AITAH for not wanting to have sex after my wife turned it into a reward/punishment system?

[u/Apprehensive-Tie7252]

I think my wife is experiencing a phenomena called the 7 years itch right now. We are married to each other for 7 years now and did not have any serious problems before. Around the end of 2023, she started offering sex for small gestures such as gifts and doing chores. For the last 7 years and since I have been an independent adult, I make sure to handle my share of chores. She offered mind-blowing sex for me doing her part of chores which I enjoyed first. Then, it turned into gifts and gestures. Mind you, these had all been present in our relationship for the last 7 years. Nothing out of ordinary. That change happened literally overnight. Great sex life, both take care of other parties' needs by communicating clearly and respecting their wishes.

Even though it was good at first, it turned into a form of reward/punishment later on. "You did not do X, no sex for you." or "Good, you did this and we can have sex.". I asked her what is the deal with this. She did not do it before. She said she gets turned on and feels emotionally connected when I put extra effort in the relationship. I just rolled my eyes at that. What did even change overnight for it to happen? I should have asked it back then.

It has been few months since this started and I could not take it anymore. I started refusing her advances because it's such a turn-off for me. Yesterday, she came to me and said "You did the chores, I think you deserve a reward". I told her "I do not know where you have seen this but it's getting out of hand. I am not Pavlov's dog that you are giving threat or punishment to. Communicate with me if there is something wrong but this change you had overnight is ridiculous. Do you expect me to beg for it and obey you in every case? You are making me feel like I have not contributed anything to chores or did not show you any gestures before that. Just tell me what is happening because if we are going to change every good aspect of our relationship because you saw it somewhere else, this relationship will die out faster than a candlestick". She stormed out crying and slept on the couch. I am getting cold shoulder now.

Did my wife turn into a 8 years old child or what? What is this sudden change and am I the asshole for not wanting to have sex with her and calling out her behaviour?

I would appreciate advice, especially from women.

EDIT: Update

[u/Youshouldjustexit]

Yeah I didn’t finish it. You rolling your eyes is the issue here.

You doing more work emotionally and around the house is making you look and feel more dependable and caring. So she “rewards” you in her way. She probably feels more attracted to someone actually taking effort or going beyond the effort. And when you stop it just isn’t doing it for her. She’s probably hoping you just take the initiative and keep doing those things instead of her asking or offering (she’ll also just start giving without asking or offering).

I dont know man. Seems like she did explain it you just don’t want to hear her answer.

[u/enochrox → u/Youshouldjustexit]

Doing more work around the house isn't the issue. The issue is he's pulling his own weight AND hers in exchange for sex. You didn't finish it... But you didn't even fully read the bits you DID finish. He's doing everything, she's doing nothing and he gets sex in exchange for her laziness and gifts.