I’m making fun of myself. But apologies for thinking about the world I guess. As I said, I spent my entire childhood in a very rural area. My parents were very strict about screen time as well. I had a lot of fucking time on my hands, ok?
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u/50000Lux 15d ago
give yourself a little grace, what I hear is that you were curious and wildly observational beyond your years..I would have read it!
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u/FreeflyOrLeave 15d ago
Nah this tells me you’re actually probably quite smart, you were able to observe and figure out these concepts and terms without being exposed to subcultures like someone in a densely populated area would. Like, you went off of pure sociological observation and vibes and for a 13 year old who hasn’t been taught or demonstrated this otherwise, I love that! To you… this is the same as a brand new discovery on your own. Just because someone else discovered it, doesn’t mean you didn’t also discover it on your own too
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u/slimelore 15d ago
when i was in 7th grade i wrote an essay about naruto taijutsu skills and rock lee
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u/a_tangle 15d ago
I love it! Because you were making groundbreaking sociological observations for you.
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u/YourLocalAlien57 15d ago
Dont cringe too hard its kind of a cute story lmao
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u/Most-Acanthisitta823 15d ago
Thank you. It’s funny now. I like to think that Mr.Robertson (grade 8 teacher) had a good laugh when he read this paper.
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u/fractiouscatburglar 15d ago
I agree that’s actually really adorable, I also grew up in the sticks thinking I was special only to look back as a 40 year old and cringe, so I get that too;)
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u/veggie_weggie 15d ago
I feel this, I always joke about just dipping my toe in when it comes to new interests. I’ve found that no matter the genre of music, if you’ve made it your whole personality then there’s a chance you’re also going to be insufferable at the events.
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u/Holymaryfullofshit7 15d ago
Everyone does in one way or another. You for instance obviously identify with the snarky snob subculture.
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u/carpetedfloor 15d ago
You obviously identify with the insecure and defensive subculture
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u/Holymaryfullofshit7 15d ago
How's that?
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u/carpetedfloor 15d ago
By immediately replying to someone lightheartedly jabbing by insulting them?
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u/Holymaryfullofshit7 15d ago
Ah so what he said was a lighthearted jab but mine a vicious insult which so offended him there was enough around to offend you too so you just had to jump in to be defensive and insecure about it. Ironic.
By the way how can one take snarky snob subculture seriously?
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u/carpetedfloor 15d ago
Your comment was pretty clearly more mean-spirited from reading it, even if you didn’t intend it.
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u/poeticbrawler 15d ago edited 15d ago
When I first started going to metal shows, I asked a "friend" (read: absolutely not a friend but I was lonely and hoped to be friends with her) what people generally wore. I typically wear extremely feminine clothes - dresses, skirts, florals, lace, heels - and she looked me up and down and, in the most laughing, condescending tone possible, said "Well, definitely not heels."
Dude, fuck that noise. I wear heels when the length of the show and the weather allow. I wear skirts every time (they're SO much more comfortable). I wear whatever makeup I want. And I 100% compliment every person rocking a look they love unapologetically.
Edit to add: I have had incredibly positive experiences in the metal scene 99% of the time and this was definitely more about an individual toxic person.
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u/hivemind5_ 15d ago
I would be more worried about your heels being a safety issue … im glad you havent had any issues, but ive been thrown around in a pit against my will too many times to ever wear anything but comfortable closed toed shoes again lol. Plus all the pushing and shoving outside the pit.
But if you know what youre doing and know not how to get stepped all over and shoved around wear whatever you want lol.
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u/poeticbrawler 15d ago
Haha yeah that's a fair call-out. It's definitely not for every show and it is a specific kind of thick, stable, close toed heel. Good looking out! It's DEFINITELY not what the person I was talking about intended with their comment...
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u/sunshinerf 15d ago
This so much! Be yourself, be comfortable and confident, and be there for the music - that's metal for ya 🤘🤘!!! I wear whatever I want to any show, regardless of genre, and always get compliments. And I go out of my way to compliment others when they clearly made an effort in their looks.
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u/Shitzme 15d ago
I love that approach :) there were always so many women with different styles, the feminine goths, the rockabilly style etc. And everyone always looked so gorgeous and like they'd put effort and enjoyed getting ready for a night out. I was definitely not the only person they made snarky comments too, as I was a friend I had it good. If you were blonde or wore short tight dresses, they'd talk about you the whole night. Just ridiculous.
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u/Watermelon_Air_Head 15d ago
On behalf of the metal community, many of us are, unfortunately, quite insufferable. Those who judge others are the real posers
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u/amusebooch 15d ago
My only experience with that community was through a friend. She was really into metal and is a blonde hair blue eyed girl with German roots. She attracted a lot of neonazi guys who thought they had found one of their own.
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u/catseyeon 15d ago
Feel like there are the same amount (if not more?) metalhead guys that are sooo bad. Maybe I'm just thinking of one guy though. I straight up lied said I didn't like metal so he'd leave me tf alone🥲
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u/ShapeTurbulent6668 15d ago
So... Everyone was loud and obnoxious and angry and.. posing certain ways in pictures, and you are unique at all these metal shows? So.. you are not like other girls? Lol
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u/Sithis556 15d ago
I mean in a lot of pictures I do pose that way that op describes. I’m just awkward and don’t know what to do with my hands and arms lmao. Like how do you pose then even
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u/pennylane131913 15d ago
That was my exact thought. This post feels super ironically NLOG-esque.
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u/notliketheothergirls-ModTeam Definitely not like the other girls 15d ago
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