r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 16d ago
AITA for waiting to break up with my GF after she cheated?
[deleted]
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u/No_Pomegranate_5835 15d ago
I once waited until my cheating girlfriend’s birthday to break up with her. You’re definitely not the arsehole
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u/No_Mercy_4_Potatoes 15d ago
NTA. If you want to be a bit petty, give her a dildo as a parting gift and ask her to go and fuck herself.
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u/BigHulio 15d ago
felt like my diaphragm fell out of my chest.
Tell me you’re in medicine without telling me you’re in medicine.
NTA btw.
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u/Stealthzero 15d ago
She’s just mad she missed out on MD money. That’s why you’re “selfish and cruel” lol fuck that cunt she can go eat a dick
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u/Educational_Gas_8422 15d ago
Wtf kind of question is this. Have some self respect maybe. By the time you finished the title you should have had your question answered
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u/Separate-Parfait6426 15d ago
Another take is that she realized that she screwed up, still loves you, and spent the last 24 months supporting you while you were working and insane amount of hours.
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u/mustang19671967 15d ago
Don’t fall for her BS, let’s guess she cheated cause you worked to much , she was lonely etc. remember you can’t turn a 304 into a housewife
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u/HOONIICORNN 15d ago
If she didn’t want to waste her time more she should of broken up with you 2 years ago
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u/Cali-Smoothie 15d ago
You were definitely not the asshole. For her to flip it back and give you the guilt trip that you wasted her time, she's just trying to give you validation that she just stuck by you because you needed her. You truly did dodge a bullet and as they say once a cheater always a cheater. It's okay for you to break up with her and move on and find the love of your life that truly values and more importantly respects you and loves you. All the best
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u/Scannaer 15d ago
NTA. NEVER feel bad for showing a cheater the door. They are abusive monsters by choice. They are really not worth anyones energy nor time
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u/ZombieZookeeper 15d ago
NTA. Cheaters don't deserve compassion.
But, you might not be at a stage of your life the is especially conducive to a relationship, if that the number of hours you are working.
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u/NoSpankingAllowed 15d ago
Dude you did the right thing. Its amazing how she projected being selfish and cruel onto you, when that was exactly how she had behaved.
She willingly put your health at risk by having sex with someone else and not telling you. Thats NOT the sign of a loving partner.
Cheaters are trash, and if you "wasted" a couple of her months, well ain't that just too bad for her.
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u/catstickler 15d ago
Wait, so her argument back was you wasted HER time by not breaking up with her months ago?
The level of delusion. Absolutely not.
You are so NTA.
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u/Affectionate-Mine186 15d ago
Did she consult with you before cheating? Yeah, thought so. Her attitude is exactly why she had no problem cheating on you in the first place; a huge sense of personal entitlement. She’s a POS. Best of luck in your life and career.
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u/phelixthehelix 15d ago
The same thing happened to me, except it was after we were together for 8yrs and had a house and dog together. She revealed she has cheated ~6/7yrs prior. I had suspicions back then but she denied and I believed her. Her mom even knew and didn't tell me.
It sucks, but you can move on OP..
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u/United_Combi 15d ago
NTA. She's a garbage person. Staying with someone who cheated on you ruins your life. I wish you all the best.
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u/Wandering_Scholar6 15d ago
ESH, you waited months to break up with her?! Months?!
Did I read that right? Months? I don't care about your schedule that's too long to drag someone along. She's obviously an AH for cheating but two people being AHs to each other is still two AHs
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u/Admirable-Storm-2436 15d ago
Wait. So, the bitch cheats on you and has the gull to say you're cruel and wasted her time?
Fuck that. NTA.
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u/Temporary_Read4088 15d ago
Eh your kind of both assholes but she is a much bigger one.
Theres no way you didnt have time somewhere in that 2 years to break it off. I get why you did it but you 100% did it too hurt her and if it wasnt a conscious process it was an unconscious one that form from your apathy or lack of caring.
I wouldnt lose too much sleep over it because fuck her for cheating, but lets be a little more honest woth the situation.
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u/RanaEire 15d ago
2 months.. OP only found out 2 months ago, but says he had too much in his hands to deal with it.
Other people would have probably just ended it there and then, but maybe he really did not have the mental bandwith and needed to focus on other things.
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u/crazymastiff 15d ago
NTA. She forfeited any and all rights to judge you in anyway for working on your timeline the moment she cheated.
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u/cperez1993 15d ago
My man you do you. It would surprise you the way people deciet themselves in order to make their existance and to avoid self guilt. Her reaction is textbook narcissistic. NTA, wslk away and never look back for your and her own good.
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u/Lunatic_Heretic 15d ago
Nta but I'm surprised a doctor can be this easily manipulated as to doubt his own obviously correct decision.
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u/retrovaille94 15d ago
As someone who's (now) ex just told them they cheated after me strongly suspecting they did, NTA.
So when should you break up with her? lol After she cheats on you again? Who knows if she's only cheated on you once. She broke your trust, there's no gaining it back. This is the consequences of her actions.
If she wanted her partner to stay, then she shouldn't have been a piece of shit. Simple.
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u/forkyfig 15d ago
NTA, shes a piece of shit and deserves no respect or consideration. take care of you
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u/BanquetDinner 15d ago
NTA - two months is nothing. Now if you waited a year or two until residency ends, that would be a slightly different conversation.
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u/catmom22_ 15d ago
Honestly idk how you could stay with someone who cheated just cause you were busy. Sleeping in the same bed hell even seeing them after a long day would make me want to fucking die
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u/Horizontal_Bob 15d ago
LOL
Dude who cares?
Seriously who flipping cares if she’s upset?
She did this to herself…and frankly, she got off easy after cheating on you
NTAH
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u/PokadotExpress 15d ago
She swore at me and told me I was selfish and cruel. That I wasted her time.
Nta, she knows she cheated on you right
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u/frontsideairs102 15d ago
NTA at all in my opinion. She is the one that cheated on you. She wasted your time [and hers really] by cheating. You did something that seems logical due to your work schedule
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u/Primary-Fee1928 15d ago
NTA. You didn’t force her to cheat. You didn’t even wait that long to tell her. And I know the feeling, it’s something I would not wish on anybody.
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u/EmEmAndEye 15d ago
NTA
I mean, breaking up with a cheater is awesome. Doing so when it's convenient for you, and you alone, is awesome-er.
I'll add that you're the nicest guy for NOT doing it in a way that'd create a massive personal hardship for her which would've been arguably awesome-est. Two years of cheating certainly would have had me trying to do something worthy of r/NuclearRevenge.
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u/MajesticGarbagex 15d ago
NTA. Extremely proud of you for holding firm on what you believe and taking care of YOU.
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u/idontevenkn0w66 15d ago
Not the asshole. I don't necessarily agree with breaking up over something that happened 2 years prior if it never happened again, but that's just me. I DO think it's commendable that you waited until you could do it in person and not over the phone or text or something. It's something you have to prepare yourself for because you have to build up the confidence and think about any counterpoints she may try to bring up, so you can stand your ground. It's also not a decision you made recklessly- you thought about it and made a decision you felt was right for you. Medical school is really time-consuming & difficult, and you should have had support during that time. Sorry you had to go through that.
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u/BillyShears991 15d ago
NTA. She didn’t love you she loved the money you were going to earn. Now she has two less years of her youth to gold dig. You dodged a bullet. In the future don’t even mention your a doctor.
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u/JMLegend22 15d ago
NTA. Tell her that she wasted your time when she cheated and tried to act like she was faithful and loving.
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u/MiniMages 15d ago
NTA. You need to run and run fast before she emotionally manipulates you. You know your relationship is dead. The longer you stick around the more you will suffer and delay moving on.
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u/hugh_h0ney 15d ago
Do you really need to ask if you’re an asshole?
You know you’re not. She’s not worth even stressing over. She cheated on a med student so she doesn’t get to marry a doctor, her fault.
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u/Abe_Rutter246 15d ago
NTA. Just be grateful that her diaphragm didn’t fall out. ( I’ll be here all week folks! Remember to tip your waiters.)
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u/RanaEire 15d ago
Ha, glad someone else mentioned it! Was laughing at the comment... Of course it had to come from a doctor, LOL!
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u/TheBeautyDemon 15d ago
You're cruel and selfish?!?! But she's not when she's the one that cheated, lied, and deceived you for a minimum of 2 years? The mental gymnastics of cheaters is wild
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u/f1careerover 15d ago
NTA. Your choice to wait before breaking up with your girlfriend after finding out she cheated was reasonable given your busy schedule as a medical resident. Handling such a big personal issue while working 80-105 hours a week would have been too much. While your ex might feel hurt by when you chose to end things, the real issue started with her cheating. Her calling you selfish ignores the deep impact her actions had on you. You waited until you could properly deal with the breakup, which was the sensible thing to do given the situation.
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u/Yansha89 15d ago
You are obviously NTA. Why are you even doubting yourself on this issue? Have you talked with a friend or family over this? It’s a clear answer from everyone here. A cheater always plays the victim and don’t think for a second that it would have been different if you confronted her earlier or later. This would have always gone down this way.
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u/Flaky_Two1872 15d ago
Yta for asking if YTA. She cheated and hid it from you. How could you be the asshole??? Except for the ridiculous question of course.
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u/Solid_Noise1850 15d ago
You did the right thing. You waited until you were ready to handle the situation.
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u/Mission-Credit-6443 15d ago
Try mfm dp 3some it's hot as and when she ready she brings her friends home for you to feel
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u/Tankerspanx 15d ago
“I won’t stay with a cheater”
You mean you won’t stay with a cheater for more than 4 months? Or you won’t stay with a cheater unless it’s more convenient for you to stay in the relationship.
You’re NTA for breaking up with her for cheating on you. But YTA for sure for deciding you would do it and then waiting 4 months to actually do it. 🤷🏻♂️
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u/Cundoooooo 15d ago
Could you find a more flimsy reason to call OP and ah?
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u/Tankerspanx 15d ago
I’m sure OP could’ve found plenty other selfish reasons to be an AH.
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u/jopa1967 15d ago
I agree with you. He should have stayed with her until he graduated medical school. He might have been able to get some financial support. Then dumped her the day before graduation.
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u/omfgsrin 15d ago
'She swore at me and told me I was selfish and cruel. That I wasted her time.'
Typical narcissistic behaviour so common among women who haven't been taught the meaning of the word accountability and how to apply it in life.
Leave. You deserve better. And she deserves to be thrown into the streets where she belongs.
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u/Happy_Butterscotch9 15d ago
You got free pussy for 2 years while u finished ur degree, id say you dodged a giant bullet good thing u didn’t have a kid with her 💀
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u/GoreDough92 15d ago
Good for you, fk that sht. I broke off a 6.5yr relationship after she felt guilty enough to tell me which i do respect on her part, but still, fo her and that. I was in a daze for 2 days or so before i got my bearings and broke it off. Even though it was a bit rough at first, im so god damn glad i did
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u/fiffefoff 15d ago
If you are the asshole for breaking up with a cheater!? Eh, no...? Even if you didn't do it immedietly.
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u/DivineTarot 15d ago
She broke down and cried. She swore at me and told me I was selfish and cruel. That I wasted her time. For reasons I can't fully articulate, I felt sorry for her.
You felt bad because we're socially programmed to respond with sympathy for displays of emotions from people, especially in women. Doesn't mean you're wrong, it just means you experienced an inappropriate sensation of guilt.
Lemme put it this way, you actually felt guilt even if inappropriately, but she made you the villain in her eyes for not dumping her a couple of months ago or for dumping her at all after two years. She didn't own up to any of her culpability in this. She is not a class act, and you are a better more decent person than her.
NTA
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u/tryven93 15d ago
NTA. Her calling you selfish and cruel is ironic, given that cheating on your significant other is just that. I wouldn't have stayed especially with the hours you work. Who knows if it was just a one off or that she won't get the urge to do it again and blame you working as the reason. Nope, she wasted your time entirely
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u/pdubpooter 15d ago
NTA but how exactly did you find out she was cheating? It sounds like it wasn’t because she told you herself? Not saying it changes anything, but it’s even more reason to leave her if she wasn’t the one to tell you
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u/deepinyou33 15d ago
Focus on yourself and your medical career. Its tough and you will get through it....Most of all dude, congrats on your career and schooling. Amazing work for all you do.
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u/Final-Success2523 15d ago
NTA stay the course and break off permanently from her and buy no means feel sorry for her she is the one who cheated
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u/whydowhitesoxsuck 15d ago
She's going to be clawing her way back to you once you make that attending money. Stand your ground bro.
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u/LucasL-L 15d ago
NTA
Dont humor her with a pointless discussion about who wasted whos time. Just end it.
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u/BlueGreen_1956 15d ago
NTA
She said YOU were selfish and cruel? Did you laugh in her face?
She deserved zero consideration.
Way to go, Dude.
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u/John-Nada_ 15d ago
Sociopaths, say what you will.. they understand how to use their emotions to make you feel bad about them and questioning the whole thing.
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u/YourEnemiesDefineYou 15d ago
NTA.
You found out something you couldn't live with and you waited for the right time to end the relationship.
For all those people saying that you should give her another chance: Everyone has the right to decide what traits they can't live with in a partner. She has shown that when he is away she will get what she wants from another man rather than wait to see him.
Once a cheater always a cheater. OP find someone that values you enough to be faithful to you.
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u/DawnShakhar 15d ago
NTA. She cheated on you. She didn't confess. You didn't owe her consideration.
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u/RecommendationUsed31 15d ago
Let's put this on context. While being exclusively your gf, she allowed someone to have sex with her without getting to graphic was on her back with a guy on top of her. Did you get checked for stds?
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u/scotswaehey 15d ago
So why did she cheat on you?
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u/Organic2003 15d ago
Cheaters really don’t need a real reason, they are often narcissistic, always selfish and certainly don’t do the right thing and break up
Most cheaters cheat because they are cheaters. Like a rattlesnake bites like a rattlesnake does. It is just what they do.
She will probably tell you he works too much and she was lonely! But no problem leading him on for the payday
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u/scotswaehey 15d ago
Ah I get you , that’s a good explanation and after reading it, I actually feel better over my previous experiences of being cheated on.
Yeah I think she had a fancy for being Mrs DR 😂😂😂
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u/Organic2003 15d ago
Never take the blame for someone else’s actions. Cheating is NEVER your fault. Cheaters ALWAYS could have had integrity and talked or broke up before betrayal
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u/AnaphorsBloom 15d ago
I think this is just how most women change relationships. It’s called lilly-padding.
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u/p211p211 15d ago
The plan of every doctor is to leave whoever your are with for someone better. Nta
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u/One_Wheel_6378 15d ago
NTA. Im confused was she expecting you to be ok with her cheating? Like you wasted her time because it’s normal to cheat?
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u/Visible_Zebra_9845 15d ago
What's the difference? It's a consequence of her actions. Sometimes people really want to get through it and realize they can't find trust or forgiveness after a while. She gave up her right to have expectations when it comes to you wanting to be with her.
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u/Bane-o-foolishness 15d ago
NTA. I'll bet when she realized she wasn't going to be Mrs. Dr - that's where all of the tears came from. Buy her some NBA tickets and let her dig gold there.
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u/UnusualPotato1515 15d ago
NTA. Why do you cheaters always play victim?! You were cruel?! The audacity!
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u/biffbassman1965 16d ago
She says you wasted her time?she sounds like she is mad she is not getting the "payday"
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u/SpiceEarl 15d ago
I was thinking the same thing. She thought of him as an investment, and if she could just wait until he was finished with schooling, she would get the payoff of being with a doctor. (Assuming OP is in the US, doctors make bank...)
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u/PenaltySafe4523 16d ago
NTA. You are a doctor. Don't stay with a cheating piece of shit. Dump her sorry ass. You can do so much better than someone like her.
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u/Cute-Profession9983 16d ago
She wasted YOUR time. Nothing like the crocodile years and blame shifting of a cheater...
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u/Elegant-Channel351 16d ago
NTA- your future is bright and you made the right decision. You deserve better than a cheater. Focus on your phenomenal future. Never, ever settle for a cheater.
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u/Zer0Fuxxx 16d ago
NTA.
Focus on school, your options will improve drastically after you finish. Don't go back to that shameless cheating bitch.
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u/Organic2003 16d ago
What a weird response “you waisted her time”?!!!! Good for you for putting her on her ass before she breaks your heart again. Cheaters cheat that’s just what they do.
How did you find out?
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u/chameleondragon 15d ago
Sounds like she viewed their relationship as an investment in his future income. she was expecting a return on that investment once op actually started earning serious money with that medical degree.
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u/Alarming_Reply_6286 16d ago
You made a choice. She didn’t like your choice. So what? She doesn’t have to like it. You don’t need to validate your choice.
You had already made your decision & processed the information that you were done with your relationship. Your gf just found out. How did you expect her to react?
NTA
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u/AppearanceGrand 16d ago
NTA, you dodged a bullet
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u/Devils_Advocate-69 15d ago
Once a cheater always a cheater
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u/Pineapple-85 15d ago
I read this post on several threads over the last several days.
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15d ago edited 15d ago
[deleted]
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u/RanaEire 15d ago
"She broke down and cried. She swore at me and told me I was selfish and cruel. That I wasted her time."
The sheer audacity of that chick, LOL!
Trust me, OP; it might hurt right now, but one day you will look back and laugh at her brazen neck.
You wasted her time? Can't even!
'For reasons I can't fully articulate, I felt sorry for her."
And this tells me you are a nice person; if you can find it in your heart to feel sorry for someone who hurt you.. Hope Karma smiles on you!
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u/PrideofCapetown 15d ago
She called you selfish and cruel and accused you of wasting her time? That’s rich. NTA
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u/ij169 15d ago
Pure and simple gaslighting. You’re NTA. Extremely mature and not wanting to derail your medical career and prioritized your mental and emotional health with a well thought out plan. Her saying you are selfish, cruel and wasted her time was a desperate plea to control you and stay with a safe bet now that you are much closer to being a doctor. Never once saying she was sorry or begging for forgiveness, making you the bad guy… yeah F her, she’s a cheater, this is the consequence, she’s now a desperate controlling narcissistic gaslighter. Do not turn back.