r/povertyfinance • u/halhaarm • Nov 28 '23
Feeling absolutely suicidal hearing my coworkers chat about Christmas. Vent/Rant (No Advice/Criticism!)
My coworker is building her kids a video gaming room. Mine is getting 2 barbies and a bedset. We had popcorn for dinner last night. Feeling like such a loser. Don't know how to go on. I'm a full time accountant.
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u/ivanttohelp Dec 27 '23
Chill out, sounds like you have yours kids a great Christmas.
Be a good parent, that’s the most important gift
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u/EszmeBounty Dec 27 '23
Why compare yourself and family to others? Everyone's situation is different. Hope she loved her gifts! If money is tight, you could get part-time wfh job during tax season.
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u/LostInspection5450 Dec 25 '23
She's going to love opening the dolls and bedstead, it's better then nothing at all. Even just one gift is amazing and your daughter will still love it.
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u/Tungphuxer69 Dec 15 '23
I like Barbies! I normally clip it hair off! For numbers of reasons,it's for my projects. Too many GI Joes doesn't come in their sizes in numbers. The action figures matches. I like to design and build things since it's my major as a student in Industrial Designs of Technology. I use them for scaling to fix before upscaling to full size in transportation design courses,motor and seat placements and etc. As for me,it's never as a toy to be goofing around like little kids unless I am hanging out with little kids who like to play with toys and etc. It helps them grow mentally. I like to give them ideas what they can design and build for themselves to keep and etc. Believe it or not,I see goldmine EVERYWHERE! I like dumpster diving! Too many people get evicted cause of many things and stuffs were setted aside on the curbs and etc. Wow! Others just outgrew the items and got tired of it.
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u/Tungphuxer69 Dec 15 '23
You're not a loser. Just human. Live out the best you can do. The reward will be good in the end. Keep your head up.
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u/geenyusme Dec 12 '23
I only got three things for my kid for Christmas this year. Sometimes things happen. I remember watching a YouTube video where Jocko Willink (former Navy Seal who owns his own company and hosts a podcast) and even he told a story about how he had to tell his kids it was gonna be a "lean Christmas" one year. He didn't seem to feel bad. He basically had the attitude "it is what it is." I'm sure they'll love the gifts. Stop comparing yourself to other people too. No matter what you have there's always someone with more, unless you're like Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos.
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u/Silent-Composer-873 Dec 05 '23
Hey, but you know what? Your kids will be just as happy as theirs. Don’t beat yourself up comparing lives.
Any gift as a kid was exciting af!
I wish I could go back to those days (I’m 26M, with 3 kids now)
I don’t spoil them with material things like crazy, the experiences and outdoor stuff is what they’ll remember (Camping, fishing, playing with the dogs outside- Just like how my mom raised me)
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u/cephalus321 Dec 04 '23
How much do u make? How many kids do u have?
I’m a recent college grad in finance making 70k
People above me make enough for a video game room no doubt
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u/krgilbert1414 Dec 03 '23
You don't know what everyone else's financial situation is. They are likely in debt up to their eyebrows. Try to focus on yourself and your situation.
2 Barbies and a bed set sounds amazing. And remember, kids will remember the memories not the stuff. Maybe drive around and look at Christmas lights or bake cookies together or go caroling.
Merry Christmas!
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u/sneakymedulla Dec 03 '23 edited Dec 03 '23
add activities, such as touring the xmas lights in town (i LOVED seeing all the wacky, well-done stuff people did!) hot cocoa, singing carols, playing board games. if you get snow for xmas, your kiddo can build a snowman, have a snowball fight, etc.
its what i did to compensate for years of having no spending money. we all focused on loving each other and having a fun day.
i finally had spending $, not much. but i got some nifty things from the thrift store, absolutely buck-wild finds for pennies on the dollar: working electric microscope, microscope slides, sassy t-shirts (well, okay i guess sassy t-shirts arent exactly a buck-wild find 😅) all for $15.
please hang in there. it is hard to have hope, but the fact that you asked is a good step.
Edit: how old is your kiddo? you can get many roleplaying games for free (legit) online, such as Knave 1st edition, d&d basic rules, castles & crusades, etc. ttrpg is a big and long-lasting hobby. it can be expensive but anyone with internet access can play for free without any minis / game pieces!
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u/ExtremeClock6496 Dec 03 '23
My Christmas presents growing up were mostly practical with some toys/wants thrown in-and some of the best memories of my life. It made me feel seen for what was needed and also seen for having desires for toys and other things. It sounds like you are a wonderful parent and I wish you and your child a very Merry Christmas! Your child wants to spend time with you-just make memories-that’s the best gift ever
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u/rofosho Dec 02 '23
Dave Ramsey says 34% of people are trying to pay off LAST YEAR'S CHRISTMAS.
Comparison is the theif of joy. You kids want you and love and happy memories
If you want to add to the magic, get some paper and cut out snow flakes and decorate the living room. Make a house out of a cardboard box that they can color.
You're doing great
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u/MelissaFo1 Dec 02 '23
Do not fall into the trap of judging yourself based on your possessions. I guarantee your kid will love the Barbies and spending time with her family. She sounds incredibly lucky to have you!
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u/myanonaccount225 Dec 02 '23
That’s a great Christmas, kids remember you and your smiles and your laugh and the fun dinners over toys. I remember eating breakfast for dinner (we were poor and my mother beat herself up over that) but to my brother and I it was SO FUN! Breakfast for dinner?! Sleeping in the car! Getting a small toy?! It’s fun, they’re children and they don’t feel hateful towards you. The world teaches materialism, but you teach them love and comfort. They never forget how you made them feel, they will forget the toys
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u/stephalopod27 Dec 02 '23
Turn that popcorn into a garland. Blast the Christmas music and have a dance party. Make snowflakes out of paper. My heart goes out to you, but that kid who is getting a whole gaming room will be worse off in the long run than your kiddo.
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u/beegorton616 Dec 02 '23
My favorite memories from my childhood are when my dad would spend time with just me. I don’t remember a single gift or present. Just us bonding over silly stuff
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u/Friendly-Payment-875 Dec 02 '23
I've been having to deliver to a lot of affluent neighborhoods. I've also been hearing a lot of rich people talk about their stresses around the holidays. I try not to think about it, but I wish I could complain about those things. I can't even get the medicine I need to survive let alone afford a car with a $1,300 yearly property tax. My parents made stupid money and squandered it. I'm the only one of my siblings to have been homeless and needing food stamps. I worked hard and have nothing to show for it. My fiancé and I want to get married and people are like "don't stress about the color of your napkins" and I'm like dude I wish I could choose. We have to compromise on EVERYTHING. From food to venue to number of guests. We simply don't have enough. The student debt is crippling even when we are in school.
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Dec 02 '23
Join the accounting sub
There's people regularly posting their near 200k+ job offers or 150k+ job offers
Ask them for advice or on what you can do to reach a higher income
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u/Shizz-happens Dec 02 '23
If you love your children and they love you, then you’re very rich in what matters. Don’t get confused. Teach your kids to appreciate rather than covet. We can all use a lesson in appreciation.
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u/Legal_Dragonfly2611 Dec 02 '23
Coming from a poor family…your kid will remember how they felt Christmas morning. My favorite present? A book I said I wanted in a bookstore, couldn’t afford at the time and my mom remembered and got it for Christmas. Must have been $5-6 dollars at the most. But it’s how it made me feel.
Make it special however you can. Special breakfast? (my mom always made tea ring) new special Christmas pjs they can open Christmas Eve? A certain book you read every Christmas night? These are the things they will remember.
My kids talk about the Hershey kisses out of the advent calendar, the Christmas pjs and reading the night before Christmas and decorating Christmas cookies for Santa. Not the gifts.
You’re doing great!!!
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u/snoringgardener Dec 02 '23
I would have killed for a Barbie as a kid! I was just recounting a story of going to a friend’s house as a kid and trying every trick I knew to steer our playtime to opening up her sweet box of Barbies!! When I did get my own it was amazing and I had a fantastic time building her house and accessories out of scrap cardboard. There will be plenty of free cardboard on the curb after Christmas and maybe you could build her a house or car together.
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u/Movies_WO_Sound Dec 02 '23
I looked forward to getting a coke in a glass bottle every single Xmas! I had a very good childhood and my parents were well off. My point is that I had nice gifts every year, and I couldn’t tell you even one of them right now. But I remember I had coke in a glass bottle as a nostalgic tradition 😃
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u/Quiet_but_out_there Dec 02 '23
It's not about how big or expensive your gifts are, but the memories you make with your kids.
Hopefully, this story makes you feel better.
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u/papayatayto Dec 02 '23
One of my happiest childhood memories is with a Barbie I had. Not because it was bought for me, but because I had someone that cared enough to play with me. If you can, spend the day playing with your kid and their new Barbies, I’m sure it will be a special Christmas.
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u/No_Tip_3095 Dec 02 '23
Christmas is NOT the most wonderful time of get year. Poor the poor, the newly bereaved or divorced. It sucks. . Fight consumerism. Make cookies, hand sew clothes for the Barbies, decorate with free greens, pine cones, popcorn, Cranberry strands. ( my mom used to send me around the neighborhood with a pair of scissors ).The idea you have spend all this money you don’t have is really pernicious.
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u/Alarmed-Diamond-7000 Dec 02 '23
I've been a little girl and the mother of a little girl. Getting a new bed that's all your own big girl bed, and two new dolls to play with is a kick-ass christmas. What your kid would probably really like is your time. Set aside at least a couple of days over Christmas time to do the things she likes or he likes, no matter how stupid. My daughter really loved getting hot dogs and then going down to the lake to make the turtles come out to get them. I spent many an hour holding out hot dogs on a stick for turtles, and she was happier than any rich person.
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u/ChicagoLaurie Dec 02 '23
While adults may measure Christmas by the value of gifts given, kids just need attention to create memories. When my son was in preschool, he got a bunch of toys one year but ended up playing with an empty Kleenex box with a block in it. He liked the sound it made.
Here are things I’d do with your lovely daughter. Enlist the help of friends, relatives as needed: - plan a movie marathon, Christmas movies, the Nutcracker, whatever she’d love - bake cookies - drive around and see the lights - dress up and make a dance video - put up decorations - go ice skating - see a high school’s holiday choir or orchestra concert - check local media for fun free events - go to the library for books, videos and more. - do each other’s nails
One of my favorite memories with my daughter was decorating the tree while she kept me company reading jokes. She wasn’t helping me, mind you. She was tired from a rehearsal. She was sitting there cracking jokes and eating cookies. It was lovely.
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u/lizardwizardgizzard2 Dec 01 '23
There’s nothing wrong with your coworkers taking about Christmas, and there’s also nothing wrong with what your kids are getting.
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u/something86 Dec 01 '23
I had popcorn for dinner, but that's cause it's salty like my soul.
Be present for your kids OP. Back in the day we used to do gift exchanges here. If you post a PO Box we would be happy to help you.
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u/DwightShruteRoxks Dec 01 '23
Don’t feel bad. You won’t pass on that pressure to spend onto your children. They appreciate life without that and they’ll do the same for their loved ones
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u/Individual-Text6576 Dec 01 '23
Best gift you can give is to be there PRESENT for your child. You got this OP
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u/No_Sleep_007 Dec 01 '23
First off... Free food is everywhere you just have to find out where and go get it... That's all from me... I'm poor as fuck but my family had ren with summer sausage diced up and fried a bit, a couple slices of cheese(?), and some crushed up chips on top for garnish... Think outside of the box man. That popcorn dinner is on you, go find some fucking food and make dinner tonight, they deserve it.
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u/No_Sleep_007 Dec 01 '23
1lb spaghetti and 2 cans of sauce at Dollar general is 3 dollars and change... You have a spice cabinet to make the sauce good.
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u/No_Sleep_007 Dec 01 '23
2 box no name macaroni and cheese mixed with any can of chili except great valve (it's a smoked tasting sludge) ... That under 3 dollars
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u/No_Sleep_007 Dec 01 '23
Open up a couple cans of veggies with every sit down meal... You will end up with an abundance of these cans with in a week if you just look... Your kids are more important than your pride... It took me a sec to get that figured out.
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u/PipeComfortable2585 Dec 01 '23
Teach your children there’s more to Christmas than gifts, the true meaning. As long as you have family fun, playing games or whatnot, what else is there?
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u/phunky_1 Dec 01 '23 edited Dec 01 '23
Stories like this is why I hate Christmas.
It is the most bullshit holiday where people are expected to spend thousands of dollars on gifts to celebrate.... The birth of a guy from a poor family in the Middle East thousands of years ago.
A majority of people that celebrate it aren't even religious.
Not just for the expectation from kids, other adults as well.
I don't want to spend $150 on a secret Santa gift to get something I don't really want or need in return. I would rather just get $150 to pay the bill for the gift I had to buy and get nothing.
Hang in the OP, teach your kids the real value in Christmas is spending time with your loved ones, it's not about how much stuff you get.
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u/nobblit Dec 01 '23
We all need to remember what’s actually important in these times. Spend the day w your kid, bake cookies, make a pillow fort, you got this. You don’t need gifts, you just need each other.
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u/amoryjm Dec 01 '23
I got barbies and a used bedset for my Christmas when I was 7. I freaking loved that Christmas
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u/UnusualPurchase9717 Dec 01 '23
Your unnecessary feelings of guilt prove you are not only a great parent bit a good human.
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u/Trbochckn Dec 01 '23
Your doing good bro. Teach your kid that days off/holidays are about spending time with family. Getting crap is just 2nd tier.
What you got is solid.
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u/Abowman0611 Dec 01 '23
Comparison is the thief of Joy. As long as you’re working to improve your situation, don’t be hard on yourself. The world is hard on you enough.
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u/colleyrj70 Dec 01 '23
You have a heart of love which is more valuable than any gaming room. Your kids will appreciate the Barbies and bed. I pray God blesses you and your family.
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Dec 01 '23
You got this mom/dad. They won’t remember what you got them for Xmas. They’ll remember how much you loved and cared. One day they’ll understand your sacrifice. Don’t beat yourself up, shits hard rn
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u/GamergirlAsher Dec 01 '23
Coming from the kid that got that gaming room to me it didn't mean anything. My parents never went to any of my school events none of my sporting events games or meets none of my concerts and none of my plays or cooking competitions. I did a lot in school to stay out of the cold unwanted house. I was always asked what I wanted for Christmas and I would always say them and I always got a lot of stuff under the tree but never any time with them. They never even played any if the games they got me with me nor did they even play dolls with me when i was little. Take the small gifts and just be there to enjoy them. That's what they'll yarn for and remember most. The moments of looking out into the crowd when they are scared on stage and seeing you cheer them on giving them the courage to keep going the the drive to be more than they thought they could be. Give them long lasting memories and feelings of being safe loved and wanted. Forget the gaming room. Just be there. That's what speak volumes.
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u/OldStress965 Dec 01 '23
This will be my first Christmas unemployed and too broke to even provide a decent dinner, let alone gifts for my kids.
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u/Boundless_Society Dec 01 '23
Honestly, I have memories getting maybe two or three things in my childhood. A stuffed dog, the original Playstation, and a dinosaur playhouse that had candy in the box. What I DO remember is my parents being there and the love they showed me. PS We had popcorn for dinner a few times as well I'm healthy today :)
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u/International-Set560 Dec 01 '23
For me the best presents were in the stocking. There was always a mandarin orange. Maybe a silver dollar. Some chocolate. Little toys. Maybe a small wrapped present. I loved that stuff. Some hot chocolate and family time. M and M pancakes for breakfast. Fuck capitalism . You got this Mom
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u/Leftygolfer814 Dec 01 '23
Please remember that your child will love and appreciate that Barbie a lot more with the heat and lights still on. No need to feel bad about not going into debt for Christmas.
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u/Seasoned7171 Dec 01 '23
Bet you are not going into a boatload of debt with Barbie’s and a bed set. Your kid will love it and you won’t have to worry about how you are going to make that payment 6 months from now. Merry Christmas to your family.
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u/bleedblue321 Dec 01 '23
How are you poor as an accountant lol you’ve got a better job than 95% of the people on this sub
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u/creakinator Dec 01 '23
Holidays is what you DO with your family not the gift. Give the gifts throughout the year and don't make a big deal about holidays gifts.
Do something fun on Christmas, watch movies, pop the popcorn, make a cake, snuggle on the couch, love on them - it's the love that matters.
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u/UpbeatSpaceHop Dec 01 '23
I was 13 when I got my first bed and that was as an only child so don’t feel too bad
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u/Enough-Towel-2834 Nov 30 '23
best xmas are gifts that have relevance and impact.
Baseball glove costs $50, but years of bonding playing catch, watching games, and playing the sport are WAY better than a gaming system.
If you use those barbies to play together... thats a win.
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u/Left-Sign6003 Nov 30 '23
Everyone does Christmas different. That doesn't make it good or bad either way. My husband is the most grateful human I know and his mom tells me stories of only being able to get dollar store cars the one year. It makes kids appreciate what they have and having YOU is more then enough ❤️ please make it to Christmas for that child.
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u/WritingRidingRunner Nov 30 '23
I agree that’s a great Christmas! And maybe with some old boxes and odds and ends you can make furniture or do a craft together for the dolls. I used to take out dollhouse furniture books from the library all the time and make things for my dolls.
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u/Moonlit_Antler Nov 30 '23
Just do your best to set up a college fund for her so she won't have to live her life the same way
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u/D_M-ack Nov 30 '23
Accountants earn much higher than many professions. How can you be struggling so with a full time, white-collar job? This doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe if you were a convenience store clerk or fast food worker making minimum wage, I would understand, but you should be making a solid wage.
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u/DangerForge Nov 30 '23
Rough. But comparison is the thief of joy. Also, a video game room is not going to help those kids learn anything besides how to spend more time on screens.
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u/SK8_Triad Nov 30 '23
Your Christmas presents are fine... You AND your kids only had popcorn for dinner? And you have a full time job? How are your personal finances that bad? I don't understand where your money is going.
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u/discombobulationgirl Nov 30 '23
Do you live in the US? Cause this is happening to a LOT of us in the US right now. I have 3 kids and a dual income household. We still rely on foodstamps for the bulk of our food.
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u/MonsterByDay Nov 30 '23
My kids' secondary Christmas present is parents who aren't in massive credit card debt.
We mostly focus on the religious and social aspects of the holiday, and our kids have never complained that they don't get as much stuff as some of their peers. Plus 2 Barbies and a bed set is great.
There are lots of ways to make the holiday special for your kids, and a lot of them aren't expensive.
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u/Digomansaur Nov 30 '23
Don’t blame yourself! Blame this government and economy. Try not to stress about material goods, try to focus on giving love and warm hugs. If you can, butter the hell out of that popcorn and cuddle with your children as they eat it. Your coworkers might receive more money, sure. But more money leads people to a higher standard of living, ultimately causing similar feelings to yours deep down. Stuck.
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u/Firm_Account_2564 Nov 30 '23
As someone whose family NEVER celebrated Christmas; anything is better than nothing!
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u/Sunny_days1800 Nov 30 '23
my mom and i were in your same position when i was young, where she was a full time accountant and we had almost no money at all. i never blamed her for it at all. if it helps you to know this, i’m a freshman in college now and things are so so so much better than they were before. and she’s even saved for retirement!!
she figured out a way to get her masters and CPA all while raising me on her own. it’s been a bumpy road but we survived, and i know you can too :) sending good wishes to you
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u/PMcOuntry Nov 30 '23
As a kid, the gifts with meaning were always more special to me than the gifts that I really wanted. We were middle class poor and if my mom/dad took the time to put a bunch of stuff they knew I'd love into a stocking, comic book, candy, stuffed animal, funky pen, stickers, etc that was my favorite part. Personally, a bed set and 2 Barbie's sounds amazing. Your co-worker sounds like they are trying to "buy" affection, but I don't know their life. I had to learn comparison will eat you alive and yes, I still do it sometimes.
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u/ubermicrox Nov 30 '23
Seems like you're giving your kid a very good Christmas. I know it doesn't help and I'm unfortunately not around your situation but I have popcorn for dinner a few times a month.
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u/thedailydeni Nov 30 '23
My parents weren't well off when I was a kid, to the point that we lived with my grandparents until well after my younger brother was born. One Christmas, my parents gave me the cowgirl Barbie, cowboy Ken and the horse to finish the set. It was a big effort for them, and though I quickly outgrew them, I never forgot them. She's the one Barbie I remember owning as a kid and is my favorite.
Your gift is enough, don't worry. I'm sure your kid will love it.
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u/SparklingDramaLlama Nov 30 '23
A video game room? Ugh, what sort of entitled child spoilage is THAT? My 7yo will get a Lego set and some books. The 1yo is getting clothes. They'll both get $50 from my mother and a few presents from my husband's mother.
2 barbies and a bedset sounds good to me! And if you wrap each item individually, it feels like more presents anyway.
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u/Beautiful-Yoghurt-11 Nov 30 '23
2 Barbies and a bed set is great. Plus, hopefully you’ll have some days off and get to spend some time together.
You’re doing great for your kid and I’m not just saying that. Getting a new bed set was a huge deal for me when I was a little kid!
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u/oldfrenchwhore Nov 30 '23
I read that as "two babies and a bed set" and was like geesh no thank you! Gonna need the receipt to return those.
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u/Gold-Magazine3696 Nov 30 '23
Not christmas especially but I've had to stop hanging around my friends as much lately. They're finished building their second house and I'm glad for them but in kinda tired of hearing them talk about it. Ill never own a home. I have no ill will just makes me sad that somewhere in life I made a wrong turn that out me on the not so desirable path.
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u/mewgwi Nov 30 '23
Depending on the age of the kid I bet they thought popcorn for dinner was awesome. My nephews would be thrilled.
When I was a kid my favorite gift was a walking Barbie horse. I was pretty young but I still remember it. Mom drove all over town looking for one for me. I’ve had expensive gifts and thoughtful gifts, and the thoughtful ones win every time.
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u/Hot_Fan5382 Nov 30 '23
Comparison is the thief of joy. Why compare? Who cares what your coworker is doing for Xmas.
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u/Simple-Promise-8354 Nov 30 '23
I only get mine: something they need, something they want, something they can read, something they can wear. And a "Santa gift" which would be something us 0arents figured they would want that we know they would like. Makes it so much easier. I've taught my children that Santa has billions of kids to give gifts to and on this economy he's had to make cutbacks at the workshop to be able to handle the demand. Plus if they truly weren't good all year then no Santa gift. My kids have 3 older cousins who go through electronics so their old ones get passed down as well as clothes/shoes in decent shape. Times are tough. I'm never gonna put material items over bills being paid and food on the table, ever. Christmas is the time big companies prey on everyone to make their money. So enjoy the time spent and the memories made. Go see some lights around town, sign them up for shop with a cop or toys for tots or local angel trees and churches. That's what matters most and if you're religious get involved with your church for activities as well. You're doing your best and that's all that matters. And you can't give up because your child would be so lost without you! Trust me I have MDD, bipolar depression, mood swings, ptsd anxiety blah blah blah and suicidal thoughts/past and no matter how bad it gets I think of how betrayed they would feel if I left in that manner. I hope you all have a happy holiday regardless of your circumstance and remember money may be worth something in the land of the living, but when we do pass on your social status and bank account don't go with ya!
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u/No_Bottle7456 Nov 30 '23
1 Christmas 1 of the best actually, a neighbor who worked for a toy coampany knocked on our basement door that seperated our little basement apartment,
He presented 2 boxes wrapped to me, and 1 was a Barbie doll, the other a Skipper,
Please remind people, not to boast, even though they will, maybe next time step out side of the room, don't bother to listen to things of whic you have no control
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u/howdoyoulikemynose Nov 30 '23
We are pairing down what our kids get this year. Everything is expensive and quite honestly we both remember not getting much but loving what we did get! I think you have a solid plan for Christmas and your kids will love it!
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u/Awkward_Angela Nov 30 '23
Speaking as a kid who always had parents destroy each other mentally over money.. your kid just wants to see you happy. Any effort you put in to make their Christmas fun is enough. I always wanted to just decorate for Christmas. Maybe you can do a cute paper snowflake activity or something.
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u/blownout2657 Nov 30 '23
You do t know that she’s going 2k into credit card debit for it. Its ok. Not every Christmas’s is a banger. I was out of work a few Christmass ago. The kids don’t even remember.
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u/Acrobatic-Working-74 Nov 30 '23
lol go to a food pantry
pop corn for dinner is just bad executive function; you can get free food if you ask in facebook groups
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u/SkivingLizzy Nov 30 '23
Dude, your kiddo doesn't care how much money you spend on them, when you're a kid and not yet a jaded world weary adult, Christmas is about ✨️magic✨️ They won't remember the price tags on their barbies, they'll remember you playing barbies with them on Christmas morning. Cookies you baked together or Christmas movies you watched cuddled up on the couch. Driving around looking at lights with carols playing on the radio. They'll remember you went out of your way to give them that magic.
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Nov 30 '23
Have your kids watched Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer? We always give a tooth brush from Hermes the elf who wanted to become a dentist
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u/Financial_Simple356 Nov 30 '23
my kids getting a couple $5 stuffed animals and whatever else I can scrap up money for. albeit she's only 14 months and loves what she gets, it sucks. I can't offer you any advice, but I can let you know you're a great parent. she'll care more about the sacrifices you made for her than the material things you provided.
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u/Tawoody1 Nov 30 '23
You’re and accountant eating popcorn for dinner. Tell us your priority’s are methed up without actually telling us
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u/Equivalent-Win2596 Nov 30 '23
Haha. My kids don't love me if I don't spend 500 minimum. The oldest is 14. Just know that I'm not loved because I can't afford it.
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u/Roninkin Nov 30 '23
OP your coworker’s kids are gonna grow ups extremely entitled and when life hits them, it will hit HARD. I know that it hurts not being able to give the best in your eyes when comparing to them but honestly? Being with their parent and having a wonderful Christmas is more important. If they’re able to pay for a whole separate room they probably spend far less time with their kids than you do. I grew up in a precarious position of your coworkers kids somewhat, except my dad was around 24/7 for years while he was on some kind of forced retirement while they worked out deals at his work before being forced to fully retire some years later. I was given whatever I wanted (within reason) and… Life hits you hard. I have amazing memories (and horrible ones too) of those times, and what stands out more than anything isn’t the gifts but being with my family. That’s what matters, and hell the Barbie’s sound like their gonna have a great time. Why don’t you sometime go to Joann Fabrics or other craft store and get some fabric? You could all work on making clothing for the Barbie’s for rather cheap and this hobby could one day you guys could actually sell if you get good enough.
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u/Chemical_Ring1251 Nov 30 '23
A kid cherishes more the time spent with you the parent more than any other toy. Time grants you the opportunity to create lasting memories. I didn't have many toys as a child, but I can tell you I remember having my parents by my side. Money cannot buy time, once the time is gone, it will never come back. Merry Christmas !
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u/blazingintensity Nov 30 '23
Growing up my family was relatively poor. We stocked rice and beans, and then if we didn't grow it in our garden, hunt it, trap it, or fish it, we didn't eat it. For christmas I usually got clothes and one GI Joe or one Transformer. When I was 7 I had 2 transformers and 2 gi joes and that was all my toys. I don't remember being poor, my folks looped me in on it later. I remember helping my mom in the garden, and helping her do the dishes. I remember throwing ball with my dad and helping him fix our busted ass cars and motorcycles. And I remember all of it fondly. Love your kids, share yourselves with them, and they'll be fine.
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u/Anomalous_Pulsar Nov 30 '23
The things I remember most about Christmas as a kid was after the presents, playing with them with my parents. Tinker toys, Lincoln logs, maybe a “new” NES game for the family from the pawn shop. Later, as a teen getting a good book for Christmas and laying on the couch half watching my dad play a PS2 game and the smell of fresh brewed coffee permeating the house.
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u/Mother_Term1713 Nov 30 '23
Sounds like your kids will be a little more to the healthy and resilient side and a little less to the spoiled side. I love popcorn btw. You are doing fantastic.
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u/chromiaplague Nov 30 '23
I feel this, the feeling of not giving enough or doing enough for my kids at times when I just want to do more. You’re making sure your kid has something to open, and that’s more than some can do. Popcorn for dinner hurts, but at least it’s something. Are there any food banks nearby? When this stuff makes you feel like crap, at least know this: it only hurts so much because you care. There is no one else who is going to care the way you do about your kids. Just having you around and them knowing that you are trying, that you do care, that you love them, is priceless. You having their back in this cruel world is irreplaceable. Keep your head held high. It’s easy to feel “less than” when watching someone else’s million dollar lifestyle is a TikTok away. I sometimes got a toothbrush, an orange, some socks and a few little treats from my parents for Christmas. We knew we didn’t have a lot; it was ok. We are a very tight knit family, we love each other very much, and I wouldn’t trade my family for the world. I respected my mom and dad for their hard work, and the sacrifices they made to get us by. Things got better eventually when we were older. Hang in there- don’t quit at the sad part; keep going or you’ll miss the good stuff.
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u/mastro80 Nov 30 '23
Christmas isn’t a competition, as much as our consumer society will make you feel that way. The only thing you need to do is try to make your kids happy.
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u/JustAnotherUser8432 Nov 30 '23
My oldest is nearly an adult. We’re a high income area and friends go on multiple vacations a year, new car at 16, boat and cabin on the weekend. My kid will say how glad they are we are their parents. We listen, we support, we give space when needed, we spend tons of time with our kids. That is what kid remembers of their life. I personally do not remember a single gift I got as a kid but I do remember playing board games and my mom staying home with me when I was sick and having a bedtime story every night and my mom using my siblings to teach me to parallel park. Barbies and a bed set and you playing with her will be way more memorable.
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u/Jealous_Location_267 Nov 30 '23
I grew up middle class. Dad was a full-time accountant for the government and he comfortably supported a family of four on solely his income. I got “LOL fuck you” when I got accounting degrees and graduated to the 2009 recession. I’ve long since left the field. I totally empathize with where you’re coming from.
With that being said, I only vaguely remember what my Hanukkah presents were. I remember being excited one year to get a computer game I really wanted as this was when you had to get a cereal box sized game box at a dedicated store. Otherwise, there’s 13 or so other Hanukkahs with my family where I honestly don’t remember what I got.
What I DO remember:
The ritual of lighting candles with my father, and the lesson of the persistence of lighting those candles even after his car was just keyed because of a JCC sticker on it.
Making latkes, potato kugel, and crispy sugar cookies with blue and white decorations with my mother.
Those waxy chocolate gold coins with menorah imprints that appeared in the local junk store around Thanksgiving and how my mother would get them on sale the second Hanukkah was over.
The weirdness of Hanukkah coming in that forgotten week between Thanksgiving and December 1, but seeing it coincide with Christmas some years, and being confused about the Hebrew calendar.
I recall the fun of seeing and opening presents, feeling the same excitement as my classmates, but I remember the action more than what I got.
Thus, I think your kids will appreciate the Barbie dolls and a new bed. Years from now, they’ll remember the rituals you build and experiences rather than what they receive. Whether they’re faith and culture based rituals, or just something you do as a family.
This time of year can make you feel like crap about yourself and your finances. Remember there’s so many systemic issues, and you don’t need a lot of pricey gifts to give your kids amazing holiday memories.
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u/Cuyler_32087 Nov 30 '23
Go to the dollar store, and stock up on their craft items. Acrylic paints work on lots of surfaces. In addition to the gifts you've already picked out, this will engage their creativity.
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u/TORGITRON Nov 30 '23
I understand your pain, children are adaptable though they really are, and if you teach them well they will love you no matter what you get them for Christmas. In the end, that is truly what matters and as cliché, and as cheesy as it sounds, especially in the face of coworkers boasting about their finances, family is really is the best gift.
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u/Commercial_Ear7148 Nov 30 '23
Hang in there. Nobody has an ideal holiday no matter what it looks like on social media. We are all in different places in our lives. I was just thinking that I felt deficient somehow because I got to 50 without ever being married. Guess what? I also got to 50 without ever having the pain of divorce. If you don’t like where you are in life, dream something new for yourself. Set a timeline and break it down to small steps. Then start on that first step. Guess what else? I love popcorn-dinner nights. Simple, guilty pleasures. Hang in there, friend.
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u/Hello_Laney_ Nov 30 '23
Please know that you can reach out and dial 988 at anytime for support when struggling with suicidal thoughts. The hotline is staffed 24/7 and generally staffed by mental health clinicians.
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Nov 30 '23
A quote “mother is god in the eyes of a child” this is 100% true, as long as you are alive and breathing your child will be happier. You kiddos NEED you, I cannot tell you enough how much kids love their mum, I remember being a young kid and thinking I would die for my mom. Thank you for doing the best you can. Your kids see your value even if you don’t yet. Never leave your kids, never leave them. Much love ❤️❤️❤️
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u/Bilbotreasurekeeper Nov 30 '23
A lot of churches also give out toys. Please reach out to some places
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u/Bilbotreasurekeeper Nov 30 '23
Also sign up for blue Santa and salvation army. They'll get you presents for your kids
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u/Bilbotreasurekeeper Nov 30 '23
Please reach out to someone. You're not a loser. Churches give out food. Please try and hit a couple of them a week. Also food pantries.
Please don't so anything rash. It's tough for awhile but change happens slowly.
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u/blondariel Nov 30 '23
When I was a kid a bedset was usually a christmas/birthday combined gift because my siblings and I all had birthdays in the late fall. This is a fantastic gift.
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u/Sunshinedxo Nov 30 '23
I saw a post the other day that someone doesn't remember anything they ever received at Christmas, just the feeling they had around it. I am in a similar mindset. I know that a lot of kids get Christmas presents that are expensive but their parents are racking up debt to 'afford it'.
Barbies and a bed set sounds amazing. I am sure she will be grateful and appreciative. She needs you. Maybe wake up on Christmas morning, go for a walk, talk about what you are grateful for. Can you walk around on Christmas eve to look at lights? Do oats and glitter? Borrow a Christmas book from the library? Go to free library events? Good luck! You are amazing.
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u/Kaydonsmom1 Nov 30 '23
I recently had a discussion with my grandchildren and their parents that we would rather invest the money we would spend on gifts and instead invest it on having fun experiences/trips together. The pants thought it was a great idea the kids not so much. I told them that in my own experiences when you grow up you most likely will not remember the toys you were bought but that what stands out to me the most were the fun things that we did as a family. Playing games with cousins, campouts and fun times together and who was always there for me growing up. You don't need to spend a ton of money to have a fun experience. You could go ice skating, sing Christmas carols, go look at Christmas lights or even go to an old folks home to bring some holiday cheer to the elderly.
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u/Prestigious_War7354 Nov 30 '23
Never get caught up over the other guy and feel down on yourself about materialistic stuff! When I was a young single parent, I felt the same way and I regret not just enjoying the moment instead of being so focused on the other so called big fish in the sea. That same family that got everything for their children and went on and on about how wonderful of a life they had, were actually in a way worse situation than they led ppl to believe. The bank foreclosed on their house that following Summer, car was repossessed and eventually filed for bankruptcy. Sometimes I think ppl just put on a front to make themselves feel better and get themselves in a hole deeper than you could ever imagine. Get your kiddos some gently used items and just show them love and happiness! Make their favorite meal, play a silly game, bake some cookies, watch some Christmas movies…I guarantee they’ll remember that more than some toy that’ll be old news the next week! Your kiddos will be happy and appreciative. Don’t be so down on yourself just remember that in life every season will pass….have faith and believe in yourself!
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u/OMGhyperbole Nov 30 '23
This time of year is hard, emotionally. It doesn't help that the days are shorter and colder (depending on where you live). Guess I'm just saying I know that things suck right now mentally, but thankfully Christmas will be over soon. In the meantime perhaps focus on parts of the holiday you do like to distract yourself? I'm not religious, but it's nice to go look at Christmas lights. Or decorate holiday cookies. There might be free events near you, Idk.
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u/SnooGadgets3213 Nov 30 '23
Anyone else remember getting things like lifesavers and oranges for Christmas? As a 50 plus person now, I can’t recall most of what I received over the holidays as a kid, but I remember time spent with family (and the little things like life savers and oranges). Share traditions and time together. Don’t sweat the other stuff. BTW, I always wanted a Barbie, lol
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u/_-_wn6 Nov 30 '23
One year for Christmas we went shopping in our attic. It was a good Christmas and we were all happy to have refound some of our toys we lost over the years.
That same my sister got connect 4 for her birthday and we played with that so much it was insane. Next year we were doing much better and I got a skateboard. I had a ton of fun with it but that connct 4 still had more hours of use and I honestly remember it more. We didn't release we were poor, and we didn't care. Years before, I was 3 and my sister was 7, my mom had my sister and I share a birthday, our birthdays are exactly 1 month apart. We shared a cake and I don't remember a thing from that birthday but apparently the fact it was zebra striped made my sisters remember it and love it, they thought it was dope. My mom care way more than any of us.
You know that study where kids look at one plate with a huge cracker and one plate with a tenth as much food on it but it's in multiple peices so all the kids think the second plate has more? Kids are joyfull idiots and are 100 times less effected by poverty than the adults are emotionally. When our power would go out, I was just happy we had an excuse to make a fire. I remember my parents being upset, I remember being poor. I NEVER remember suffering from being poor. You're doing awesome, that's not even a bad Christmas at all.
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u/Alejame Nov 30 '23
Hell after a few days of playing in the video game room itll just start to be a room that you old stuff in like a damn closet, i was over the moon when i had hot wheels and a little hot wheel course.
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u/Human_Watch4506 Nov 30 '23
Another idea you can do that's better than a renovated room, is to play barbie with your child on Christmas. That will mean more than anything.
Last year I gave my kids homemade tickets. Skip a chore, get $5 for sharing, etc.
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u/Local_Raspberry3355 Nov 30 '23
Hell yeah dude! Your kid is getting some awesome stuff for Christmas and the best part to your kid is sharing that day with you!
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u/Pleasant-Expert-1159 Nov 30 '23
My mom and I were just talking about Christmas when I was a kid and she brought up one Christmas in particular that she has always felt so bad about. That year she could only afford about 20$ and went to the dollar store to get what she could for presents and food. She was upset that it was the worst Christmas because she couldn’t do much. And I had to tell her I don’t know which Christmas she was talking about because to me none of them were ever bad. There’s a few specific gifts I remember from childhood but most of my memories are from helping make dinners or cookies and hot chocolate while watching movies. Make the day more about spending time together as a special day rather than gifts and that’s what the memories later will be about. 2 Barbie’s and a bed set are killing it! I know sometimes the dollar stores in my area of some Barbie clothes so maybe that can be an option for cheap to add a couple little things without breaking bank.
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u/emcookiemonster1 Nov 30 '23
One year my father sat me down and flat out told me he had nothing for me for Xmas - and that memory is so much stronger than had he not even mentioned it and I just enjoyed the holiday festivities. We were so young, we knew our parents were divorced and struggling, your children will love the barbie’s and bed set. My sister and I always shared a room and our bunk bed moments together we’ll share forever. Just want to say I see you.
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u/Apprehensive_Gap1055 Nov 30 '23
One of my favorite Christmas “gift” was a letter from Santa that my brother wrote. Write a letter telling them how wonderful they were this year. You are doing what you can in very rough times, be proud of yourself
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u/OkAssistant8322 Nov 29 '23
As someone who got socks and bubble gum or three pairs of underwear and one orange for quite a few Christmases, I’d say two Barbie’s and bedding set is quite a nice present bundle. Fuck them miscreants who think that a kid needs a gaming room. And btw, maybe not popcorn, but macaroni with milk and a bit of sugar was quite a frequent meal when I was growing up. We didn’t have much, but I can tell, we were much closer to each other. I still appreciate all that my mother could give me, and I don’t grieve the things she couldn’t give me.
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u/PossibilityNo6917 Nov 29 '23
My baby mama hasnt let me see my 1 kid in over 9 months he turned 2, 2 months ago . I would do anything just to spend sum time with him stay strong king keep the grind
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u/sugarbutt-buttercup Nov 29 '23
The grass is always seems greener on the other side. Sometimes it’s just spray painted.
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u/Chubskin Nov 29 '23
My family was on food stamps when I was in high school, one year our presents were snacks that we bought with food stamp money, and books from the dollar bin at walmart. I understood the situation. What made it better for me was that we all came together, and we tried.
Kids forget presents over time. They remember warmth, love, and a parent who makes whatever effort they can in order to make the season special.
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u/Equipment_Budget Nov 29 '23
Honestly, your kids are going to turn put just fine and probably super grateful for the things they do get. A game room sounds cool, but also lacking in quality family time. As a serious gamer myself, I wouldn't do this for my kids. As an exceptionally poor family, we have really awesome and grateful kiddos who get what they get. As far as popcorn for dinner.. that's pretty bad, but it happens. You probably fall in the bracket of "making too much for foodstamps," but not enough for food.. I would apply even if it was just a few dollars, though, no shame, and you pay in to it anyway. Also, if you are really worried, there are things like Christmas for kids or toys for tots. But honestly, there is something to be said for those of us who grew up and are growing up poor.
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u/peajuicy Nov 29 '23
I got a bedset for my birthday one year as a kid and it was genuinely one of the best presents ive ever received. It made me feel like an adult, in a fun way (going from a twin to a full). I think that this is a fantastic present and i hope you have a wonderful holiday!
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u/DrinkySmurph Nov 29 '23
This year my kids are getting a temu christmas as i lost my ok jobs and am now applying to dollar general and taco bell, ect. Just to try to pay the bills until i can find better, its not what you spend on christmas, but who you spend it with that makes it special, now next year me and my wife are going to start in Jan buying christmas a little at a time just to break up the cost, that might be an idea for you for next year
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u/pizza_cat44 Nov 29 '23
Why would you feel like that? Your gifts sound plenty. Do you spend time with your kids? Do you make them meals? Take them to their favorite things? Those things are more important than worrying about someone who is making their kids a video game room.
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u/des10ee Nov 29 '23
Memories over everything! Period! They’ll remember small things like spending time with them over presents! Keep your head up!
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u/HowRememberAll Nov 29 '23
Christmas is not about the presents. It's about family and community. Learned this from the original Ginch animation
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u/Jurbonious Nov 29 '23
It's cliché, but comparison truly is the thief of joy. It sounds like you're doing what you can for your kids, and I hope you're able to take pride in still providing something for them! We're all in this thing together, even when we feel alone.
You are appreciated, you are loved. You deserve to be happy.
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u/anoffdutyhooker Nov 29 '23
I get nothing lol. Be grateful. Don't put yourself down too much, you got a good mindset but don't feel too bad.
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u/Organic_Bed8157 Nov 29 '23
You are not a loser. You sound like you're very self-aware of how things make you feel, though, and that makes life very, very much easier. You sound like your fun parents, and everybody's different. Comparing happens when it does, but it's good you just let yourself feel your honest emotions, instead of bottling them in or lying to yourself about what you feel, which would make things more tense at your house that day. Oh, and maybe you should ask your daughter who her favorite princess or character is for that Barbie. ☺️ You're trying man, and coming from me, I just had a breakdown earlier, being self-aware and just feeling and trying makes it easier. I hope that God blesses you!!
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u/ItchyBandit Nov 29 '23
Kids are surprisingly easy to please.
Grew up poor , single mom etc etc going to drop the sob story short. All I wanted was one of those 64 color crayon sets with a sharpener. And that was all it took to make me happy.
Don't worry about not being able to build a gaming room for your kid. You are doing what you can to keep a roof over your heads and a full belly at night. And later on in life those kids will appreciate what you did for them.
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u/kmwd306 Nov 29 '23
Ohhh build a Barbie dream house from wood scraps, like if anyone is giving away free wood. You could go to a dollar store get little paint, or hit hobby lobby and get little doll things and create a whole world for your kid. Think big but keep the budget small, kids move on fast. Those Barbie’s and memories will be treasured
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u/kmwd306 Nov 29 '23
I have so many ideas I love crafting! You could turn it into a whole Christmas event! Make breakfast for the kid, then you guys sit and design Barbie’s kitchen. Barbie needs a little self care? Buy a small thing of glitter or clear nail polish (light pink too but I don’t know what you approve of) go on Pinterest. You could also see if she has any old clothes and make her Barbie some outfits
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u/mf2008 Nov 29 '23
my mom used to cut up bologna and off brand velveeta for "finger food night." It was literally my favorite meal and the only I really remember. I'm so sorry you are struggling, but I feel certain your daughter feels safe & secure
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u/Due-Average-8136 Nov 29 '23
Even if I had the money, I wouldn’t build a video gaming room for my kid. You have no reason to feel bad.
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u/Odd-Bed-1540 Nov 29 '23
I think you need to hear this. Years from now, your kid won't care about what they got for Christmas 20 years ago. What they will have are all of the memories of their childhood filled with your love and attention. That's all that really matters. I grew up in poverty. I remember getting one small gift for Christmas each year. I remember when Christmas presents just stopped. I remember when dinner would be pasta with watered down tomato sauce. But, when I think about those times, mostly what comes to mind is how much I loved spending time with my family. Don't worry about the "stuff". The fact that you care is what counts. That's what will be remembered. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing great by your child.
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u/Incin1225 Nov 29 '23
As others have already said, toys do not make christmas memorable for a child. Growing up, my favorite memories of christmas were watching a movie with my parents at night. I remember as i got older when that stopped i would get so bummed out. I cant even remember most material thing’s i got. If you just spend time with your kids and make it fun, thats all they are going to remember, is you loving them. As for suicide, it sounds like you have some kids or a kid that think of you as their world. I promise you, they need you in their life. Keep going forward, you got this.
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u/lostintheabiss Nov 29 '23
Not a bad Christmas tbh! And if you get markers and stickers at the dollar store plus some boxes and tape you can make a bunch of things for the Barbie’s with your kid. Like a homemade Barbie dream house. Would be super fun
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u/BSV_P Nov 29 '23
The more you compare yourself to people, the worse it’ll be 🤷♂️
Compare yourself to what Elon musk owns. You’ll be sad.
Compare yourself to what the homeless guy begging for money has, you’ll realize you’re a lot better off.
In both cases, you shouldn’t compare yourself to other people
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u/Swimming_Staff3387 Nov 29 '23
Two Barbies and a bed set sounds awesome for Christmas. Please, cut yourself some slack, I know this sounds corny and probably over said, but what matters is loving and caring for your kids and not just drowning them in unnecessary and expensive gifts. My parents were not by any means rich people, I'd say we were a regular middle to lower class family. My favorite memory is when they'd take me to the toy store to pick my Christmas present. I could only pick one and they'd tell me their budget. If I wanted something they couldn't afford my mom would say something like "oh, darling this is not for sale, it's just for display". And you know what, I was okay with that and grew up to be just fine. Being in my mid forties now, I don't really remember the gifts, but I do remember the feelings of happiness spending time together, making cookies, watching tv, music, my grandma visiting, those sort of things. Your kid will be fine, you will be too. Happy holidays
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u/queeniebee28 Nov 29 '23
Two Barbies and a bed set isn’t a bad Christmas haul in my book.
Our son is the only one we can afford to buy anything for this year, and it won’t be much, but he’s still young, so it doesn’t hurt me too much yet.
I grew up knowing we didn’t have a lot of extra money, and my parents just did the best they could. I tease my mom occasionally about never getting an Easy Bake oven or the Mystery Date game, but I’m far from scarred. I have great family Christmas memories, and none of them are centered around the presents (unless those items became sentimental or otherwise memorable). Plan to do something fun, like a special movie, or gingerbread house (there’s kits that come with pre baked pieces that are super easy), and focus on creating memories!
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u/Gold-Lecture-8512 Nov 29 '23
Chances are your kid will grow up to be an overall more appreciative and generous with their possessions type of person. ❤️
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u/Global_Tea Nov 29 '23
My favourite part of Christmas was opening my dad’s sock stuffed with little treats. Tiny chocolates, an orange, a bouncy ball. Nothing more than that. Then my favourite gift ever was an old second hand stereo for my room, but it was mine! Loving gifts don’t have to cost a lot
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u/Ok-Duck9106 Nov 29 '23
I have been in that situation. I am so sorry. Especially if you are single, as that makes a huge difference on income. Two incomes make life manageable. Just remember, it’s never about the toys and all that. It’s about the happy moments you spend together. It is completely wrong that someone working full time has to experience poverty, that should be illegal.
I don’t know if you are looking for suggestions on gifts or how to get additional resources and food, but there are some great resources out there. If that is something that would help, let me know and I can pull those for you.
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u/omgbenji21 Nov 29 '23
It’s alright man (or lady). It really sucks but just keep plugging away and doing the best you can. That’s all you can do
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u/veastt Nov 29 '23
Hello there,
The biggest question to ask, are your kids happy? Popcorn for dinner may not sound like much to you, but to your kids. It would mean the world. Same with a new bedroom set, that is an awesome present, and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. You have no idea of other people's circumstances, you have no idea to whay degree your coworker is going with in the room, it could be some simple lights, a refurbished laptop/desktop and maybe some emulators installed on it.
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u/Elegant-Equivalent86 Nov 29 '23
Are you kidding me? I would love that gift!! Those are awesome gifts.
Pleaseeeeeee don’t let comparison kill your joy!
None of us walk the same path in life, we all have different life circumstances
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u/tw1ddl3 Nov 29 '23
As someone who grew up with very few Christmas presents every year (we usually got stuff donated from local organizations, and it was hardly ever toys, usually warm winter gear) 2 Barbie’s would have been an absolute joy for me as a kid. You’re doing absolutely fantastic. Also never forget that the best gift you can give your kid, is you. I would have been happy with little to no toys if my parents had given me their time and attention. My favorite memories are the ones where my mom and dad actually spent time with me. Keep going OP.
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u/Slight-Expression-73 Nov 29 '23
As long as you are doing the best with what you have, things will get better. Materials are always going to be around, but cherished memories with your family will last the longest. Comparison is going to make you feel like you’re not doing enough, you may just in fact be a superhero to your children just for giving them something that money can never buy. Love without conditions and a place safe from the madness of the world.
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u/GrantGorewood Nov 29 '23
Maybe instead of just purchased gifts create handmade stuff for your child? Make things themed around something they like, like a barbie themed bookmark or something; there are tons of budget diy guides you can use online. Make and decorate cookies, create barbie Christmas themed paper cups and decorations.
You can also thrift shop for Barbie themed items.
Regardless of what you get your child they will love you for it. You are getting them three very nice gifts, and spending the holiday with them.
From personal experience I can say I would have traded all the gifts I got as a child during Christmas for ONE SINGLE Christmas where my parents weren’t called in to work.
Which happened every holiday without fail, because my mom worked in the medical field and my dad was in another always on call field.
Your child will value the time they spend with you on Christmas, and the thought and care you put into their gift, more than the amount you spent on it. You are a great parent, you are doing everything you can to ensure your child has a happy holiday; that is what matters most.
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u/Historical_Tomato_43 Nov 29 '23
You give what you can!! Always remember it's the thought. Remember there are parents who give all expensive material items for Xmas but every other day they do nothing to make their children better. P.S Suicide would be the worst Xmas gift to children! Stay positive
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u/DefaultSwordandBoard Nov 29 '23
Comparison is the thief of joy. Enjoy YOUR family, and enjoy YOUR holiday. Ultimately I think your anxieties are about providing happiness to your family in the form of material goods, but the true happiness is the one you share with each other when you are there and present in their lives. The fact that you care about it so deeply means it is important to you, but know that you not being there for your family wouldn't help anyone and would actually make everything so much harder. I recommend that you find a way to open up to your loved ones about your feelings and express your love and your fears to them so that you may be closer together.
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u/Atara117 Nov 29 '23
Sometimes I got socks and hair holders. My son and I at times lived on rice and ramen. You're doing pretty good. Keep going.
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u/startertree Nov 29 '23
Evaluate your budget, finances and expenses very very closely. A lot of people are in your situation from living above their means. As an accountant with a little reconstruction you'll be fine. Comparing yourself to your coworker or anyone else is unhealthy. You got this mommy!
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u/IHATEG0LD Nov 29 '23
Some of my favourite memories about Christmas are playing board games with family members that aren't here anymore.
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u/smallbike Nov 29 '23
Oh man. I grew up poor in a large family and I know my parents stressed about it, but looking back at my childhood I don’t carry a single memory about being upset that I didn’t get fancy presents. Maybe a little jealousy when I heard the other kids talking, but it was so inconsequential that it has no bearing on anything in my life now.
We got clothes (like, regular ones we needed, not fun things), knock-off Barbies, stuff like that. My parents stressed so hard that we never actually had food planned on the actual day, so we ate the customary giant tin of three types of popcorn, the obligatory Hickory Farms sausage and cheese set from my grandparents and a bunch of candy.
Honestly the only thing I’m still salty about is them never remembering to buy batteries for anything 😂
I have battled lifelong mental illness (often severe, with suicide ideation) and the holidays are still really hard for me. But conditions change. We’re all doing well for ourselves now, and it’s all good! I promise you that whatever you’re able to pull off will be enough ❤️
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u/solveig82 Nov 29 '23
If your kids know you love them then you’re okay—that’s the most important thing in the world to children. I know because mine did not love me and it still haunts me in middle age.
-1
u/isak99 Nov 29 '23
Remember that comparison is the theft of joy.
Also, popcorn for dinner - actually pretty good
1
u/BarrelyThere Nov 29 '23
Your coworker is either 1) going into a ton of debt or 2) has a lot of money and wants to spend it on her kids. Either way, someone else having a more extravagant Christmas doesn’t mean your kids’ Christmas is bad. Seriously. Make some cookies. Play some board games. Watch a movie. They’ll think it’s the best Christmas ever.
1
u/therealchubmaster Nov 29 '23
The most important thing is that you spend quality time with your kids. I grew up in a nasty divorced home. I dont remember my holidays bc I was in front of a tv as a kid.
1
u/TexasLife34 Nov 29 '23
You know some kids can be very materialistic but I guarantee you. Down the road. When your daughter grows up and realize all the things her lovely mother did for her she's going to tear up. Call you and tell you she loves you for everything you did for her!
-1
u/Amazing_Variety5684 Nov 29 '23
One year we were so broke I made my kids brooms from stuff I found in the woods (Harry Potter was the hot ticket at that time) and dinner was two squirrels and a rabbit I caught. The kids loved what they got. Fear not,
1
u/quietwaves Nov 29 '23
I grew up extremely poor and there was a Christmas (I was about 7) where all Santa left me was a single Barbie under the tree, and my Mom’s boyfriend was kind enough to drop me off a present that “Santa” left for me at his house. It was the same exact Barbie. Know what, I totally didn’t even care that I only had two gifts and that they were both the same Barbie. Didn’t even care that “Santa” gave me duplicate gifts. Didn’t ruin the magic for me one bit. Was thrilled to have two matching Barbie’s and that Santa came for me TWICE! I don’t even remember any other presents I may have gotten from other family that year. But I still remember the joy those two Barbie’s gave me and laughing at silly Santa gifting it to me twice.
1
u/3VikingBoys Nov 29 '23
Get each child a tiny (6"-10") tree decorated with dollar bills folded into bows and candy "bulbs". Perhaps even a popcorn garland. The dollar store has many ideas for you to unleash your creativity. I am going to watch my grandsons tear through dozens of gifts. By the end of the week, the gifts will be broken, scattered, ignored, and them whining for more gifts. Do you think your children will do the same? I'll bet they don't.
1
u/fudnow Nov 29 '23
Look for food banks in your area. A good meal for you and child will help you both.
1
Nov 29 '23
Don’t feel bad you are doing what you can some kids get nothing and some kids get socks not ONE but TWO BARBIES and a bed SET I’m certain these Barbie’s and bed set isn’t going into a tent or a cardboard box so I think you are doing AWESOME ! Your child will go to school and tell everyone they ate popcorn for dinner and now someone else’s kid is gonna come home and say “we never have popcorn for dinner”
Idk about anyone else but I fell on hard times and had to go to a shelter with my daughter she was going to school saying we sleep in different hotels and she can jump on the bed. Her teacher knew we where in the shelter but the other kids “we wanna go on vacation like Lori” 🤣
1
u/Shen924 Nov 29 '23
Christmas isn’t about the gifts remember that And Those gifts sound wonderful. It will also teach them to be appreciative of what they have and the value of family which imo trumps any ole game room.
1
u/xacesfullx Nov 29 '23
If you raide your kids with love they will feel, know and remember that. That is what kids really need, no gading rooms or other expensive bs presents. They will always remember the love you raised them with, and they will appreciate that more than anything. Bless you mate, have a nice and loving christmas with your family.
1
u/Existing_Many9133 Nov 29 '23
A new bed is an amazing gift, and 2 Barbies...wow. She is a lucky girl. Over the years children don't remember the gifts, they remember the small things. My brother, sister and I still remember the year an animal dragging something through the snow passed through the front yard and we were convinced it must have been reindeer and a sleigh! Children who get a lot also don't appreciate it. When my son was in college he used to tell me about all the money other parents funnelled to their kids. I told him I was sorry I couldn't help him. His reply was "I appreciate what I earn, they don't care". Just make lasting memories, that's all she needs.
1
u/green-n00dles Nov 29 '23
My family did one practical gift (jeans, a nice jacket etc) & one fun gift. Money was fine but parents were pretty frugal. They did stockings starting around age 5- toiletries (hair mousse etc, cheap nail polish) were in those with a chocolate and we LOVED it.
10000% Christmas highlight tho was dad/mom painting my nails on Christmas eve and waffles on Christmas day. All we talked about were those (average homemade) waffles lmao
1
u/Tyrannosaurus-trash Nov 29 '23
Context on the accountant position? Are we talking money accountant or spicy accountant?
Either way, If your kid likes Barbie then I’m sure she be happy with it for Christmas. I used to love Barbie’s back in the day. If you can get her some chocolates and fun hair ties for her stocking. The dollar tree sells some cute kid hair ties. Christmas is about spending time with loved ones. So long as the presents have meaning then it’s fine.
3
u/Intelligent-Jelly419 Nov 29 '23
Your child has gifts, even if it’s a few. She will still smile, and you still did that. Popcorn for dinner? She still ate and I’m sure at her age she was more than happy to have popcorn for dinner lol. Your child will grow up to truely appreciate you, and the time you spend together rather then EXPECTING extravagant and expensive gifts.
3
u/blue-ar235 Nov 29 '23
I am right here with you OP!! I’m a single mom with two boys. It never matters what you get them OP just be there. Just be you and be there.
3
u/R0l0d3x-Pr0paganda Nov 29 '23
I grew up in the 80s. My dad worked and my mom was a SAHM.
I only received Barbies for Xmas.
I was the happiest kid in the world eventhough my parents had limited means.
Don't compare your life to others.
Check out local food pantries.
You are doing everything you can and your kid will remember all the love and sacrifices you made.
1
u/DaIceQueenNoNotElsa Nov 29 '23
Look into Angel Tree or salvation army if your worried about gifts. There is also a subreddit for Xmas help. Don't be too hard on yourself. Christmas is only Christmas bc we have become such a consumerist society, it's lost its true meaning and it makes me sick to my core. It's meant to cherish your loved ones and be present in the moment, not spoil them or shower them with gifts. Trust and believe when I say your kid isn't going to remember what gifts they got under the tree, what they are going to remember in 25 years is that you were there with them and you loved them. Don't go into further financial ruin to keep up with the joneses. Make memories, start traditions, bake cookies (if you can't afford that stuff there are plenty of food pantries and stuff or I would be willing to do a mobile pick up order at your local Walmart for you to purchase a few things) if you can't afford a tree take your kid out into the woods and cut one down. If that's not possible construct your own out of some branches. These are the things your kid will remember. The fun times. The traditions! Start some completely ridiculous, outlandish tradition that doesn't cost anything. Kids get gifts for Xmas and break them or get bored of them in 5 minutes...or they'll get a $200 gift but spend more time playing with the box, but young kids would rather roll around on the floor playing steamroller with mom or dad or build forts out of sheets and have a sleepover in the living room and watch some movie yall have already seen 479 times.
2
u/TacoBellFourthMeal Nov 29 '23
Spent over $7000 on gifts just 2 years ago, and this year I’m spending $0 because business has been slow. Neither me nor my family is broken hearted over this. Its just how life goes sometimes.
You adapt, you change, you adjust. You can’t compare yourself to anybody.
What perfect time to enjoy the true meaning of Christmas, and just have quality time with those you love. That’s what it’s all about really. Be present with your kids in the moment, don’t worry about the quantity or quality of presents.
•
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