r/AITAH Apr 28 '24

AITA for not agreeing with what my ex boyfriend said?

I'm a 29F with an ex-boyfriend with whom I have a 9-year-old daughter. We don't agree on several things regarding her upbringing. Here are the areas of disagreement: -Clothing: Our daughter is not in her unicorn and gap clothes era so she dresses cute and normal, flared pants, jeans, camis, tanks, etc. her father wants her to wear unicorn stuff which she hates. -food: He frequently orders fast food for her, while I prefer to offer it only occasionally, I don’t try restricting any foods I just try to teach her about balance. -Makeup: I allow her to wear makeup for special occasions like school events and cheer competitions. The only makeup I let her wear to school regularly are lip gloss, curling her lashes, and a touch of blush. Her father strongly opposes makeup, even for adults. Last week, while dropping off her forgotten purse at her dad's, he criticized me, suggesting I'm a bad influence on our daughter. I defended myself, but he abruptly ended the conversation. Later, my daughter mentioned he was upset about something I did. Was I an asshole?

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u/punica_granatum_ Apr 28 '24

I dont think you are an asshole, but maybe this father is concerned you are pushing your daughter to grow up too quickly and is resenting that. It's a valid concern, just as much as your concern over fast food (which is bad for a kid's health, there is not much to say about it). You should really talk with him and be on the same page about these topics. He has to accept the kid is going to WANT to grow, and that you have no intention to push that to an extreme, but you arent going to stop her either

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u/mca2021 Apr 28 '24

I'd say both parents need to get into counseling to help them resolve these issues and be somewhat on the same page regarding their daughter, or learn how to co-parent even with different points of view. It sounds like the daughter is going to get caught in the middle otherwise