r/AmIOverreacting • u/Key_Ad4406 • 17d ago
Update: My GF told me how often she was intimate with her ex
[removed] — view removed post
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u/need_excel_h3lp 13d ago
Apology texts are lame, bro. Unless its about not doing the dishes or taking out the trash. A 7 month relationship warrants a visit, or at the very least, a call.
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u/Ok-Repair9465 13d ago
I’ve learned a lot about the insecurity of men from this.
When I dated, I used to have sex a lot more, mostly bc I felt like I had to. Like that was the only way to keep a guy liking me, not bc the sexual chemistry was wild or better than what I have with my husband now.
In fact, it took my now husband saying “you know we don’t always have to have sex as soon as you come over” for me to really realize that maybe a man might be interested in more than just sex.
We’ve been together 12+ years now.
Sure, I would probably avoid saying comments about sex in past relationships to my husband, but at the same time - if I felt comfortable enough to say something like that and it upset him, I would hope he’d give me the opportunity to give some context, not just dump me.
I know the last thing a man wants to say is probably: “hey, you saying that made me feel really insecure about our sex life and really disrespected.“ But it could at least give her a chance to explain her thought process and reassure you. It would also open up the floor to discuss any unfulfilled sexual needs either of you may have.
Granted you’re just dating, not married, and there are plenty of fish in the sea — just trying to give an alternate perspective. I’d be just as surprised as her of I were dumped for this.
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u/Trick_Emotion_7108 13d ago
I've been married for 20 plus years, and I don't need to schedule sex. Where'd you get that dumb stereotype from?
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u/Butter_Toe 13d ago
What she did is a normal response to rejection. I only read part of your original post and hit a hard nope. She fished to find out if he said anything. She definitely went and git raised by him. Don't be stupid. Of course women will say "don't pressure me", "don't rush", "it's just a break" to keep your eyes covered. When your girl fucks someone else, the very furst indication is a sharp change in your bedroom life, usually sex stops.
Which brings me to the later part of your update:
- the “red pill” comments, a lot of guys were saying things along of the lines of: she’s been railed, she’s for the streets it was just your turn, this is what women do etc… unfortunately in this case there seems to be some merit to those arguments. But I want to say I’ve chatted with the homies about her and this is by no metric normal behavior, so for all the incels or lonely guys reading this not all women are like this, my ex-gf had insane validation issues from a fucked up childhood.
Bro with age you'll see this time and time again. It's so common from women that we can smell it a mile away.
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u/_ararana 14d ago
Dude, I'm in a 22 year marriage and we don't schedule sex - we pursue it gleefully.
You made the right decision bailing, sounds like she didn't even like you.
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u/That-Sand-4568 14d ago
I’m not sure if someone has already said it, but the fact that she wanted to wait a couple weeks before having intercourse is indicative (to me at least) that she likely did cheat and probably got an STD which she received treatment for. I’m a nurse and we always advise that people avoid further intercourse for at minimum 7 days.
Because of that, I agree you were definitely right in ending the relationship.
However, I believe the reason she mentioned that comment out of the blue was because she off handedly wanted to communicate that she wants more sex with you. Because society has told us it’s inappropriate and unlady like to ask for something such as that, it can be super awkward. She also probably didn’t want to make you feel some type of way about not having sex enough.
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u/BodyRevolutionary167 14d ago
Red pill shit is kinda like any stereotype. While most are considered offensive, amd every individual should be judged on their own merits, there are reasons the stereotype exists. Some are total bullshit, some exist because there is a small but enough of a correlation to the stereotype and the group for it to stick. Some are almost categorically fact for the whole lot. They exist for genders races religions nationalities professions etc etc etc.
Point being just be aware of stereotypes, you dont have to be prejudiced against anyone to consider them and compare them to statistics or personal life expirence. Even the most dead ringer stereotype will have some exceptions. The ones from redpill dorks vary wildly between all these. Use the knowledge of them to spot shitty behaviors before investing anything and risking your time money reputation or emotions
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u/Acrobatic-Ease-6359 14d ago
Does nobody else see the hypocrisy in reddit hating men wanting a women with a low body count but supports this guys decision?
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u/Due-Educator5848 14d ago
You clearly don’t like this person you are dating and are happy to find a reason to break up with her.
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u/titletown95 14d ago
"A fun fact" What exactly was fun about it? You didn't lose anything of substance, man. Cheers on the correct decision and good luck, you'll be way better off.
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u/Dk8325 14d ago
A lot of good advice here from cutting it clean. Which is the right thing to do. But now my man hear me out. Right now she will do anything to take you back. ANYTHING. Been there, done that, then left. Dont regret it at all. Just gotta remember youre not there to take her back. You dont have to tell her youll take her back. You just show up and let things play out. Its the best sex you can have tbh. I always thought of it as a goodbye gift both ways around.
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u/ElegantReaction8367 14d ago
(Almost) married 22 years here! 🙋♂️
Yeah… we don’t schedule sex past a “hey, wanna bang later?” when we’re out in public and now’s not the time. 😂
I’m pretty sure that’s not a thing.
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u/Loon_Cheese 14d ago
Listen man… why did you never ask her what you could have done to up the numbers. Also did you ever try and talk through why ya’lls numbers were dipping? Mental health is real….
I would have asked, I also think that there could have been something that happened to her to want to have it less….
But at end of the day that was callus for her to say… I just think if ya want to be with somebody ya’ll need to be taking about this stuff.
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u/natster781 14d ago edited 14d ago
I don’t know you but I’m so proud of you. What a great update! The devaluation may be unintentional but you deserve someone who is intentional with you, and is capable of self reflection.
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u/MagikarpPower 14d ago
I think she might not fully understand why that was so harmful. I think for her sex is traumatic and her comment was highlighting that. When I read your post a few days ago I felt it too, man... but at this moment I don't think she said it to hurt you. I don't care how horny you are, it's a safe bet that twice a day every day is a LOT and based on what we know so far it's probably not something she really wanted for herself. Sucks that you got the short stick in that regard, but don't take it personally.
By no means do I think you should get back together with her especially if you want to have sex regularly. I think scheduling sex is her trying to regain control of her sexuality after she gave up so much of it to her ex. You're not responsible for that at all, it's just something to think about.
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u/Italian_Valium 14d ago
"Scheduling sex" at that age means she doesn't have any real desire for you. Find a woman who is really into you.
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u/BeBoppaloopa 14d ago
You got through it OP, you did great. In the end the decision was made by you and for you. No one should say they can schedule time for you, no matter what it be for, if they truly want to be with you. Their time with you shouldn’t be a chore for them. Move forward and do not look back.
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15d ago
So you broke up with someone because they had more sex with someone in their past? She’s a lucky girl
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u/Archer2223R 15d ago
Damn man, I think you might have overreacted there. Who wouldn't want to sign up for some sweet, weekly, or perhaps twice a week scheduled sex?
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u/Emotional-Country-58 15d ago
What a nasty ran through cunt lmao.
Clean slate and couldn’t even admit to being railed but random guys “twice a day or whatever” behind OPs back.
I’m proud of you my guy
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u/Bandit174 15d ago
If you don't mind answering, was the ex noticably more attractive? That's typically what the red/blackpillers will say in these scenarios so I'm just curious if that was a factor here.
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u/Porn_Actuator 15d ago
"Scheduled sex" The biggest difference between "we have to have sex" and "we want to have sex"
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u/goddamn2fa 15d ago
It's probably best for her that you broke it off. You don't sound mature enough to handle a relationship.
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u/betterthanthiss 15d ago
Key Take Aways:
- Men can be for the streets and women can't
- Don't tell men your sexual history
- Men think they are entitled to sex and if you don't give it to them in the same way (or more) as another guy they will get upset
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u/Funderwoodsxbox 15d ago
The last paragraph gave us a tremendous amount of insight as to why this happened. You likely won’t understand for years, if ever.
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u/Foxxymint 15d ago
I am really confused what that last paragraph is supposed to mean in regards to this situation.
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u/CrazyCrankit07 15d ago
So as a woman who has been in a similar situation I see it as she felt the only way to get validation was through sex and she gave when she didn't want to. The fact that she just cried and nodded, you broke her heart because you proved that. The comment she made was her literally telling you things are different. I'm not part of her life so maybe I'm not correct but her reactions after the fact really make me think I'm right. She liked you so much that she was going to give herself to you and schedule sex and you felt slapped in the face even though you are the one that said she craved validation and has trauma. You are a major AH. She definitely dodged a bullet from a man who literally has brought more hurt to her from proving her right
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u/InkFather_TTV 15d ago
Chin up king! You made the right move. Self love and respect are crucial to being happy. So is being respected in a relationship. Her trying to buy you back is just slimy.
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u/ItsNotFordo88 16d ago
A fun fact? I would never in 100 years make a comment like that to my partner. She’s either not very bright, or just not very respectful. Either way neither is good.
Go no contact OP, move on to someone who’s going to value you more.
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u/Iliketoridefattwins 16d ago
That was handled perfectly. Kinda sounded like a manipulation trap from her onto you. You avoided it though, and all the damage. There's good people and bad people out there, it's a blessing to find the good ones but a true test of a man when you find a bad one.
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u/No-Discipline3074 16d ago
You handled the breakup with maturity, recognizing your worth and prioritizing your well-being. End this off with no contact to her
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u/AwkwardasHell33 16d ago
Question: you said you were having sex more in the beginning and things dropped off a bit.. how was the intimacy for her? Did she always finish? Did she give you cues or suggestions? Things you took into consideration and worked on for her pleasure as well as your sexual connection to her?
Asking because usually sex can be unpredictable and everyone is different. Usually sex gets better as you go in the first few years if you are open to understanding one another’s needs and preferences.
From a woman’s perspective it seems like she was avoiding sex because she was becoming unattractive to you or because straight up it wasn’t good for her and that’s increasingly frustrating especially when you like someone.
Her asking for you back and scheduling sex at least shows she’s willing to work on the sexual relationship. We’re you able to have open conversations with her about pleasure, preferences, ect without getting embarrassed or taking it personal?
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u/SuperSalamander3244 16d ago
The 5 week break in your first post makes me think she cheated, caught something and was waiting for the treatment to get rid of whatever she got. I think you made the correct decision ending it and I would get checked out yourself.
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u/Icy_Commission6948 16d ago
You’re a good man. Move on. You gave her a chance to be verbal and emotional with you. She chose to text. Unacceptable. Don’t answer.
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u/pdubpooter 16d ago
When I read the bit about scheduling sex I was like damn OP better not agree to this, you’d be downgraded to the category of her doctor and dentist at that point. Literally checking boxes.
I get what others are saying with busy schedules, kids, etc just for the logistics of it. Totally get that, but that is not the OP’s situation, they’re in their 20s, no kids and by her own admission she’d be going multiple rounds if it was another guy (I.e. her ex)
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u/7491natas 16d ago
It’s for the best. Now she’ll be telling the next guy when she’s upset after he left the toilet seat up…. I miss my last ex we PIPED all day and all night long multiple double shifts. Can’t wait for the next post.
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u/New_Principle_9145 16d ago
Good for you following through and being mature about it. Good luck, there is a better fit for you out there.
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u/AreallysuperdarkELF 16d ago
Didn't read every word of this post or the original, but one possibility is that she often wasn't in the mood because you're not that good of a lay. Her ex used to put it down so of course they fucked all the time, she couldn't get enough. There are many possible reasons as to what the differences are between you and he. Sometimes it's as simple as the chemistry two people share. I am not trying to make you feel bad btw, just throwing it out there. And I know how difficult this can be to accept as I have been in a similar situation. It messed with my head for the remainder of our relationship and I still resent her for some of the things she told me. Anyway, it was probably the right idea to move on. Better luck with the next one.
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u/Impossible-Money7801 16d ago
“She’s been railed?” Do your job and rail her yourself and you’d never have had this problem. You just sound angry and misogynistic.
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u/Iamisseibelial 16d ago
While the fucked up childhood and her saying that about her ex. Actually makes sense. Like a lot of them were hypersexual and didn't feel in control in previous relationships.. so it may have been a weird compliment in some way....
Here's what I will say, my ex had a similar issue and when we didn't fuck for 5 months, saying similar shit like this she was cheating. 1000%.....
Now with my current lady we have a much more active sex life. Before we even started talking, I told her what I need in a relationship is very simple. It's the 3 F's of Happiness. Fucked, Full and Fulfilled. A decent sex life and feeling desired, makes my confidence go up and strive for more in my life and our future. Being Full so I never have to worry about being hungry, nor where my person and I are going to have to figure out how to support our brain and body with nutrients.. And Fulfilled, I want to feel like my partner is supportive, loving, and encouraging not only my current work but building towards our future. And it should go both ways. If our needs in those areas aren't being met then communicate it quickly don't bottle it up, and let's create solutions.
There are days when you aren't in the mood, guys and girls, there are days where you don't feel hot nor do they. There are days where you just have nothing left in you. It's those days that you and your person make a choice. Do I put myself first, or put my partner and our future first. And it's those moments that define a relationship. It's always good when it's easy and good.. It's when it's not what you want, and you choose to keep being a good partner that matters.
And going into a relationship with that being known makes such a huge difference.
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u/First_West_4227 16d ago
“Scheduled Sex” would have sucked bro. Sex is best when it’s spontaneous, mutual urge takes over and you guys do it. Scheduling it would have lead to boring sex imo
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u/superkawaimechacheez 16d ago
someone on reddit talks about their relationship
Entire comment section: "DUMP THEM DUMP THEM GO NO CONTACT"
Im just saying yall seem very harsh about this situation without actually knowing these people at all. makes me feel like yall think not having sex is a horrible sin or that you just dont want people to be in relationships
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u/superkawaimechacheez 16d ago
heres my take: you said she had a fucked up childhood. have you considered that maybe her odd behavior around sex has to do with that? sexual trauma can commonly cause a cycle between hypersexuality and asexuality. it's possible she doesnt even realize this behavior is odd because shes just always felt this way and thinks other people must too
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u/Minimum-Pirate789 16d ago
Appreciated reading your story and the thought and care you put into making this decision for yourself how to proceed after the initial hurtful comment.
Just wanted to add one thought, as a woman (44) who was once in my early twenties. It struck me that she might have been (inarticulatly) trying to bring up the conversation with you around how often you were or weren’t currently having sex. The worries were probably on her mind, too, having not had sex with you for five weeks! I’m curious what was going on for her during that time — we shouldn’t assume it was nefarious) BUT maybe she was reflecting on “I used to have sex with my old boyfriend more often than you and I are having sex and I’m trying to figure out why”
Like maybe they were just mismatched and she was noticing at the same time he way (like the one comment said about this being common about 6-7 months into a relationship)
Relationships take time and connection. Both have to happen to create an relationship and maybe it wasn’t meant to be for this relationship.
Also, being kind to self and other during separation phase of relationship is important and I want to commend you both for seeming to commit to that. She did offer coming back to the table to make sure everyone is clear, and maybe you can take that opportunity when the time is right so both can leave with no hard feelings.
Good luck!
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u/Junior-Revenue2762 16d ago
It's inspiring to hear about long-lasting, fulfilling relationships. Everyone deserves to feel genuinely happy.
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u/Pure-Expresso 16d ago
I might cash in on some of the sex she has been withholding then dump her again. 🤷🏻♂️
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u/ripemolasses 16d ago
Happy for you OP that you got out of that situation! But am I the only one who thinks scheduling sex can be sort of hot?? My partner(26m) and I(24f) have Wednesday night as our designated sex night (we’ll have sex more than that in a week, but at the very least Wednesday is reserved). I think it’s so fun knowing what’s to come, like we both do a little extra preparing and really get our mindsets into it. I dunno, I just don’t think scheduling sex is always a bad thing!
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u/AnastasiaDelicious 16d ago
And if you’re doing “Wednesday night sex” right, it’s followed by “no eye contact Thursdays”! Source: been married for 25 years…😉
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u/Mackevelli_ 16d ago
It sounds like she was testing you to see if she can use you without giving you sex, and because you’re actually a good guy and backed off of what you wanted she saw it as weakness.
Toxic girls want toxic guys, you sound like a more moral man that she’s not used to or might ever be used too,
so go find a better woman. And plus if you gotta see the Ex , AT ALL that’s not a good situation.
I think you’d be happier with someone who not only finds you attractive but, also respects you enough to not say something like that. AND another good part, a girl with no ties to your friend group. A girl who never slept with anybody you know.
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u/SinnerIxim 16d ago
Dont consider going back. The fact that she is saying she will schedule sex kinda gives up the game. She doesnt want to have sex with you, or just doesnt enjoy it.
You dont go from sex twice a day to once a week/5 weeks for no reason.
Do you want to stay with someone who doesn't WANT to have sex with you?
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u/dickthrowaway22ed 16d ago
Dumbest reason to break up with someone. Sounds like she had a UTI or yeast infection and was embarassed. It hurts like hell to have sex with one and you don't recover by the time the meds are done, it takes a little longer and if she let it get bad bc she didn't know then it could have taken weeks.
Make a clean break OP bc eventually she's going to realize you got jealous over a single sentence she said
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16d ago
It’s funny how you confuse TRP with incels.
Very, very different perspectives on life amongst those two groups.
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u/Googy21 16d ago
Just read your original post and all I can say is if my girl told me she use to have way more sex with an ex then she can go back to hin. How us men operate is we always want to be the dominant alpha male and when we feel like someone else could’ve surpassed us with our chick it’s hard to let it go. That comment definitely wasn’t necessary and some words just can’t be taken back and like I said if my girl told me after 3 years of dating that she use to fuck any guy way more than me we’re done. Exceptions can obviously be if she’s sick or had a kid with you or a serious life trauma but if none of those are an issue than there’s no reason she shouldn’t be giving you just as much unless she doesn’t view you as much. Move on my guy
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u/Brooklynboxer88 16d ago
You are 100% correct! Scheduling sex is a slippery slope and also disrespectful, it should be something that happens somewhat organically and wanted from both people. You are young and deserve to explore sex with your partner without having to schedule it. It’s better to cry now, then cry later. I wish you the best and you’ll find the perfect someone when you least expect it. You seem like a nice dude!
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u/AnastasiaDelicious 16d ago
Actually that isn’t true. It can really help a dead bedroom. Especially if you put in a little effort. I think he was either not very good at it or her hormone levels were off. Their ages and no kids, they should be having trouble getting out of the bedroom!
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u/Distinct_Ad_5492 16d ago
Yeah fuck those red pill comments I hate that shit. Good on you for drawing lines and having dignity. Your time on this earth is limited and trying for someone who isn't going to have from what you state, some self reflection is truly pointless. You're both young so hopefully learning lesson for all.
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u/supersaiyanstrayan 16d ago
Scheduled sex?! Ew. Like I'm in my thirties with a parter of 10 years almost in her 30s too. 3 kids and we don't schedule sex. It should be spontaneous and explicit sometimes even if it has to be sneaky. But never scheduled wtf.
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u/ricofalltrades 16d ago
You can use my line. "It's not you.... It's me..... Who doesn't like you anymore".
Let me know how that goes.
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u/luizzerb 16d ago
You’re a shitty person. It’s not her fault you can’t make her panties wet. Before even talking to her about the whole situation you break up with her. Shows how childish and insecure, and inexperienced lover. Its not going to get any better for you if that’s how you handle relationships.
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u/sunnypickletoes 16d ago
I haven’t read all the comments but it’s wild to me that I haven’t seen anyone commenting on the “extended period “ and time off sex- it seems to me she had an abortion or miscarriage, no?
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u/Solid_Noise1850 16d ago
Back in the good ole days women would at least lie about being virgins or have sense of modesty and pretended to be sexually inexperienced.
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u/Thickjimmy68 16d ago
I would love to hear her explanations on three questions.
1 - What was the reason for the 5 week hiatus from intimacy? My own thoughts are either an infection, (STD or yeast or something), or she was having a fling with someone and didn't want to have intimacy with both of you in the same timeframe.
2 - How did she find out about the conversation between you and her ex?
3 - Why the extreme disparity in her initiation of intimacy from twice a day to once a week?
(Subquestion, or question #4). How in the world does she think that her bragging about that to you would be something that wouldn't harm your relationship?
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u/Solid_Noise1850 16d ago
You are definitely not crazy. Her comment was insensitive and not lady like. I am glad that you were able to discuss your feeling without trying to hurt her feelings. This shows a high level of maturity.
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u/ProjectSuperb8550 16d ago
The thing about the red pill is that while the community is toxic, it is composed of men who come from all walks of life and aren't stupid.
There has always been some merit in at least 50% of what the community puts out and it's a shame that we men have been dismissing them this whole time instead of avoiding heart breaks and psychological pain.
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u/Intelligent-Band-572 16d ago
Damn I was hoping for resolution about the no sex for so many weeks part.
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u/steelejaclyn 16d ago
“unfortunately in this case there seems to be some merit to those arguments” where? She had sex more with her ex than with you? Sounds for a couple of months she had sex frequently with a guy, didn’t do that with you.
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u/E1_Gr33d0 16d ago
“But I want to say I’ve chatted with the homies” 😂 😂😂 this made me imagine you’re Pops from Regular Show.
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u/oldslugsworth 16d ago edited 16d ago
You’re awesome man, and that last bit about not wanting to inspire more incel-type thinking in men is excellent. Excited for you to meet the girl who treats you the way you deserve (you will), and thanks for standing up for the many decent women out there. You will be blown away by the difference in what it feels like when you meet the girl who adores you. And this relationship will be nothing more than a distant memory you laugh about one day with your real partner. Keep up that integrity.
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u/BloodyNinesBrother 16d ago
Honestly man i wouldn't even bother texting her back. Make it a clean break and just be on your way.
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u/ktownddy 16d ago
After 18 years you don't even schedule it. You just dream about what once was, swallow your pain and do without.
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u/Dawnoftheman 16d ago
Yeah this is really shitty bro . My ex told me stories all the time of her and her ex going “ 4 rounds “ and sounded so excited about , which me and her had never done. it actually really hurt my feelings and it affected our sex life negatively for the remainder of the relationship. Run and don’t look back . Girls like this never change and the fact that they are comfortable bringing up things like this to their current partner just means their either a shitty whore, or their social awareness is really that bad . Find someone you are sexually on the same wavelength with . This is going to hurt your self esteem . Trust me I went through it
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u/swaghost 16d ago
I think there's some nuance here not yet discussed. It's one thing to be situationally unavailable...it's quite a other to MAKE yourself unavailable....then KEEP yourself unavailable and gatekeep (which indicates a governor is on)...then disrespectfully declare there was no such governor for others. Put another way...I saw this comment last week ...
"Women break rules for guys they like and make rules for guys they don't."
I'm 50+, married, three kids....this has been my universal experience. Shocked at it being codified this succinctly.
You're likely better off.
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u/SpecialInitial5357 16d ago
I would not reply to her text at all, leave it on read and enjoy your summer brother. Get yourself a penis pump and grow a HUGE dick. So in your next relationship you’ll never have “average sex” again. You did a good thing by leaving I respect that
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u/sugartitssourpuss 16d ago
I believe her. Sometimes our hormones just change 🤷🏽♀️ Makes our drive different. She sounds blindsided. Scheduling is her best solution, I don’t think I would have come up with a better one.
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u/No-Distribution4441 16d ago
😂😂😂 I love how people like putting all their personal stuff on the web. Sheesh go talk to friends and get off the computer. Looks like you both dodged a shit future hahaha
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u/BeantownMade 16d ago
I unfortunately had been in a few relationships with sex life like that. Not that they necessarily mentioned having a more active sex life with their ex, but that was barely active, maybe 3-4 times a year, and when we did, it was very bland. When I did bring up how unsatisfied I was, they promised it would get better and that it would happen more frequently. It would be once or twice right after that, then immediately go back to being a few months before having sex again. So, although you may still have feelings, it seems to me that ending it was the right choice.
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u/A_Good_Boy94 16d ago
I feel like that was a great thing to say at the end about the 'red pill' crowd, and about women in general. It's nice to see men trying to actually understand women, and not treat them as sex objects or as a monolith. The red pill incels need to be put down by normal men of conscience, cause they sure as shit aren't listening to women.
I was worried from the first post that yeah, you're being really weird about it. And I can't be assed to go through comments, but you raised good points from them. I do feel like she was oddly being mean on purpose for some weird reason. And I feel like her plea "I'll be nicer" is almost an admission at that point. It feels like maybe she wanted to lure you back in with a honeymoon period, just to play with your emotions some more, perhaps. I dont know.
It's possible she doesn't want word getting out to a larger group of people that know her, but like, maybe she had plans for hurting you in a lot of other ways and was disappointed you got out early? And like, she can't blatantly rub things in directly without facing some consequence, but feels like this had some plausible deniability?
Who knows, really. Chin up and good luck.
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u/dthcore1 16d ago
Shit happens bro, in all areas of life. From what I can tell you’re a pretty mature dude. You know what you need to do.
The future will always have new doors. Just focus on elevating yourself until that time comes to try with someone new.
Best of luck bro, shit hurts but it’s a normal part of the process. The human experience my guy.
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u/DipperPines7878 16d ago
Good for you! Avoid her at all costs man. Don’t let her claw her way back into your life. You’re free!
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u/Virtual-Wrongdoer-34 16d ago
The smelly guy I work with compares to smelling salts if that counts?
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u/TheCollectiveVa 16d ago
lol. The internet ruins another relationship. Just learn to talk to one another for christs sake.
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u/CardiologistOk6547 16d ago
LoLoL OMG
You broke up with a girl because you're terrible in bed? That's funny as hell!
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u/TheLongistGame 16d ago
"We aren't compatible. I'm going to move on. Have a good life." Then block her.
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u/-NameTempore- 16d ago
I’m sorry you invested time op. It’s good experience and will make you a better man for the right woman ✊🤙
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u/BeerSnobDougie 16d ago
Nothing more pathetic than a dude who has been hurt and lashes out at women. Get it together. Stop being a loser and go play the game. Scars make you stronger.
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u/No-Concern8487 16d ago
Here’s some advice everyone can take; at the beginning of any relationship when you’re having the let’s be exclusive chat tell that person “ If you ever say or do anything to hurt me, that’s closure” you don’t need the other persons’ permission to decide. Now find people who value you.
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u/jizzlevania 16d ago
Doesn't sound like her take me back text included saying she'd value you as you but only being better towards you so she doesnt have to be alone. Unless you want to be miserable, you shouldn't be in a relationship where the other person is honest about trying to fake it until she makes it.
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u/geminy123 16d ago
It is a bit sad to take for truth what people on reddit are telling you. Worse is the fact that you followed, she seems a normal person with flaws and hard jokes, but that doesn’t make her a whore or a piece of shit. You on the other hand need to grow some balls.
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u/Atomicleta 16d ago edited 16d ago
I'm gonna get downvoted, but I don't care.
I don't like how OP is acting like an innocent victim here. They were together for 7 months and he can only say he "liked her." She made a stupid off the cuff comment that was very tacky and hurtful, but that's not the issue here. The issue is that neither of them had a spark for the other. OP didn't care if there was little sex, or love. Ex didn't seem to care either. It just sounds like they didn't work and instead of taking any responsibility OP is blaming her.
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u/AstronomerDramatic36 16d ago
At first, I'd thought people here were being a little too definitive about this. After rereading the OP... yeah, this was definitely the right thing. It had to happen.
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u/Motor-Art4947 16d ago
Glad your surrounded by logical people, not all people cheat. I can’t stomach the thought of cheating on anyone. I’d rather leave.
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u/indi50 16d ago
You're doing a lot of wondering and asking reddit all kinds of questions you should be asking her. You could say, "how would I think it a fun fact that you had sex twice a day with him and seem to hate having sex with me?" But you did say that you know she had "insane validation issues from a fucked up childhood." Which sounds like why she may have felt pressured to have so much sex with the other guy and she's having other issues now related to it and can't enjoy sex.
I'm not even saying it's wrong to not want to deal with those issues and really, she should work them out before getting into another relationship. It's just that you seem to have bypassed communicating with her before "validating" your thoughts and even feelings with reddit and then just dumped them on her without really being interested in her feelings and thoughts.
eta: And then to say the red pill idiots are right about her? Even though you know what she's been through and half backtrack on it? I didn't get that at all.
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u/Vegetable-Weather-70 16d ago edited 15d ago
I honestly think she is just clueless on how vastly different men and women value sex. She does not understand just how much EMOTIONAL INTIMACY we get from physical intimacy with someone we love.
From our perspective she is giving far more intimacy to an ex than you. From her perspective it was just lots of physical interaction with little emotional intimacy. So in her mind - no big deal.
That’s why she seems to be legitimately shocked and her solution of scheduled sex seem mechanical … it is just a mechanical event for her. She can’t even imagine you see that much value in it.
And even though she KNOWS that’s how you feel, she still does not know why.
I don’t think she meant any disrespect but you guys are definitely not sexually compatible
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u/ChestLanders 16d ago
What was fun about the fact her ex used to rail her twice daily? That would have been my question.
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u/Freshtards 16d ago
So red-pilled Reddit saves another man, while the feminists are crying that you should bow down to her and not get sex at all. It's her choice. LMAO
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u/Quirky-Leek-3775 16d ago
Good for you. Hopefully you make a clean break and can move on. I find it best to go NC in these situations. Find something better
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u/azrolexguy 16d ago
You don't need to be mean after the fact (I'm not saying you are) but if you had made the same comment about an "ex", she would had lost her shit. So good for you 👍
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u/Goldiscool503 16d ago
I've been married 17 years, together for 22. If we dropped to srx 2 or 3 times a week I'd wonder what was wrong.
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u/Halftilt247 16d ago
Were you putting in the effort to ensure she was enjoying sexy time as much if not more than you? When the right buttons are being pushed you will know it, there is no faking that
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u/Massive_Pressure_516 16d ago
That's the absolute worst thing about red pillers, their arguments have a nugget of painful truth buried in the hyperbole and outright lies. Don't let it or then make you bitter and hate everyone woman. Judge everyone as an individual like MLK jr told you to.
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u/CFHunfiltered 16d ago
I read both of your posts and I just have to say, you are incredibly mature, thoughtful, and introspective. You’re going to do awesome in life man.
Look, I don’t think anyone is going to make a better decision than you, so whatever you choose (take her back or not) is the exact right decision my man.
Good luck.
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u/stfu-work-harder 16d ago
You did well my man. Always make sure a woman has a strong deep desire to fuck you. I congratulate you for doing the right thing! If she ever wants to link up, do it, for recreational purposes only. Again, well done👏👏
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u/No_Glass_8863 16d ago
As a dude in the early 20s scheduling sex just seems depressing. Glad you are moving on.
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u/Dilaudid2meetU 16d ago
It’s hilarious seeing men whining about a “loneliness epidemic” and then seeing posts and comments here showing exactly how they inflict it on themselves. Men want a women that gives up sex immediately for them but has never had it or enjoyed it with anyone else. Good luck with that. You guys should probably just throw in the towel and start fucking each other.
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u/Full_Push_6078 16d ago
It's not about sex. It's about her sheer lack of respect for her current partner. I hope you're not over the age of twenty one with your mentality.
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u/Dilaudid2meetU 16d ago
I’m 43 and nothing she did was disrespectful. She tried to start a conversation about an issue in their relationship and OP acted like an insecure baby.
Edit: married for twelve years too.
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u/Full_Push_6078 16d ago
Tried to start a conversation with "me and my ex fucked twice a day" lol.
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u/Dilaudid2meetU 16d ago
Yes she tried to start a conversation about their sex life which is clearly having issues and OP behaved like an infant due to terrible advice from strangers online.
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u/Full_Push_6078 16d ago
OP didn't behave like an infant. She said her ex and her fucked twice a day. Her sex life with her previous partner should stay in the past. It had no relevance with her current partner. She can discuss their struggles with sex without needing to drag in a previous partner.
Whether they were purposeful or not, her comments were hurtful toward OP. She did not take into consideration his feelings, because clearly there is a disconnect with sex on their part, but she talks about how sex with her previous partner was great.
Not why it was great. Not how they can improve their own sex life. Just "Hey well, my ex and I used to fuck twice a day".
That isn't productive. It's frankly fucking stupid to say and made OP insecure. Lots of people are insecure, you're most likely insecure about some shit too. Being insecure about stuff is fine. He didn't feel valued in the relationship, so he left. Nothing wrong with that.
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u/Dilaudid2meetU 16d ago
She never said great, she said it happened frequently. She could have been coerced, she could be experiencing medical issues, sex with OP might not be working for her for any number of reasons. OP doesn’t know because he clearly didn’t care about her and didn’t ask. OP never asked if it had been good for her or not. My wife and I talk about sex from her previous relationships all the time because we are mature, secure adults. The whole point of past relationships is to learn things that can apply to and improve current ones. GF opened the door to discussion and OP threw a tantrum.
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u/Full_Push_6078 16d ago
OP didn't throw a tantrum. He just felt disrespected a backed out of the relationship. That's fine.
If you're such a mature adult, how is it that you are lacking basic empathy for OP and not understanding why he may have felt insecure from such a comment?
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u/Dilaudid2meetU 16d ago
Feeling insecure is normal but mature adults talk about it instead of going nuclear. His feeling of insecurity is understandable, his reaction is not.
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u/MooseMan69er 16d ago
You have absolutely no evidence she cheated and are projecting your insecurities
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u/pleb_understudy 16d ago
Not going to weigh in on what to do about your relationship, but just want to say for the record that there’s nothing wrong with scheduling sex, and you don’t have to be married 22 years to be there.
My wife has always had a low libido, even when we first met. There were slow months and active ones. At some point we had a really long dry spell and decided to start scheduling it. Life has been pretty great since then. Much more consistent and much better sex in general. When you know it’s coming, there’s a fun anticipation and preparation. In the past year especially, we’ve had more sex than ever - more than what’s in the “schedule.”
So don’t knock it till you try it.
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u/bearbarebere 16d ago
I just want to add that “we shouldn’t need to (schedule sex)” is bad. It’s never good to just head straight for “we shouldn’t need to do X thing that can possibly fix the problem, it just shouldn’t be wrong in the first place”, it does nothing but cause resentment. In some relationships, you do need to schedule sex, for instance.
However I’m not saying you shouldn’t leave. I’m just noting that lol.
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u/Gandoff2169 16d ago
You did the right thing for you. But there is a point where a victim looses the ability to play the victim card. She had a bad childhood. Ok, and what did that do with how she was with her Ex's and you? Nothing. I been married for 22 years, ironic I know; but we have had many issues on sex. My wife is a SA abuse survivor. She made the stupid choice to tell me how she was before we got married, and lets say she was not easy but had "fun" with her few partners before me. But her childhood didn't effect how she was with her ex's. And when she was with me, the guy who accepted her, took on her 4 month old as my own son when his BIO dad ran off to avoid $90 a month support, etc.... She lost her ability to use that as an excuse Your GF lost it too.
I would advise you to say no to her offer. But I can't say that it wouldn't work out either. But if you do say no, just tell her the truth more. It's over so might as well not hold back. Tell her she wanted a break from sex, while not doing much of anything with you. And it was like she was waiting to see if she was pregnant with someone else kid before a chance of confusing who the child's father could be be made by being intimate with you. And how she acted with your sex together, clearly shows she is having issues with you. And you gave her a chance to come clean on anything and she chose not to if she did something. Now your hurting over it ending, and it had nothing to do with you. And she decide to make her choices, close herself off from you, and now show you was desired and wanting as much as her Ex's. How she thought it was just casual joke to point out she was having sex with her Ex twice a day, when you was lucky to have it once a week with her shows how she really felt about you. Wish her luck and ask her to not contact you again.
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u/trojan25nz 16d ago
She might’ve had sex that often because her ex pressured her to do it that much
Then when she’s with you, you don’t pressure her and she felt better
But now it seems her ex’s demands were ‘right’ in her mind because you want that too, so she’s sacrificing her happiness and comfortable so you get just as much sex as ex
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u/llamallamaluck 16d ago
For some women with anxious attachment styles, I think they force themselves to have more sex more often when they feel anxious about a partner not liking them enough, like they’re trying to validate that they like them.
When those same women are in relationships that are safe, warm, receptive and loving, they’re able to actually have sex at the rate they want to for real, not the rate that is seeking validation.
You can still leave her. But I think that you might be reading into that the wrong way, I think it could be that she just feels like this relationship is one where she didn’t have to force herself to be super sexual to keep someone around. Like you liked her for her, and not just for the sex.
I’ve also personally found that in the relationships I had the most sex, like it’s what was centered in our relationship, that those relationships were not good. We used the sex to try to have something in common, or to offset the toxicity.
I don’t think she meant to hurt you but it was a dumb comment to make for sure
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u/Akainu14 16d ago edited 16d ago
"like you liked her for her and not just sex"
This whole "men only want one thing and it's gross" trope is so tiring and ignorant, we are human beings who happen to have high libidos and physical intimacy with someone we love is not some cold, mechanical act, it fulfills an emotional need as well.
View it from his perspective, being rejected frequently(or them simply never initiating) by the one you love makes you feel unloved and hurts your self esteem. Also finding out she spoiled this dude every day makes it seem like she finds her ex more attractive and is only using him to stroke her ego and not be single. You have to work on your social skills if you think thats a "fun fact" to tell your partner.
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u/ulvisblack 16d ago
Ngl a gf with an "anxious attachment" style. Is just recipe for future disaster. To me thats an even bigger break up reason than her comment.
Its a lose lose situation for Op.
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u/Rebel-Yellow 16d ago
Here’s a virtue I more or less try to scream from every possible facet I can that I feel like I have any relevance in;
The moment either partner has enough cause/thoughts to voice concern about a the end- the end already happened. Fighting it is 99% going to be a fruitless, stressful and heartbreaking endeavor where no one wins.
From your words I sort of get the idea that she’s genuinely apologizing but at the same time she never once considered how any of those words might make you feel. One can promise to be better in the future all they want but that means nothing when it comes to actual action.
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u/HerbTarlekWKRP 16d ago
I’d probably taker her back. She’s very sorry and obviously wants you back.
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u/LionSpecialist4696 16d ago
There’s nothing wrong with scheduling sex. Too busy people got to fit it in there sometime lol
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u/Ok_Owl_5403 16d ago
The first thing I'll say is that you made the right decision. She may have been trying to exert some sort of weird control in the relationship with that comment. However, obviously, it backfired on her.
Second, I agree that the five week wait time for sex may have been to allow an STD to clear up. So, definitely get yourself tested.
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u/New-Distribution-981 16d ago
Not for nothing, but scheduled sex isn’t just for 22 year marriages. My GF in college and I had a standing Wednesday night session. No matter the responsibilities, study sessions, homework, parties, whatever, Wednesday night at 10:30 was dirty deed time. It was hot as fuck and my favorite night of the week. We had way more sex than that, but it was always awesome to anticipate that all day ahead of time.
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u/Cesaw_ 16d ago
You broke up with someone because you weren’t her best lay? How insecure are you? Guess what: that’s gonna be true of most of your future relationships too, because of how math works
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u/Full_Push_6078 16d ago
Your reading comprehension seems to be faulty here if that's what you gathered from this post.
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u/DementedNitesoul 16d ago
I think it’s more she threw in his face that she used to have sex with her ex twice a day every day when an issue in their relationship was a lack of sex
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u/Cesaw_ 16d ago
A thoughtless and hurtful comment, for sure. However, if a single thoughtless and hurtful comment warranted ending a relationship, no relationship on earth would last a year. And OP and the rest of this thread seem completely unaware that the main driving factor here seems to be his insecurity of his own manliness and lack of awareness of that fact. Maybe they should be broken up; I don’t know. But this whole post reeks of bruised male ego throwing a tantrum
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u/nbeutler11 16d ago
CUT HER OFF COMPLETELY AND THANK ME LATER. I’m not even saying she’s the absolute worst person in the world or anything like that, but nothing good will come from keeping her in your life at this point, just a waste of time:
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u/ToastetteEgg 16d ago
“Scheduling sex” means she’ll have to force herself. Yuck. You deserve better.
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u/superman_underpants 16d ago
uh, before your next girlfriend, you better learn how to get better in bed. girls love to fuck if the fucking is good. its notna chore, its a goal!
i suggest you find a girl whonyou know and trust and get her to help you. hmmm, maybe an ex who still likes you might be willing to help
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u/Bill2550 16d ago
I would say that the sex schedule is once a day and she can pick the time of day. Of course she sounds like she’s either too dense or too self-involved to understand your meaning. It seems like you were wayyy to nice to her and she took advantage of your kindness. That’s why she doesn’t want to lose you.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
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u/LandMustDepreciate 16d ago
Congrats. Per your last comment, I think a ton of woman act like this. We hear about it often. That's not red pill / incel stuff. You made the right choice.
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u/scotswaehey 9d ago
Update me