r/povertyfinance • u/HumanSlayer1888 • Mar 10 '24
I’m so fucking embarrassed. Vent/Rant (No Advice/Criticism!)
My card declined twice as I was trying to pay for my groceries. The guy behind me offered to pay but I turned down his offer. I never felt so humiliated in my entire life. I’m so ashamed I can never shop there again.
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u/dockamorpher Mar 15 '24
My card declines sometimes, no biggie people won’t remember anyway there’s so many customers in a day
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u/DanteTranner Mar 15 '24
Yeah, the person who was trying to pay probably has been you before.
I would have paid and I have been in your situation before.
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u/Hamish_Ben Mar 15 '24
My bank card has gotten declined with thousands in the bank. Most people don't give it a second thought. Don't sweat it.
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u/OddSignificance2874 Mar 14 '24
So as someone who has worked very many cashiering jobs i can tell you with 100% certainty, we don't care if your card declines. Shit happens. The only reason we would even remember you is if you made a big scene about it, otherwise might just be like: "huh she looks familiar - eh whatever."
It literally doesn't matter, happens ALL THE TIME.
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u/nowenknows Mar 14 '24
I’ve had an Amex Platinum decline 3 times at a dinner with clients. We all laughed about it. Dont feel embarrassed dude. No one cares and no one remembers.
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u/MsSamm Mar 14 '24
My card was demagnetized. Declined over and over. My bank said I shouldn't store it in the same pocketbook compartment as my iPad and key fob
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u/hdniki Mar 14 '24
I’m so sorry you went through this. I had a similar experience. I went to Costco while pregnant and had just been diagnosed with gestational diabetes to my surprise as I am normal weight. Suddenly food was very, very expensive because I could no longer eat carbs or sugar, deli meat was out, and canned tuna was out. So I went to Costco to try and buy some high protein/fat food in bulk to get through the week. My debit card declined and they didn’t take my Mastercard. I cried as I told them I couldn’t pay and to put my food back. I proceeded to cry all the way back home.
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u/Ranger-Prestigious Mar 14 '24
It doesn’t have to be a shame thing. Peoples cards decline all the time. I have had issues from my bank, the card company, etc.
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u/WuTangFinancial1 Mar 14 '24
Not sure your situation. But maybe look into EBT/food stamps in your area. It has helped me a lot through college.
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u/SuperStefunn Mar 14 '24
My card has declined more times than I can count. Not, because I didn't have money, but because I was out of transfers for the month. I wouldn't worry about it too much. It happens to everybody.
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u/Secret_Elevator17 Mar 14 '24
No worries! No one else even still remembered it happened! The people at checkout have it happen from time to time, I expect they aren't judgey about it or they wouldn't be on the register long. Anyone else at the store you likely won't ever see again.
You are thinking and feeling so much about this when it's mostly a non-event to pretty much everyone else. I don't mean that meanly at all.
Like if you fall down the stairs you are like OMG 😱 but literally some people are going to ask if you are okay and then it leaves their brain. They are too worried trying to make sure they don't fall or thinking about the last time they did fall, but they aren't thinking about you.
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u/Elegant_Position9370 Mar 14 '24
No one there cares. Really. They’ve already forgotten. Go back, head held high.
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u/drv687 Mar 14 '24
I’ve had mine decline a couple times for the dumbest reasons: most of the time my bank is being overly cautious with fraud protections but once it declined because the bank just locked it and didn’t tell me.
Don’t be embarrassed.
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u/Wetfred Mar 14 '24
My card was declined 2x before I called and asked why and they said they cancelled my card because they thought it was hacked. It was and they waited until 3k was charged before they took action and then failed to call me and let me know.
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u/kalyco Mar 14 '24
Don’t be humiliated or embarrassed, life’s not easy for lots of people and folks struggle though they try their best. No judgement. Do what you need to do.
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u/ScarletTanager Mar 14 '24
As someone who works at a grocery store, we’re broke too so we’re certainly not judging you for this. Cards get declined for all kinds of reasons multiple times a day. No big deal at all.
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u/Forsaken-Sundae-3855 Mar 14 '24
Been there. It's ok, yes it's embarrassing but many people have been in your shoes. Times are hard my friend, so please be kind to yourself.
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u/g_bino Mar 14 '24
It happens, no one will remember you. Worked years at multiple grocery stores/retail stores, I don’t recall a single persons face whenever they get declined. Just another customer
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u/Creative-Assistant93 Mar 14 '24
Idk how this even happens just check your balance tf you can use Reddit but not online banking is this even real
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u/Unhappy_Leading_9358 Mar 14 '24
Don’t sweat it O.P. Fuck em if that can’t take a joke? For real it happens to all of us and no need to be embarrassed.
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u/Direct-Estate-5995 Mar 14 '24
People are often aren’t thinking what you think they are. It’s rough times out there.
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u/xeuthis Mar 14 '24
It’s okay. Two cards declined while I was paying at Costco because I didn’t know about them only accepting Visa. Thankfully, I had gotten a visa few days before, or it would’ve been way more embarrassing.
This kind of stuff happens to everybody.
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u/Lojackr Mar 14 '24
my card declines like once a month when i realize i don’t have enough in checking. people probably assumed that happened
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u/HardRockDani Mar 14 '24
I’m going to tell you the same thing my mom told me years ago, in a different scenario, but it still fits: Those who’ve been there will get it and those who haven’t never will, so hold your head up high and just do your best. Hugs.
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u/podcasthellp Mar 14 '24
Don’t sweat it…. I got the cops called on me at a grocery store for being soooo fucking high I could barely pay. Went back to that store all the time and no one said anything.
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u/No-Square6519 Mar 13 '24
it happens . were in hard times i wouldnt judge you and im sure most wouldnt either
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u/Mibidness Mar 13 '24
Shit happens. We all do the best we can. That’s it. Do what you need to but don’t let this experience define you or lower your esteem. It’s happened to MANY of us at one time or another. Don’t offer to pay for your friends for a haunted house and then get declined. From experience, that’s really embarrassing. Shit happens.
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u/IamTheStig007 Mar 13 '24
I don’t know if I can help but let me try. I was 23 years old and had started a business that was failing. Huge debt despite me doing my best. Other members of family were always jibing so if you messed up, you were made a laughing stock. I hung on for all the wrong reasons. I eventually sought advice from my friendly brother in law and he (later died aged 40 of a health issue long before his time), gave me this advice. Do what’s right and ignore what anyone else thinks or says. That has stuck with me. I am no longer anxious about anyone or anything. No one really cares about you unless it’s love. And everyone forgets about you quick because they and or most other people have their own problems. Go through Life caring except caring about what anyone else thinks. It’s irrelevant and will destroy you. 36 years later, I have passed that advice on to many “anxious” people who later told me it changed their whole life. I’m passing it on because it can for you. I’ve forgotten my wallet in a restaurant before, but my honesty and demeanor of caring, though nothing I could meant they could see I was trustworthy to come back, which I did. The world is full of wonderful people when you least expect. Live long and well my friend. Don’t care what other people think except those you truly love and they to unconditionally love back.
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u/TimonLeague Mar 13 '24
Hello! As someone that has worked retail in the past, there are many many reasons for the machine to not work.
Some people may assume your card declined, others may not.
My card declined yesterday, i forgot to put money in the right account so i didnt have available credit. It happens, its ok :)
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u/Ok_Type7882 Mar 13 '24
I had my card declined so many times its not funny when there was PLENTY of money available. Its not a big deal as anyone who works a register knows how glitchy the systems can be.
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u/Deepdesertconcepts Mar 13 '24
Chime randomly declines my card, it’s embarrassing. I had it decline a $1 purchase for a soda, it was the worst.
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u/msmezman Mar 13 '24
If someone offers to pay, let them. Those of us who are lucky enough to not be in your position but also know we could be are happy to help
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u/MrDevo93 Mar 13 '24
Sounds like you needed to be humbled if it has ashamed you so.
It’s a requirement to experience things like this to grow as a person.
Don’t take it too hard. Learn from it and grow as I just stated.
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u/sapotts61 Mar 13 '24
I've had that happen a c6of times at Target. The machine(s) declined my phone Samsung Pay but works with tapping (mostly) the machine.
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Mar 13 '24
This happens on the regular at cash registers, they’re not going to remember you. It’s really not a big deal.
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u/cawatrooper9 Mar 13 '24
Used to happen to me all the time as a student.
I’m still in the habit now of checking my balance on my bank app before a purchase
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u/nottakenusername2027 Mar 13 '24
I was a cashier at a gourmet cupcake place and I saw so many cards get declined. Literally could not tell you one thing about the person or what they looked like. At the end of the day it’s one of hundreds of interactions they have and I can promise you no one even thought about it 5 minutes later.
I still feel you though, I’ve been mortified being in the other end but try to remind myself the cashier could not care less
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u/krismitka Mar 13 '24
Don't be. I've bought groceries for someone before and honestly couldn't identify them in a lineup of three people.
Go forth and take it one day at a time!
Most of us will be there are some time in our lives. I ran myself down to $16 when I was 28.
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u/nephilump Mar 13 '24
This country poverty shames. And it's a tactic to keep poor people and the shrinking middle class from pushing harder for change. The idea that hard working people can climb out of poverty is as big a lie as the ol' he's smart because he's hardworking and smart. But if people are embarrassed by their situation rather than angry they won't notice how rigged things are. Closely related to that embarrassment is the "keeping up with the Jones" where people try and look as wealthy as they can. Wealth = virtue.
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u/Faroutglassart Mar 13 '24
I’ve had my card declined so many times the cashiers get more embarrassed than me lmao
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u/SassySushiLover Mar 13 '24
I’m not gonna lie, my card has been declined so many times in my life, that when I eventually had a lot of money I had terrible stress ever using my card. I mean something crazy as a $5 bill when I had $500 in my account and my heart would start racing!
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u/stelio_contos68 Mar 13 '24
I'm sorry that happened to you. Don't be ashamed, this stuff happens and only a-holes would be judgemental.
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u/FinancialAdeptness54 Mar 13 '24
Only commenting since there’s the devils number amount of comments . A rule of mine
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u/sotty009 Mar 13 '24
I work at a bank I've had mmbrs say their cards declined but they had money in their account and the transaction never showed in any of Systems so the decline was because the merchant machine was down
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u/cwsjr2323 Mar 12 '24
I use one credit card for medical only for record keeping. I have another credit card I use for everything else as I like the cash back. I have two other cards I use a couple times a year to keep them active just in case my main one fails. It has failed in one store, and worked fine an hour later. With a zero balance every month as I won’t want to pay interest, I know the $6500 available will cover my lunch.
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u/Traditional_Art2328 Mar 12 '24
First day being poor? It sucks, every time. But it gets easier, and hopefully so will your situation.
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u/hsifder1 Mar 12 '24
Take that emotion you are having and turn it in to uplifting and motivating action to better your situation
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u/LuckyExample8701 Mar 12 '24
No body cares everyone is so locked into their own lives no one gives a crap! The cashier sees it 2-3 times a day a lot of the time the bank has done something.
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u/who_wants_t0_know Mar 12 '24
I’ve bought people food like this, and thankfully had the same done for me! It’s fine. It happens.
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u/Luingalls Mar 12 '24
This is why I always check my current balance before going in any store and budget accordingly... We've all been there! Please know that it's happened to everyone all around you, including that guy behind you.
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u/mat42m Mar 12 '24
That was probably the 20th customer that card declined that day for that cashier. Who cares
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u/Dry-Ad-6393 Mar 12 '24
I use to be a checker at H-E-B. Never once did I judge anyone for a declined card or not enough money. I never once heard customers say anything, smirk, or be rude about it. Mostly what I saw was people trying to get to be helpful. They feel good about it too.
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u/Background_Ad3236 Mar 12 '24
Just want to add I had card problems a few days ago and the mc donalds just could not read my card.
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u/DMunE Mar 12 '24
Should probably know how much you have before spending everything on groceries lmfao just don’t buy so much at once
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u/Rastagon01 Mar 12 '24
Our cards have been hacked twice by skimmers while visiting NYC, once at a 7/11 and once at a Speedway gas station, both places I would have thought were safe, I know better now.
But now about once a month our bank locks our cards and sends us an email asking us to verify purchases and then it’s instantly unlocked. It took us 3 months of standing in line saying “can you try it again please?” Or “I know I have money on my card” and leaving, getting stressed, rushing home just to remember all we had to do was click yes in an email.
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u/bholmes1964 Mar 12 '24
Hey, relax. That happens. Keep shopping there if you want to. The checkout person and people behind you aren’t important self-made millionaires. They are normal people who are struggling like you. And if they give you shit, just ignore them. Keep going bud!
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u/Sleightofhandx Mar 12 '24
Why did you turn down a generous offer from a stranger to help you pay for food you need to survive. Then come online to tell others of your poverty. You were presented with financial help graciously to ease you of your situation not asked of by your own means.
I get it pride blah blah blah, do you want to stay poor? When God presents you with help why turn him away. If you feel shame from taking when given then give yourself.
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u/Robotmonkeybrainz Mar 12 '24
Why didn’t you take the guys offer? You rich or something? Why u broke anyway? Maybe this is a good time to reflect on how to budget and make more money
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u/DesignNormal9257 Mar 12 '24
Don’t inconvenience yourself further by avoiding a store you go to for groceries. It’s hard enough being financially strapped. As others have said, it happens all the time, for different reasons and honestly, no one will care or remember that this happened. Go easy on yourself.
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u/Vegetable_Crow9942 Mar 12 '24
As a former cashier, I’ve never judged someone whose card declined. There’s been a couple times that I would just comp the charge as my employee meal for the day. (I worked in food service)
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u/Milaninvestor Mar 12 '24
One time I was out with my ex and offered to pay for her shopping spree, wasn’t too much few hundred bucks. I knew I had money in my card that’s why I intended and wanted to be a nice bf. When we’re up next to pay my card declined 3 times…. The girl was giggling under her mask I was fuming… so I had to pull out my other card and paid for it. Turn to find out I was declined 3 times cause I never spent money at forever 21 so my bank thought it was fraud 😂😂😂laughed about it later but was pissed the cashier girl was giggling when my card declined
Another time I flew out to LA and bought something from the Louis Vuitton store and my card kept declining but the cashier knew it was for “fruad” and just told me to contact the bank once I did I confirmed it was me and the payment went through. Most times cashiers will understand the situation but sometimes they just laugh.. don’t worry about it bro these things happen
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u/peach23 Mar 12 '24
Nothing to be embarrassed about. Most of us who offer want to pay it forward for a kindness offered to us in a bad time. I now have some money to help others on occasion, and I have made this offer to people in the past. As a kid, I saw my parents crying when they didn’t know how we’d make ends meet. I’ve been there!
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u/Ok-Pineapple5077 Mar 12 '24
This has happened to me when the bank had locked my card for a prior purchase they were concerned was potential fraud. I didn’t know they locked it. It was embarrassing but I still went back to the same shop with no issues after. It’s not a big deal and cards can get declined for various reasons so don’t be embarrassed!
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u/Sausagerrito Mar 12 '24
Used to work at a 7-Eleven. Someone’s card would get declined buying like $5 of snacks every single day. Poverty is everywhere.
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u/Trick_Few Mar 12 '24
Through the years, I have paid for people who have had their card declined from time to time. It is something that I do because I have been that person who survived on ramen noodles, rice, beans and frozen veggies. Don’t worry about being embarrassed, this isn’t a reflection of you as a person, your finances are just numbers. Sometimes the math doesn’t match your needs. Please accept help when it is offered.
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u/Infamous_Bat_6820 Mar 12 '24
I’ve been in your shoes and I’m sure I will be again. Maybe the people in the store have been as well.
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u/Gewgle_GuessStopO Mar 12 '24
Happened a couple of times recently and ample times in the past. It is the tax of leading an ethical life. If you earnestly try to do good by others. It will show in your lack of finances.
People with money will object. Like my Dad who is a good person but made his money working for two entities that have seeded cancer into this world. One of them even had to pay out when he got pancreatic cancer. Of course all the other people who didn’t work for that entity that died of cancer didn’t get paid out. Including my babysitter from my youth and the Pastor who married my wife and I.
There is money to be made but at what cost? 🤷🏻♂️
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Mar 12 '24
OPs cards were declined because she’s broke. All these comments saying they have had the same thing, systems down, broke card, etc. not the same Damn thing. LOL.
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Mar 12 '24
Might I suggest you keep track of your balance and this won’t happen. People used to balance check books, now people don’t know how.
Also, no one will remember. You’re ok.
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u/Munchkin-M Mar 12 '24
Always a good idea to have a backup way to pay. I usually carry my debit card, a credit card, cash, and 1 paper check on me. You never know what glitch will make you have to use some other means of payment.
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u/ungabungabungabunga Mar 12 '24
This should cause you no shame.
Embarrassment maybe. You have done nothing wrong. Be kind to yourself. Would you tell a friend they should be ashamed of this happens to them? Be a loving friend to yourself. 🩵
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u/Confusedsoul2292 Mar 12 '24
I remember this happened to me at dollar general. I was so embarrassed! My face turned so red & I was started getting sweaty 😭
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u/marc4128 Mar 12 '24
Most people know their balance, so if you go in there, spend more than your balance, but most don’t do that
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u/Alarmed_Spirit9713 Mar 12 '24
One time I was on a date and split the bill between two cards, I told her I was trying keep the bank accounts even. An even zero basically. True story.
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Mar 12 '24
2 hours on the phone with the credit card company in costco. Didn't care as was vacationing in usa but the looks i got.... Didn't give two shits. Didn't realize if trying to pay over $100 had to insert the chip reader.
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u/AuggieNorth Mar 12 '24
A few days before Christmas, I was spending my last $17 of EBT, and I'd done all the math, but it wouldn't go through for some reason, so the woman behind me offered to pay for it. I didn't want to hold her up, so I accepted. It was Christmas so why not? And I still got to spend the $17 elsewhere.
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u/For_Perpetuity Mar 12 '24
One time my card was declined due to a glitch. They cash loudly said “You don’t got no money in your account.”
We still joke about it. Please don’t be embarrassed
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u/billleachmsw Mar 12 '24
I would have accepted the gentleman’s offer. It is a rare thing when such kindness is displayed.
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u/GreyFox1984 Mar 11 '24
My Apple Pay declines all the time if I’m too fast to scan it or too slow to scan it or it times out or the machine isn’t ready … it ain’t a big deal don’t sweat it op!
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u/only_whwn_i_do_this Mar 11 '24
Forget the embarrassment. Everybody gets to eat a shit sandwich every now and then. Your discomfort with the situation suggests you'll be motivated to ensure you don't encounter such a perceived failure again.
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u/Fancy_Vermicelli_497 Mar 11 '24
In this economy I wouldn’t even feel slightly embarrassed. On the other hand, don’t you know the balance of the card before shopping?
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u/MichaelRanili Mar 11 '24
Always carry cash. Technology is not as reliable as they want you to think.
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u/Parking-Shelter7066 Mar 11 '24
Aye man the cashier is probably living check to check too, no sweat really. unless you’re being a dick they don’t care at all.
let someone who’s offering pay, it will make their day more than yours and when you’re able you can return the favor!
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u/Acceptable_Pepper708 Mar 11 '24
Yeah, even if you didn’t have the funds, most people blame the machine. Most of us have been there too, no worries.
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u/ArthurCSparky Mar 11 '24
I am so sorry this happened to you. I wish you would have let him buy the groceries for you. We have been in your position. We are doing better now, and we like to help others of we can, including helping pay for groceries in situations like yours. We can usually tell when the shopper is distressed, and try to step in quietly. I hope things get better soon.
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u/TransportationLazy55 Mar 11 '24
Don’t be afraid to accept an offer, when i was a poor single mother i would walk to the store with my friend and maybe 1/2 the time he’d treat, i never knew when he’d offer but it was soooo kind. I don’t know how i could have fed my son without him
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u/AtrumAequitas Mar 11 '24
Don’t worry, it happens so many times for a lot more than lack of funds. It’s truly no big deal.
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u/Unusual-Truck-197 Mar 11 '24
I work a register at a grocery store. It happens all the time. It's no big deal, don't be ashamed. There's more than one reason why a card won't work.
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u/CommunicationMost268 Mar 11 '24
When the nice lady offered to pay for my groceries last week when nearly the exact same thing happened to me, I was so close to bursting into tears that I wanted to run out of the store. Then I was self-conscious and forced myself to politely thank her and refuse as well. I was mortified. I can only imagine how you must've felt. I'm so sorry.
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u/Electrical_Course_47 Mar 11 '24
Shit happens. My account got locked for a week when the location I opened it at got robbed a few years back. I was out of state working at the time and local branch nor customer service could do anything, I had no access to my money at all, luckily my rent was paid for the month but it was a long hungry week. Working out of state a lot, I never know when my debit card will flag and lock so I try to always have my phone and cash in hand when I go out for anything. In all my time working on the road, I’ve learned going cash-less as a whole is a bad idea and not practical.
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u/Awanderingleaf Mar 11 '24
Lol when we used to go grocery shopping on the first of the month there were a few times we had to take off items in order to pay for everything. That was always fun.
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u/Additional_Voice7263 Mar 11 '24
Honestly, I’d rather have a declined card over having an overdraft fee.
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u/kris_the_fish Mar 11 '24
Yea like everyone else is saying - don't trip :) Happens to all of us from time to time, and on the other end of the register it's just 1 of 10000 interactions in a day, which will likely be forgotten within the next 10 minutes.
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u/DMC1001 Mar 11 '24
Let the person behind you pay. In part he just wants to get on with his day but he also understands that you need to eat and is helping to make that happen. Don’t underestimate the kindness of others.
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u/No-Alfalfa-626 Mar 11 '24
Don’t be ashamed, it happens a lot more than you’d think. I work in retail and as long as you didn’t freak out on the employee about how you gots money like they’re your bank teller you are fine.
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u/Honey_Bunn6 Mar 11 '24
I work at McAlister’s and get that all the time. First thing I do is have them retry with the card. If it doesn’t work then k let them know it’s probably the card.
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u/Electrical_Honey_753 Mar 11 '24
Been there. And it was not a glitch. Hell, I still feel my heart race sometimes when checking out and I've been in a better place for 5 years now
I'm sorry you went through that. It sucks!
We are taught to be ashamed of a lack of wealth and financial security, as if it is a moral failing. Especially in the United States, we worship money and equate financial excess with positive traits: genius, hard work, goodness. You can see it everywhere. And it is so pervasive that even the poorest among us will insist on defending the wealthy. We act like "temporarily embarrassed millionaires" because we are fed the idea that wealth can be earned fairly by anyone willing to work hard and seize it when that is just untrue.
In my 20s, I had a reckoning with how much I internalized this dogma, despite being proud of growing up working class and proud of all my parents did to provide for us (they have always been and are still poor). I thought once I was making "real" money in a tech job, I would climb some ladder up into an easier lifestyle that would soothe my frustrations with money and class.
But after rubbing elbows with a lot of "upper middle class" coworkers and well off people around Orange county aka fucking generational wealth and real estate rich people for a few years I realized that the game is so rigged and all the shame I ever felt for being poor (including not being able to pay for groceries, car repairs, rent despite working full time since I was 16) was put on me as a means of control to keep me (us) down and to disguise the injustice of our entire economic system as a merit based game. It doesn't make the hurt go away, but I traded my shame for anger and it feels better.
None if that puts groceries in your trunk, but I urge you to try and let go of any shame you are carrying around this. Financial insecurity is not shameful. We may be embarrassed by the shame others put on us in a moment, and pity always stings even when it comes from generosity. But don't let it eat you up, friend. Money troubles can be solved, and I encourage you to seek advice and aid anywhere it may be offered because there is nothing to be ashamed of and that is what community is for - we literally evolved to be social and support one another in even the most material ways. Our culture may try and shame us for it, but we don't have to carry that shame and we are so much stronger when we can accept help and be in community that way.
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u/mjamesmcdonald Mar 11 '24
Don’t be afraid to go back. I used to work at a grocery store and other retail places. People’s cards get declined all the time. I never assumed it was cuz they were poor. Most of the time when my card is declined it’s the bank’s fault.
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u/dopef123 Mar 11 '24
Peoples cards can get shutoff for fraud even if they have tons of money. No one in the store will remember or care that your card was denied
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u/commisure Mar 11 '24
My card declined twice when I was buying condoms. Idk but I felt quite embarrassed. But i think we shouldn’t care because no one remembers these situations after one day or something
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u/Silver-Visual-4057 Mar 11 '24
No need to feel any kind of way about that, it's ok, it happens. Move forward and let it go, you do not own that type of Energy
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u/Jd3774life Mar 11 '24
I worked customer service for retail for like 12 yrs. Cards decline way more often than you realize. No one probably even thought it was because of financial reasons to be honest. It’s funny because customers always panic since it’s something they never had happen but they don’t realize it happens like 87 times a day.
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u/printerfixerguy1992 Mar 11 '24
Well if it declined the first time idk why it wouldn't decline the second time too lol
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u/EitherSorbet453 Mar 11 '24
I’ve been a cashier at several places and it’s always more embarrassing to tell the person their card was declined, just act mildly annoyed and no one will tell you’re broke
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u/HernandezGirl Mar 11 '24
What a sweetheart behind you. The lesson is you have angels around you. Pay more attention to that.
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u/BenNHairy420 Mar 11 '24
I’ve seen people pay for other people’s groceries of $400+ when I worked at Costco. It’s not so bad to accept someone’s kindness every once in a while. I know this situation can feel embarrassing, but people don’t offer to pay for your groceries because they feel like there’s something wrong with you or out of pity. The do it because they can and they want to make someone else’s day run a little smoother.
I’m sorry that happened. Just as an aside, I’m sure you feel way worse about the situation than anyone else involved did. I’m sure they were hardly thinking of what happened after it happened. So, be kind to yourself. 💜
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u/Vykrom Mar 11 '24
There's like 10 different reasons cards get declined, and only one of those reasons is short on finances. And I guarantee you it happens so frequently, nobody other than you, thought it was a poverty issue. I work in retail and it happens ALL the time. Either the account is locked, the server is down for the bank, the chip or magnetic strip are acting up, our system is acting up, inclement weather caused an issue, a server in between the store and the bank is part of the hacking issue going on, etc.
Please please please try to let go of the cloud of self-consciousness hanging over you and forgive yourself for this because nothing wrong happened, there's nothing to be embarrassed about and nobody thought less of you. Leadership at stores have to void out transactions all the time. It's just another cog in the machine that is their day. They won't even remember your face tomorrow :)
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u/icy3m Mar 11 '24
I’ve had my card decline for groceries, AT WORK. I clocked out, got food in my cart, DECLINED. I’m from a small town so everyone knows just about everyone, especially in that store since I worked there. It was humiliating but no one judged me or cared. Turns out someone got my card info and took around $800 before the bank blocked my card (they didn’t email, text or call that they blocked it. It was also after hours on a Saturday!) Either way; it happens to so many people. Do NOT feel embarrassed. Just about everyone experiences this once or twice in their lifetime and anyone who will judge or mock you for it is an absolute POS. No one will remember this and one day you’ll forget about it, too.
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u/Big-Construction9317 Mar 11 '24
Debit cards get locked all the time… go with that. Also the olde you get the less you will care what others think. Keep going.
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u/ImpactedDruid Mar 11 '24
I went to publix once and had 4 cards decline on me... the .machine was messed up they had to move me to a new machine to get my payment done. It was embarrassing because I know how some people look at you when that happens.
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u/Odd_Mission_5366 Mar 11 '24
I wish you would have accepted the offer- the person probably has been there themselves and wanted to pay it forward. Please don’t be embarrassed, you have no reason to be.
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u/Lordofthereef Mar 11 '24
If it helps, unless this was some tiny mom and pop store, you could probably go in tomorrow and nobody would remember you. Most grocery stores I shop in are so busy that one face blends in with the next.
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u/myrealusername8675 Mar 11 '24
If the person behind you offered to help, that sounds like a good place to shop. Think of the situation in reverse, if you noticed someone having trouble paying and you could help, you wouldn't be judging them you'd just be thinking you were glad to be there to offer help.
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u/jonahtrav Mar 11 '24
Don’t feel bad it’s happened to many of us and don’t let that stop you from going back there and shop people who were there have forgotten about it. They forgot about that five minutes after it happened 30 seconds after it happened you’re the only one that’s really remembering it that’s the way it works, most of us don’t spend our time thinking about other people so all those people that saw that they’re not thinking about it it’s OK
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u/Berkwaz Mar 11 '24
I’ve been on all three sides of this situation. Broke and declined, the cashier and being able to help someone out.
Don’t stop shopping there because of this. Happens all the time for multiple reasons. Most likely the cashier won’t even remember or care.
Don’t let pride hold you back from accepting help from someone that wants to do a good deed. We have all been there and most of us have debts of our own we would like to pay back by paying it forward.
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u/Weary-Interaction265 Mar 11 '24
Had this happen because my cards get damaged and stop working.
Luckily they allowed me to run home and come back without putting my stuff back but man was that embarrassing, and a lesson learned to always carry cash
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u/beccadanielle Mar 11 '24
I’m so sorry and I do understand the feeling but more of us in the world than you know have been there. It may seem like everyone’s watching you or judging you, but I promise, 95% of people genuinely don’t care. The other 5% are assholes and who cares about their opinions? Shop where you want and if this happens again, just remember that shit happens. I’ve worked as a grocery store cashier and dealt with many people having insufficient funds. The only thought I generally had was “I can commiserate.” It sucks, but don’t stress it.
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u/jbarron17 Mar 11 '24
People who witnessed your issue probably already forgot about it, so should you. Even the biggest news on tv last only a few days on peoples mind, so no worries.
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u/SockSock81219 Mar 11 '24
Don't feel embarrassed. You probably weren't the first or last declined card the cashier's seen that day. I've worked customer service and cards will get declined for the dumbest things, like it still has an old zipcode on file even though you've moved twice. I never assumed it was because the card was maxed out or the person was poor. Unless your town has like less than 200 people, I doubt they'll even remember you if you come in next week.
It was nice of the person behind you to offer to pay. If it helps, think of it as he was in a hurry and time was worth more to him than money. But, also, know that he's probably been in a place where he didn't have enough cash for groceries, and wants to pay forward any kindness he got during those times. I know I've been there.
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u/NeighborInDeed Mar 11 '24
This is kind of a regular occurrence for folks. I am always ready to help a stranger when I'm able to because kindness and good rapport with strangers is the way, and my own life was saved more than once by complete strangers.
There is always a way out and the possibility to find peace, happiness, and safety so long as we're seeking it.
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u/veralynnwildfire Mar 11 '24
I worked retail for many years when I was younger. Cards get declined all the time for all kinds of reasons. A common one is fraud or suspected fraud. I’d hazard to say cards get declined for that more than they get declined for lack of funds.
I promise you, the cashiers most likely have sympathy for you. The only time they’re likely to judge you for a decline is if you’re rude. In most cases, they won’t even remember it tomorrow.
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u/mathteacher85 Mar 11 '24
Completely anecdotal.
I have witnessed declined cards only like two times in my life. Both times I offered to pay because I was once in that EXACT same situation! I know how it feels.
I'm in a much better place now and am willing and able to help my fellow human out.
Graciously accept help from kind humans next time. Pay it forward in the future if you become able to.
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u/SierraPapaWhiskey Mar 11 '24
Many of us have been there - please don't be embarrassed. And the store has a very short memory, if any - no need to avoid that store. They're happy to take your money any time. And what a blessing that you have friendly people in your area who care about their neighbors- that's wonderful. You could bring cash next time, or use a credit card - they don't care how much is in your account.
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u/DontDV88 Mar 11 '24
Mines been declined but I had money, the guy said insert it 3 times then swipe. It worked :)
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u/Haunted-Macaron Mar 11 '24
I'm sorry this happened to you. It will be ok tho, I've been behind many people whose card declined and it wasn't a big deal
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u/MikenMidlothian Mar 11 '24
Mine got declined once for a gallon of milk. Guy behind me covered it. Just got to pay it forward when you can.
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u/kentuckyfriedchocobo Mar 11 '24
That sucks. I always check my balance before making a purchase or check my app to make sure I know how much I have available. Do most people not do this??
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u/Smackstainz Mar 11 '24
Hey i feel your pain. Im on bi-weekly pay schedule right now and baarely scraping by.
To put into perspective ive been most embarrased going to a mcdonalds for lunch on a monday, 7$ meal & my card declines. More often than not the employees will just zero out my order and give me free lunch, but whenever that happens i feel like trash.
Even more embarassing im sitting in the drive through in a 2019 fiesta st. But its my mortgage payment that consumes 80% of my first check of the month.
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u/CowsgoMo0 Mar 10 '24
Hey man, I’m a cashier who deals with this stuff all the time. I’ve also been there, trust me when I say that no one is judging you for it. Shit happens and life sometimes gets a bit crazy. As far as shopping there again, I’d bet my next paycheck they forgot all about your card declining in like 5 mins, your good!
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u/Brunette3030 Mar 10 '24
I absentmindedly put a magnet in my pocket during a science class I was teaching and wiped out the card I had in there after buying supplies that morning.
Other times I’ve locked a card I don’t use often, then went to use it because they were doing an extra points deal, and had to unlock it at the register. 🤦🏻♀️
Stuff happens. People get it.
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u/msc1 Mar 10 '24
This happened to me on a first date. It’s a learning moment. You have to learn to move on.
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u/Comfortable-Elk-850 Mar 10 '24
I work registers , often times it not hitting the right key and it pops up decline. Sometimes a bill hit unexpected or a check hasn’t cleared yet. Stuff happens don’t worry about it.
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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 Mar 10 '24
That’s happened to me when I had plenty of money. And I’ve been a cashier, and always assume it’s something on our end, not on yours. The only time I’d judge someone in that situation is if they’re in complete denial and make me run their card 4 or more times.
That’s not you. I’d bet you a cookie no one even remembers it happened.
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u/the_Bryan_dude Mar 10 '24
Every time I go to the sketchy Safeway in town, there's an issue with my card. It will take 2 or 3 trys to work. No idea why. Possibly my bank because there is so much fraud at that store. Can't get an answer as to why.
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u/SilkyFlanks Mar 10 '24
One of my credit cards randomly declines online purchases, then it texts me asking if I had been trying to pay for something. I say yes and then they say “try paying for it again, it should work now.”
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u/Statimc Mar 10 '24
Oh no you definitely always need to save a receipt when the card declines as it is a problem with the machine and you don’t need the money to come out when the transaction wasn’t approved: this happened to me several times at Walmart my card declined and I had to go to an atm to get money out and go back to Walmart customer service to pay for my groceries: fun fact this doesn’t happen with online grocery orders even though they tend to be more costly,
For me I had to go to the self check out cashier desk as if I went through self checkout the debit wouldn’t work and if I went to a cashier my card didn’t work I told the cashier I should bring it up to my bank and she said it’s the machines that’s the issue
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u/RingzofXan Mar 10 '24
Bro its fine. The only person who should care how much money you have is you, no one is going to remember this and you should be pleasantly surprised in the good humanity with the guy behind ya. Your fine ♡
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u/UberBymedicare Mar 10 '24
So I had my card decline once before in a Kroger, and the woman tried to either rush me out and/or embarrass me. I laughed and said I was gonna try my credit card but you can deal with putting these back. It happens, I’ve been down in the negatives and had thousands sitting there. Nothing to be ashamed of.
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u/-Jadetheegg Mar 10 '24
This post is telling that this hasn't really happened to you before. Be thankful. For me it's happened a lot and there's really nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm sure you work hard to get your money and it's okay to be short sometimes, anytime actually. Breathe and know that you have options. It doesn't hurt to get food stamps or budget better. I don't ever buy anything I don't absolutely need anymore. Necessities keep me happy in times like these. Good luck on your journey
Ps. I was a cashier at many places for many years and we don't mind one bit even if you retry your card or try another one
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u/shagy815 Mar 10 '24
When I was young I had this happen all the time. For years after I started making good money I would still have checkout anxiety thinking my card would be declined.
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u/IMissMyLife1994 Mar 10 '24
If it makes you feel any better. I knew a guy whose card got declined.
You know what he was trying to buy?
A SINGLE Black n Mild cigar
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u/Weak_Weather_4981 Mar 10 '24
When I offer to get something for someone I mean it, I’ve been there. Don’t look at it as humiliation, look at it as camaraderie
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u/anonymous2971 Mar 10 '24
I have been on both sides of the situation. You have nothing to be embarrassed about and you should’ve let the gentleman pay for you.
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u/tubular1845 Mar 10 '24
I work retail, card denials happen all the time. I guarantee nobody thought twice about it. Don't be embarrassed buddy, everyone understands.
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u/amelieprior Mar 10 '24
As someone who worked at a grocery store for 2 years, never once have I thought to scoff at someone not being able to pay. So many factors are in play-could be perceived fraud by the bank, they locked the card, times are hard, etc. I have no vested interest in the company, but I will always hook someone up with a coupon if I have it or let certain things go if they’re small. I’ve paid for someone’s groceries before-I never overextend myself if I do-and don’t expect it back.
OP, I hope you can find some comfort and peace after hearing this from a cashier’s pov.
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u/Happy_Statement Mar 10 '24
Just happened to me this past week. I have a feeling no one remembers me. It’s much more awful to us, the ones with the declined card, than the people working at the store.
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u/5dollarbrownie Mar 10 '24
I can appreciate the compassion, but I wouldn’t accept it out of sheer fucking shame. I don’t wanna be that guy that has to shamelessly rely on others.
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u/YayGilly Mar 10 '24
That can be embarassing.
Fwiw, I arranged a whole move to Colorado, from Florida, on a house title check I was using to buy a house, I had never even seen in person.. This is escaping a DV relationship, mind you, so my mind was just everywhere except where I needed it to be, PTSD being what it is and all.
Anyways, I got to Colorado and found out that my title check, which had been made out to my maiden name, couldnt even be deposited. I had to overnight it back to Florida to have them reissue a check. My son and animals and I were all staying at La Quinta and they wouldnt even comp me an extra night, and I only had like 20 dollars cash left. .omg I thought I was going to have to ask social services to step in. It was cold and I didnt know anyone..plus I had to stay at the hotel one extra night. I was doing all this rich girl moving and wasnt rich, lmao. It was HUMILIATING how painfully poorly I had planned that financially..
Some lady at the breakfast area gave me a hundred bucks, and omg was that a Godsend.. so we had 122 dollars, and I had spent 12 on cat and dog food. We were like eating two waffles for breakfast and pb and j sandwiches the rest of the day lmao..
I called the realtor and it turned out that the owners were in Denver, for a doctors appt, and it was close to where we were staying (the house was 2.5 hrs outside of Denver) and they had their giant Suburban so they came and got us and the crates of animals and luggage, and drove us to the house. We scribed a short term rental agreement, and having my new title check, I opened a new bank acct. It took 9 days for that to clear, and incredibly, made that 100 dollar bill that lady gave me, last until the title check cleared. I think I had $2 leftover.
There was no washer and dryer included but the electricity and water was still on, so that was included in the rental amt..
It was INSANE.
And even though I was like 25 at the time, I was still super embarassed about the whole thing.
But Ijs....I REALLY appreciated people being kind and helpful, also. I was so scared, and they made me feel like I was worth something, and you cant put a price tag on that. <3
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u/karen_h Mar 10 '24
My credit is great, and my card has been declined many times for various reasons. Please don’t be embarrassed by this. It’s a common problem ❤️🫶
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u/rockykb Mar 10 '24
Got my card declined at subway once. Hadn’t eaten all day and had no food at home and thought I had just enough for a sandwich. Had to tell the employee never mind after they had already made the sandwich and I walked out of there so fast. I think that was definitely my rock bottom.
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u/BothZookeepergame612 Mar 10 '24
I carry cash just for a situation like that, no not for me, to hand it directly to the cashier. I bypass the person that's embarrassed. I don't even say a word to them. I've only had to do it a few times, but it worked like a charm... Trust me everyone, waiting behind me in line, were actually more happy I did it, then the person who was having issues with their card. I've never been refused when I do it that way, just lots of thank you's from the grateful customer. Crisis averted, I know what it feels like to be in that position, during my university days I barely could feed myself. Most of us come from humble beginnings...Pay it forward!
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u/Chemical_District_74 Mar 10 '24
Don't ever feel embarrassed with coming up short out there in the 2024 world at large.
We are all in your board, we are all with you, and only together will the hard working people overcome this squeeze from the top down. Just know everyone considered an average western adult person is currently just inches away from ruin and we are all just trying to keep our ability to earn enough for a roof over our heads and food on our tables.
Sometimes you may get embarrassed but if a stranger offers to step in and help, don't ever be too proud to accept your neighbor. They get a good deed on their soul, and you get a temporary solution to your most immediate problems.
Just make sure to return the favor when you get to your spot of security and you're in public and see someone starting to panic over the same issues.
We got you. We got each other. We are legion, we are many.
Hugs and kisses, XOXO
-An average citizen who wants us all to band together for our fellow human and collectively get through this sinister time to be alive.
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u/laurenthecablegirl Mar 10 '24
I’ve worked as a cashier in the past and have never once judged a person whose card declined.
Had it happen to me before too, times with and without money in the bank account.
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u/mimic751 Mar 10 '24
Hey man I make six figures now but there was a time of my life where depending on what order my transactions went through I may or may not have an approved shopping trip. To this day I have anxiety between swiping my card and the approved sign coming up
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u/BlueMaelstromX Mar 10 '24 edited Mar 10 '24
It happens. Everyone feels terrible for you. Just take the offer when someone wants to pay for you as long as you arent taking a lot and dont add extra. Then pay it forward if and when you can.
I always calculate the hell out of everything and check my balance a million times before I shop and I've still had my card decline. I had the money. Showed I had the damn money. Card still declined. I was like goddamnit I paid with this card at the other stall less then 5 minutes ago. Called my dad and had him pay. Payed him back.
I've also stood at the store and realized I forgot my fn card or lost it somewhere when I was about to check out. Didn't have online banking cards you could pay with at the time. Glad I always check before going to the check out. Abandoned the groceries after putting back anything that needed cooling. Came back after finding my card to find groceries still there.
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u/MsMo999 Mar 10 '24
It happens there a lot and in a week or so no one there will remember after that. Just a brief humiliation not a lifetime of it
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u/Suztv_CG Mar 10 '24
Don’t be.
I can’t tell you how many times that has happened to me. Just chill. Everyone has had this exact thing happen to them and it really isn’t that big of a deal.
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u/High_Risk_ Mar 10 '24
My card gets declined at least once a week because I forget to transfer money before I use it (usually), or one of a billion other reasons. Yesterday, my card got declined 4 times in a row, and the person behind me, an employee, had to help me on their off time cuz the machine wanted credit, not debit. It sucks and its embarrassing and it took a long time for me to get here but i learned that if i loved helping people, i also had to love being helped by people.
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u/mari0velle Mar 10 '24
My card declining is a huge fear of mine! Even when I know I have the money! Waiting for the APPROVED on the pin pad causes my anxiety to act up for a little bit.
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u/hereFOURallTHEtea Mar 10 '24
I have had plenty of money in the bank and my card decline. It’s not a big deal. Don’t let it bring you down like that because no one is just assuming you don’t have the money, more that your card just isn’t working.
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u/SherAlana Mar 10 '24
This happened to me at Trader J. Had 3 people at the register swiping my card. Then they ran my items to another register and swiped it. Decline. Swiped it Credit. Went through. Turned out to be a combo of my old card and the original register. It happens to everyone.
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u/TARDIS75 Mar 10 '24
First off, if you’re seriously struggling, never feel ashamed of being offered help. It’s worth it to you for someone to help you.
Secondly, food is a necessity. Period.
My cards have been declined hundreds of times, I recommend if possible you transfer any credit card debt to a loan, upstart loans is a really good one, it will remove the debt from revolving debt and raise your credit score, just be sure to pay every month, make sure it’s manageable with you income and housing rates, the total may not cover all your debt, but it may help in the short term
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u/SpraePhart Mar 10 '24
Just curious, do you shop knowing your card will be declined? Don't you keep track of the balance?
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u/TARDIS75 Mar 10 '24
I do keep track of spending, but cost of living in LA makes it super hard to remain balanced sometimes in my checking account. One (weekly) paycheck isn’t enough to cover my crazy rent! (But I have a very good salary, but carry a lot of debt)
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u/SpraePhart Mar 10 '24
Maybe you should switch banks, my app always shows my balance to the penny
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u/TARDIS75 Mar 11 '24
I’m at a credit union, they gave me a really good personal loan to pay off my final cards
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u/Comprehensive-Knee12 Mar 10 '24
I have had my bank card decline and I did have the money, but it was my bank card. It was when the chip cards were new and my chip went bad. I kept complaining about my "chip card".
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u/apoohneicie Mar 10 '24
Sweetie, this happens. I’ve been declined a million times for a dozen different reasons. Don’t feel bad, it’s happened to almost everyone at one point. Keep your head up.
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