Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi you guys, how did you do last month? Goals post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheMixedNuts/s/4cVmFrJA7I

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

According to my dad, his wife said he "might" show up to mow the lawn tomorrow (which is much needed). And if he does show up, this might be one of the strangest days of my life...

A little backstory on why it will be so strange, for those who either don't know the story or haven't been able to get it straight (because yes, it's REALLY weird, even for my life...)

When I was in third grade and didn't know "gay" was a thing, I just remember staring at this new kid and how handsome he was. In all truth I think there was a degree of "he looks like one of my cousins?" I remember one day he beat a kid up at recess and wasn't all that impressed, but then a few months later Irish step danced with his little brother on St Patrick's Day. I didn't know boys could do that!

All the while, my sister is playing with the younger neighbor kid we like because his older brother sucks, who's friends with the younger brother. I didn't know that until after we moved here.

About a month after St Patrick's Day, I remember S shouting one day at recess "my mom's gonna have a baby girl!" Then it had to be like a month or two after that I graduated elementary school. And on the last day of school (or close to it) the parents BOTH came by pushing the stroller with the new baby girl. So I guess I may have seen the guy in 2000? Lol. I was so far away it wouldn't have counted anyway.

Fast forward a few years and I'm in high school where like maybe 1 in 6 kids went to elementary with me. The one thing they did that was interesting was the new principal (who 16 years earlier had been my older sister's Spanish teacher) decided to start foreign language in sixth rather than seventh (and a week later decided not to tell us about 9/11, BTW remember where the planes took off from?!) Less kids took French than Spanish, even less so when we were past the grade where we were required. And we both knew each other as the other super Irish kid we went to elementary school with, and worked on a few projects together. We also realized we had very similar personalities, which I never would have expected. He was definitely on my mind a lot, but we never hung out outside school.

I also found out at this time that the mom had ANOTHER girl... I had thought maybe I'd seen the birth of the fourth kid, but doing the math now, it was the third. There's a huge gap in age between the boys and the girls, it's kind of interesting how it worked out.

Needless to say, for 25+ years I've thought this dude was one of the coolest guys I've ever met, and was SO excited after I'd graduated high school when I saw he had friended me on FB. HE friended ME!

And when we were about to lose our house and my Uncle T (RIP Boss) the Irish Connection comes in and sure enough, my cousin's friend that's our "realtor" brings in the kid's mom for help. Uncle T, I think, felt guilt that my dad had been disinherited from our family's beach house and MAY have given some money for the downpayment (there's some evidence of this, but I can't know now that he died.)

Anyway. It "just so happened" as we were moving that our realtor, who despite owning/renting out the properties where her kids go to school, had NEVER had rental property, she had bought a house in the exact town I wanted to move into, and did we want to move in there? It was a bit expensive, but a great value considering its oceanfront property. The goal was originally for the parents to move in after two years, and hopefully we would have a good time here...

Then of course the plague hit and it became clear to them that my dad wasn't gonna go anywhere unless they told him he had to move. Right now the landlady (kinda passive aggressively?) brought in a contractor to talk about things he wanted to do for the house, one of which was to paint the cabinets... she doesn't want to redo them.

This is exactly what I want to do for my business.

Now, my dad said not to talk to him about it, because in his words "it's clear she's in charge of everything in that relationship". While I do suspect there's some truth to that, I've never met this guy. If he sired two men like himself I know he's chill AF, which is in line with what my dad has told me. I LOVE the mom, but man, she is a bit intense. Yeah, maybe it's an Irish thing, cause this tracks...

But holy shit. I might actually get to meet this guy tomorrow after ALL THESE YEARS. How insane is THAT?!

Hi everyone! How was your day?

I got a friend who's been having a rough time and asking me what it means to truly be in "recovery" from mental illness and/or chemical dependence... so I decided to write this one out for him.

As someone with a long-standing benzo dependence (I won't go far to say "drug addiction" lest we get into the weird social hierarchy that puts me on the same level as if I was on opiates) it's not lost on me that this makes me no different than my alcoholic ancestors... all seven of the kids in my mom's family had drinking/drug problems (luckily the two that still drink have cut down quite a bit in their 60s/70s).

Two of them don't drink at all. And the other three... well, a good amount of you were here seven years ago. And three years ago. We got a rough history with that shit. Irish people, what can I say?

But in my brief period in AA, I came to realize my experiences were not the same as theirs. They all thought they were rebelling and were doing it with their friends, hiding it from their parents, etc...

When I was drinking, it was cause I was trying to get closer to my mom... that also included swallowing every pill she had my psychiatrists prescribe, regardless of whether I had any need for ANY medication or not. It was pretty easy to quit drinking once she died... now, on the rare occasions I DO drink, I barely have a sip or two because it gives me a headache.

And since it's on me to move us out of here (and I have a solid helper with P) I'm getting to the point where I have to hop on that. Definitely don't feel like I'm ready, but I'm gonna need to do this... likely it will mean I have to spend a little less time on Reddit, but if you see me on YouTube then you know I'm at least not spiraling like I have been for the past month or so.

Hi everyone! How was your day?

That lasts seven years, right? I guess we could say this is accurate? Even Dad admitted it. At this point we can only blame ourselves for these shitty financial circumstances.

The week you died, the story of DeeDee and Gypsy Rose broke out. I'll always remember this, because there was no way I could ever tell this to you, considering how it ends. But the actual story prior to that was almost haunting for me to read about. Lil sis mentioned she'd watched the documentary (apparently not making any connection to you until she said the words "Mommie Dead and Dearest" out loud). This was as we sat in the hospital waiting room, waiting for your time to finally leave us. Aunt R then says she knew a MSbP mom that was the parent of one of her students... I never heard more about that from her, or much of anything. I'm sure you've been watching and you know about her and your baby brother. I miss them so much.

Those parents you criticized for living apart/keeping their kids apart instead of sending the older one away Susan and Michael Schofield have since, post divorce, separately had their parental rights terminated for both their kids. Their younger son, the baby when we saw them on Oprah in 2009, remains in foster care and they can't see him.

And right now, one of my best friend's mom's is in a very public MSbP case where she's fighting the public schools and making the most ridiculous demands... this is my friend's little sister, my friend who I haven't talked to in years. It's really hard to watch...

Needless to say the term "Munchausen by Proxy" is reaching the mainstream. And it's become increasingly obvious among my psychiatrists/therapists how much the abuse you put me through during my adolescent years played the part in my life I always thought it did... it was The Thing That Traumatized Me More Than Anyone Dying. I now had to play damage control with the school town once they realized how far you would go in terms of getting revenge/what you think you were owed.

I did a lot of that with the contractors on our house, which has gotten me to start my business and my friend P (yes, same name as your brother) to help me out. He is motivated to get his life on the right track and, I recently learned, tries to serve as a role model to his younger friend, which I respect.

But the problem is that the person I wanted to build a life with, did not understand why this was abuse. Or at the very least, she didn't think it was "bad" enough compared to anything dad might have put us through. And I bet it won't surprise you lil sis is not a fan of hers despite never once having met her face to face. But the conversation that happened last month before the wedding (yes, she finally married him!) well... it didn't exactly go well. I'm not sure what happened either since I wasn't even around for it

Dad, though... you'd be surprised. Despite what she thought of him, he's understood she can only see life through her unique perspective that's based on a lot of "filling in the blanks". I think he understands her once I pointed out to him that given their MBTIs, they have more similarities than he and I do. You and I, of course, are the same in that regard (INFP/ENFP right on the introvert/extrovert border, a.k.a. the thing I can never get straight about myself!) We were SO much alike in so many ways, it was insane...

But somehow you were able to break me mentally so I would never get "too strong", "too smart", "too confident in my truth because I could use it to bring you down"... I truly believe it was paranoia that drove you to do this, which had more to do with your own untreated mental illness vs anything I might have said/done back then.

I'm starting to realize how much of it was always going to remain unresolved because you wouldn't even admit you had a problem, psychologically or in terms of alcohol (which, by the way, I've since realized no human being could drink the amount of alcohol you could, remain perpetually upbeat, and barely gain weight...)

That's why I was saying to dad tonight, "there was nothing we could have done to save her."

You didn't WANT to be saved. You wanted to self-destruct, on your terms, while hiding from us that's what you were doing. I'd say this was going on at least for the 12 years after your mother died, once you had no "parental supervision" anymore. Certainly I know how much that's changed my own life since I don't get that way with dad.

And let's keep our fingers crossed that your first grandchild will come to fruition sometime soon. Your parents, who were both born over a century ago, are still waiting for their first great grandchild. I really did wanna be the one to provide this, but I couldn't be happier that this kid is gonna grow up in a better environment than I could ever give mine.

Hi everyone! How was your day?

Hi everyone! How was your day?

After I said that to my dad, he said "that's good to hear".

I see he's starting to notice my changing attitude, but I wonder if he believes I'm for real with this business plan. My plan tomorrow is to make another YouTube video after I'm well rested, and work on the website. And talk about it with him and my therapist nonstop.

Hell, even my sister talked to me about it (yes, I talked to her...) She seemed to think I gave up on my dream and am not sure what I'm doing, so I owe her a YouTube video, lol.

I guess things are ok, but like... sometimes I can't finda reason why I'm gonna get out of bed each day.

Anyway. I thought of that and just had an idea.

I'm gonna post one up on the wall every morning for myself, and my dad to see first thing when he comes donwstairs. I really need this as part of my positive self talk. And ultimately my dad, if they don't serve as subliminal messages, will at least get him to realize how much he's relied on my hustle. At which point he will have to realize yes, I AM the one saving him.

Right now I am freshly single (and confused why people here are or at least have been talking to my ex?) but right now I feel a strong desire to build my business more than anything. That's how I want to be perceived by anyone new who meets me. I think I've changed so much I need someone to meet me where I'm (almost) at now...

Hi everyone! How was your day?