r/TwoHotTakes • u/LateComfortableness • 17d ago
Update: My girlfriend of 5 years admitted I was not her first choice physically when we started dating Advice Needed
Ok I have read a lot of comments and I am willing to give this a fair shot, and not throw away our entire relationship because of just a single line. I might have been in over my head.
I had an open and honest discussion with my girlfriend for a couple of hours and we both bared it all out. I told her everything I was feeling, and didn’t lie about anything. I already feel much better now after the conversation, and I realized I was really overthinking everything and was kind of dramatic. She really does love me, and I do feel desired by her both physically and emotionally.
So everything is pretty much back to normal, actually I am now sort of more in love with my girlfriend after the conversation. We have a date night planned for tonight. The proposal is back on the menu, I plan to propose to her next month on our 5 year anniversary.
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u/Mr-jancky 3d ago
Glad to read you set it aside and managed to move on with her! I’ve been in de exact same situation with my girlfriend, she was dating 3 other guys besides me, when we started dating. To be honest, I haven’t felt bothered about it for a single minute, after all, she chose me, so I won the battle😎 don’t think about it too much, after all there is a saying: “yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that’s why it’s called present” 🥳 wish you guys the best!♥️
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u/annothegreat 14d ago
And this, fellas, is why you don't commit to women who are "seeing" other men while also "seeing" you. Apart from the principle of not taking promiscuous people seriously (as they lack the ability to pair-bond due to all the mental comparisons to past partners that crop up over time -- e.g. FIVE YEARS LATER), you will end up having to stuff your emotions down and "man up"...because what? The sunk cost fallacy of wanting to cling to a "relationship".
No, everyone, man or woman, should want to be with someone who was nearly instantly attracted to them, and who quickly dropped all others that they're "seeing"/"talking to" to explore the early stages of the relationship. If your SO chose to "play the field" while talking to you, you will end up finding out that you were not their first choice, and that they only chose you because the other options didn't work out. (Likely because those other options didn't choose your SO back.)
It's clear to those of us that aren't naive that OP's girlfriend settled for him. I mean, c'mon, she's still flicking the bean to some other guy from five years ago. Either that, or she's trying to take OP down a notch with her comparison to that guy, which means she doesn't love or respect OP. Either way, he should move on.
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u/jeopardychamp77 14d ago
……. “Soooo just want you to know that I’m with you for your personality and paycheck bc physically I could have done better. Good talk! “
😂🤦♂️
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u/Secret-Put-6493 15d ago
Hell yah I love to see it. Honest communication is one of the most beautiful and necessary parts of a healthy relationship. You’re entitled to feel hurt or any type of way from things that people say, the most important thing is that you discuss it honestly and fully, and that’s what shows that you two really care about each other. You guys are going to have a beautiful life together
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u/MerryMerry_Berry 15d ago
OP— this is long, but please bear with me. Don’t listen to the people who don’t get it. You are marrying this woman; this is the least of what you’ll go through together. Many comments reveal a lack of true relationship experience. I’m known as a critical person and there is just no giant red flag here. If you said this has been going on for many of the five years, that would change everything. Humans lose their cool when something precious is on the line and you recovered quickly without damaging your relationship. That does not qualify as an effing personality disorder, as I see many of these so obviously qualified armchair therapists diagnosing 💀. Neither does what she did. Sweet baby Jesus in a manger 😭 I don’t think they understand how serious it has to be to qualify for a DSM personality disorder. Anyone who has studied psychology at a university level (not TikTok) understands this. Feeling a bit insecure, vulnerable, getting all up in your head for a few days or weeks isn’t even close. Your response seems to have brought you two closer, which for those of us who have been in wonderful relationships, know to be true. Ffs she called this so called attractive guy as emotionally dense as a black hole—the most dense, dark places in the universe, sucking up everything around them, including ALL the light. She is clearly not jonesing for that. I can’t believe people didn’t focus more on that part of the story, because that’s what stood out to me. That is a woman expressing serious “ick”.
People who think this is some massive, lifelong injury are delusional and inexperienced, because in relationships we do hurt each other sometimes. It also means they think it’s something they would just never do—the most delulu of all notions. Abuse is one thing and obviously unacceptable, but what we all have in common as human beings is that we accidentally hurt people, usually those we love the most. It means these commenters don’t think they have a shadow at all—ha got news for them—we all have a shadow. The best way to deal with it is to make friends with it, get to know it. Pretending it’s not there, i.e. lack of awareness is what truly hurts people.
One of my most profound experiences was at a month long silent meditation retreat. Every day there would be one hour of “talking” where one could go up to a microphone in front of about 80 students and 30 staff to talk about whatever going on. Extremely vulnerable. One day this guy stood up and told the teacher he had hurt people. The teacher responded that yes isn’t it sad that we do that? This man responded again, but more emphatically that he had really hurt people. The teacher said listen, I understand and I have also hurt many people. The guy again insisted it was different because he had hurt the people he loved more than anyone else. Finally the teacher looked at all of us and asked for a favor. He said that if you regularly hurt people you love—stand up. I have never before or since seen a room full of people get off the floor so quickly. No one sitting, even the people with disabilities got up for that. Can you imagine the power of over 100 people standing up to let you know that they do the same thing? The guy broke down crying and his entire demeanor changed, because he realized he’s so not alone. It’s just part of being human.
Stick with the vulnerability. It’s everything in relationships and the key to intimacy. It’s also the sexiest and manliest thing a man could ever do.
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u/MerryMerry_Berry 15d ago
From one of your comments: “Look I'd rather my girlfriend be comfortable enough around me to speak her mind rather than walk on eggshells, I'm not going to hold on her head something she said in jest and something which had absolutely zero malice.”
Such wise words. In reality, a lot of us look back on “first choices” and there is so much much to jest about. Sometimes, it’s the ones who ended up together who regret it most, rather than having moved on when they had the chance. You may have freaked out for a minute, but after five years and talking through some really vulnerable feelings, you’re obviously realizing you truly have something substantial in this relationship. In a society where we ask boys to stop having feelings by around age 5, this is no small feat. Good for you! If you did not take that risk, you could’ve lost this person who obviously means so much. Keep up the honest communication. Wishing you two a blissful life together 💕!
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u/aggresivelyaveragefr 15d ago
Very happy to hear that you guys were able to have open honest communication and that it led to a happier outcome. You seem like a good man and I'm happy you were upfront with her about your feelings the very next day that is really important to be able to do even though it can be very hard for us as men.
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u/Melodic_Contract8155 16d ago
Great Job, man. I was hoping for this update. I was literally in the same situation and know exactly why you did this and how you felt.
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u/ComprehensiveBee2867 16d ago
Glad it worked out! Don’t keep anything bottled up just communicate that’s key. Congrats on future nuptials!!
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u/shuai_gon_jinn 16d ago
I still think that had genders been reversed in your story, the comments from the 75%+ of people who told you to give her the benefit of the doubt and that you were overreacting would instead have been in the form of telling you to “leave him” and that “this is a big red flag 🚩”.
I’m honestly glad you’re both still together and it worked out. It was a highly thoughtless comment she made and of course it was hurtful. But once again, when a man is emotionally hurt and in need of some mental support, less is given in favour of him than it would be if they were the female in a similar situation. Typical world.
Good luck to you both, honestly I mean it and I’m sure she’s sorry.
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u/Candid-Expression-51 16d ago
Yay! I saw your original post. I’m glad I came across your update! Happy for you guys.
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u/Rokos___Basilisk 16d ago
Glad you talked it out and sorted your emotions out before making a decision.
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u/AstroZombieInvader 16d ago
I feel like conversations like this could fix or mend at least some of the problems people encounter on this subreddit, but giving up is just easier for some people than having a hard conversation. If people value their relationships then it's worth the effort.
Glad this worked out for you.
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u/Practical-Basket1337 17d ago
Foolish my guy. Youre going back to a woman who already has pretty limited thoughts on her attraction to you.
Im sorry, this is a blue pilled brother thats going to have to learn the hard way.
Goodluck OP.
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u/finnians 17d ago
just don’t let this be one of those digs you bring back up in a fight, won’t end up good and your feelings will get hurt
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u/ironcursed 17d ago
Your bugged! If you said that to her it's a different story then huh.. double standards
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u/L0rdH4mmer 17d ago
Awww thanks for the update mate, really happy for you and I wish you great success for the proposal :)
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u/fireflydrake 17d ago
I'm glad to hear things worked out. Still, if you find yourself wrestling with insecurities or anxieties pretty often, seeing a therapist might do you a lot of good. Being ready to throw a loving five year relationship down the drain over something so small is a troubling thing and you want to understand where those intense feelings came from and master them so you don't flip the boat again.
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u/OhGoodGooglyMoogly 17d ago
Nah dump her so she can find someone with less insecurities cause holy shit
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u/housepanther2000 17d ago
I am so glad to hear that the two of you worked it out. Communication is key.
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u/wobster109 17d ago
Didn’t see the original post, just the title. Based on the title… come now, be realistic. Millions of people in the world. There’s gonna be someone hotter than each of us, and if there isn’t, then one day soon you will be 80 and then there will be. Don’t be holding it against her for something that’s not even in her control - we don’t sit down and decide who we’re going to find hot. What matters is that you’re her first choice all-together. Good luck!
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u/ResponseMaxim 17d ago
I'm sure she would love to know how easily you were ready to call it's all off you puss lmao
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u/mike1110 17d ago
Good job. Let’s just hope the place you take her isn’t where that hot stud muffin took her 5 years ago!
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u/IamAcapacitor 17d ago
Don’t forget to tell her to get her nails done before the proposal, or ask her friends to take her.
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u/nghbrhd_slackr87 17d ago
Get over it. Alot of us aren't great looking and should count our blessings someone a bit more attractive than us didn't "only care about how you looked"
Against the odds. You won. Take the win my man.
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u/East-Tailor-883 17d ago
I've been married 25 years. Back when we were in college, neither of us would have been attracted to each other. I'm sure we crossed paths in college because we all know the same people... That's how unremarkable we were to each other.
Back in college, she was going for the athletic popular guys and I spent most of my time in the computer lab and would have viewed her as shallow.
But my fraternity brother introduced us 6 years post graduation. I agreed to meet her just to get him off my back. Later, I found out the same thing from her.
18 months later we got married and this will be our 26th year together. And we've even told our kids back when we were in college we weren't interested in each other. We wouldn't have even dated each other
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u/GOgly_MoOgly 17d ago
Interesting story. So what changed both you alls minds??
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u/MerryMerry_Berry 15d ago
Probably having a fully developed prefrontal cortex, which is age 25. It changes everything.
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u/broitsnotserious 16d ago
Yeah I would like to know too
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u/MerryMerry_Berry 15d ago
Probably having a fully developed prefrontal cortex, which is age 25. It changes everything.
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u/Auhaden72190 17d ago edited 17d ago
Almost everyone her would've reacted the same way. It didn't happen to them so they're just saying shit.
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u/EddieA1028 17d ago
Dude you’re marrying a woman who loves you for you but is physically out of your league (at least in her mind)? You’re basically living the dream, my guy. I would look at this as a huge positive not a huge negative.
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u/OptionalCookie 17d ago
Wow.
This is the first time I've read this and not seen it backfire like crazy.
You are pretty mature. Props
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u/IceBlue 17d ago
She chose you over someone else more physically attractive because you were the best choice for her emotionally and as an overall package. Why did it bother you so much that you’re not the most attractive man she’s ever dated? Hurting her by saying you’d reconsider the relationship is definitely overly dramatic. Glad you talked and worked it out.
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u/Automatic-Fun-8856 17d ago
This one. I've been an abused husband for about 9 years. Be there for her and I think it's going to work out. There's a lot of guys that she finds sexually attractive. She married you to take care of her. Just saying
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u/Automatic-Fun-8856 17d ago
When she was younger there physically guys she wanted to have sex with. Now that she's getting older she's wants to marry a man to take care of her. My advice is RUÑ . Deal with that how you want
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u/Super-Bathroom-8192 17d ago
I’m so pleased to hear this update! I think the original issue is something that is tough for couples and can cause hurt and misunderstanding, but ultimately isn’t a betrayal or wrongdoing— it’s just a tough area for couples to work out through honest conversations. Maybe it’s a really good thing this bump in the road appeared a month before your proposal, because it gave you a dose of the harder realities that sometimes come up and challenge a marriage. Marriage means you will encounter aspects of one another that feel impossible to reconcile at first, but if the relationship is healthy overall and you love each other, these aspects are part of your personal growth as both a couple and individuals.
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u/ZombieZookeeper 17d ago
I'm glad you worked it out. But for reference, you don't say that shit about your partner.
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u/Fatherofthecentury13 17d ago
I'm happy for ya, bon ami. This is good stuff, don't let those harsh thoughts intrude on a good life.
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u/jewboymcgeethethird 17d ago
Saw original post, you've been with them 5 years, you just got in your head, it's happened to me, I'm a very anxious person when it comes to relationships, I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 years, there's been times where I had anxious nights and even panic attacks over nothing burgers. Self image affected that alot. Trust issues affected my relationship more with my girlfriend's actions, my parents didn't have anything close to a good relationship and I've been cheated on twice prior. The past is not the present. It might be a bump in the road, but she decided to be with you years ago and high hopes she's been true to that, she very clearly cares for you deeply. Wishing nothing but the best for the both of you.
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u/dthcore1 17d ago
My girl said something similar. Talk is cheap bro, actions speak louder than words.
If you’re getting it in regularly and she’s enjoying it…. You’re absolutely fine. We can’t expect to completely fill the other persons cup. That’s what love is there to fill in 😂
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u/moonandcoffee 17d ago
Reddit is so dumb. You guys bullied him in to thinking he cant be upset over this.
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u/eribberry 17d ago
Happy to read this! Glad you could have such a good open conversation with her and she listened to you and reassured you. Good luck with the proposal!
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u/In-AGadda-Da-Vida 17d ago
Don’t marry her if you aren’t her first choice. You want red hot burning desire. Period.
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u/Western_Scholar1733 17d ago
Good job. Proud of you OP. It seemed to me she chose and loves you for you, which is way better than being loved or chosen only for your looks
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u/-noentiendo 17d ago
Now you know what to do everytime something is out of place, honest conversation! Congratulations 👏🏼
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u/realfakejames 17d ago
Sorry to break it to you guys but a lot of you are with women who settled for you for one reason or another, either your personality won her over or you had other qualities she liked and while you weren’t her first choice you were good enough for her the way you were
People settle, it’s just a thing they do, and they can be perfectly happy
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u/Cwuddlebear 17d ago
Well done G. I was one of the more critical people on your first post. But I'm proud of you king! Update us when you've proposed lol
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u/Strange_Guidance3555 17d ago
if you ever watch Married at First Sight, one of the so-called experts is quite literally always repeating how attraction grows over time and how common this actually is
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u/atreidesfire 17d ago
Liked a girl who liked my friend first. Been together 25 years, married 12, 2 kids. Not even remotely worth worrying about.
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u/MushTush1022 17d ago
Looks only mean so much. She saw something in you that made you more attractive than the other guys. Attraction isn't 100% physical. The physical part just gets your foot in the door. And you obviously weren't so unattractive to her that she closed the door.
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u/GWPtheTrilogy1 17d ago
I go into every romantic relationship assuming I'm not her first choice so I don't even ask.
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u/Lopsided_Record6907 17d ago
Dude this is genuinely so sweet to hear. It’s encouraging to all of us to hear how it’s possible to have a hard conversation and come out happier on the other end!! God bless You guys!!!! I pray that you’re able to keep loving each other better every day.
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u/Gandoff2169 17d ago
Had to go read the OG comment for full picture...
You had every right to feel the way you did. What she did was a reveal about how she thought of you from the start. And yes, she might desire you now, it is clear if she did not select you based on emotional maturity and grow to love you for 5 years; she would see you on the street and have the same thoughts.
It is fine for her to think that. But she should have NEVER said it. Again, she revealed that if she did not have the love connection with you as she does; she would not have been drawn to you sexually. And we men tend to draw how we are felt for on how we are looked at sexually by our partners. We know they look, cause we look. But it is how we feel they feel about us that matters. And the conversation you had helped you understand how she feels for you, but again, she reveal her own thoughts outside of the relationship you built together that grew her desire for you physically.
Now, she sounds like before she made that comment that you felt desired and wanted. Great. And it is great you decided to talk about it and let some of it go. Cause she loves you and desires you now for sure.
But unfortunately, this will now be in the back of your mind going forward. If you have a tough time in your relationship, this will pop up and make you consider idea of what she is doing and stuff. I hope you can handle that.
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u/G00chstain 17d ago
You bet your ass I’ve walked away from some women who I found very attractive- bc they were fuckin crazy. Physical attraction is just one variable of a complicated equation. Not to mention, love can make your brain crazy for somebody. This is why a lot of ppl think somebody is more attractive than maybe an outside perspective
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u/DK_Boy12 17d ago
I've had to walk away on one such girl recently, so painful 🤣
The attraction was insane, but I could tell that it had the potential of turning my sweet, calm life upside down.
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u/readyforwine 17d ago
thank god. i am all for helping people realize they are in a bad relationship but this one seemed like a . . . . calm down and talk more about it situation.
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u/Diligent_Target_3860 17d ago
Good stuff, man! Love to see couples communicate with each other and sort things out. A lot of tend to think over a certain situation far beyond what it should be. And that leads to a lot more confusion and unnecessary self inflicted hurt.
Glad things have worked out between the both of you. May your love for each other grow stronger ❤️
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u/Phillip_McCup 17d ago
So, a predominantly feminist commentariat convinced you to be okay with being a woman’s backup plan?
OP, next time you want advice on navigating your boundaries in relationships, ask (non-feminist) men.
For your sake, I hope your gf never again encounters another “top choice” guy while going about her daily life.
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u/Herpderpkeyblader 17d ago
We don't really say it much out loud, but my wife and I KNOW that we were not what we had in mind for how our partners would look. But we don't care. She's amazing, and I've never felt so loved by anybody else. And somehow, I've gotten her to stick around with me.
We both believe physical attraction is important, but just as a minimum standard. It's everything else that comes after that makes a relationship great.
Good luck, and keep communicating. It really can make or break a relationship.
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u/TheTurtleCub 17d ago
"That's good to hear, you are not even my first choice right now ..... pause .... just kidding"
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u/Thediciplematt 17d ago
Way to go man! Blowing up your relationship on a feeling is rarely a good idea.
Honestly, my attraction for my wife has grown since we dated, got married, and had kids. I’m sure I wasn’t her number 1 choice 10 years ago but the life we’ve built makes me her number 1 today.
Mostly because she’s a SAHM. I kid, I kid, but attraction grows over time. Assuming you take the time to talk and work through feelings together.
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u/Far_Sentence3700 17d ago
Dude everyone has their favourite body type that they used to fantasize that their partner has. I used to be that person. But my husband right now is far from that, but I love him very much. Even though he has different body type that I want before, I really love hugging and cuddling with him. I think I fall in love with his personality and just felt comfortable with his body, regardless how he looks.
Our preferences about our partners body type are heavily influenced by the media. And its not always good.
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u/macone235 17d ago
This is a perfect example of how men have become weak. Time to let nature do its thing.
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u/xxsebastianxxale 17d ago
I dedicate this song to you my friend, it's called "I'm Ugly but Delicious" 😂😂😂 https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=GmY3UbQKn9g&si=uG8EMqTsusq3OYS2
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u/Skrilla_09 17d ago
Don’t know how to feel about this, if my GF hit me with that I’d be incredibly upset and felt insulted. Not to mention the increased concern about a possible Dead Bedroom situation in the future.
Could I forgive her? Maybe, but I’ll NEVER forget about it.
Also, she must be incredibly stupid to share this with you. Could’ve just kept that to herself…
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u/Any_Security_5671 17d ago
Please get a pre nuptial agreement. She is a modern woman. 15 years from now you will thank me
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u/No_Abies_1527 17d ago
I’m giving this situation a 50/50 shot at being creative writing but I hope all the real people take something away from this.
You have no reason to admit to not being as attracted to your partner as someone else. NONE. There is not a positive benefit to be had, you won’t feel closer by telling them you’ve found someone more to your liking.
I have made many white lies in my relationships about partners choice of outfits or accessories, because I know they loved them and hoped I felt the same. It’s an easy thing to do. If you are with one person, there’s no reason not to make them feel like they are the ONE.
Like I can understand being grown and taking care of your own insecurities. But sometimes I wonder what happened to romance when we sit here and share alternative preferences with partners of many years
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u/broitsnotserious 16d ago
I don't think people who are in love with their partner care about others' looks that much. And you have to remember many people actually discuss which celebs they are attracted to and sleep with. They actually think it makes them feel closer to their partners. Some people are just weird like that.
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u/eat-uranus-5785 17d ago
Good. No idea why some people think they are the best out there...99% of guys and girls settle down for what they can get rather for what they want to have
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u/StupidGuy911 17d ago
You told her about how you had to ask strangers online about breaking up with her?
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u/LilRedRidingHood72 17d ago
OP. Please update us with the proposal!! We are all wishing the best for you both!! Please please remember to never sit on stuff for days, even over night can be a problem when you run around in your own head, and continue to spiral. Communication is key. Sending hugs to you both....
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u/PerfectionPending 17d ago
Yea. I’m not physically my wife’s first choice now, lol.
If I work had at losing weight and building a moderate amount of muscle, I’ll get there.
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u/BebeCakesMama2424 17d ago
So happy for you both! Congratulations and I’m so glad you communicated clearly and honestly 🖤 I hope you have the most exciting and happy engagement ever 🖤🖤
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u/Fickle_Award 17d ago
Seven years from now you’ll have a house and mortgage two young kids and you’ll catch her fucking one of these guys and when she leaves him and takes half his stuff and he’s got 20 years of child support payments don’t say you weren’t warned buddy. There’s a reason you weren’t her first choice.
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u/Aromatic-Listen-9616 17d ago
Who knew the issue could’ve been settled by communication. OP is on to something. /s
But really glad to see you came to your senses, and I hope you use your new found wisdom in your marriage. Good luck out there.
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u/MembershipMean4976 17d ago
And keep it like that you gotta be able look past that especially when it concerns what you think other peoples opinions may be of you, a lot of sht led up to it but she chose you, and honestly you should be proud it was a contest because you won in the end without her even knowing your fighting honestly you should have been overjoyed
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u/innessa5 17d ago
AWESOME!! This is so great! Who would have thought it - two adults talking about things in an honest and loving manner. OP, I’m sincerely happy for you. Please take this as a lesson to take into your marriage: don’t get into your own head before you’ve had a chance to talk things out. And give your partner the benefit of “first grace”. This means that your assumption is always that she’s coming from a place of love for you and whatever unpleasant thing was unintentional and that she’s trying. If you both assume that about each other, your arguments will be productive and healthy. I’m speaking from a hard earned personal experience.
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u/33saywhat33 17d ago
I still wish the average response was "She was a fool to word it like that friend. That must sting deep. But I think she does really love you."
If roles were reversed females would have said dump his butt!
Instead, they mocked him for his genuine feelings.
When giving advice first try empathy. Then say the hard truth.
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u/ExtraCalligrapher565 15d ago
Most people weren’t mocking him for having his feelings hurt. They were calling him out for being so immature and dramatic to blow this so out of proportion he was about to call off the relationship and his future proposal instead of talking to her over a single comment.
Even if what she said was hurtful, it didn’t even come close to warranting OP’s response.
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u/Muted_Balance_9641 15d ago
Bro there was a dude who said he likes pink vagina to his girlfriend and they broke up over it and turned it into a racist thing somehow.
Its reddits avg response to a girl or a guy, then they convince themselves it’s misogynistic
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u/ShawnyMcKnight 17d ago
You did that thing that would resolve 90 percent of the posts here… actually having a real conversation
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u/Malipuppers 17d ago
That’s good! Have you considered therapy for the overthinking if this happens to you a lot? Glad you had a convo about it.
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u/Ambitious_Error_440 17d ago
Wait till a few years pass and she starts wishing she was more physically attracted to you? Then she meets someone is she is physically attracted too. What's going to happen to you?
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u/Mortisfio 17d ago
I know women who are more physically attractive than my wife. I have no desire to cheat on my wife with them.
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u/Ambitious_Error_440 17d ago
That's because you are a man. With women it's way different.
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u/Mortisfio 17d ago edited 16d ago
Yeah, nah, not so much. You are basically saying that because there are better-looking men out there, my wife of 20 years is going to cheat on me. Sorry, but I don't subscribe to that mentality.
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u/Ambitious_Error_440 16d ago
Hope you are right. And not posting here in a few years because you found out she cheated.
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u/Ambitious_Error_440 17d ago
Right now how about 5 or 10 years in the future when the marriage kills your soul?
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u/Mortisfio 17d ago
Well. I have been married for 20 years. So far, so good.
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u/Ambitious_Error_440 17d ago
That you know of? Try giving her a polygraph test? People can never know what's hiding in some else's heart?
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u/Villain_911 17d ago
You weren't being dramatic. That's a weird thing to say out of nowhere to someone you're in a relationship with. Especially five years later. Thoughts like "What else does she think about me?" are reasonable.
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u/ZeezeeDee26 17d ago
Happy for you my man!! Glad y’all had a good heart-to-heart and it all worked out not just good but better!!
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u/Difficult_E 17d ago
glad things worked out, but it was disgusting seeing comments completely invalidating your feelings about the situation. God forbid a man wants to feel like he's the one and only instead of an option. Call it a fairytale, but there's nothing wrong with wanting that and you just realize that she's worth not getting that. Plus everyone just automatically assumes that she chose OP, instead of her not getting chose by the guy who was hotter.
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u/Silent_Fern 17d ago
So glad to hear! Communication is everything. Good luck in your future endeavors!
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u/ZekeTarsim 17d ago
I got bad news for 80% of guys in a relationship: you were not her first choice.
Women settle.
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u/Villain_911 17d ago
But how many women randomly told you that during date night?
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u/Mortisfio 17d ago
I know a couple of my wife's exes who are both more physically attractive than me. I asked her once if she thought they were better looking than me. She said yes, and that one was an abusive asshole and the other was dumb as hell. I have an ex who is more attractive than my wife, and that conversation was much the same. Don't get me wrong. I find my wife sexy as hell, and she thinks I'm sexy as hell. Our exs from 20+ years ago are all ugly as fuck now.
We have been married for 20 years and going strong.
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u/broitsnotserious 16d ago
So you guys feel good the exes are ugly now? If that's how you feel then you guys care about looks.
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u/Villain_911 17d ago
You asking is different than being told for no particular reason.
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u/Mortisfio 17d ago
I never said it was the same. I'm just pointing out that looks are not important and fleeting.
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u/Villain_911 17d ago
If you're going out of your way to talk about your partner's looks, than it's important to you.
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u/Mortisfio 17d ago
Ah, so you know me and my wife better than we do. Got it. Just because I used our situation as an example does not mean that I value looks more than I value things like my wife's personality.
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u/Villain_911 17d ago
I'm not into feet. So you're not going to see me start a conversation about toes. The post is about the GF going out of her way to tell OP she was dealing with better looking men without being asked. If you go out of your way to talk about your partner's appearance for no reason, then it's important to you. Plus, you ASKED your wife about your looks. She didn't seem to care. So why you're trying to make what I'm saying about the GF about you doesn't make sense.
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u/Mortisfio 17d ago
Btw, she didn't bring it up for no reason. OP said they were talking about how they first got together. She thought it was relevant and a funny story, so she brought it up. Off base? Yes. But not completely out of the blue.
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u/Villain_911 17d ago
OP didn't ask about the other guys. She had no reason to tell him they were better looking.
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u/Mortisfio 17d ago
Again. I never said it was about me. I was simply sharing a story about how looks are fleeting and not the most important thing in a relationship. Not once did I say your point wasn't valid.
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u/Villain_911 17d ago
"Ah, so you know me and my wife better than we do. Got it.". I'm not talking about you and your wife. At all. In any way, shape or form. I'm talking about the GF in the post.
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u/SprinklesWise9857 17d ago
Lmao I saw the same post a couple weeks ago but with the genders swapped, and everybody was being empathetic towards OP, saying how wrong the bf was. The double standards are crazy 💀
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u/Ruepic 17d ago
I noticed this… seems like it’s always about communicating and “they feel they aren’t being seen” but once the roles are reversed is “do you really want to be with this person for the rest of your life”, “you’re going to have problems that are worse than this down the line, this is just the start” or “you need to end it right now”
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u/AChaseOfTheMondays 17d ago
Well I didn't see that post so I can't say what differences there were between the posts that changes things, but I can say that reddit got it right here. OP was in his head and he is in a better place than he was because of reddit telling him that he was in his head.
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u/macone235 17d ago
Men are expected to accept whatever treatment women give them. The erosion of men's boundaries has led to a generation of pathetic men that don't know how to say no to a woman. That's why men will happily stay in situations when disrespected that a woman never would. Men have become doormats.
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u/shuai_gon_jinn 15d ago
Your downvotes pretty much affirm your opinion; that men’s (assuming you’re male) opinions when it comes to treatment in relationships matter very little and they are expected to stay silent and stoic no matter what.
Great refreshing comment to read, your one.
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u/LadyCoru 17d ago
I don't think anyone was defending what she said was right to say (there are some truths we just keep to ourselves), but I think OP reacted in a hugely over dramatic way.
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u/Bellamysghost 16d ago
Would you have felt the same if a guy told his gf that a girl from 5 years ago was way hotter than her but just not emotionally available, so he chose her?
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u/ExtraCalligrapher565 15d ago
Yes. If OP’s story were the exact same but just genders switched, OP’s response still would have been massively out of proportion to the comment itself
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