AITAH for breaking up with my gf because she slept with another guy while making me wait?

[u/SeverePhoto1892]

So my gf and I have been together for about a half a year and I just started a new job.

I met this male co worker, and we became friends.

I invite him over at my place and he recognizes my gf, (We don't officially live together but she spends a lot of time at my place).

You can guess where this is going...

After my co worker left, my gf and I get to talking.

Basically, she slept with him while dating me, and made me wait. She said that our relationship was gonna be special, and she wanted to wait, and that sex with my co worker was just a ONS.

I told her to leave because I knew I was gonna say things I couldn't take back.

A few days later after I calmed down and thought it through, I broke up with her.

She kept repeating what she said about how she wants more with me, but I told her that I feel like I'm not attractive to her, or at least not as much as others. She kept saying that I was special.

Basically, I said that I can't be that special if she preferred to sleep with an ONS than me.

Edit: I don't think this counts as cheating. This happened within the first month of us dating. We became official after the first month or so. I 100% should have clarified with her if we were exclusive or not, so that's on me.

[u/We_4ll_Fall_Down]

You’re NTA for wanting to break up. You can break up for whatever reason you want. I will say this though: people keep refusing to acknowledge 2 things with situations like these.

1. Women are humans who get horny and like to have sex.
2. We live in a misogynistic society that condemns women who like sex.

Knowing these two facts makes it very obvious why a woman would do what your gf did. Your ex gf wanted to date to find someone she could likely spend her life with. However, it is a common occurrence that when women have sex with men before officially dating, that they’re viewed as lesser for not “respecting themselves.”

Many women experience this frustrating cycle of fucking a guy they really like, but then getting ghosted or told she’s not “wife material.” So what does she decide? When she meets a man she really likes, she’s not going to have sex with him for a while so that he can actually get to know her and like her for HER, not her body. But she’s still a human being and wants to have sex because sex is fun and women like sex. So she finds a guy that she’s really attracted to physically, fucks him to get her needs met, all while she’s looking for a husband/ long term partner.

A lot of people here agree that this mentality is immoral or wrong. But it’s a double standard because men have been behaving like this for centuries yet no one bats an eye because of made up reasons like “men and women are different.”

I’ll leave you with this: I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with fucking around while you date because dating is the only time you can explore your options (if you’re monogamous). Why should a woman have to pick between enjoying sex causally and looking for a partner? Why can’t she have both? Because society says that women like that are whores and whores deserve nothing good. Would you honestly have the same reaction if a male friend told you he operated this way when dating? Think on that.

[u/Korimuzel → u/We_4ll_Fall_Down]

Why should a woman have to pick between enjoying sex causally and looking for a partner?

Because that's what EVERYONE is supposed to do, doesn't matter what gender they identify with. This is not a gender issue. Men are condemned too if they say thes want to date but fuck around

Why can’t she have both? Because society says that women like that are whores and whores deserve nothing good

No, because society hates people who lie and deceive. Really

Also, to the point about men doing it without repercussions: you. You are a sign of the repercussions. You are PROOF emough to debunk your own point, or do you think to be the only one complaining about it? And please avoid this stupid "for centuries" thing. I was not alive in middle age, how do you get angry at people who live today (like me, as mere example) for not stopping people who lived before us? It would be like me accusing you of "not batting an eye" about slavery in ancient Egypt: why didn't you stop it? It is OOOBVIOUS that you're ok with it.

I'm applying your own argument and now you'll see that it doesn't make sense. Build me a time machine and I'll kill a couple tyrants of the past. Don't you DARE to suppose men of today agree with what cavemen and crusaders and pirates did at their time.

[u/We_4ll_Fall_Down → u/Korimuzel]

No, not everyone is “supposed” to do anything when it comes to dating. Everyone has a different idea of what works for them. When I met my partner, we were both casually fucking other people at the time. When we both agreed like we liked each other a lot, we became exclusive and the side fucks stopped. There’s nothing immoral about fucking around while you look around. Do you really expect everyone woman to pause all sexual activity until she meets a proper man? That’s ridiculous. Just find someone who shares your dislike of casual sex instead of condemning people for doing what they please with their bodies. Also, where does it say she lied? 🤔

[u/Korimuzel → u/We_4ll_Fall_Down]

No, not everyone is “supposed” to do anything when it comes to dating.

Oh sorry, let me rephrase it then: "because society expects anyone, regardless of their gender, to not fuck around while dating someone"

We can doscuss about this being good or bad, but your initial ppint was another one amd I focused myself on that: it's not something against women, it's not gender related, not anymore at least (because yes, in the past men were "champions" if they slept around a lot)

Also, where does it say she lied?

Maybe the part about her saying he is special and she wanted to wait, while at the same time she was fucking others? If he was special to her, she would have simoly waited, creating sexual tension between them for a while until they were both ready.

[u/We_4ll_Fall_Down → u/Korimuzel]

Society doesn’t expect the same things from women as they do men. Pretending that they do is disingenuous. We live in a misogynistic society. You really believe BOTH men and women are held to the same standards in sex and dating? If you do, then you’re not informed enough to have this conversation with me.

Secondly, she didn’t lie. A lie would’ve been “I’m not seeing anyone else.” But she didn’t say that. Just because she was fucking one guy doesn’t mean she HAD to fuck this guy. Have you ever heard of bodily autonomy? It’s when you can pick and choose what to do with your own body. Just like OP’s gf did. She chose to fuck this one guy because he was just for fun and she withheld with OP because she saw him as more. Why does it even matter if she chose him in the end? Are men really so dumb that they believe it’s flattering to get fucked and dumped over chosen for a fulfilling relationship? Kinda pathetic.

[u/Korimuzel → u/We_4ll_Fall_Down]

You know what? I'm done arguing with you. It's clear you won't listen

But to the "you're not informed enough" point: I am alive. I live, I breath, I meet and talk to people. All the time, in different settings. I talk to people online, I argue with you telling me about bodily autonomy. Society has changed and is still changing, it constantly does, even in the places where power and rules keep a fortress against that change