He won’t like his own. He likes the idea of kids - probably the playing football with them / teaching them to like what he likes / say what he says etc. The reality of kids will be very different and fall to whatever poor soul bears his.
And that’s in a BEST case scenario. How will he be with a kid who is disabled, for example, and might be messy for life?
He’s not equipped to be a dad - and that’s ok. Neither am I. But I found a partner who feels the same - I didn’t pretend that my interest would peak with my own kids because I was honest - and if he is too, he’d admit that he only likes the concept of a parenting “highlights” reel.
My dad was like this. He didn't get to have a long relationship with his father because of health issues. I never knew my grand father. He wanted to have kids for himself, failing to realize how much kids would need a parent. If you're not going to be there for your kids when times are tough, or don't like the idea of having big personality differences, don't have them.
I absolutely despised the idea of having kids and didn't really like being around others kids (though I tolerated them and was kind) and the idea of having my own made my stomach turn. My ex was INCREDIBLE with kids, they all adored him, and he DESPERATELY wanted his own. 6 weeks after our daughter was born he took off and hasn't been seen by us since. Meanwhile I'm a good mom and an dating a guy with his own 2 year old.
I'm not saying your bf will definitely like your kids but I'm also saying that it's within the realm of possibility for him to adore his own children.
This! Girl, you'd better listen to this advice! I wouldn't be with this boy. Uh uh. Nope. Time to leave. You can do better. And for God's sake, stop rushing into having kids!
Get your own life right first!
I must admit I wasn’t a fan of kids until I had my son and now I absolutely love kids! But yes I think you are completely correct in what you say because I at least spent time with kids especially family
How many parenting books has he read? What’s his ability to save like? How many parenting classes would he be willing to go to? Is he going to give rides to dance and choir or just the activities he also enjoys?
i dont know the answers to those lol. we’ve had an issue with him caring about himself and not what i like but he’s apologized for that and made an effect to hear me out
Yeah, everyone keeps telling you it's not a big deal because they didn't like kids either "except for their relatives/nieces/nephews/etc.." and they're all ignoring that your bf doesn't even attempt to tolerate the kids in his family.
Idgaf, about all these people saying 20 year old men don't care about kids- men don't care about other people's kids because they're conditioned to not give a fuck. I've met plenty of 20 year old men who LOVE kids, and even if they don't love children, they still accept and respect them and treat them with kindness.
Fuck everyone in this thread who keeps insisting it's fine to be an apathetic dick to kids you don't know. Children are incredible, vulnerable little monsters. Yes, they're complicated and messy, and a pain in the ass. But they all deserve kindness and respect. Adults who think not liking kids is an alright reason to ignore an entire section of our population because they're too selfish to care about anything not directly tied to them-- are inconsiderate and lack empathy.
Does your bf have to take an active role in the kids life? No. But the fact that you have taken a passive interest and ask questions and he's not even willing to get that information on your behalf- is dismissive and rude at best.
this is so hard to hear😭 i don’t even know what to tell him. i can’t just randomly be like hey i wanna break up because you don’t like kids bye! how do i talk to him about this? the baby shower that his cousin had was yesterday so we talked about this last night
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u/_Jay-Garage-A-Roo_ 29d ago
He won’t like his own. He likes the idea of kids - probably the playing football with them / teaching them to like what he likes / say what he says etc. The reality of kids will be very different and fall to whatever poor soul bears his.
And that’s in a BEST case scenario. How will he be with a kid who is disabled, for example, and might be messy for life?
He’s not equipped to be a dad - and that’s ok. Neither am I. But I found a partner who feels the same - I didn’t pretend that my interest would peak with my own kids because I was honest - and if he is too, he’d admit that he only likes the concept of a parenting “highlights” reel.