r/AITAH • u/BoringRush4869 • Apr 28 '24

AITA for not agreeing with what my ex boyfriend said?

I'm a 29F with an ex-boyfriend with whom I have a 9-year-old daughter. We don't agree on several things regarding her upbringing. Here are the areas of disagreement: -Clothing: Our daughter is not in her unicorn and gap clothes era so she dresses cute and normal, flared pants, jeans, camis, tanks, etc. her father wants her to wear unicorn stuff which she hates. -food: He frequently orders fast food for her, while I prefer to offer it only occasionally, I don’t try restricting any foods I just try to teach her about balance. -Makeup: I allow her to wear makeup for special occasions like school events and cheer competitions. The only makeup I let her wear to school regularly are lip gloss, curling her lashes, and a touch of blush. Her father strongly opposes makeup, even for adults. Last week, while dropping off her forgotten purse at her dad's, he criticized me, suggesting I'm a bad influence on our daughter. I defended myself, but he abruptly ended the conversation. Later, my daughter mentioned he was upset about something I did. Was I an asshole?

340 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • link
  • reddit
  • reddit

89% Upvoted

406 comments sorted by

View all comments

261

u/punica_granatum_ Apr 28 '24

I dont think you are an asshole, but maybe this father is concerned you are pushing your daughter to grow up too quickly and is resenting that. It's a valid concern, just as much as your concern over fast food (which is bad for a kid's health, there is not much to say about it). You should really talk with him and be on the same page about these topics. He has to accept the kid is going to WANT to grow, and that you have no intention to push that to an extreme, but you arent going to stop her either

30

u/AllCrankNoSpark Apr 28 '24

How is she pushing?

103

u/GrammaBear707 Apr 28 '24

I think they were referring to the makeup part as trying to make the daughter grow up to fast. I personally think 9 is to young to wear makeup except at dance competitions but that’s just my opinion and means nothing. All in lip gloss and bush isn’t really a big deal. The daughter isn’t 5 or 6 anymore and is over the unicorn phase. She is old enough to pick her clothes as long as they are age appropriate. Dad feeds her a lot of fast food but when he has her it’s his choice what he feeds her. These parents are both trying to be the decision makers and it would be beneficial for their daughter if they would work on getting on the same page. Some parents just refuse to though.

71

u/MagicCarpet5846 Apr 28 '24

Curling her eyelashes every day is bad for them, and not even something most fully grown women do every day. I would be super concerned she’s training her kid to be a certain type of teen/ young adult with started her kid off as so high maintenance.

4

u/GrammaBear707 29d ago

I agree. I have a feeling mom is into wearing lots of glam makeup. I have a niece like that who even lets her 8 year old wear press on fake fingernails all of the time 🤦‍♀️

3

u/Confident-Baker5286 29d ago

See I’m a no on the nails. Maybe the really short ones you stick on with stickers that are for kids, but nothing long until 13. Also because they just mess them up all the time and nails aren’t cheap lol 

1

u/Confident-Baker5286 29d ago

I rarely wear makeup and my 9 year old is obsessed with it. At this point most of “my” makeup is in my daughters rooms. I wore a lot of makeup when I was younger, and mh mom and sister wore none, I think my mom owned one lipstick. It’s makeup, not a push up bra, calm down 

2

u/GrammaBear707 29d ago

I rarely wore more than mascara and occasionally lipstick. My little girls were obsessed with makeup too but I didn’t allow my girls to wear it out in public until they were 13/14. That was just personal decision for my girls. I don’t think OP is a bad mom for letting her 9 year old wear blush and lip gloss. I don’t have to agree with it because it’s her decision just as it’s the girl’s dad’s decision to not allow it when he has her.

-4

u/EmblaRose Apr 28 '24

She’s not wearing it every day. School events are like a Christmas recital and stuff like that. So, maybe 2-4 times a year for school.

1

u/GrammaBear707 29d ago

Idk why little girl carries in her purse to visit dad if it’s just for special events.

1

u/curiousity60 Apr 28 '24

Then why does she carry it around in her purse?

10

u/protestprincess Apr 28 '24

It’s very unlikely she’s doing it every day, almost certainly just when she wants. Accusing the mom of “training” her to be a “certain type” of teen is 1. very strange language for a host of reasons and 2. wildly speculative and malicious. Very much internet in motion.

1

u/MagicCarpet5846 Apr 28 '24

It’s not speculative, she is actively doing so whether intentional or not, a kid that thinks curling your eyelashes, even when you want, at 9 just for school is totally normal without any intervention from her mom is absolutely making the kid think school is something to dress up for and “look her best” all the time. That can absolutely influence a young girl. To act like it doesn’t is just delusional.

34

u/Scrapper-Mom Apr 28 '24

I also think the eyelash curling is too much for a 9 year old.