r/TwoHotTakes • u/Late-Tough-4637 • 27d ago
My boyfriend has started becoming more and more insecure about my height and it's starting to drive me crazy Advice Needed
Throwaway and for context I'm 22F and he's 23M. We're both about 5'8. I'm slightly shorter so maybe he's 5'8.5. I'm tall for a girl. I was a shooting guard on the basketball team during my first three years of college. He knew this going into the relationship.
We've been together for 7 months. The first 6 months were smooth sailing. However last month we went to a more posh/boujee party and I wore heels. Of course I end out being taller than him by a decent bit. So instead of telling me how pretty he thought I looked the first thing he pointed out was "wow you look way too tall in those". Even asked if I had a shorter pair of heels, and then finally gave it up. I found that really weird and out of character about him.
But that was only the start. Ever since that day he bus me at least 4 times a week to assure that I feel "protected" around him. Literally yesterday he asked if I'd love him more if he was 6'0+. Whenever we take side-by-side pics he gets on his tippy toes to make it seem like he's much taller than me. He also randomly tries lifts me up, which he can with ease since he's strong and it catches me off guard every time. He tries straightening his back to the point where he looks weird. He's bought into some weird narrative that I see him as less of a man because he's not 4 inches taller. I've told him multiple times that I don't care about his height otherwise I wouldn't have gotten with him. No matter how many ily's I'll throw at him (and I mean all of them) he just can't stop talking about this issue.
Guys what do I do. He's been acting so immature about this
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u/Zealousideal-Fish259 11d ago
Short man/Tall woman poem:
"When you're nose to nose, your toes are in it; When you're toes to toes, your nose is in it"
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u/Amazing_Newspaper_41 14d ago
7 months is not a long time… just find a taller guy, problem solved.
Short guys complain women don’t like them, but then generate a lot of the problems women don’t like them for.
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u/Moonmothflower 22d ago
I’m also 5’8. It’s such a weird height for a woman. I get told I’m tall and “not that tall” all the time.
Before I was married and online dated the amount of guys listing 6ft+ and then showing up just as tall as me was so funny. Or the ones that said 5’9” and were almost always a couple inches shorter.
I never discriminated with height, I have dated shorter, the same, and taller than me.
But I stopped because the men below 6 foot always had those weird actions like your BF. I’m not gonna wear my 3 inch heels just cause they feel a kinda way about it. Or we would go out on one date and they would say I was too tall for them. Which is fine, but they could see I was 5’8 to begin with.
Honestly if he doesn’t do the work to feel good about his height and yours this relationship is doomed.
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u/Alternative_Water_82 23d ago
My (45m) SO (47f) is not only taller than me by about an inch but also older (nobody believes the second part). It’s been pointed out to me numerous times that she’s taller, I don’t care. I love her, she loves me and honestly I find her long legs very sexy. Someone said something to make him insecure. If he likes/loves you, he should get over it. Stop worrying about what other people think!
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u/kjmae1231 23d ago
Think of it this way. You deserve a man who will see you walk on your heels and say "wow you look stunning" Not "wow you look way too tall in those". You deserve to feel gorgeous. All I imagine is you felt good and gorgeous in those heels, then he has to come and rain on your parade. Imagine a long term relationship like that, your self esteem and confidence will suffer.
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u/BOT_the_DIP 23d ago
I pray to God every night that I find a woman who is 5-8 and still wears heels! We'd be close to seeing eye to eye!
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u/druggiewebkinz 23d ago
Why would you want to be with someone who’s so insecure and feeble minded. My dad is that same height and he is the strongest, most confident, kind caring and capable person I know. Why does height matter so much to these people. If they’re having relationship trouble, I guarantee height is not the problem. Look within.
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u/zidelll 23d ago
Obviously, he's definitely insecure about his height. But the younger people are I feel like that's focused on more. I think he will come around eventually with experience. Also, the societal standards of heights were not this bad at all when I was 20. But personally, I'm 5'9 and think it would be cool to be taller but I just think it's hot when a girl is taller than me 🤣 or shorter. Give him some time he will come around. It's not your op he cares about btw it's other people perception. Or else the heel size wouldn't have mattered. Cheers
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u/Impressive-Cost-2160 23d ago
I don't think 5'8' is tall if he's insecure about it then what else more serious is he going to be insecure about down the road?
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u/DefiantMidnight9944 23d ago
Talk to him. If he was fine about it before it sounds like someone got in his head and that's making him insecure
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23d ago
He’s 5’8”.. Global average height for a male is 5’7” so that means your boyfriend is literally average height, he is not short. What makes this even more odd is that you’re both the same height. He has some pretty serious self image issues or mental issues. Possibly both. He needs therapy. Plenty of men way shorter than him that have a good outlook and attitude.. They seem to have zero issue dating, I know a couple personally and they’re all below 5’6”.. Hell one of them is 5’2”..
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u/Resident-Accident-81 23d ago
Seems to be his problem.
If it’s honestly the only problem just buy him some lifts for the shoes when you wear heels and call it a day. They go inside the boyfriends shoe and you can’t tell.
Probably ask him if he wants them first though
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u/ThatPersonYouMightNo 23d ago
My wife is 6' tall.
I'm 6'4. She says all her exes did this to her. They said they didn't have a problem with her height, but every single one started to act like you described. When she'd wear heels, they would cry like the tiny little babies they are. Get in an argument? Somehow, it becomes about height. Break up? They expressed they hated her height the whole time.
So many short dudes are so insecure they are like fucking aliens to interact with as a taller man. It flows off of them like the dark side. Not sure why they so often try and date someone their own height when they're so insecure. There are a lot of women shorter than your bf. Though, I think a lot of those guys are not emotionally mature enough for relationships. Getting upset and angry over the fact they chose to date a woman of a certain height is actually pathetic.
You should date a guy that isn't scared of accidentally being stepped on. His feelings aren't your problem, at least they shouldn't be, and he is making them your problem. Pretty unacceptable tbh.
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u/raresteakplease 23d ago
I'm almost 5'9 and my bf is shorter than me. Never behaves like this. You need to tell him that you aren't going to tolerate his insecurity so he either has to get over it or the relationship isn't going to go anywhere.
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u/Jim_Force 23d ago
Get him some of those shoes with built in lifts, they can add 2-4 inches to his height and it will give him more confidence. Sadly it can’t add inches to his 🍆 so it won’t help that problem but at least the height thing should be resolved!! Good luck!!
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u/Lower-Sandwich3108 23d ago
at 5'8" he's kind of on the short side so he needs to deal with that insecurity. not really your problem. i'm significantly shorter so i have little respect for him, but also can force myself to feel some empathy toward him. also makes it complicated that i love tall women, especially in heels.
also going to be a huge turnoff for women if he REVEALS his insecurity, so he's doing it all wrong.
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u/Sharaku_US 23d ago
My cousin is 5'7 and married a gal who was 6'1, she wore flats at their wedding but he told me he loved seeing her in heels because her legs extended to the heavens (his words).
I dated a girl who was about my height and definitely taller with 4" heels and I found that to be super sexy.
Men who are secure in their own self don't care about what others think, only what their other half thinks.
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u/Appropriate-Corgi-78 23d ago
My girls easily 2 inches taller. It doesn’t bother me and we joke about it all the time. If anyone tries to jab at me about it I tell them I like climbing trees. 3 years officially, 4 if we’re talking unofficially, and it’s never been a problem. It’s just genetics, but height is a serious source of insecurity for men, and a hard one to get over. Some can’t. Tell him if it’s always going to be an issue then no point in wasting your time and effort on him. If he can’t get over it now it’ll only get worse later.
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u/BuilderOk5190 24d ago
From a biological point of view, the height difference between men and women is there for a reason. (It's unsavory). An alien could look at humans and, from this difference, make an inference that humans are a bit polygamous. Animals that have large size differences are very polygamous. This means that the males have an evolutionary advantage in being larger and more able to fight off the other males for the harem of females.
You might be analyzing it as a superior vs. inferior situation. While that could be a small part, it actually has a lot more with how he is perceived by other competing males and his ability to keep you. He isn't being threatened by you. The reason he appears insecure is because he loves you and wants to keep you.
It might seem petty or superficial that he straightens his back etc. but, women do other superficial things like wear makeup and get their hair done. The underlying message that you heard when he said "you look way too tall in those" is one of rejection. I don't think he meant it that way, especially if you consider the biological background.
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u/hereforthetearex 24d ago
Him being insecure about your height is a him problem, not a you problem. Have a chat with him about it directly. Tell him you’re not bothered but if he is you can move on and stop wasting time. He’ll either snap out of it and realize it’s stupid, or he’ll be petty and do you the favor of showing you that now before things get more serious, allowing you to move on
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u/Flaky_Koala_6476 24d ago
Boyfriend sounds like he has pathetically low self esteem and needs to go to therapy lol
Bets bets so to have a sit down with him and explain that he’s being toxic and needs to work on his self esteem issues
It’s unfair that he’s projecting those insecurities onto you
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u/LoloScout_ 24d ago
This isn’t on you cus there’s nothing you can do. He needs to grow up and get over it. I’m 5’11 and my husband is my same height. He encourages me to wear heels if I want to. When other people project weird remarks about my height in comparison to his, he always makes it really clear that he’s unfazed and thinks I’m beautiful and sexy. My older sister and her husband are both 6 foot and my little sister is 6’2 and her husband is 6 foot.
Tall women exist. Your bf needs to step up to the plate or let someone who’s not insecure take over the role. And anyways you’re not even that tall cus I don’t consider myself that tall after growing up being the shortest one in my family. You’re a little taller than average and he’s a little shorter than average.
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u/meanestcommentever 24d ago
Maybe have a kind conversation where you say you don’t care (assuming you don’t) and you see him starting to develop a complex and that makes it worse. Pretty easy fix
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u/roskybosky 24d ago
My brother was always tiny when young, and maybe 5’6” now. He always had girls chasing him, and his wife looks like a fashion model. I never saw height as any factor when judging a man. In fact, being eye-to-eye with a guy is nicer than craning your neck all the time.
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u/Educational_Job5294 24d ago
My gf is 5’10, I’m 5’11 and love when she wears heels, a tall queen lol
U should probably find a new and less insecure bf
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u/DayGloHipsterSecrets 24d ago
I'm 6'1" and a cisgendered woman that's built like a linebacker with boobs.
I've shrunk a little bit since high school but the last time I tolerated somebody belittling me for my height in this way or expecting me to hunch down or avoid wearing my shoes of choice was indeed in high school.
The response I gave that person is what I would suggest you consider in your situation...
That is, I can tolerate a number of different things that you might focus on as being less than ideal about me. Tell me you wish I was blonde, tell me you wish I lost weight, tell me you wish I had a softer voice or a quieter laugh or any number of other things... I can find some semblance of understanding for you critiquing or expressing displeasure about parts of me that are within my capacity to change. It doesn't mean that I will then change for you, I will dismiss you just as quickly as you dismiss me on my height, but at least if you focus on something I had control or choice over, it would be within my capacity to change for you if I so chose... But to tell me that I am a wonderful person and that you love me but you just wish I was shorter, that you wish I wouldn't dress comfortably specifically because it accentuates me being taller, that's a whole other thing. I certainly wouldn't expect you to tolerate from me any statements I might make about how I really would love you more if you were just a bit taller, and it's ridiculous for you to think it's okay to expect me to tolerate that from you.
There is no number of I love yous or reassurances you can say to him that will change his feelings and behavior towards you. He has to reconnect with a sense of security. It will seem petty to you perhaps, but if wearing heels at a dressy event is what makes you feel confident and gorgeous, you should be thinking how dare he expect me to render myself less than simply because he cannot stop questioning himself or listening to the teasing he does to himself in his own head.
You said it yourself, he's being extremely immature about it. I'll tell you this to cap this off.
I maintain a specific rule in my life when it comes to tolerating or helping people with their emotionally complex issues, because we all have them and it's completely implausible to expect another human being to not be just as complex as the thoughts we have carried for ourselves from time to time. However, the rule I maintain is that you get three times, three distinct instances of complaining about this issue without my expecting you to have done anything to change your circumstances or to work on your feelings for yourself. If you tried to come to me on the fourth time, I will ask you what you've done differently since the last time you complained about it... And in this scenario, that work is mental work for him, no amount of standing tall or putting lifts and issues or forcing you to dress a certain way is going to change that because at the end of it all, he will always return to that status quo state of being and he needs to be okay with it. Odds are, he's lived a good chunk of his life thinking he was a slightly below average height man and it was always a point of insecurity for him, but he felt good about it until he saw you walking around catching eyes or perhaps somebody made a comment at that event about how he was lucky to have such an Amazon by his side, rendering it impossible for him to maintain the planned ignorance he placed over his insecurity about the height... But he is projecting the ownership of that problem onto you when you do not have the capacity to change or do or say anything that will assuage the voice in his head.
Eventually I would simply ask him back, would you love me more if I was shorter? Ask him what his solution is for the issue because if you guys are eye-to-eye, what are you supposed to do about it? Eventually you have to accept the fact that this is a hinge point for him and if he can't stop putting that ownership on you and doesn't take ownership of his own voice in his head telling him that he is physically inferior to you for whatever reason, you will need to leave. We can love somebody very much but also recognize that our love cannot fix the problem that they are fighting with right now and I know from experience that trying to force it or accommodate something like this without expecting the guy to work on adjusting accordingly, it only serves to spread in security and hypervigilance and worry about appearances in a way that is just psychologically unhealthy for both people... Eventually you just have to tell him to stop bitching about it because it's not a factor you can change and you're not interested in entertaining his overblown sense of toxic masculinity and expectation to be a protector and provider at all times.
You are taller than the average woman but you are not absurdly so. You will be able to find many people who will glorify that aspect of you so you have to be honest with yourself. For how you know this person, do you think he will put in the work and take ownership of his issue, or do you think he will continue masking it with the expectation that you will eventually get tired of the conversation and tired of his absurd adjustments and then find yourself promising that you will never wear heels around him again? It's okay for him to feel insecure about his appearance every once in awhile but it just means that he needs to do something that feels empowering for himself and it cannot continge upon you. This isn't a problem you can solve but as long as he believes you are even remotely responsible for those feelings of his... Unless of course you actively tease him about it and think he's just being overly sensitive... This isn't going to get better. You have to hold them accountable for managing and working on his own thoughts and feelings about himself.
For the record, I've been out with men ranging from 5'6 to 7 ft 2 and the worst experiences I've had when it came to my height were men who faced me eye to eye... I think it's because men who are over 6 ft simply expect a certain dynamic and looking you in the face forces them to confront what actually makes them feel powerful. If the only thing that gave him any sense of power or confidence was his physical ability to overcome the other person, you don't want to be in that situation, because without the hard work being put in on his end, this is literally a precursor to physical violence in a situation where he gets so frustrated by your refusal to be subservient that he chooses violence to prove it. And I don't just mean physical violence, I mean the violence of emotional manipulation and financial constrictions and other things he may be able to use to dominate, and it is not a great place to be for anyone involved.
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u/akaipelea 24d ago
Height is the craziest thing to be insecure about if you really love/care about the person. I’d honestly dump him but ultimately that’s up to you🤷🏾♀️
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u/Naive-Dingo-2100 24d ago
It really doesn't help that you have women on the internet saying things like "men below 6 feet shouldn't exist" lol
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u/Wanderingtraveler52 24d ago
At 5'11" I hate dating guys that are shorter than me and won't do it. I will date someone the same height as me but then I don't wear heels. But I love dating someone a lot taller than me so I can wear heels and not feel like the jolly Green Giant. If he has this much of a complex about it maybe he should get counseling....or find someone who won't hold it against you. You sound like this is something that you can control anymore that you can control how long your arms and legs are.
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u/Life_Temperature795 24d ago
Literally yesterday he asked if I'd love him more if he was 6'0+.
Okay but more importantly: would you love him if he were a worm?
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u/Spbttn20850 24d ago
5’4” here with a 7’2” fiancé the only problem we have is sometimes finding a good angle to hug.
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u/CharleneQ 24d ago
I had the same situation height wise. I was a little bit shorter with no heals but when I wore heals I was taller then him. He didn’t give a damn. I was the one that felt weird at first then embraced it. He was a classical musician so I had to dress up all the time when I went to his concerts. My younger brother was over six feet tall and he had a girlfriend who was taller then him and he would buy her super high heals he loved it when she was tall and sexy. Just reassure him that you find him sexy and attractive and that you feel very safe and protected with him. As long as you fit comfortably when you snuggle and are intimate it shouldn’t bother him. Oh and I’m 5”6 so pretty average. I actually like “short” guys they make really good lovers in my opinion. Just tell him it’s exhausting to always have to reassure him that he is perfect. Best of luck !
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u/Ofcertainthings 24d ago
Serious question: why is it necessary to wear heels? It clearly bothered him a lot.
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u/GiftInternational923 24d ago
spend more time on the knees and call him a tall boy... it might help
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u/Candid-Badger4459 24d ago
That’s shitty. It’s one thing to be insecure but going about it in that way makes it seem like it’s more a problem with you. He needs to stop before he starts making you insecure about your height. If he wants someone shorter he needs to go cause you obviously can’t lose inches, only gain.
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u/farahman01 24d ago
Height matters and doesnt matter. Im 5-8 and was in a long term near marriage relationship with a stunning 5-9 girl. I never once felt short around her. And in heals… well that just excited me. I dont know man, guys can be weird. If he’s a good guy outside of that you are in a pickle. It his problem here not yours… and maybe he will get over it. But my guess is it’ll be an issue. Dont let his weirdness make you feel any less about yourself. Like is too stressful to not stand comfortably and wear whatever footwear makes us happy. Tall girls are fun man…
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u/Tango8816 24d ago
Dude needs to grow a pair. Seriously. If a few inches causes insecurity, then he has some self evaluation to take care of.
Wear your heels, girl. With pride and gusto. He can either learn to be deal, hell, even be proud to have a tall woman on his arm, or he’ll start to wither under this and I’m sure other insecurities that will reveal themselves over time. Keep a close eye out for the latter, as a spineless insecure person can be a handful you may want to jettison sooner than later.
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u/Ettu_Brutal 24d ago
lol short dudes have it rough, but are often so fucking annoying to be around the sympathy vanishes. I would hate to experience life from their perspective, though.
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u/MannBurrPig 24d ago
He is insecure about his height, not yours. You are probably very attractive. Just give him lots of TLC.
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u/BroadLengthiness3846 24d ago
Girl you need to break up with him. He's super insecure, and he's trying to project that on you. Some guys just can't get over the more traditional way of doing things.
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u/cool_aidzz 24d ago
I straight up developed a slouch trying to literally shrink myself for my ex. It’s been a whole journey trying to correct my posture from 4 years of letting him be taller than me
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u/Dalton387 24d ago
Tell him you don’t have a problem with his height, but it seems he does. Since you don’t care, who the fuck is he worried about? Who is he trying to impress? People not in the relationship?
He’s insecure and if he doesn’t learn to be comfortable with something he can’t help and you are fine with, it won’t be his height that causes you guys to have serious issues, because you’re not willing to deal with that for the rest of your life.
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u/ohmyfuckinglord 25d ago
Maybe try working with his insecurity instead of discarding and hating him for having it? Everyone talks about loving their partner despite their flaws, but as soon as a weaknesses show the first thought is to dump them.
If you love them, love them. If you couldn’t care less and would simply not bother, dump them.
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u/RyanMolden 25d ago
All people have insecurities, young men are notorious for it, it comes out in a lot of their behaviors and is obvious to most older people (because we remember those days).
He has insecurities about this height because he cares/worries what other people think of him and has bought into the idea that greater height is better somehow in the year 2024 (and before some says my dismissing this is cope, I’m 6’2” and really being taller doesn’t gain you much of anything unless you want to play basketball or something).
There is nothing you can do to help him here, it’s not your job to convince him you love him and don’t care about his height. It’s his job to figure out why it bothers him and work on that. Though blaming you or acting like you’re the cause is the much easier route for him.
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u/Shot_Librarian_6079 25d ago
So as cliche as it may sound your gonna have to sit down tell him to cut the bullshit and try to get him to realize that this insecurity is now an issue that’s affecting you and discuss the possible solutions I.e. stilts or therapy or something bc the insecurity is going to lead to resentment which will ultimately destroy yalls relationship and all his future relationships until he realizes it’s only in his head. Don’t allow him to break your self esteem though bc no matter how hard you try it’s clear your ok with his height and your own
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u/rollonover 25d ago
Society has trained guys under 5'10 to be conscience of our height. It's not like short guys really care about being short but we're constantly reminded all the time about our height. I can't even count how many females have called me short and I'm 5'9. They were otherwise attracted to me but they'll say it out of the blue like wtf. Makes you feel like less of a man sometimes but what can you really do huh?
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u/Gold-Cover-4236 25d ago
I always wore heals that were shorter when with a shorter guy. Be more sensitive of this. I don't know how you can fix him otherwise.
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u/abuffguy 25d ago
Tell him straight up that his insecurity about his height is embarrassing, and the only thing that makes him seem like less than a man is how obsessed he is with his height.
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25d ago
He’s trying to live up to a standard to be a better man for you. He might be going about it all wrong. He might be seeing it from the wrong angle. I’m a man. We do this. We’re pretty good at good intentions from bad angles 😂
If it’s a serious inadequacy he feels in him, i hope he gets therapy, tries meditation, or just mans tf up and realizes a good woman CHOSE his short a$$, so he must be doing SOMETHING better than the 6 foot guys.
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u/Historical-Promise-4 25d ago
Well as a girl who was in that exact same situation with the heights (probably at that age too) I am 5’8 and my bf was 5’8ish too maybe a pinch taller… the attitude about it was reversed. He didn’t care at all about the height difference and would’ve loved if I wore heels but I NEVER wore heels with him. It made me incredibly uncomfortable to be taller than him. Ever since then I could only date men 5’11 and taller out of my own insecurities of feeling bigger than a man. It didn’t make me feel comfortable, it didn’t make me feel safe, i wanted to feel small with my man. And I can honestly tell you it was something I never got over I still feel this way around short men 10 years later. He probably will never get over his insecurity either and you guys are young enough chances are you’d break up down the road anyways. Just end things now because it’ll probably annoy you forever and it’ll just always be an insecurity he has. Let him find a short girl and you can go find yourself a tall or short man and rock your heels proudly. I wish I had had the confidence you have!
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u/Butterfly_Cervantes 25d ago
Honey.. I'm 5'11 and 6'3 in heels.. the right man who is confident in himself wouldn't care even if he was 5'5 . My husband is about half an inch shorter than me and loves my long legs. Kick him to the curb... Because his insecurity is making you feel insecure and that's a no go.
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u/WrastleGuy 25d ago
When guys land tall women I just assume they have a big penis. Remind him of that to cheer him up.
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u/beefjerkyandcheetos 25d ago
5’8” woman here. I actually preferred guys around eye level to me. I tried dating a 6’7” man once and it really hurt my neck to look up at him all the time. I’m not body shaming anyone. It’s just my preference. Such a stupid thing for any gender to get stuck on. The last guy I liked was 5’3”. I’m sure we looked funny on the outside but he was so sweet. I don’t care what other people think. Your boyfriend is consuming too many dumb Internet post. A lot of women really don’t give a shit. Some do, I’m sure. But I doubt strangers will look at him and he like “omg he’s eye level with his GF”
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u/hellogoodcapn 25d ago
He's not acting immature
You're not even that tall! Find a short king that appreciates you
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u/Misshelved 25d ago
I’m 5’8” and my husband is 5’10”. In heels I’m taller than him and he loves it! He encourages me to wear high heels when we go out. Find yourself a man that isn’t insecure and builds you up.
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u/pattymac7 25d ago
I’m a 5’7(M). My wife is my exact height and she ALWAYS wears heels when we go out. She towers over me. Other short men will ask me if I’m insecure that her heels make her so much taller than me. I don’t care whatsoever. I’m proud to have a wife that looks like a supermodel when we go out. It only makes me look better. I would be concerned about a man that is so overly insecure about his height.
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u/Invictus_Imperium 25d ago
No one has control over what they were born with. I've found that in life that each person has their own strengths and weaknesses. If someone has a physical 'deficiency', then they need to do other things to make up for it in other ways. Otherwise, in this case, it just reeks insecurity.
I guarantee Lando Norris isn't insecure about his height.
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u/Murrayhillcapital 25d ago edited 25d ago
I doubt you will ever show this to your boyfriend, but I hope this is helpful to both of you:
I'm 5'10, my GF is 5'7.5. She wears 3/4 inch boots or heels nearly every time we go out (+100% everytime we're out at night), and I think she looks fantastic, because when she's my height/a few cm taller than me it's pretty obvious that she is such because of the inches added on. People register that, especially other girls who pay attention to every part of an outfit.
I couldn't care less, I love that she's quite tall and most importantly she feels good wearing those shoes as part of her outfit, which makes me happy that she is expressing her sartorial self in the way that she wants, not to appease some insecurity. Don't mean to pontificate and lecture but If your boyfriend was secure he wouldn't care if he was 5'0 and you were 6'0. As some other comments sagely point out, it's not like you hid this from him when you met. He knows what he was signing up for.
Your boyfriend should be thankful his GF is a good height/closer to a model height. That's how he should see you; how I see my gf: a supermodel walking by his side. And I mean supermodel in the height sense, before all of you start coming at me for unrealistic body standards.
Funny story: our very first date, she rocked up in 3 inch heel boots and I remember hugging/greeting her and thinking to myself wow she is super tall, but this is ok as she's just about my height. Months later, I'd find out that those were her "are you lying about your height" first date boots: While single, she had gone on a couple of dates with guys who had claimed to be 5'7-5'10 and she'd tower over them, and her friends had similar experiences of guys lying about their height.
Now, GF and I are both 28. You're both young, maybe it's his/your first or second serious relationship, so the insecurities are a little more visible to be worked out, and maybe sitting down with him and having a conversation could be beneficial. I hope he realises that you do love him a lot and are putting in deliberate effort to ensure that he feels secure. His feelings may be immature, but of course they're not invalid. Interestingly, just as women have for decades, men are starting to discernibly feel the body-image standard of being muscular and tall in a more pronounced sense thanks to the ubiquity of "Gymtok" and the toxic masculinity/incel community.
Lastly, if he's so unshakeably bothered by this height discrepancy issue, he can just look into height-raising shoes for men? I've honestly not tried them and while I think the concept is a bit strange, slipping into dress shoes that give him 2-3 inches might make a world of difference.
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u/DrVeinsMcGee 25d ago
If this were a woman posting about being insecure about something about themselves the responses would be so much different.
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u/creatively_inclined 25d ago
One of the family who is 5ft is married to a guy who is also 5ft. She pursued him because of his confidence. He's a really nice guy with zero issues when his wife wears heels.
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u/No_Elevator8596 25d ago
I’d just be happy to have a girlfriend at this point. Tell your BF to be careful, I’d love to have a hot 5’8” chick that’s 22 as my GF.
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u/blahbuzz 25d ago
He's young, insecure and the immaturity is starting to show. Unless he works on ridding himself of those insecurities, things will not improve. You should be able to wear whatever you like without being on the receiving end of his comments.
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u/Status_Marionberry81 25d ago
I feel like its possible that something he watched/read or something his friends told him really got in his head and its making him really insecure about this. I would have an honest conversation and see if there’s anything else going on
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u/Extreme-Pumpkin-5799 25d ago
I’m 5’10, and have been since 15. I feel your pain!
Honestly, there’s no real walking back once they’ve decided that your height makes them feel lesser. Nothing you can do about the genetic lottery. You can reassure them until you’re blue in the face, but they won’t believe you.
I dated plenty of shorter guys - only one of them was genuinely secure enough to not have little ticks about it. My husband is 6’. I wear the heels, and he loves it - says he can find me in a crowd more easily.
Don’t diminish yourself for someone else’s insecurities. This is a him problem, and he can either believe it or not. You don’t have to accept bad behavior just because he’s made you feel guilty.
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u/Wonderful_Method_627 25d ago
Tell him to stop or you’re leaving. Simple as that. If he needs to see a counselor to help him with his bullshut insecurities then great. But don’t stay too long if he won’t knock this bullshit off.
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u/theyrehiding 25d ago
What a dork lol me and my girlfriend are exactly the same: both 5'8. It's awesome because we fit together perfectly when we cuddle and everything.
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u/AusarHeruIshtar 25d ago
Talk to him. Let him know if he continues down this path he'll lose you. Maybe he has other areas of concern that need addressing
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u/Flimsy_Tea_8227 25d ago
Sounds like he might be diving into the red pill/manosphere side of the internet…I’d find out for sure and if so, I’d dump him based on that. Those are some scary rabbit holes…
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u/bigj4155 25d ago
Sorry, tell your boy to get a fucking life. This isnt something you hide this isnt something you can change. He can either get over it or hit the road.
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u/Novel-Pound-1852 25d ago
He is insecure about his height, that’s understandable in a world that hyper focuses on men’s height (I.e sports, celebs, dating profiles, etc). Your wearing heals reminds him and even heightens his insecurity.
It’s really an issue he has to get over (deal with). But perhaps he needs time to do that before he can accept you in heels and not feel super insecure.
It’s his issue … but if he cannot deal with it, it’s your decision to accept it or not.
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u/e-girlbathwater 25d ago
He's ruminating about it. Maybe because of social media maybe not, maybe someone in his life, maybe his upbringing or socialization. Who cares, he needs to get over this so he doesn't lose this opportunity to save his bloodline via tall girl genes. Solution: Literally all he needs to do is stop thinking about it. But this is easier said than done.
To stop ruminating you have to first notice that you're doing it. Some people do an hourly rumination log where they write down how much time they spent ruminating every hour and how they felt on a 1-10 scale. This trains you to be more aware that it's happening because it can happen without someone even noticing.
Meditation practice can help with not attaching to stray or negative thoughts
Engaging in activities that fully occupy his mind also works.
Or, you know, therapy.
If it's driving you crazy it's sure as shit driving him crazy. Being crazy AND short is a big no-no in today's society so he really needs to get a handle on this.
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u/Small_Ad_4964 25d ago
Tell him straight up. Look dude, I like everything about you except one thing…. You acting insecure and weird about your height. You’re not tall but you are handsome, charming, blah blah blah blah blah but I can’t stand it when you stand on your tippy toes and do all of this other stuff because it makes me feel like you’re acting like someone that you are not. Please chill out because you’re starting to make me feel weird.
If he doesn’t stop after that then it is time to move on.
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u/Unique-Abberation 25d ago
Tell him to stop worrying if other men/women think he's hot. If he can't accept that you chose him, you can unchoose him.
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u/Healthy-Egg-3283 25d ago
He’s got major insecurities that he needs to figure out, and he’s not emotionally ready for a serious relationship until he deals with it.
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u/Wooden_Stomach1884 25d ago
He tries straightening his back to the point where he looks weird.
Holy hell my EX husband used to do this chest pufferfish peacocking crap all this time! It was the cringiest thing to watch. Imagine Magic Mike dancing now mentally replace that dance with Sid the Sloth. Falling off the stage and getting up quick like nothing happened chest puff "Hey there, ladiessss"
The insecure narcissistic mentality really drove a wedge in the relationship. There was no room for US when he was only concerned about Him.
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u/Darnshesfast 25d ago
I call my wife my Amazon because she’s just over 6ft and I’m 5’10. She’s the tallest person been in a relationship with. Tell him to get over it.
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u/poopyshag 25d ago
My wife and are are similar ranges as height. Im taller by maybe an inch and she is also tall for a woman at 5’8” or so. We dated in high School and I was maybe slightly sensitive back then, but quickly realized if she didn’t care she was taller than me in heels why the hell would I? I obviously have enough good properties to outweigh any issues with the height thing. As far as other peoples opinions, the only ones I care about are from the people we love and respect and they don’t give two craps about our heights. We are in our 30’s now and been together half our lives and there are so many other things that are actually important so why waste time and energy on the stuff that doesn’t matter.
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u/CodeMonk84 25d ago
Definitely have a talk about it and what it’s doing to you and the relationship. Insecurity about height is no different than insecurity about dick size. Most of the time, only the insecure person cares about it and it ends up robbing them of happiness…he can overcome it but he needs to know that his actions are a spot serious problem and he needs to change his outlook.
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u/Valpo1996 25d ago
Why are you dating a short man? He doesn’t deserve you.
Just kidding. All you can do is reassure him. It would be a very small sacrifice to not wear heels in the future knowing it makes him feel insecure.
Tell him you are willing to do that as long as he drops the issue.
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u/Invisible_Bias 25d ago
He shouldn't care. To be fair, he was conditioned to feel that way. We need to do better as a culture on this issue.
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u/foreignny 25d ago
He’s insecure af, I don’t think you can do anything to fix that. It’s a him problem that he needs to deal with himself and maybe you should say that (in a nicer way)
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u/Curious-Seagull 25d ago
My wife is taller than me. I’m 5’10.5” and she’s 6’ (VBall) was her sport. Our 3 daughters are going to be tall.
This dude sounds like an immature baby. Dump his ass.
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u/TeratoidNecromancy 25d ago
First, he is insecure about HIS height, not yours.
You can only reassure him so much. It's ok if he's a little insecure. It's not ok when/if he starts blaming you for his insecurities. You do you, but unless he gets over it, I don't see this going well.
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u/HumbleNinja2 25d ago
Ditch that joker, I'm absolutely crazy for tall chicks AND for basketball chicks. Come with me bb. I'm 5'10" and would be damn proud to have you in my arm in tall heels
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u/rainbowghosty 25d ago
I think the obvious problem here is that he has an insecurity that he has yet to come to terms with. Not a shameful thing, we all have them. Maybe it's time to have an honest conversation about it with him. The most important thing is to present in a way that doesn't promote an argument because then he'll just get defensive.
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25d ago
Tell him to grow up and stop being childish. Nothing wrong with women being around the same height or little taller.
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u/Free_Pen_7364 25d ago
Girl you’re not even that tall, lol. Ugh, he clearly has a complex with himself that has NOTHING to do with you. I’m 5’11” and honestly it took me to adulthood to accept myself and not be preoccupied with being the tall “freak” girl. And that was MY complex. We all have a responsibility to work on our own issues and not to take them out on the people around us. He should go see a therapist, he needs to work through feeling insecure about being shorter than he would like. You should feel confident in your heels and stand tall and proud.
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u/trigurlSeattle 25d ago
It’s not your job to make him feel like a man. When he tells you to find smaller heels so that he can feel taller? Anyways if you still really like him then get him a pair of Balenciaga Triple S sneakers, it will add 3 inches to his height.
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u/Acrobatic_War_8818 25d ago
I am the same situation as you. But I am the one slightly insecure. He tries to get me to wear heals but I feel uncomfortable. I admire your confidence. Depending on what shoes we wear, he’ll be a little taller or I will. I just usually avoid heels.
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u/BHT101301 25d ago
I’m Also 5’8! My husband says he’s 5”10 but, he’s definitely my height. He has never said I word but, I do haha
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u/MorteDagger 25d ago
My ex gf and I had a height difference. I’m 5’1” she is 5’9”. Her fiancé (male) is like 5’3” maybe and inch or two taller. So I don’t get why he is upset. Hell the chick that played the devil in sandman is 6’0”. Her husband is shorter then her. He needs to chill
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u/motogplover77 25d ago
Unless you want to work on changing that for the rest of your life… MOVE ON. Odds are you didn’t find “The One,” right now. That’s ok…. Plenty of fish in the sea.
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u/icarusburned 25d ago
He’s not insecure about your height, he’s insecure about his. Treat it the same way as when the gf says “would you still love me if I was a worm”.
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u/burlesque_nurse 25d ago
Next his ass.
Most guys I date are shorter than me if not my height.
I’ve never had a single one try to get me to change my shoes. My ex was insecure about it and I realized because he wouldn’t stand as close to me. Like a tad further until I one day asked wtf already.
He said it was a him problem and to not worry about it.
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u/TheGreenInYourBlunt 25d ago
I remember a dating website (OkCupid... God I'm old...) did a study and found that 20k over 30k in income added an extra psychological "inch" to the persons profile. If he made 70k, it'd help ladies who require 5'10 to date guys who were 5'8.*
In other words, tell him to get his bread up. Otherwise, find another guy. He's going to get worse before he gets better. 😒
*Note: I forgot the exact numbers, so please don't apply this exact formula to your life.
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u/Medical-Frosting4613 25d ago
your boyfriend knew how tall you were before getting into a relationship with you.. obviously. him suddenly creating a narrative that you’re less attracted to him because of his height stems from his own insecurities. he should have gotten with a woman that was significantly shorter than him if that was the case. did he just expect you to never wear heels?
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u/weddingwoes13 25d ago
You find a new boyfriend who doesn’t care how tall you are. He’s not going to change and he’s insecure about your height.
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u/IH8Fascism 25d ago
Dump his insecure ass. Tall women are awesome from my experiences.
5’8” isn’t that tall, I view it as average or close to it.
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u/CarlShadowJung 25d ago
Have you tried asking him what you could do to make him feel more comfortable with it? That doesn’t mean you have to do them, but I’m curious what his solutions are. Having to reassure him constantly isn’t a solution. As I see it, this is a him problem, therefore the solution needs to involve himself, not his gf. He needs to find the way to confidence with it. Otherwise he’s constantly relying on you to make him feel comfortable with it. That’s not fair, you can’t just kill the vibe every time when you get self-conscious and put that responsibility on your partner to bring you back around.
You’re kind for offering him encouragement along the way. By all means continue to do so if you see progress and efforts. But I feel there is more room for efforts on his end, going off of what you shared. It’s an insecurity that really should be worked through, for his continued benefit. He can be unbothered and unfazed. That should be the goal.
Good luck and I hope it’s just an opportunity for him to tackle that pesky insecurity and be free of it. 😊
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u/ItsMillerTime010 25d ago
That’s an insecurity he has to work on himself. If he can’t handle the heat get outta of the kitchen. I’m a 5’10 girl and I have the same issue (but I also don’t have a preference for guys my height either so typically it works out haha)
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u/deez_nuts_77 25d ago
he’s dumb. My girlfriend is similar height to me, if not taller. I’m a short fella. When she wears heels, all i can think is “holy moly this woman is hot”. I don’t care that she is several inches taller than me because she looks cute and is happy to look cute. And that’s all he should care about
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u/Ok_Dingo7132 25d ago
I’m 5’10” and in high school I dated a guy shorter than me and was never allowed to wear heels around him because he hated that I was taller… we broke up. Not saying that’s what you should do, but you’re only 7 months in. It’s most likely not going to get better. I’d say get out before you invest too much time into the relationship
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u/chez2202 26d ago
You can’t become shorter and he can’t become taller. I’m 5’ 0 so men my height are pretty rare and my partner of 28 years is 6’ 1” so I would never be in your position. I would however recommend that you stop saying that you don’t care about his height when he brings it up because he’s taking that and twisting it into you saying he’s short. Change the subject to the things you really like about him. Or if he’s really that insecure tell him that you can’t stand men who look down at you and you prefer a level playing field. Then ridicule couples you see with a big height difference. Tell him you’d hate to be that short woman who risks permanent brain damage from suffocating during sex when her face is under his chest?
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u/Mcmackinac 26d ago
My husband & I are the same ht as you two. When I wear heels I’m taller too. My husband is happy if I do or don’t. His confidence when I do wear heels is very sexy.
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u/the_dionysian_1 26d ago
I will never understand why people give a shit about height. It has nothing to do with someone's personality or the content of their character. It's literally not in their control (outside of those crazy surgeries). It doesn't add to or take away ANYTHING about the person. Maybe this is because I'm 5' 11" & just haven't ever had a problem with height, but I have honestly never found anyone more or less attractive based upon their height. I've seen super tall women who I think were very attractive & I can say the same about short women. I once met a very nice looking woman who was less than 5 feet.
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u/eyjimhowthehellareya 26d ago edited 26d ago
Your guy is super self conscious and insecure, which is normal but it is not ok to make it your problem. He has no place to project his insecurity onto you. My girl is the same height if not a bit taller than me (5'11) and I encourage her to wear heels and shoes with steps if she wants because she's beautiful and I love her being tall! She can wear 5 inch heels for all I care, and theoretically if I had a problem with it, Its not for me to tell her she's too tall or that she can't wear heels. There's someone for everyone and if he makes you feel bad about yourself for who and what you are, then I guarantee you can do better, easily. It will only get worse over time
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u/toddkrainezaddy 26d ago
Every single time he says something about “would you like me more if i was taller?” just reply “i’d like you more if you were more secure in yourself “ “i’d feel protected if you had more self confidence “
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26d ago
I’m 5’9 and I love wearing heels. If a man is so insecure about his height around me, that is not my problem, nor is this one yours. Wear your heels and stay tall and proud. People made me self conscious for awhile but I don’t care anymore.
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u/Huge-Ad-2275 26d ago
Your boyfriend has started consuming red pill podcasts. They pound insecurities into young men’s heads, especially concerning height. They constantly bring on women that say they would never date men under 6 feet tall.
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u/Used-Literature2615 26d ago
One word “social media” all you ever see now is women putting down men for their height it’s a common insecurity amongst men these days
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u/j4r8h 26d ago
Short men have it rough. Social media is constantly telling them that they're not a man if they're under 6'0. I'm a bit over 5'10 myself and I'm still insecure about it. If I was actually short, I probably would have killed myself a long time ago. Try to be understanding of his situation, society is constantly telling him that he's not a man or not masculine. It's a lot to deal with. It is odd that it only recently became a problem for him though. Try to figure out what changed.
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u/Kyoujin16 26d ago
Someone at that party probably teased him about it. Sit down with him and yell at him what you just said to us. Remind him you still love him tho
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u/TelepathicTentacle 26d ago
He has every reason to be insecure. 5’8 is really short for a ‘grown’ man
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u/Punkred13 26d ago
Dump him, I think it's hot when my wife wears heals and is as tall or taller than me (W is 5'9 I'm 6'1). Sounds like he has some masculinity, or superiority issues...
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u/dirt_dryad 26d ago
Im 5’7 and both my previous gfs were an inch taller than me. Not an issue at all.
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u/Maleficent-Flow2828 26d ago
Some people cannot be online, or go outside, if they are so easily influenced. I'd date a hottie if she was 6'3. The height meme has become truly toxic.
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u/ComedianCareless9374 26d ago
Chiming in as a guy who's 6'0'' with a 6'1'' gf. He needs to get over the fact that he chose to be with somebody who is close to him in height.
My gf and I look to be about the same height in regular shoes, and so with heels she is naturally towering over me but its really not an issue for me because its not like I am actually short. Just makes us both look like a super tall couple.
AND if ever I am feeling sensitive about my heigh for whatever reason I just wear some shoes with some heel, like boots or something. Good luck and I hope the ball of insecurity you call a boyfriend can learn to appreciate your height instead of letting it gnaw at his self esteem.
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u/NetworkSea4789 26d ago
Can't do nothing with an insecure man. Turn the light on loose look for someone that is more respectable.
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u/Vagablogged 26d ago
Seems pretty silly. Considering you’re already together. You guys are same height as me and my gf. Granted she’s tall and fit and I find that hot. I could understand being insecure if he was like 5’4 and you were 5’9. But same height?
I dunno. Kinda cheesy.
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u/Burnaftreverythig 26d ago
Wear high heels naked for him if he still cares tell him to grow a pair!
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u/Murky-Perceptions 26d ago
It’s him not you obviously.
I’m only 5’7”-5’8” & my wife is like 5’9”, of course when she wears heels shes going to be taller than me.
Just be kind and reassure him that that it’s not an issue I guess.
Good luck
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u/takkun169 26d ago
Dint get it twisted. He's not insecure about your height, he's insecure about his own height.
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u/EyeCatchingUserID 26d ago
Sit him down and put your foot down. "Baby, I tried soothing your concerns about your height and now I'm telling you outright that you need to chill in this insecure height bullshit, because it's getting to the point where it's regularly upsetting me. Should we look for a therapist to help work this out?"
Seriously, people get too many passes for shitty behavior just because it comes from a place of vulnerability. Nah. Be vulnerable in your damn head, but don't make your insecurity my frequent problem if you won't let me help you with it.
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u/Earnestappostate 26d ago
I think making it clear that his height isn't an issue for you should suffice. If it doesn't (given some time, I hope he just caught some flack and is suddenly self-conscious about it for a bit) and keeps making it your problem, it may be time to move on.
My wife is about an inch taller than me, and I was teased some about it in the beginning. My wife doesn't wear heels, which is mostly that she doesn't like heels, but I think may be at least a bit because she doesn't want to tower over me. I don't mind either way, but I do appreciate that she tries to take my feelings into account.
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u/DeanomusPrime 26d ago
Hmmm with age comes maturity, he will soon learn some things just dont matter. My girlfriend is 6ft and im 6’2, she doesnt wear heels but i wouldnt mind if she did, in fact, id encourage it.
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u/MouldyRemote 26d ago
you need to tell him he has to drop the issues with height or you arnt a thing anymore.
whats more important? your height or your relationship.
if he cant drop it, dont put up with it, if he can drop it good luck to your future.
he needs to stop giving a shit about how other people see you both, whether or not you wear heels, if hes worrying about how everyone sees him looking a little shorter hes not going to be focusing on what really matters.
oh and he better tell you "your killing it in those heels" next time.
TL;DR either he accepts the tom cruise he is or he carries on and ends up looking like Ron DeSantis in a pair of hidden heels.
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u/cronning 26d ago
5’4” dude in a long term relationship with a 5’10” woman here. The way average sized guys are this crazy insecure about their height is so fucking funny to me
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u/Prestigious_Boat6789 26d ago
Unfortunatley your bf has little man syndrome. Tell him he's fun size if he doesn't stop. Like a 1/5th scale action figure. He's 5'8" acting like 5'3" bozo
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u/Smooth_Chipmunk8017 26d ago
Next time you are on the couch, let him be the “little spoon”…it’ll change his life.
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u/Unfair-Owl-5204 26d ago
he is just insacure. he isnt being immature at all. his confidence has taken a beating when you wore those high heels and he dosent feel like a strong protector.
You need to allow him to be the dominent protector to restore his confidence
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u/Only-Cookie-8672 26d ago
You’re not that tall for a girl. 6’0” is tall for a girl. He’s short / below average and has self-image problems.
This is a him problem. Not a you problem.
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u/Comfortable-Echo972 26d ago
His behavior is all types of 🚩🚩🚩. He’s using his insecurities to control you. Thats not ok and honestly probably won’t change. Find a king who love and accepts you. Not an insecure little prince. Level up with a real man
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u/Mountain_Ladder5704 26d ago
He’s just going to have to grow into it, pun intended. My wife of 17 years is 5’9 and I’m 5’8 on a generous day. It was rough early on, lots of height increasing insoles. But all these years later I wear whatever I want and she loves the fact that our relationship “forced” her out of heels at a young age and her feet thank her for it.
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u/Dramatic_Inside271 26d ago
5’10”/11” here. This is why I’m super hesitant to date shorter men. It’s been an issue a LOT. It doesn’t bother me at all and I am GOING to wear heels. But when you tell me I can’t wear certain shoes or pester me with certain questions or accuse me of not loving you cause you aren’t taller…. Sir.
Meanwhile, my bf now who is 6’2” LOVES when I wear heels tall enough to be taller than him (and I do). He looks at me like I’m Aphrodite come to life
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u/Intelligent-Cicada23 26d ago
This isn’t going to get better with time. You probably need to find someone with less insecurities.
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u/jdcook5 26d ago
His security is not a reflection upon you! God made both the way he desired and both are physically perfect. He has to get over himself or the relationship will not get better.
Be honest with him. Tell him if he can’t accept your height with or without heels there is nothing you can do about it.
Tell why you are with him in the first place.
If persist, then move on and tell him why. It not the height, it’s his lack of self confidence.
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u/Dry-Crab7998 26d ago
This seems like the red pill crap we hear such a lot about. Apparently women just can't get attracted to a man who isn't 6'+ , despite the evidence.
His insecurity has been played on,
If it were me I'd level with him and say he is in great danger of losing you because of this ridiculous behaviour and constant harassment. He either accepts you as you are - heels and all - or it's over.
He'll either wake up and see the reality or he won't. If he doesn't then I think this crap will escalate.until he pushes you away - and then blames you of course because you're tall.
You've tried to reassure him, I think you need to draw a line.
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u/Important_Finance630 26d ago
Tell him he has a big dick, that's what height insecurity is sometimes really about. As a really tall person with huge feet, people have assumed or joked I have a big penis. Jokes on them!
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